"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR HOPE-EE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
"You can make that wish now honey!"
It was silent. The lights were still off and 5 candles still shined brightly. With each passing second, wax started to drip on to the cake.
Then suddenly, everyone heard a delicate whisper.
She looked down at her child with question and concern.
"What if…it doesn't come true?", she whispered even quieter.
"It will…I promise.", came the whispered reply.
The young girl smiled and had no more doubts. She closed her eyes for a short moment and then finally blew out her candles.
5 years came and flew by right before my eyes. It felt like just yesterday I was in that hospital room holding the biggest joy of my life, frightened beyond belief. But…I wasn't alone. I could never forget…
5 years huh? Who would have guessed 5 years later would be like this? Just yesterday wasn't I spending sleepless nights with Amy, trying to get Hope to go to sleep? Boy, did she yell at me during those times! I could never forget…
The first night when Sonic and I took her home, to our home, I got the biggest reality check ever.
I never imagined going a whole 2 days without any sleep. Hope literally cried ALL night for the first night. I fed her, I changed her, I tried to soothe her, I tried to rock her, and talk to her, but to no avail. She screamed her lungs out and it was even worse when Sonic tried. He was no expert, that much was clear but he did try to mimic my actions. The fact that he was even trying was really enough for me but in the moment I was just plain frustrated. I couldn't understand why she was crying so much and I even started to think I had hurt her or she was hurt and I just couldn't see it.
However, by the morning we had finally gotten her to rest for a while but she was awake again within just a few hours. By that time I barely got to shower and eat. Sonic was so exhausted that one minute I saw him cleaning the nursery and the next, he was on the double bed sleeping.
Hope wasn't crying as much as she did in the night so I was able to walk around with her and do some house chores at the same time. Stopping every few minutes to yawn and stretch became a burden so I decided to try and get Hope to take a nap. I laid down on the bed next to Sonic and let her rest on my bosom. She squirmed and whimpered for the first few minutes but before we knew it, we were both asleep.
I woke up when she started to squirm again and I could see that she was preparing herself to scream the house down. I didn't want to take any longer with preparing her formula, so I pulled my shirt up and my bra down. At that time I was so exhausted that I completely forgot that Sonic was on the other side of the bed. If I had been in my right mind…I would have certainly blushed at the situation but there was no time for hesitation. If I had taken any bit longer, the poor baby would have started screaming and would have woken up her Daddy at the same time.
That night was another crying concert. Sonic was fully refreshed while I was on my last thread. I'm sure he knew it too because even the screaming couldn't keep me steady and awake. I rocked my baby and cooed with her but she would not stop crying for anything. I was becoming so delusional that I even started to dance with her and sway to a beat that was all my own.
That was when he said-
"Amy go get some sleep, leave her to me."
I heard that taking care of a baby was tough work but it had only been 2 days and I never saw Amy so drained in my entire life of knowing her. I mean she was dancing to nothing at all for Christ's sake. I watched her try everything in the book to calm Hope down. She couldn't have been hungry because she was fed TWICE, she was changed, she was wiped with a warm washcloth, she was lotioned with the lavender baby lotion that was supposed to calm her down, she was played with, Amy talked to her, she sang to her, she even started begging, but Hope just kept screaming. Amy had even mentioned taking her to the emergency room to make sure nothing was wrong with her but my instinct told me that if she could be calm in the day time then she could be calm at night too with just a little more effort.
However, I could clearly see that Amy couldn't push herself any longer without some sleep. I felt terrible because I realized that she had let me sleep that whole afternoon and never yelled at me or asked me to get up. She didn't complain and never even asked for my help. Part of me thought that maybe she was out to prove something by doing that but I knew I wouldn't let her go on like that.
I took Hope from her and she was so drowsy that she didn't fight it at all. She stood there, rubbing her eyes and yawning consecutively. I told her to go rest and she basically did a zombie walk to the bed and flopped down on it. She slept that whole night and I was sure that she was out like a light.
I never told her how that night I had gotten Hope to sleep with just pacing around the whole house. She slept through the whole night just like her mother and even I got to sleep. It was the first time I slept in the same bed as Amy for a long time and being the creep that I was and still am, I couldn't resist holding her. I was relieved when she didn't push me away and then I was shocked when she drowsily turned around and snuggled into my chest. I had to hold my laughter when I felt her inhaling my shirt and pushing herself more into my chest as if she wasn't close enough.
I could have bet that she wasn't aware of what she was doing that night and I didn't want to tell her either. I really missed her when she would willingly do those things but that wasn't the end of our troubles.
It hadn't occurred to me until the end of our first week with Hope that neither of us were working. I was off on maternity leave at the diner and I realized that Sonic didn't go to work since we were at the hospital. I never asked him about it either because I was so preoccupied with Hope. Life had become all about keeping her safe, healthy, and happy. I didn't care what was going on with anyone else or even myself for that matter, but I knew me and Sonic had to sit down and have a talk about what was going on.
"Sonic…is there anything you'd like to tell me?"
I had Hope on my chest and I was gently rubbing her back. She was quiet but I knew she was awake because she squirmed ever so slightly, not to mention the amount of drool that was running down my back was incredible.
"Amy…I didn't want to spring anything on you right now. It's not your problem and I don't want you to stress on it."
At that point in our rollercoaster relationship, we didn't have to speak in plain terms. He usually knew what I was hinting at when I asked him something so generally.
"Sonic, if we are to gain any amount of trust back in this…relationship…then I suggest we stop HIDING things from each other."
