I do not own the hobbt

Thorin was six moons into his pregnancy, and the inhabitants of Erebor swore that if the hobbit ever knocked their king up again, heads were going to roll.

Those of the company, especially his sister sons and husband were truly suffering though. Between the king's odd cravings –his latest one was coal dunked in jam- the horrid mood swings and the constant wailings about how fat he was getting, Thorin was a living nightmare. Bilbo couldn't leave for more than fifteen minutes, or Thorin became convinced that the burglar had found someone prettier and less 'fat'.

The only positive thing, as far as Bilbo was concerned, was the unbelievable sex drive that apparently accompanies pregnant dwarves, and even then, going six rounds a day, every day for the last three months was starting to wear the poor hobbit out.

It was also successful in traumatising more than a few unlucky dwarves who'd walked in at inopportune times, only to have something thrown at them or be subjected to the king's tears. Neither was exactly pleasant. Kili and Fili refused to go anywhere near their uncle if the hobbit was in sight. Apparently, they'd seen them in Beorn's halls, and had no desire to ever see that much of their uncle. Ever again.

Apparently, today was going to be a 'I'm fat, why is everyone looking at me' day, for when Bilbo awoke to the soft sound of crying, he was horrifically concerned. Until he saw his husband standing in front of the wardrobe in his under garments, clothes scattered across the floor.

"What's wrong, Thorin my love?" Bilbo asked approaching his pregnant dwarf lover with the same uneasy stance one approaches an injured animal.

"YOU! THIS IS YOUR FAULT BILBO BAGGINS. I HATE YOU!" Thorin screamed, the tears gone in place of anger

Bilbo winced, and not for the first time damned his sister-in-law, for the only one capable of handling the kings' erratic moods was Dís, and she was away for a month signing treaties with other kingdoms in place of her brother. Bilbo had never desired the fearsome dwarf woman's presence more.

"My love, what have I done to upset you so?" the hobbit stood just out of arms reach and even though he felt horrible for making his husband so upset, there was no way on Middle Earth he was getting any closer until the king was calm.

"Nothing fits. I'm so fat Bilbo. I'm an ugly, fat Oliphant, how can you be happy living with a bloated lump?" the tears were back, and for what felt like the billionth time, Bilbo sighed

"You're beautiful Thorin, you are the most beautiful dwarf I have ever seen, and the fact you carry our child inside you makes me happier than you can ever imagine" Bilbo replied earnestly, wrapping his arms around his husbands mid-section, one hand stroking the rounded belly that housed his child.

When Thorin made a contented little mew, Bilbo knew the danger had passed.

This was far better than the time the king had forbidden anyone to look at him for a week.