This fic is just pure fluff and silliness, but I hope it's in a good way. I wrote it for the wonderful OneTwoOne for giving Make Em Laugh its 200th review. The first part is based on a hilarious old married couple I saw at the bus stop a few months ago. This is in vaguely the same verse all my other Daddy Klaine fics are in. Enjoy!
Come say hi on tumblr, practical-amanda! Oh also, check out my new fic, After Ellen.
"And you're totally sure you don't want me to drive you into the city? I don't mind," Blaine asked Kurt for the millionth time. It was nearly seven in the morning and Blaine had brought Kurt to the bus stop to Manhattan, where he would be spending the day at a convention for small boutique owners.
Kurt gave his husband an amused look, "No, honey, for the twenty sixth time today, I'm completely okay taking the bus in by myself. We lived in the city for years before moving out to the suburbs. I can hack it," Kurt said with a wink and gentle squeeze to Blaine's hand.
Blaine let out a small huff, "I'm not worried that it's not safe!" he replied. "I just want you to be comfortable. I don't mind giving you a ride, so why should you have to take the bus? Are you sure you're wearing enough layers? It's supposed to be in the teens today, plus you know how windy it gets in the city! Do you want me to check in the car for another scarf, maybe a pair of gloves?"
"Being a stay at home dad has turned you into a regular mother hen," Kurt said, linking their arms together. Kurt didn't even bother telling him that he didn't have to wait with him for the bus. "And you're very sweet, but the bus is just fine by me, plus we have a twelve year old at home who will be very grumpy if her Daddy doesn't have her breakfast ready for her before school. I know we decided that we could leave her home alone when we do errands and stuff, but I don't know how I feel about leaving her to get ready for school by herself just yet," Kurt added, placing a gentle kiss on Blaine's cheek.
"You're right, and she had that terrible stomach ache last night. I should be there in case she's still feeling sick," Blaine sighed. "I guess I should get going then," he said glancing at his watch. Rose's alarm clock would be going off in about a half hour. "Have fun. I love you."
"I love you, too, and I'll call you when I'm on the way home," Kurt said giving Blaine one last kiss on the cheek, "and yes, I'll let you know if I want you to pick me up," Kurt said before Blaine had a chance to ask.
"Are you feeling any better this morning, Ro?" Blaine asked his daughter as she made her way down the stairs for breakfast.
"Yeah, I'm okay," she answered plopping herself down and accepting the plate her dad handed her. "Toast?" she asked.
"Yeah, I thought it would be good since your stomach was acting up. I didn't want to make anything too complicated," Blaine said, putting the finishing touches on Rosie's lunch for that day. "I can make you some eggs if you're feeling up to it," he offered.
"No, toast is fine," she said, taking a bite out of the corner. Blaine had cut it into triangles, just like she liked it. "Are you still going to take me to get new jeans after school today?"
Blaine chuckled and sat down in the chair across from Rose, a steaming mug of coffee in his hands, "Of course. I wouldn't forget something so important as new pants," Blaine teased. Last week Rose had discovered a hole in her favorite pair of jeans, the one her Aunt Rachel had brought back from Paris. Needless to say, it was quite the drama in their house. The Short Hills Mall in New Jersey would have to suffice, but Blaine and Kurt were able to appease her with a special shopping mission for a brand new favorite pair of jeans.
Blaine glanced over at the clock on the stove, "Alright, sweetheart," Blaine said, standing up and gathering Rose's lunch and book bag, "it's time to go or you'll miss your bus." Rose chugged down the last of her orange juice, and slipped on her blue floral Doc Martens (her favorite). She was almost out the door when Blaine called her back, "aren't you forgetting something?" Blaine asked.
Rosie rolled her eyes in a way she was getting better at by the day, and hurried back to give her dad a kiss on the cheek goodbye, "love you, Daddy B," she said.
"Love you, too, Ro," Blaine replied. "I'll pick you up after school."
When Blaine was in high school, he overheard his Mom trying to explain to his Dad what it was like to see the number of your child's school flash on your caller ID. He hadn't understood it at that point; the special kind of terror that courses through you at the thought that something might be wrong with your child. You almost hope that your kid has broken the rules, or gotten themselves suspended, because the alternative is that they're hurt, or sick. In Blaine's case, he had been in bed, recovering from a gay bashing when he overheard the conversation, but it didn't make him understand any better.
Now...now he understood the panic that shoots up from somewhere deep in the pit of your stomach when faced with that dreaded phone call, "Uh...hello?" Blaine said, sitting down on the couch next to the pile of laundry he had been folding.
"Is this the Hummel residence?" the voice on the other side of the phone asked.
"Yes, this is Mr. Hummel," Blaine replied.
"This is Ms. Stenton," the woman continued, "I'm Rose's school nurse. I just want to preface by saying that she is totally fine. There's no need to worry, but I have her in my office with me right now, and I think she might want to be picked up to go home for the rest of the day."
Blaine let out a relieved sigh at the nurse's reassurance, but that was quickly followed by confusion, "um...okay...I'm glad she's okay," he said slowly, "but um...if there isn't anything wrong with her, why do I have to pick her up? Is her stomach acting up again? It was hurting her last..."