I knew that that one thing was turning into all of the bitter things very quickly. Who could really blame me though? If he thought we were on good terms he was wrong because the only reason I was being so cordial with him in the first place was because I needed him and I was thankful for his efforts. That didn't take away the hurt though…not by a long shot.
He sighed heavily. He must have known what I was hinting at.
"Ok Amy. I was fired from my job and it doesn't matter when it happened but it did. I don't have the apartment anymore and I'm in the process of moving everything over here if that's alright with you."
I tried to count down from 10 in my head to calm down but I couldn't even get to 8.
"SONIC! HOW LONG WERE YOU GOING TO KEEP THAT FROM ME?"
I quickly realized that day that I had to cool it on my sudden outbursts. Hope started to fuss and then she started to cry. She wiggled in my arms and her cries were heard directly in my ears. I started to bounce her in the chair and quiet her down but she didn't stop and started to scream, so I stood up from the chair and walked with her into her nursery. And just like that, our conversation was over.
I was angry and I was frustrated. I didn't want to speak on it anymore and I didn't want to care…but I did.
I lost my job and I wouldn't have lost it with so much pride any other way. I chose to not go; of course I could've returned after Hope was born and Amy was in the hands of Dr. Whall and a billion nurses, but I wasn't about to leave her. She may not have needed me but…I needed her. I needed to know that she was all right. Most importantly, I needed to know that Hope was alright. Both of them had gone through so much trauma that I could NEVER leave them in that state.
Little did Amy know, before she walked off with a crying Hope, that I already had a plan for another job. I managed to develop very good connections with a lot of big people over my time working. I knew one day that I would have quit that intern shit so I prepared myself for whenever that day would have come. I had a lot of options, I just needed time to sit down and figure them out. I was going to wait until a few weeks when there was a sense of normalcy.
Even if I hadn't gotten the text that I was fired, I would have quit because I wasn't about to work such a demanding job with a family that needed me. I wanted to prove that I could be who they wanted me to be.
The next week, Amy and I barely spoke. She was still upset and frustration was starting to take its toll on her. She snapped at me for little things, she criticized many things that I did, and it seemed like she even wanted to be away from me. When she and Hope were in one room, she would walk with her into another room once I came in.
The week after that we went to Hope's doctor appointment with Dr. Whall. She was recovering very well and she was healthy, though she was smaller than the typical newborn. When we left I was most shocked by Amy's suggestion in the car.
I was angry for about a week or two. I remembered exactly why I actually liked being by myself and having a break from Sonic. Sometimes I just couldn't deal with everything that had to do with him because deep down inside…I harbored an anger that wasn't going to go away in a month and maybe not even a year. Sonic had to understand that…even if we were a family now. Even IF I still loved him…he disappointed me beyond repair.
But then there were times when I was absolutely frustrated with myself that I cared about how he felt. Part of me thought he deserved to feel isolated and alone but then part of me just couldn't allow it to go on like that. The truth was that I enjoyed being close to him and I almost wished that my pride allowed me to just forgive him one more time and go on happily.
The whole week, he just did everything obediently. He watched Hope when I needed him to and did grocery runs for me, but otherwise he was oddly quiet and seriously left me alone.
I felt very bad then and nights when I paced the house with Hope, something I found calmed her down quickly, I thought about how he NEVER complained about how I treated him. He never tried to defy me and he ALWAYS did what I asked him to. And if you really asked me, I felt completely safe with him. I didn't have to worry about anything if he was there.
Over the years it seemed like I had gone soft because I felt sorry for him even despite what he did to me. He was just trying after all and deep down I didn't want to give him a reason to leave for good.
So after Hope's appointment with Dr. Whall, I offered for us to all go out and have lunch. He was driving and concentrating on the road but I could see how shocked he was. To the average person, he would have looked like he wasn't fazed but I could see the slight twitch of his eyes and the quirk of his lips and even the slight way he repositioned himself in the seat.
Yeah he was shocked. Hell, I was shocked with myself. I never gave in so easily and made the first proposition after one of our disagreements.
Spending so much of my time and life with Amy has taught me that she is the most stubborn person to walk the Earth. I was content with the FACT that I would have to be the one to reconcile with her after a fight. It's just the way we operate and so when SHE was the one to offer up something first AND so suddenly…I honestly wondered if the world was going to end.
In all seriousness, Amy Rose shocked me.
We had lunch that day at a nice little family restaurant with outdoor seating. It was a nice day and Amy thought it would be a good idea to let Hope get some fresh air but that proved to be a bad idea a few days later.
Hope started to cough and her nose was running nonstop. Amy was the first to notice it of course because she was so attached to her. The only things I got to really do was put her to sleep and play with her, Amy did that PLUS everything else.
So when she saw even the slight signs of sickness she was on top of her game. She never left Hope alone and she quickly made an appointment with Dr. Whall. In my opinion, Hope wasn't in need of an emergency room or anything at that time. I thought that maybe Amy could have made an appointment with the local doctor center and just get some prescribed medication but I knew not to say anything at that moment because it just would have been an unnecessary fight.
We were told that Hope was going to be fine and to diligently give her the medication that was prescribed to her. In order for Hope's infection to go away, it was very important to not miss a day of giving her the medication. She was premature and that made matters a whole lot worse if anything progressed.
Hope was prescribed the medication for the whole week, so Amy and I took turns occasionally but towards the middle of the week, Hope seemed to be getting worse and Amy would not let her out of her site which meant that she didn't hand her over to me at all.
I wanted to sit back quietly as usual and let Amy do what she needed to do to fulfill whatever inner needs she had but it was becoming too much. I started to question if all she needed me for was to do sidekick work. In other words, I was pretty much like her little assistant. Hope was my daughter too and I wanted time with her despite whatever Amy had cooked up in her brain. More and more it seemed like she purposely didn't want Hope with me and it didn't take a genius to figure out why.
