I'm so sorry for the delay. I apologize. Life's been very hectic.
Everything was slipping out of my control. My plan to entrap her had succeeded but my... arrogance hadn't factor in her unpredictability. She was sweet, yes, but she was no simpering damsel nor a shrinking violet. She gave as hard as she got, all the while keeping her nurturing persona intact. How she managed it was a conundrum to me. One thing had become obvious, she was not falling the way I'd hoped.
Donning a white camisole with a flowered patterned white briefs, with a bare face and her thick hair in a disarray, the look of severity on her face belied her... well, everything. Her sheer prettiness always impacted me like a punch in the gut, just like it was doing now. But this was not the time to admire—ogle her.
She narrowed her eyes at me, then finally, she huffed, turning around, ignoring me. My hand immediately shot out and latched onto her wrist. She instantly turned around and hissed, pointing one slender finger at me and trying to jostle her wrist away for my grip as though my touch stung her.
"Don't touch me!" She spat out.
Her words seared through my veins like an inferno of poison. I felt like thousands of insects were crawling over my skin, some sticking to some invisible grime and dirt, making her abhor me all the more. My hand on her wrist shook imperceptibly.
"I... I told you before I wasn't dirty. I did." I somehow let the words out.
"Oh trust me you hide your dirt pretty well." She smiled at me as she whipped her hand away from my weakened grip. A smile filled with condescension. Despite me towering over her, I felt small and suddenly she started to feel beyond my reach, up on a throne, looking down at me, smirking, mocking me.
My hand tightened into a fist, but my lips remained lock.
"Today you threatened me with bodily harm. Tomorrow, you'll threaten me again. Next week, you might raise your hand at me or choke me. I've always given you the benefit of the doubt, but you're quickly drying up any positive doubts I had regarding you."
First indignation then shock, and then came embarrasment. The barrage of emotion wrecked havoc on my brain. Had I become so transparent? Wasn't that how my father was? Was she right? Will I resort to violence against her? I'd never been violent towards my submissives. There was a wall of cold detachment and a comfort of a contract always present between me and them. With this woman, tried as I might, I failed to summon up the cold detachment that I was accustomed to. It wasn't attachment that I felt for her, but an all encompassing feeling of propriety and possession.
Perhaps she wasn't the victim in this. Was I the victim?
This sense of propriety was without dignity. It didn't care what she wanted. The undignified man inside me was happy with the scrapes of attention she threw my way. I inwardly cringed at my humiliating predicament. The most difficult feeling in the world was wanting someone who didn't want you. Who was barely... tolerating you. How desperate was I to coerce her into living with me whilst knowing she probably rolled her eyes and churned with disgust whenever I turned my back towards her.
"God I'm... I apologize. I didn't mean it. I didn't! I promise!" My arms rose as my hand cradled both of her cheeks in my hands. "I would never hurt you! I had never wanted to hurt you. I just wanted you... sometimes I say things I don't mean..." I blubbered like an idiot, not recognizing my voice and tone. It was a stranger inside me that was speaking all these words. The arrogant CEO Christian Grey within me twisted with rage and indignation, but the desperate four year old was slowly coming to surface. He was afraid she'd abandon him. That child wanted as much her attention as he wanted his mother's or his 'father's'. Perhaps even more.
My heart fell into a pit when she rudely shoved my hands away. "I told you not to touch me!" She hissed then sniffed with a cruel perk to her shapely brow.
My hand closed around empty air. My heart thudded fast. I stuttered, "D-Don't talk to me like... that."
She snapped in her usual brutal naive self. "Are you leaving this room or should I walk out?"
Her sweet face still stole my breath away while she thoroughly stomped over my feelings.
This feeling of want didn't brim my chest with warmth, in-fact it left me in the cold. I could so easily picture myself in place of my ancestors. I saw myself as Catherine, who became a chameleon, changing into any mold Charles wanted, pining for him and his love. I saw myself as Derek, who went to extreme and resorted to violence against Ella for Ella's love.