"Sorry if I'm overstepping, but can I ask, is Mrs. Hummel home? I think Rose might prefer it if I discussed this with her Mom. Most girls her age do."
Despite the situation, Blaine felt himself rolling his eyes, "uh...there is no Mrs. Hummel. Unless you're talking about my mother in law."
Blaine could here a shuffling of papers on the other side of the phone. Presumable the nurse was taking a closer look at Rose's records, "oh...um...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed..."
Blaine could here her getting flustered, "look, it's fine, honest mistake, but could we maybe get back to the topic at hand. Why do you have my daughter?
"Right, sorry," she said sheepishly. "Your daughter started her menstrual cycle today."
Intellectually, Blaine had always known that this would happen. And if he was honest, he knew that it would probably happen when he was the only parent home. He and Kurt had always distributed parental duties pretty much evenly, but Blaine couldn't pretend that Kurt wasn't better that this kind of thing. He wasn't exactly known for his way with words, or his skills with delicate conversations. Of course he had been there when Kurt had given her "the talk", but he had staunchly allowed Kurt to do all of the talking.
"Hello?" after what seemed like a dozen rings, Kurt finally picked up the phone.
"Oh my god, Kurt, thank god you...HEY, WAY TO SIGNAL ASS HOLE," Blaine cut himself off to shout at the car in front of him.
"Blaine, why are you calling me while you're driving?"
"I'm on the blue tooth," Blaine said dismissively, "and anyway, this is an emergency! Kurt, she got her period, today...her period! What the hell am I supposed to do?"
"Blaine, honey," Kurt said in as soothing voice as he could muster. "I'm going to need you to calm down, pull over, and tell me again what's wrong. I can't understand you when you yell into the phone like that."
Blaine took a deep breath and allowed himself to be calmed by Kurt's gentle tone. He kept driving, though, "I can't pull over, Kurt. I need to pick Rose up form school. I just got a call from the school nurse," he began, "she's fine!" he added quickly, realizing that Kurt would have the same reaction that he had, "she um...she got her first period today."
Kurt couldn't help it. The laugh bubbled up so quickly that there wasn't a prayer of him stopping it, "oh my god, Blaine, that's what you're so panicked about?" Kurt barely got out between guffaws, "oh god, oh god, I can't breathe. Honey, you had to know this was coming. You sat through that same horrible video I had to sit through," Kurt reminded, his laughter finally dying down.
Blaine let out an involuntary shutter. The previous year, the parents had been called in to view the health videos that their children would be watching that unit. There was a separate video for boys and girls, and of course, Kurt and Blaine were the only dads in the room, but they didn't really have a choice. The fact that the video was so terrible that it made everyone in the room uncomfortable, however, alleviated their awkwardness somewhat. It was about a young girl who gets her period for the first time, when she's at a slumber party. The next morning the mom, who was a nurse, made the entire female reproductive system out of pancakes, and explained what was going on, "I don't think I'll ever eat pancakes ever again," Blaine said dramatically.
"Blaine, you had pancakes last week. Hold it together," Kurt said, his voice laced with mirth. "I know it's hard to see our baby girl grow up, but she needs you to be cool right now. You can do it, and tonight the three of us will talk about it, okay?"
Blaine took a deep breath in and then out, "you're right," Blaine said. "How are you always right? I'll call you when I can."
"Hey, Rosie," Blaine said stepping into the back room of the office where Rose was sitting on the cot reading a magazine. They didn't call her by her childhood nickname much anymore. She insisted that Rose was far more sophisticated, but it slipped and she didn't seem like she was about to correct him. She was wearing the shirt she had worn to school, and the shorts from her gym uniform. A plastic bag, that looked like it contained her jeans, was on the floor by her feet. He sat down on the cot next to her, "so I guess we'll be buying two pairs of jeans today?" Blaine hadn't necessarily planned on opening that way, but it made Rose smile, and that was a victory in Blaine's book. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"
Rose sighed, "I um...I went to the bathroom before gym class and then I went straight to the nurse," she said, avoiding directly talking about it, "she gave me a...um...a..."
"A sanitary napkin?" Blaine offered, trying to show that he was comfortable with her talking about it.
"Yeah...um...one of those, but she said I need to go and...that we need to buy..."
"Don't worry, Ro. It's already taken care of. I called Daddy K on the way here and he made me stop at a CVS," Blaine said. "You know he's the brains of this operation," Blaine said, once again trying to lighten the mood.
It worked, she let out a laugh, and dropped her head onto Blaine's shoulder, "thanks for coming to get me, Dad."
Blaine gave her kiss on the temple, "of course, baby. I'll always be here when you need me," Blaine said, pulling her into a side hug. Rose may have 'become a woman' today, but he loved that she still needed her Daddies. "Now, what to you say we get out of here, drive to the mall for some new clothes, and then we can get one of those cinnamon buns from the food court that Daddy K never lets us have?"
"I'd like that," Rose said, letting Blaine take her backpack and her bag full of clothes, and following him out into the parking lot for some special Father-Daughter time.