I watched as Amy went 72 hours with no sleep at all. Of course I rested in the night time and tried my luck to help Amy in the day but she would just give me one look and hold on to Hope tighter, basically telling me to back off.
It all came to a boil towards the end of the week. I knew that one of these days we would have a huge fight because I just felt the tension for the longest time. The little fights in between merely released little bits of the negativity but THIS fight set the stage for the years to come.
I didn't even realize that I hadn't slept for three days but then maybe I did but maybe I was just so delirious that I didn't know the difference between being awake and being asleep.
I never took my eyes off of Hope. Her cough was sounding so much worse than in the beginning of the week and yet I was giving her the medicine everyday even at the same time every night so she would go to sleep right after. I breastfed her often, I made sure to give her warm bathes, dress her warm, and I even played soft music for her.
In the day time she seemed much better than at night. She would stare at me with her bright green eyes and I would completely melt at the sight. She had gotten some color too…I was able to make out a very very pale fuchsia shade.
I snuggled her and sniffed her very baby scent. It was so relaxing and she was quiet. I felt her moving on my chest but yet I couldn't. I was slowly losing my consciousness and soon I felt Hope's movements cease, signaling her own submission to sleep. I wanted to keep my eyes open because I realized that I didn't give her the medicine, but I reasoned with myself that I would just close my eyes for an hour and then wake her up to take it.
I woke up with a gasp and a violent tremble. I had definitely roused Hope from her sleep and she started to cough heavily.
"OH NO! I DIDN'T GIVE HER THE MEDICINE!"
"What do you mean you didn't give her the medicine?"
"OH GOD I MISSED A DAY! IT'S ALL MY FAULT!"
"Amy what are you talking about?"
"I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY! THIS IS ALL MY FAULT! I CAN JUST-"
"AMY CALM DOWN FOR A SECOND!"
The look she gave me was so vicious…I don't remember seeing her that way since way back when I had to face her after I left her the first time I found out she was pregnant.
"Calm down? YOU WANT ME TO CALM DOWN? YOU HAVE NO IDEA SONIC SO DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO ME!"
It was getting harder and harder to be the obedient and understanding partner that I always was. Anyone who knew me back in the days knew that I wasn't the submissive type so the fact that I had become just THAT was surprising and wonderful in itself.
From my understanding, she forgot to give Hope her medicine and quite honestly I got angry by the second. If only she let me help her she wouldn't have been so exhausted that she basically passed out and forgot. Regardless, I needed to hear her say it.
"Amy…What is all your fault?"
"I DIDN'T GIVE HER THE MEDICINE! WHY DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME UP OR SOMETHING! YOU CAN DO SOMETHING YOU KNOW! YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE IT ALL ON ME!"
That was my last straw.
"LEAVE IT ALL ON YOU AMY? YOU NEVER WANT ME TO HELP YOU! DON'T YOU SEE I TRY BUT THEN LATELY YOU DON'T EVEN LET ME HOLD HOPE ! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM!"
I didn't feel guilty either. It was all coming out tonight, everything else be damned.
"DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO YELL AT ME SONIC! YOU HAVE NO IDEA! SO SHUT UP AND GET OUT!"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE NO IDEA? YOU LET ME HAVE NO IDEA! IT'S YOUR FAULT OK AMY! I'M ALWAYS HERE AND ALL I DO IS SIT DOWN, WATCH YOU, AND DO ALL THE MAID WORK LIKE A LITTLE LACKEY!"
It had registered to me that Hope started to sniffle and soon enough she started to cry but at that moment we had completely forgotten our roles as parents and went back to what we knew best and that was fighting like we always used to.
"ALL THE MAID WORK? ARE FUCKING SERIOUS SONIC? DO YOU EXPECT NOT TO DO ANYTHING AT ALL? I BET YOU WOULD LIKE THAT RIGHT? NOT ONE DAY DO YOU COME IN THE NURSERY AND TAKE HOPE OFF OF MY HANDS SO I CAN GET SOME REST! YOU'RE SELFISH! SO FUCKING SELFISH!"
"AMY ARE YOU INSANE? DO YOU NOT REMEMBER ME COMING IN THE NURSERY AND YOU GIVING ME A LOOK THAT WOULD KILL ME IF IT COULD? OR DO YOU HAVE SELECTIVE MEMORY?"
Hope's cries didn't cease and though Amy tried bouncing her and rubbing her back, she didn't stop her yelling…which was certainly the reason Hope was so worked up.
"SONIC DO THINK I'M A MIND READER? DO I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO BY JUST WATCHING YOU STAND BY THE FUCKING DOOR?"
"WELL AMY, YOU SEEM TO GET ANGRY AT ANYTHING I EVER SAY TO YOU SO WHY WOULD I KEEP TRYING!"
"OH YES SONIC! GO AHEAD AND START THIS UP 'CAUSE I KNEW IT ALL ALONG! DON'T TRY! YOU THINK THAT SCARES ME? BECAUSE IT DOESN'T!"
It did scare me…badly. He had said it himself that he had no reason to keep trying and it was because of me.
I was so secretly afraid of that and instead of the normal reaction someone would have, I retaliated in the total opposite way. Perhaps it was the sleep deprivation mixed with my failures, Hope crying, and Sonic yelling at me that I couldn't control my reactions anymore. I didn't censor anything that came out of my mouth next.
