As much as she hated to admit it, Beca was just like her parents. The realization hit her like a ten wheeler truck going downhill of an icy road, painfully fast.
Her eyes were glued to ceiling above as she delved further into her thoughts. She had never been particularly close to any of her parents but she'd like to think it wasn't her fault. Like her, her mother pushed everyone away. She was a determined businesswoman who scheduled dinner meetings with her family once a month. According to her father, that's why he left.
It was his justification for leaving, for having a mistress, but Beca knew better. It wasn't just that her mother wasn't there because neither was he. He was always off grading papers and writing essays.
Dr. Mitchell too never paid her any heed. It was clear to her that he didn't stay in the marriage because of his only daughter. It was because he was afraid to be alone. He only left when someone better came along. To be precise it was a woman practically half his age with killer legs and bouncy blonde hair. She would have respected if he had left because he was tired of their family dynamics, or lack thereof. But he had left them for his pregnant mistress.
Her father left his old family and jumped into a new one, one with a young housewife who catered to his every need and a newborn son he could mold into a literary genius, even before the ink was dry on the divorce papers.
Honestly, this was probably the main reason she became so passionate about music. At first she just put on headphones to drown out her parents screaming matches, because on the rare occasions they were home, all they did was yell. When her father left her mother absorbed herself with her work, as predicted. She didn't even bother scheduling dinner meetings anymore.
Being a recluse even before the divorce, Beca had no one and with all that downtime, she entertained herself. She didn't want to be alone with her thoughts so she chose to drown them out with rampant rhythms and steady symphonies.
A soft pair of lips found their way to the side of her neck. She smiled, glad for the distraction from her thoughts.
"Have I ever told you you're deep in thought look is so adorable?" the husky voice of the newly awakened interloper remarked before pressing a kiss to her neck once again.
"Countless times." Beca remarked, turning to face those captivating eyes that seemed to peer deep into her soul. "And I think I've also told you countless times that I, Beca Mitchell, am too much of a badass to be adorable." her comment was rewarded by a kiss on her nose and a soft chuckle.
"I don't suppose you're willing to share?" her lover asked in that gentle tone that conveyed the fact that the question was being asked out of concern rather than curiosity.
"What makes you think I'm just not making mixes in my head?" she asked teasingly.
"That's not your mixing face." was the simple answer she received.
Beca laughed. No one else knew her like this. She smiled, thankful for never being pushed and prodded with endless array of questions. Even before they started dating, she'd never been asked to share anything she didn't want to. The option had always been voiced but she was never forced to say more than she wanted. Beca didn't know anyone that was as patient.
"My parents." she answered softly. Even after all these years she was still not used to sharing her feelings and thoughts with something other than her turntables and Macbook. Circles were being traced across her chest. She knew the silence meant she was being given the option to continue or drop the subject. "About ," she paused, gathering her courage to speak. "About how I'm probably just like them." fingertips ceased their movements and Becca feels the warmth of a closed fist on her chest.
The warmth quickly moved from her chest and soon she found a hand on her cheek. Beca turned and faced her lover.
"You're nothing like them." those penetrating eyes insisted that this was true.
"Sometimes I miss your calls because I'm too busy with my mixes and the studio." Beca's career had taken off, as predicted.
"Yes but just like in college after you took over the station for Luke, you still dedicate your mixes to me and you always make it up to me on your days off." she was reminded. "You always make time," the assurance she was given was sealed with a chaste kiss upon her waiting lips. "You're here when I need you," her lover stared suggestively, lust evident in those teasing eyes. "When I want you."
"But," her defense was interrupted.
"You might not let people in." her lover surrendered to this truth. "But you let me in."
"You have a habit of invading my personal space." she really had no choice in the matter.
"What about the Bella's?" Beca's brow rose as she smirked. "They're our friends, even after all these years." Amy became something like the weird comedienne in the group, the one that makes everyone laugh without ever meaning to. The truth that flowed from her mouth was simply hilarious at times. There's Stacie whose candid tales about her promiscuity left people slack jawed and dumbfounded at times. She might have needed to visit her lady doctor one too many times but that's alright because her stories gave Beca ideas. Between Cynthia Rose's need to make bets, Lily's tendency to start fires, and Aubrey's controlling nature, Beca had to play the mediator more than enough times. Luckily, Denise, Ashley, and Jessica were there to help her reign in the crazy. "And I'm your family, both figuratively and," a hand was brought to Beca's face, the shiny wedding band which sat atop a blinding diamond engagement ring caught the steely gray eyes. "Legally." Beca smirked knowing her wife took too much pleasure in this fact.