This feeling inside me, I couldn't name it. It could be love, hatred, obsession, desperation or any foreign emotion. All I knew was that it was starting to encompass my whole being, skinning me alive, burning my flesh as I was flailing for survival. It was the most rewarding feeling when she smiled at me, yet it turned into most hurtful when she ignored me as though I repulsed her.
"I don't want you to feel that way." I tried to tone down the desperation as she looked at me dispassionately. My gaze, uncontrollable as it was, travelled down, over the cleavage that displayed enticingly through her white camisole. The lone mole right at her collarbone. My mouth watered. No self-respect. I wanted to taste her there. I will be alright if I tasted her there, just a little bit.
"I think it's better I leave your place—move out. When I feel... alright, uh guess I'll contact you. Don't worry, I'll be there when you want to... want me." She looked down, biting her lip.
"Stop this nonsense!" My words quivered with fear. "You want to meet that fucker, that's it?" I tried to avert her mind to another topic that I disliked. Anything but her leaving. What if she never came back? She won't leave me! I'll stop her even if I have to lock her in a room. But I didn't want to break her illusion of freedom. She'll be less than compliant if she knew that she didn't really have a choice.
"The fucker?" She petulantly rose her brow at me.
If it was possible, steam would've come out of my ears. "Why don't you listen to me?"
"Why don't you go fuck yourself?"
My eyes right about popped out of my skull. Nobody had ever talked to me in that way! I had always made sure no one would.
My mouth pressed into a firm line. "Enough!" I barked in a loud voice. It brought about the desired outcome. She jumped, startled and little specs of fear fluttered over her delicate face. But the tiny and what she thought were imperceptible squints she threw my way were nowhere near submissive. The mulish set of her jaw was about to make my mouth curve with amusemnet and... fondness? Had I not remembered the douche she was fighting over, I might've made that mistake.
"Do... Do you like him?" I asked, trying out a level tone, swallowing my nerves.
"Of course I do! He's my friend."
May your friend die!
"How important is he?" Is he more important than me? Bitterness and longing coiled inside me. I was probably no more important to her than her previous employer. Hateful and expendable.
"As any friend should be."
"He wants you. I know. Do you though?" She better not. I didn't want to resort to murder.
She sighed, "Listen. He might have at one point, but that was a long time ago. If I wanted him I would've reciprocated his advances. I would've done something. But since I didn't, he backed off. You know how I am. You know better than anyone."
"You were also not reciprocating my advances, but where we are now." I cut her off. I may have had a death wish upon my balls.
"I was somewhat attracted towards you.. uh, I've always been. At the risk of sounding rude I might add that it was your behaviour that put me off, not your looks. I'm getting off track here, I politely refused his advances and he was very respectful of my decision. And I know if he wants us to meet then it is with utmost sincerity."
I wanted to laugh at her sweet natured assumptions. Did she think that about me as well? That she politely refused me and I respectfully backed off. That's the reason I couldn't trust any other fucker within ten miles radius of her. Especially not when I'd already taken her and made her mine. A euphoric feeling took over my mind. I had made her mine. I had nothing to fear. Jealousy would only push her away.
I shrugged, taking a moment to collect myself. I cleared my throat then added in a deceptively saccharine tone, "That's alright then. I thought he was still interested in you and I didn't want you to feel bad if me and him ended up fighting again, because of you—or a more apt term would be over you."
She at least had the decency to look embarrassed before her forehead creased. "Oh." She said naively with widened eyes, "I didn't think of that. You're right. It will be so embarrassing if both of you rendered each other black and blue again."
I mumbled feigning disinterest. "I don't want you to feel embarrassed in-front of your friends and family. But if he doesn't feel anything for you, then I don't have anything to worry about or any time to waste. I have a lot of work to do. These meager fights are not what I singed up for when we made our agreement." I said curtly, my insides if were before simmering, were now boiling at being forced to hide my rage..