"LEAVE! YOU ACT LIKE I GIVE A SHIT! IT WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST TIME! MAYBE THIS TIME YOU AND CHRISTINA CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER!"
Yes I went there…and Sonic surely had the "Oh no she didn't" face on. In my fired up state, I had no qualms about what I did. If he thought I would just let it go then he had another thing coming.
"Amy…you don't wanna go there right now. It would be best if you just take Hope downstairs and try to calm her down before she starts a coughing fit."
"I WANNA GO THERE! I KNOW WHY YOU DON'T WANNA GO THERE, BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO FACE THE FACT THAT YOU'RE A SLEAZY DOG! YOU CHEATED ON ME FROM RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE! YOU MADE ME LOOK SO FUCKING STUPID! ALL THAT TIME I THOUGHT I WAS FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU AND LETTING DOWN BARRIERS FOR YOU, YOU PLAYED ME FOR A FUCKING FOOL! DID YOU LOVE ME AT ALL?"
"Amy…I said you don't-"
"OR WHAT SONIC? YOU'RE GONNA HIT ME? GO AHEAD! THAT WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST TIME EITHER!"
I was beginning to become disturbed by everything Amy was saying so freely. She hadn't hinted or mentioned anything about Dean for the whole time we were home and I actually started to think she was healing from the situation nicely…but apparently I was wrong.
It was still fresh in her mind and it was one thing I could never relate to and at that point in the fight…I lost my will to go on. I didn't want to continue when I saw her with tears filling her eyes to the brim.
"YEAH THAT'S RIGHT…YOU HAVE NO IDEA! SO DON'T SAY SHIT TO ME! YOU'RE A FUCKING CHEATER I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU'RE IN THIS HOUSE. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I EVEN THOUGHT TO GIVE YOU A CHANCE. YOU'RE JUST GONNA DO IT AGAIN ANYWAY! THE MOMENT THINGS GET TOO HARD AND YOU CAN'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU'RE GONNA GET IT SOMEWHERE ELSE BECAUSE YOU JUST CAN'T HELP YOUSELF! IF YOU'RE NOT HAPPY SONIC THEN LEAVE! FUCKING LEAVE BECAUSE THINGS ARE NOT GOING TO CHANGE ANYTIME SOON!"
Hope was still crying her lungs out and Amy was still trying to soothe her in vain. I just wanted to stop this for Hope's sake. She was beginning to cough.
"Amy…we all make mistakes. I won't do it again, I promise. I'm sorry."
"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I HEARD THAT?"
It was going to be very hard this time around to convince her but there was no doubt in my mind that I had already become content with the idea that my life was set from here on out. Amy was the person I was going to be with and we were a family.
"Amy…I have a family to call my own now…do you really think I would be that stupid to mess all of that up when I finally know what it means?"
She seemed to pause from her temporary word vomit. She fired back but at least she thought about it this time.
"S-SO ARE YOU SAYING IT WAS OK TO DO THAT TO ME JUST BECAUSE WE WEREN'T A FAMILY? IT'S ALL OK RIGHT? BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T JEOPARDIZING ANYTHING WITH ME RIGHT? WE WEREN'T A FAMILY THEN SO IT DIDN'T MATTER RIGHT?"
Explaining to her wasn't going to work and I knew that one day maybe we could discuss it with leveled heads.
"GET OUT SONIC! LEAVE!"
She seemed to be very surprised at my calm defiance. As tears cascaded down her tired face, she looked at me like I was an alien that came to Earth.
"I SAID LEAVE! YOU BETTER LISTEN TO ME SONIC!"
"I'm not leaving."
"YOU'RE NOT LEAVING?"
I watched silently as Amy started with a speed down the stairs. I didn't follow her but I had a slight clue as to what she was about to do.
It was confirmed when I saw her storm into our room. I stood by the doorway and watched as she messily packed a suitcase with her clothes.
She didn't say anything to me and violently brushed past me, knocking my shoulder, and packed a bag for Hope.
By the looks of it, she packed for about a week.
I wasn't about to stop her. I personally thought she needed this…maybe living together wasn't the best idea after all. Especially considering what we just went through.
I decided to take the time that Amy was busy, to go to Hope.
She was coughing but she had stopped crying as hard as she was. So, I unstrapped her from the car seat.
It was as if I had some sort of baby magic because she completely calmed down and she wasn't coughing at all. She was breathing deeply despite her stuffy nose and she seemed to snuggle into my neck desperately.
I placed a hand on her soft head and caressed it with all the love I could muster; after all she had been lacking some with me. But it was almost like I never left; she accepted me so willingly and wouldn't really cry the way she did with Amy.
I had no doubt that Amy would shower her with love that was more than mine and hers combined but that didn't take away from the fact that I loved my daughter and I wanted her to know love from ME.
I was so absorbed in finally relishing in the feeling of holding Hope that I didn't even notice Amy standing by the living room entrance.
I only felt a presence in the comfortable silence and that was the only way I noticed her. Her face was no longer as angry as I remembered. In fact, she looked sad and her tears were running without fail. She covered her mouth as if she was surprised but I was sure that wasn't it.
I was ready to go and I had me and Hope's bags with me but what I saw in the living room almost had me collapsing on my knees.
There he was…the object of my hate …holding our baby girl and she was very calm. She seemed to snuggle to him like a leech latches on to skin.
He didn't notice me at first and I could see his discomfort from a mile away. He knew what I was about to do and I knew what he was doing now.
It broke my heart…so much that I actually felt it hurt.
What had I really done?
I was breaking a bond that I knew was always there but deep down inside I didn't want it to be there.