Then again she really wasn't anything like her mother who was reserved and cold. She was bitchy and snobbish unlike Beca who was sarcastic and snarky in a humorous rebellious way. The former Mrs. Mitchell didn't let anyone in, not even her own flesh and blood. But Beca did. Granted it had been completely unintentional at first, but soon the desire to share her self budded.
"Well what about my dad?" Beca asked.
"You don't put so any stock in what others think," Beca nodded lightly because the ear monstrosities and the tattoos tagging her skin were confirmation of this truth. "And I know you'll never use me and toss me aside like day old sushi." it became clear to Beca that her father had only pushed for her to go to college so he would remain the highly esteemed professor of Barden University. After her surprise visit to his house, Beca thought perhaps there was still hope for them yet. But then she discovered he was up for a promotion as the department head. After she went back to the Bella's and he received his promotion, he never visited her room ever again. "And you didn't leave Jesse for me," it was true. "You left him because you realized he's a pushy douche b that doesn't deserve your aca-awesomeness."
She was nothing like her father. She didn't leave Jesse for someone else. She left because it simply wasn't working. He was too pushy, too aggressive, at times that it made her retreat back into her personal space. He thought he could shove his way into her life. And she was fine with it at first.
But then he came with expectations. Mandatory date nights and movie nights. He even ambushed her with a surprise lunch with his parents. Hell, even his kisses and touches became incessant and one time she came so close to blowing her rape whistle. It was then that she decided to end it. Beca never feared being by herself. She didn't need the company of others. So Beca ended things, much to Jesse's dismay, and she was single again. But this time, she wasn't alone.
"I don't know, I do have a fondness for blondes." the comment earned her a slap on her shoulder. "And brunettes," she continued, earning yet another playful smack. "But, not as much as I love redheads of course." she added.
Chloe had been her friend while she was with Jesse and when they broke up, Chloe had taken it upon herself to make certain that Beca wouldn't spend her nights cooped up in her room with her earphones glued to the side of her head.
It started with a simple intrusion of her space. Chloe would show up to her room with old records and C.D.'s and they would spend hours just sitting in her room, listening to songs much to Kimmy Jin's dismay. Then Chloe would spontaneously sing a song and Beca would then mix in one she thought would go appropriately. It was then that Beca's roommate drew the line and there came the competition of who could occupy the dorm first.
Kimmy Jin and her friends always won so they started hanging out at Chloe's apartment, where Beca practically lived for the latter part of her freshman year and for her first summer off of college, enjoying the fact that Chloe was surprisingly eclectic. She wasn't a slave to mainstream music like one would think.
Together, they made the sickest beats. Chloe pulled her out of the shadows, not completely but enough for her to see something aside from darkness. Those light blue eyes shone so brightly that Beca couldn't help but be entranced.
Chloe always had much more leeway than others. Beca refused to recognize it at first, but gradually the fact became undeniable.
For God's sake, she hit a man for trying to start a fight with her friend but when Chloe invaded her shower, all she did was try not to stare at the stranger in all her glory. Whenever Chloe touched her, invaded her personal bubble, all she did was accept the invasion. She offered her no snarky remarks. Beca even encouraged it with her winks and innuendoes.
While the bubbly redhead often instigated the not so discreet hugs which lasted for hours on end, the constant intertwining of fingertips, the orchestration of how their limbs always seemed to end up touching and entangling, it was Beca who made the undeniable move which recognized that there was definitely something more than friendship between their bond.
What started off as a normal ordinary Tuesday of hanging out turned into something more after Beca kissed Chloe, who had just come home from work.
It was a simple peck on the lips, not unlike the kisses on the cheek Chloe gave to her all the time, but that's when the redhead marked as the day they became an official domesticated couple. She was a romantic that way and Beca wouldn't have it any other way.
It took time, to break through the thick layers of concrete the tiny brunette had plastered around herself but Chloe Beale was nothing if not determined. The redhead spent the greater part of med school chiseling away at the wall, knowing her prize would be worth her effort. She had been patient and the payoff was more than worth it. It made her feel special, knowing only she knew this side of Beca.
"Beca," Chloe began before a soft cry echoed throughout the room and the reason why these thoughts invaded Beca's mind pervaded through.
"I'll get her." Beca whispered before getting up from their bed.
"Thank you." the redhead smiled.
"It's the least I can do." the music producer remarked. "You did just squeeze her out of your aca-awesome V.J. just a few days ago." Beca reminded in a mockingly chipper tone and Chloe rolled her eyes. "Rest, my weary wife." she hurried off to the nursery.
Chloe could hear her wife, cooing to their baby girl through the monitor. She smiled as she watched her two most favorite girls walk through the door, an adoring smile covering Beca's lips as she held their little bundle of joy securely against her body.
"Why now?" Chloe asked as Beca settled on their bed. Her wife had not thought about her parents for years. "You're not thinking of skipping out are you?" she asked playfully, knowing there was no possible way Beca would turn away from her.