As expected, she flushed, and if I'm correct, embarrassed again.
I added some more. "I work very hard. The last thing I want is keeping an eye on you. I wanted some comfort, when we made this bargain. So far there's been no comfort for me. You're getting your end of the deal. Unfortunately I'm not getting mine. Makes me think if this bargain is turning out to be fruitful for me."
She swallowed, looking at me with huge eyes. "I have tried to do whatever you said. You're just... n-never happy."
"Happy?" I smirked sarcastically. "You constantly threaten me with leaving. I'm starting to feel you don't even want me. At least not enough to save your dad. You freeze up whenever I touch you. Do you think I'm spending so much money over your father for you to behave like I'm assaulting you whenever I come near you?" My tone turned caustic as her ignorant behaviour was akin to rubbing salt on an open wound.
She opened, then closed her mouth. "I-I don't freeze..." she trailed off, averting her gaze.
My eyes bored her down. My gaze challenging her statement as she refused to make eye contact with me. I lightly patted her head. "It's okay, I forgive you. Just don't let it happen again, okay? I won't be this kind the next time around, I assure you. Don't make me angry. I don't take kindly to people who take me or my deals lightly."
She nodded with uncertainty, looking at me with fear on her now whitened face. I stretched my mouth into a smile. My facial muscles protested at the fake effort.
She bit her lip in response, making blood shoot straight to my groin. Too bad I couldn't fuck her. I had misused her last night, I would concede to that. I couldn't resist not taking her. Every time I mounted her, I told myself that it would be the last time for the night. I knew I was hurting her. I just couldn't help myself. I was guilty of over indulgence. I... will be careful next time.
"If you want to meet that... your friend, then you're welcome to invite him over." It was the lesser of two evils. That way she won't be tempted to meet him behind my back. Better him face her within my domain under the watchful gaze of Taylor or myself than somewhere else.
Surprise lit her face, "Really?"
After that I'll do something about the fucker, just like I did her ex. Move him far far away.
I left her perplexed in the room. My throat was parched as though I had run a marathon. I sure felt like it. My feet propelled me towards the kitchen. A cool glass of water would do. I resisted the urge to punch the wall as I made my way to the kitchen.
A faint annoying sound made my left eye tick. It was a sound that had for a few days become a normal occurrence in my apartment. It was a meow.
I turned my head back and as expected an annoying little creature was staring at me with round eyes. I threw him a glare of irritation and turned my back to him again. My ears perked as the room had suddenly fallen into pin drop silence. It made me turn my face again. The nosy critter froze mid-way, mid-step, becoming a statue. No matter how long I stared at him he didn't move nor blink. As though he wasn't just gaining on me. I squinted at him and turned my back again.
The next time I turned around he was nearer. And I guessed it. Again frozen mid-step. I felt my mouth tug up into a smile. I shook my head. As though he was just waiting for me to become lenient, he lunged for me with what sounded like a war-meow, and landed right on my foot.
I looked at him wide-eyed as he inspected it, raising his paw, then decided on sniffing it. His fur was... ticklish.
His toothless gums with blunt edges of sprouting teeth tried to gnaw at my toe.
It was wet and... not very comfortable. But I didn't jerk my foot away.
He was making, what I guessed he believed were predatory sounds. I rose my brow at him.
Not content with only my foot, he started to climb up my calf right when I was taking another gulp of water. I almost choked when his needle like nails pierced through my pant leg. I shook him off. He rolled then climbed right back on, taking my reluctance as a challenge. "Stop!"
He ignored me.
"I said stop!"
He mewed pathetically at me with big blue eyes. I shook my head. "Get off!"
He lunged again but this time he grabbed hold of my ankle, encircling it and rubbed his face against my leg, hugging it like his life depended on it. "That's it!" I narrowed my eyes at him. "If you don't stop I'm calling that woman!"
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