I loved Hope so much that I wanted her to myself. I wanted her to only need me because at the end of the day…I couldn't trust HIM to always be there.
I cried silently as I watched Sonic soothe Hope in a way that I couldn't. It was a FATHER'S touch that she was enjoying and it was a FATHER'S touch that had her calmer than I could ever get her.
It made me feel like nothing. I was even filled with a sense of jealousy that Sonic, who had not carried her for nine months, almost left us, and had not nurtured her every need, was the one who could get her to be so calm and relaxed.
But overall, I was touched. At that moment I just knew that Sonic wouldn't leave her. He may have left me but he wouldn't leave her. I saw the love in his eyes and the need to protect. It was something I had never seen from him before. It was a gentleness that I knew was only reserved for his only one daughter.
Regardless, my mind was set.
I was not about to fight her on this because even I thought we needed this time. I just wanted to know where she was going.
"I called Blaze…she's going to pick me up."
I thought she would just be out the door by now but she seemed hesitant. She lightly took Hope, who seemed to be dozing off, and kissed her on her head. She muttered a quiet, "I'm so sorry" before a stray tear fell on the girl's soft, fuzzy head.
"I…I'll be back."
"I hope so."
"I won't stay for long…I just…"
"I understand Amy."
She seemed to be searching for the right words to say but she couldn't and she settled with a final nod.
She strapped Hope in her car seat, held it in one hand, and held their bags in the other hand.
"I love you Amy."
"I love you Amy."
Those were the last words I heard from him for a whole week.
I didn't call him and he didn't call me. We didn't text each other either. For the first few days it felt like second nature to call him and find out what he was doing but then I remembered why I was at Blaze's house in the first place.
For once, I didn't let them know why I was there at all. I didn't tell them that I had a fight with Sonic and I didn't tell them about my lack of sleep. As far as they knew, I was there because Sonic had to take care of business and I wanted to spend time with them in the meantime.
It was a very pleasant stay. Blaze and Silver had taken Hope completely off of my hands. They WANTED to watch her. It made me wonder if they were making some baby related plans of their own. However, Silver definitely got double the abuse when he tried to "boogie woogie" with Hope and she started to have a coughing fit because he shook her so much.
I swear I saw only red at that moment…Blaze had to pin me on the carpet.
After the week was over I finally decided to return back home.
Luckily missing that one day of medication wasn't that life threatening. Hope was much better and only had a slight runny nose. She even started showing me her gummy smile when I tapped on her nose.
I was a little nervous upon seeing Sonic again…I honestly felt like a little school girl that had a crush.
When I stepped inside I immediately noticed the amount of boxes in the living room and the smell of fresh wood.
Sonic must have heard the door because I heard him coming down the stairs.
I was putting the finishing touches in the room when I heard the door opening. So she really did come back. I was almost excited…like a little high school boy.
I first took in her appearance and she looked completely refreshed and seemed to glow again. She had lost a lot of the baby weight I noticed and her quills were pulled neatly into a half up- half down hair-do.
"Hey, how are you feeling?"
I spoke first because it was just a part of my personality to speak when things got awkward. Silence kills me.
"Much better…and…I apologize for attacking you. And don't apologize to me because I deserved what you said. It's true…I didn't want you to spend time with Hope."
I was a little shocked that she admitted it so freely. I even had to pause for a second before answering.
"Because…I don't want you to get close to her and then you leave…what could I possibly tell her then?"
I saw the tears accumulating again but I was not about to stand there and watch. I walked up to her, took Hope's car seat from her, kissed Hope on the forehead, and then rested the car seat on the sofa.
Then I pulled Amy into a strong embrace. I almost squeezed her and she squeezed me right back. It was like a release of anger mixed with a search for comfort.
"I won't leave her Amy…I think you know that…I would never do that to my own child because you and I know what it's like."
She cried harder at this.
"You don't believe it now but soon you'll see, that I'm not leaving you either. Don't you see that I was going to stay right here? You're the one that left me…"
She squeezed me harder.
I felt her exhale heavily.
"Maybe one day Sonic…maybe one day I'll believe you."
This was our cycle. We would have great times, tension would build over a period of time, it would come to a boil, it would explode in our faces sometimes, but at the end of the day we would meet like this. This was how it was for the first few years of living together.
For about the first 3 years of living with Sonic, we had a rocky relationship. It was filled with fights but also filled with moments that I could never forget.
I remember when we made a bet on what Hope would say first, "Mama" or "Dada" , and it turned out that she said "Mama" first. I remember laughing so hard that day because It had been so long since I had seen Sonic's (-_-) face and it was the funniest thing ever. Of course he blamed it on the fact that it was easier to move your mouth to say "Mama".
I remember the first time Sonic changed her diaper and gave her a bath. He was way too gentle that I was sure even baby Hope was getting impatient. Every sudden movement she made, he would completely go still and look at me like he did something wrong. It took an eternity for him to decide that he was finished and that he hadn't hurt her in any way. He was extremely protective of her and he never wanted to try anything new because he didn't want to hurt her. I swear the amount of times I heard Sonic ask, "Is that going to hurt her?" was amazingly immense.
I remember Hope's reaction to Sonic's scrambled eggs. She was so used to eating mine that when she tasted her father's, she paused...and not in a good way. She still had the eggs in her mouth and tried to look happy but it was clear that she thought something wasn't right. Around that time, she had really developed an attachment to Sonic after being around him so much and even at her young age, she didn't like to hurt his feelings. Even so, I found it hilarious that she couldn't swallow the eggs and so I saved her from making the choice that would end up hurting her Dad's feelings and held a tissue in my hand for her to spit the eggs out. That was one of the other times I saw Sonic's (-_-) face and I cracked up.