She knew it wasn't marriage that Beca feared. If that was the case, she never would have asked. Hell, they had a year of the whole long distance relationship thing. Chloe had to stay at Barden to finish med school and Beca had graduated but had gone ahead to L.A. at Chloe's behest. She didn't want to stand in the way of her love's dreams.
Armed with her degree in music theory, the tiny girl took the musical world by storm. It took work though.
For the first six months, all Beca did was play at dingy clubs and parties. Luckily, she played the frat party and some kid that was apparently related to a music producer instantly became a fan. She sent him a mix CD and it was history from there.
Chloe was never afraid of the club hos and groupies. Beca would have never committed herself if she thought there was even a possibility they wouldn't work out. Besides, she prided herself for the fact that she was the only one who could distract her love from her turntables. Clearly it wasn't their commitment to each other that made Beca think about her parents.
It was their present situation which was troubling her wife for some unknown reason. Specifically, Beca had pointed out the Mitchell's faults as parents, not as a married couple. Clearly, parenthood was the issue.
But Chloe had to wonder why this particular moment. Granted, the redhead was the one who brought up children but Beca was nothing but supportive.
She never felt as though the brunette was only doing it for her sake. Beca had a full year to voice her concerns. The music producer could have said something before they visited the doctor, before they went through the list of donors, or even during the grueling months of pregnancy where she was sent off to trips to various restaurants at all hours of the night. It wasn't that easy finding 24 hour Italian places in L.A.
"God no," the brunette breathed, her brows creased as she shook her head vigorously in protest. "I guess I was just so caught up in thinking about how great of a mother you would be that I forgot to think about me," Beca paused. "About how I could screw our kid up." she offered with a shrug.
Suddenly it was clear to Chloe. Beca had been caught up in the thrill of the possibility of having a child that she forgot to think about what having a child actually means.
The responsibilities of having a child, of parenthood, never entered the brunette's mind as they made their monthly visits to the OB/GYN. The DJ had been too preoccupied with painting the baby's room, getting those tiny little booties with the matching musical shirts, and picturing Chloe singing lullabies to their baby.
Every new parent was afraid of making the same mistakes their parents made. Mistakes which ultimately led to their ruin. And Chloe understood Beca's fears, just like always. These trepidations didn't need to be voiced aloud because she could see it in those dark gray depths.
"I'd never let you screw our kids up." Chloe whispered as she took their little angel from her wife. She could see those usually steely gray eyes trained on her and her little miniature clone. There was utter devotion and affection practically oozing from the music producer. "Besides, I'm pretty confident you won't." she said with a wink.
"But," Chloe silenced her with a kiss as she intertwined their fingers, the soft clink of their rings echoed softly through the room.
The couple settled on the bed, with Beca's back against the headboard as Chloe settled between her legs. The redhead settled with her back pressed against Beca's front, the brunette's hands wrapped around her torso as she pulled her wife and their little girl closer.
"There once was a girl who dreamed of becoming a big music producer in L.A." the redhead began as she rocked their baby gently. "She used to hide behind her Macbook," the redhead caught her wife's gaze. "Not bothering to listen to anyone willing to talk to her, always covering her ears behind these massive headphones." Beca needed to be reminded of how far along she'd come from the recluse she once was. "But then she fell in love with this aca-mazing redhead with a killer bod that she just couldn't help but let her in." Chloe winked at Beca who couldn't help but chuckle as she flashed that mischievous grin of hers. "Unlike her parents she tore down her walls, gave herself completely to the stunning gorgeous but kind of quirky redhead, and made an honest woman of the once promiscuous fiery haired maiden." Beca released a small laugh. "Together they built a life, a home, and now they were starting to build their family."
"People might think they're starting early, since the redhead barely started her residency, but that's not true because the redhead wants like a jillion kids." Beca added, not missing a beat.
"And now, the big time music producer is worried that she'll mess up the lives of those jillion kids." Chloe stated. "But she has no reason to worry because she's an aca-awesome wife which means she'll be an even more kick ass mom."
"Besides, she's not alone." Beca had Chloe. "She's pretty certain her wifey will be more than willing to point out her mistakes." the music producer relaxed, knowing that with Chloe by her side they could get through anything.
It was a cheesy cliché notion that Beca would never voice aloud.
"Aww, we just told her her first story." the redhead remarked excitedly, watching as their daughter slept soundly. "You really have nothing to worry about." their lips brushed against one another lightly. "You're nothing like your parents Bex," Chloe whispered gently before she pressed a soft kiss to their little girl's forehead. "And in four to six weeks I'll be willing to show you just how thankful I am that you are your own person." Chloe promised.