Disclaimer: I do not own King of the Hill that belongs to Mike Judge and Greg Daniels while Iron Man is the property of Marvel Comics and I assume Stan Lee.
Greetings, I welcome you to the first of many Marvel movie parodies which I'm hoping to lead up to a parody of the Avengers (BEST MOVIE EVER! followed closely by the Dark Knight Rises). Now these parodies will involve characters mostly from King of the Hill but I'll toss in my own original characters some which if you're a fan of my Werewolf of the Hill series (season 2 coming soon) you might already know some of them. So without further ado, I like to present The Indestructible Scandium Ranger. P.S. this story will have elements from both Iron Man movies.
It was a sunny afternoon in the Afghanistan desert and the temperature outside was hotter than Hades but the heat wasn't a problem for three United States Army Hummers as they drove on the desert road towards their destination. Inside each vehicle was a soldier of the U.S. Army dressed in desert camouflage and carrying the latest guns and side arms plus in the second Hummer only driver and two of the passengers were soldiers for the fourth man was a citizen in his early forties with blonde hair and was wearing a personalized tailored suit that no normal person could afford even if they saved up their money for the next five years. This man was no one other than Jeff Boomhauer, billionaire, ladies man, and all around cool guy, he was sitting next to one of the soldiers with a pair of sunglasses covering his eyes and a small glass of bourbon in his right hand.
"Excuse me, Mr. Boomhauer." the soldier sitting next to him spoke up
Boomhauer had unintentionally fallen asleep during the course of the trip and when the soldier spoke to him that woke him up.
"What?" Boomhauer stammered as he woke up
"Sorry to wake you, sir," the soldier apologized, "I was just going to ask if you're enjoying your visit to the Middle East?"
"It's fine, Private, it's dang old wonderful."
"I'm actually a Sergeant."
Boomhauer took a zip of his bourbon while ignoring that little mistake and then the soldier sitting in the front seat raised his hand.
"What up, man?"
"May I ask you a personal question?"
"Is it true that you had three supermodels fight over you so that one of them could pose with you on a magazine cover?"
"Men." the driver said
"Dang, you're a woman." Boomhauer shouted in shock
"Yes, I'm a women but I'm a Captain first." she replied
"Has anyone told you that you have such a lovely face."
"I'm sure you tell that to all the women."
The other two soldiers and Boomhauer laughed which then the female captain joined in.
"Hey," the sergeant said as he pulled out a small camera, "is it okay if I get a picture taken with you?"
"Go right head, man." Boomhauer said as he took off his sunglasses
The sergeant tossed his camera to the soldier in the passenger seat then scooted closer to Boomhauer who naturally put on a big grin for the upcoming picture while the sergeant held up a peace sign.
"Here's to peace, "Boomhauer said as he held up his glass, "with it I'm out of a dang job."
The soldier steadied the camera as the hummer was some how only capable of hitting every bump on the road.
"Cheese." they both said
Then as soon as the flash went off a large explosion came from in front of them and shook the vehicle, they looked in front of them to see that something that caused the hummer in front of them to explode into pieces.
"What's was that?" Boomhauer asked while having a panic attack
"Get down, sir." the sergeant ordered as he forced Boomhauer to bend down
At that moment the number of explosions increased followed by the sound of gun fire.
"Sergeant Tyler, say in with Boomhauer, Jones you're with me." The captain ordered as she hoped out of the car but both her and Jones were immediately killed on sight
"Damn it," Tyler said as he grabbed his gun, "Boomhauer, when I give the commanded get out and make a run for it."
"The captain said that you were like suppose to say the hell here." Boomhauer reminded
Tyler ignored him as he opened the door and told Boomhauer to run right before several bullets struck him causing a good amount blood to hit Boomhauer who freaked out, opened the door and made a run for it. With amazing speed and agility Boomhauer managed to dodge all the bullets and shrapnel coming from all around him but a shockwave from a nearby explosion knocked him down so he resorted to crawling on all fours towards the largest rock he could find which he decided to make his hiding place.
"I need dang back up." he thought as he took out his cell phone
He could only manage to dial three numbers for one of the explosives landed right next to him but it didn't go off. Boomhauer sighed in relief but then his face was fill with horror and confusion as for the device had the words Boomhauer Industries printed on it.
"Uh?" was all Boomhauer could say for the device finally detonated and sent him flying through the air and landed a good number of feet away
He laid there motionless and completely free of pain most likely from the shock then using all his strength he lifted up his arm and carefully placed it on his chest and right away he felt blood which by touching his wound caused him to black out. He awoken to the noise of someone talking but for the life of him he couldn't understand a single word, he also noticed that he had some type of bag over his head and that his hands and feet were in fact tied to a chair. Suddenly he felt somebody grab the bag from his head and yanked it off and gave him a chance to see the faces of his captures were not to his surprise terrorist who were heavily armed with guns that he recognized as the one that his company makes for the U.S. Military. The lead terrorist pointed at him without looking away from the camera that he was talking into, the only words he could understand was when the terrorist said "Jeff Boomhauer" then once again he found himself slipping into the darkness.
How will Boomhauer get out of this situation? I guess if you read the comics and watched the movie you know exactly how but the fun is to see how Boomhauer does it. Like I said before I'm going to make parodies of the other marvel movies that lead up to The Avengers (Like Hulk, Thor, Captain America), so if you have any suggestions for me I'm all ears.