I remember when she was 3 and just about to turn 4 when we took her to the amusement park. Shadow came with us on that trip and we all reminisced on the time we all went to the fair at Mobius College. Of course Sonic and Shadow kept making jabs at each other and awkwardly involved me in it somehow but they weren't like that the entire time. I realized Hope had her father's fearless spirit when she pointed at the rides she wanted to go on. Most of them were for the taller kids and she couldn't have gone on it anyway even if I allowed her to. She went particularly wild at the merry go round. The idea of the twinkling lights and the pretty horses going around in circles had her fascinated. She pulled me to wait on the line with her and I almost lost it when her cute little voice asked, "Daddy, Uncle Shadow...You can come on the ride too? Grown ups can go Mommy said!" It took everything I had to not cry of laughter. If I could sum the looks on both grown hedgehog's faces in words it would be, "HELL NO!" and they had the nerve to look at me like I was the one who made her ask. At the end of the day, I would never forget the look of Sonic on a black pony with pink bows and Shadow on a white pony with red roses saying "Wheeee!" like Hope had requested them to say.
Within these three years, Sonic surprised me with an announcement.
While I was gone for the week when I needed the break, he had met with someone by the name of Mr. Kanoute. Well, Mr. Kanoute had given Sonic the opportunity to start his own business and that wasn't even the best part. Sonic could take care of everything right from his home!
Mr. Kanoute appointed interns to him and he was like his own Joey to them! He even had appointed Tails as his creative specialist and he even trusted Silver to handle the finances of the business.
I didn't think I would be so emotionally invested in Sonic's personal life but I was so proud of him that I cried. It was about time that he was his own boss. He didn't strike me as being the type to take orders from others for too long…except from me XD.
It didn't even bother me anymore that I was still a measly waitress and that was how I started to know for sure…that I really loved him and not just loved him…I was in love with him.
While I returned to work part time, Sonic took care of Hope and his work while I was gone. At first I was concerned that his work would consume him and he wouldn't have time to be a family. For the first few months he was always in his newly built office but as he got settled, he only worked in the morning and had evenings off.
At the end of the 3rd year there were even bigger announcements…
Cream officially had a bun in the oven! I was so ecstatic for her. I hoped she would have a girl and I immediately fantasized of play dates between her baby and mine. She was much different than me when she found out the news but then again, she was very happy with Tails and they were adults now.
Over the course of the three years I had been visiting Shadow as often as I could which was probably a few times a month. He even came over to the house sometimes…he had an attachment to Hope that really touched me because there was no other way that I would ever catch him being so gentle and loving. Even he and Sonic were on better terms. You could even call them friends depending on the day. Some days they actually hung out in the house while I was at work and other days they were insulting each other. But at the end of the day, I could see that they would have each other's backs.
The biggest announcement …SILVER PROPOSED TO BLAZE!
None of us were there and neither Silver nor Blaze would speak on how it happened. They would both just blush.
The wedding was beautiful and so simple at the same time. The ceremony was on the beach during the early summer and while Blaze's dress wasn't the most expensive, it was so beautiful. It was satin and fit her body almost like a glove and fanned out at the bottom. She chose me as her maid of honor and little Hope was the flower girl. She was so happy with her job. She told me "Mommy, they're all counting on me to throw the flowers like Aunty Blaze showed me so I'm gonna do it! Ok Mommy? You're gonna watch me do it right? And Daddy too?"
That same day she danced the night away. You would think a little 4 year old would get tired but NO, NOT HOPE! I should have known from her nightly crying concerts that she would grow to be an active child.
She was something like the life of the party. I wondered how she learned to dance the way she did but then I remembered those days when Blaze and Silver babysat and on one particular day I found Silver showing her racy Hip Hop music videos. To say he got smacked was an understatement.
Hope didn't have all the fun; she grabbed her Daddy and pulled him to dance with her. I took a video of whole thing on my camera. She was so adorable with her lovely fuchsia color and her fluffy white dress and shiny white heels. Sonic had to bend over so much just to hold her hands and move with her. She was giggling at Sonic and telling him, "Daddy you gotta do it like Mommy!" Then she proceeded to show him how I would dance with her when we thought we were alone. I blushed out of embarrassment because she was shaking her hips and twirling around exactly how I did. I only blushed harder when Sonic looked over at me laughing.
Unfortunately I had maid of honor duties to take care of so I couldn't go over to them at that moment.
We actually thought for a second that Silver was being very mature and fit for a wedding but we were ALL WRONG when it came time for him to take off Blaze's garter belt.
The music was cut off and then Silver came walking up with a swagger and the straightest face ever. I'm sure everyone had their attention on that hedgehog and not even Blaze.
He almost violently slipped his suit jacket off and threw it to the side with so much force that it slid all the way out of the dance floor.
He looked straight at the DJ and then gave a little nod but still kept his straight face. He was acting so strange all night. He was actually starting to worry me but the was all thrown out the window from the moment I heard,
I've been really tryin', baby
Tryin' to hold back this feelin' for so long
From the moment I saw Silver stride slowly towards Blaze in the chair with a very suggestive look on his face, I gave Sonic one panicked look and he quickly covered Hope's ears and started to move her out of the reception hall. I could see her trying to protest but there was no way we would have let her stay to watch what was about to happen because we all knew it wasn't going to be anything rated PG.
I stood with my mouth ajar. That moment alone was enough to make up for all of his strange behavior and it only got worse.
