Okay. So this is my first fict. And just so you know, my story will be a crack fict. So the characters will be out of character. So if you don't like that kind of stuff, I'm warning you now. Please don't leave a nasty comment. Oh, and please tell me if I misspell anything or made any grammar mistakes. I am always open to constructive criticism. Okay? Great! Here we go!

I don't own Naruto.

Akatsuki On Crack: What Is That Sound?

Chapter: 1

Itachi and Kisame are sitting in the common area at the Akatsuki base.

"AHHHHHHH! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! YOU BASTARD!"

"Did you hear something Itachi?"

"Nope. Not a thing."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep."

"YOU SICK FUCK! LET ME OUT OF HERE!"

"Um, Itachi? Are you sure you didn't hear anything?"

"Yes Kisame. I'm very sure I didn't hear anything." Itachi sighed in annoyance.

"HEY! ARE YOU BLIND, AND DEAF? LET ME OUT!"

"Okay! Now I'm sure that I heard something!"

"Whatever. It's just your imagin-"

"SOMEONE HELP! MY BASTARD BROTHER IS HOLDING ME CAPTIVE! HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP !"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP?! I'M TRYING TO PAINT MY NAILS! AND YOU'RE DISTRACTING ME!" Itachi yelled.

"Anyway. As I was saying, it's probably just your imagination."

"Yeah. Maybe you're right. I need some rest. These missions that Pein-sama sends us on are becoming a real pain."

"OH MY GOD! WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE A DILDO IN YOUR SOCK DRAWER?! AND WHAT THE FUCK IS ON IT?!...IS, IS THAT, IS THAT BUTT-JUICE?! HOLY SHIT! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! MY COLD-HEARTED, SADISTIC, PRICK OF A BROTHER LIKES DICK UP HIS ASS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Itachi's eyebrow twitched.

"Um. What was that?" Kisame tentatively asked, creeping his way to the door. It's always good to have a exit plan just in case Itachi activated sharingan.

"That would be my foolish little ass-wipe of a brother."

"He's here?!"

"Well it was either keep him here or let him go to that pedophile Orichimaru." The both of them grimaced at the thought of the snake man.

"Oh. So he'll be staying here for awhile?"

"Yeah. At least until he can kill me."

"Does the Leader know about this?"

"Yep. I cleared it with him last night. He thinks Sasuke will be good bait to lure in the nine tails."

"HEY ITACHI! CAN I USE YOUR ASS-VIBRATOR? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

A vein on Itachi's forehead started to throb, and sharingan spun wildly.

"Um. I'm gona go train. Yeah. So, uh, have fun!" Kisame made a mad dash out the door. A pissed Itachi was a dangerous Itachi.

"OI, BASTARD! YOU MUST USE THIS PURPLE ONE A LOT! IT LOOKS THE MOST WORN!... OH, AND IT SMELLS LIKE VANILLA LUBE! BY THE WAY, HOW COME YOU HAVE SO MANY GAGS? IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO KEEP YOURSELF QUITE? HAHAHAHA! "

And with that, Itachi disappeared. Leaving only a three black feathers and a spilled bottle of dark purple nail polish.

Well. That's it! I hope you enjoyed it! Please tell me if you think I should leave this as a one shot or if I should make more chapters. It's all up to you! So please leave a review!

-Zero176085