Whoo, let's get it on
Ah, babe, let's get it on
He trapped Blaze in the chair by holding both arms and coaxing her into a very sensuous kiss that was not for any child's eyes. It was making me so uncomfortable that I kept fidgeting just to look like I wasn't bothered at all.
Blaze blushed more than I had ever seen and yet she was trying to look angry. I snorted a laugh at her because her natural reactions always contradicted the reactions she tried to actually show.
Silver slid down and looked at her in such a way that I could just feel the warmth radiate off of her from where I was standing. She had her eyebrows furrowed together and her mouth in an angry pout but yet her cheeks were very red.
Silver slowly started to slide his hands up her silky dress.
As the maid of honor and a V.I.P to the bride, I only knew that she placed her garter belt just a few inches above her knee so Silver didn't have to reach that high and make it uncomfortable for the both of them.
So when I clearly saw Silver going way higher than where the garter belt was, I covered my mouth from letting out a laugh because Blaze's eyes were perfect round circles at that point.
Just when everyone thought it couldn't get any worse, Silver latched onto the garter belt with his teeth once it was on Blaze's knee and continued pulling it down that way.
Cream and I were laughing hysterically at that point.
At the very end Blaze, with a flushed face and angry pout, kicked him over just when he pulled the garter belt off of her shoe.
He stumbled back but still held up the garter belt in victory.
I remember Amy's face very specifically when she watched Blaze coming up the beach. To others it looked like she had a smile on her face and that perhaps she was genuinely happy…but I knew better.
For a while Amy wasn't truly happy but Hope was starting to slowly change that. However, that moment of seeing her best friend married off was a moment where I could see the hurt. Her eyes weren't shining despite her smile and she was too tense instead of being relaxed.
It was almost as if she plastered that expression on her face but she did it so well that no one would notice. I noticed her several times during the vows, the exchanging of the rings, and the kiss that she had that same plastered face. Her grip on her bouquet was tight and it was almost like she was holding her breath and letting it out, making it look like controlled breathing when it should have been natural.
When we walked out together behind the new husband and wife, she wore the smile but this time she was focused on the floor more than in front of her. She slackly held on to my arm and I knew then that she was bitter.
Another year had passed and Hope was another year older. She was as animated as ever and she was very excited about Cream's and Tail's new baby. Every time we went to visit them, she watched everything Cream and Tails did with the baby. She wanted to try too but of course she was too small. So that was when Amy bought her a baby doll and she took very well to that.
That year Amy decided that it was time Hope met her grandmother…and she ended up meeting both of them. The whole car ride there we tried to explain the concept of death to Hope. She had a clue from shows and movies but we wanted her to understand that when she "met" her grandmother, she wouldn't see anyone physically. Amy and I would say prayers with her at night so she knew about God and we wanted her to understand that her grandmother was with him where she wouldn't see and that she should be happy.
That day Amy had finally discovered that my mother was buried right next to hers. She was shocked to say the least and held on to me tightly as she cried. I was the complete opposite of her, I couldn't have been happier. I had a family at last and I could just tell that our mothers were proud of us and Hope? She only started to cry when Amy did at first but by the end of the visit she was having conversations with her grandparents like they were right there. Oddly enough, the wind started to pick up and the scent of fresh grass and roses filled the air around us. I just knew after that…that the time for what I wanted to do was coming soon.
"Can Daddy smash the cake in my face like Uncle Silver did to Auntie Blaze at the wedding?"
Amy was in the kitchen getting more drinks when she heard Hope's question. She immediately stopped and started to laugh.
"What's so funny?", Sonic came in shortly after.
"Yeah chunky monkey?"
The cute little girl pouted and puffed her cheeks.
"Why do you always call me that, hmph."
Sonic couldn't help but smirk at her. She had picked up the "hmph" habit from a certain black hedgehog and she completely made the once arrogant gesture sound cute as hell.
"Because you always pout like that! Don't worry, mommy does it too and since you're chunky monkey, she's chunky gorilla!"
"So not only are you calling me chunky BUT A BIG FAT GORILLA?, Amy yelled out.
She marched over to Sonic with a big wooden spoon in her hand. She had it raised as if she was testing him to say something else.
"Ooooh Mommy is gonna give you spanks Daddy…you're being baaaaad."
"Mommy? Giving ME spanks? Psh don't make me laugh!"
"Mommy's not playing. I know because I got spanks on my bottom because I tried to put on Mommy's makeup without her help because I was not pa-patient and I breaked it all on the floor and Mommy had to clean it all up."
"Yeah, Mommy's not playing.", Amy said with a smirk on her face and spoon still in hand.
"But I'll protect you Daddy.", the young girl whispered quietly to her father.
"But Daddy is sorry. He didn't mean you're a big fat gorilla, he just said you were a chunky gorilla and don't worry Mommy, when Daddy tucks me in sometimes he tells me that he loves me and he loves you and maybe one day-"
Sonic looked at Hope like she grew another head. He was calm before and even smirking at the fact that Hope was taking his side but then his sweet little daughter was giving away too much information and his eyes shot open . He was quickly at her side to cover her mouth as fast as he could.
"Kids…always telling stories.", he tried to laugh it off.
Sonic could feel Hope licking his hand and still trying to talk but he wouldn't let go until he was sure she would forget about what she was saying.
Amy, on the other hand, looked clueless and no longer held the spoon in the air.
Sonic knew she wanted him to let go of Hope but he couldn't have her telling her stories so he whispered in her ear.
"Shh, Mommy can't know the secret. It's a special secret between you and me. Can I trust you to keep it?"
Hope nodded her head happily with Sonic's hand still covering her mouth. He finally let go and held his breath for what she would say.
"I love you Mommy, thanks for the party can I go and dance now?"
Amy felt like she was missing something but whatever it was, she wasn't going to question it today. She wanted Hope to have a good time.
"I love you too Hope, and of course you can dance now. Just ask Mr. Mephiles if he can play the song you want and if he's not listening then tell on him to Uncle Shadow."
"'Cause Uncle Shadow will beat his bottom the best right?"
"Right!", Amy smiled.
Hope ran off into the living room and Amy shook her head smiling.
"I love to see you happy you know that?"
Amy turned to look at Sonic with a warmer smile.
"Of course…it's been a while hasn't it…"
"Yeah…", her smile had changed.
"Hope really is a blessing."
"She really is…just when I thought there wasn't any actually hope, she was brought into our lives and I now I know what it is to feel innocent happiness. It was rough the first few years Sonic but now, I really do feel less hate in my heart. I feel like so much of that negativity was lifted and I can be happy with no distractions.
…And what about you Sonic?"
"Me? I couldn't be happier…I finally belong somewhere Amy and I never felt so complete in my whole life."
Amy laughed lightly.
"Even without any sex?"
Sonic laughed with her.
"A man learns how to deal with it."
"I would hope in the right way and not in search of anything…"
"Amy, don't even start thinking like that. I swear on my mother's grave that I was not and will never be in search of anyone else but you even when my little junior is standing at attention with nowhere to go but in my hand."
Amy couldn't help but laugh a little at the end. She was still afraid even after all of the years that Sonic clearly proved that he only wanted her. If a girl tried to flirt with him, he would act like he didn't even notice. He let Amy check his phone frequently and showed her all of his contacts. He showered her with the same love consistently and as far as she knew, he didn't have sex…IN YEARS!...just for her…waiting for her.
"You know Sonic…I could do little junior a favor sometime…"
Amy had to bite her lips to not laugh at the expression Sonic wore. It was a cross between surprise and complete joy.
"You're kidding right?"
"Nope…if you want to, we can…", Amy couldn't finish because her bashfulness took over. She felt very warm in the face and her cheeks were beyond red.
"Amy, you know I'm not forcing you. I could wait a decade if that's what it takes."
"I wouldn't want to hold out on you for so long and besides…I've been wanting t-to do it too…"
Sonic just stared at her dumbfounded.
"S-Stop looking at me like that…", Amy blushed.
"Amy…do you trust me?"
The question caught her off guard. It was such a simple question and yet it meant so much more. For years that was what their relationship was about…trust.
By offering to start having sex, was she trusting him? Wasn't sex what started their problems in the first place?
Amy if there's one thing you ever learned from me over the years of your life it's that I'm always right so listen to me when I say-
NO, NO, NO! Don't you pop up centuries later to confuse me again! I do just great without you!
Sure you do, but not when you're conflicted in the mind, that's when I appear.
Blah, blah, blah conflicted in the mind blah, blah, blah you always talk about that hot garbage…I'M NOT CONFLICTED!
I see someone still hasn't changed but I'm gonna get right to the point before you drive yourself crazy for another 5 years…you trust him, body and soul you do.
What even makes you so sure?
It's been 5 years since the incident Amy and there have been no signs of infidelity since. He lets you check everything he has so you can see for yourself and it's a complete invasion of privacy on your part. Not to mention, he knows about YOUR past with Shadow and he never asks to see anything of yours. You've accepted the fact that he loves you already. He never left you and he stayed by your side and Hope's. You even know he won't leave you both. YOU even know how he feels about finally having a family. YOU were the one he told it to first and he confided in YOU about it. Don't even act like you don't feel breathless when he snuggles up to you in bed. Don't even act like you don't feel incomplete without him around. When he went away on a business trip you couldn't sleep and YOU missed HIM. You obviously love him and you have for a long time…you admitted that. And now imagine being a guy and not having sex for 5 years? Somebody give that guy a reward for being the most committed guy in the world. He could have easily found an easy release Amy but he didn't and even though you don't keep tabs on him anymore you know he's not cheating because he's always home with Hope doing work. Hope would have said something, being as observant as she was.
OK OK…but what if after I trust him…he just stops doing all of that.
Amy…you have all right to be skeptical but you don't need your guard anymore. Why would he make that mistake again when you clearly see how much he loves you AND Hope. Think about her in the equation…if you had the chance to finally be apart of a family after not having one most of your life, would you mess it up? After all…you already trust him
I already trust him? I don't know…
Bottom line, can you imagine dumping him and starting fresh? Can you imagine dumping him because of your fears and being a single mother? Can you imagine dumping him…and loving someone else? Can you live without him? Would you ever find it in your heart to open yourself up to anyone else… the way you did with him?
Amy looked at Sonic with a serious expression on her face. Sonic almost thought he had made a mistake by pressing her on the issue but it was important that he knew. It was important for so many reasons. Deep down, he knew it would kill him if she told him no. He tried so hard to prove to her that she was the one and that 5 years ago he simply made a foolish mistake. He couldn't even begin to imagine what it would do to him if she said no. The expression she gave him scared him even further. She probably didn't trust him yet even after all that he had done and that he tried to do. He didn't want to hear her say it.
"Uh, nevermind. Why don't we-"
"Yes Sonic…I trust you."
Happy New Years everyone! I hope you all enjoyed your holidays!
This first chapter gave me ALOT of trouble! It's been re-written in so many ways and even still I don't think I'm fully satisfied with it. I'm sure there's mistakes and maybe some things that I left out that need to be addressed but I promise I'll fill in any gaps in the next chapter. There's still more to this story so please stay tuned :)