AN: Thanks to the lovely Laurie Whitlock for betaing this story.
... only human on the inside ...
As I walk away from Jasper, I'm disconcerted to realize that there is a feeling of loss and emptiness growing inside of me. Attachment isn't something I desire or encourage, but apparently, some point along the way, the scales of power had changed and I had lost my much prized control. A voice that sounded remarkably like a younger version of myself, begged me to stay and convince him to stay with me.
I can't afford to compromise on this situation, otherwise the threads of my life would unravel, leaving behind only confusion and vulnerability. However, following the path I had chosen would mean giving up on someone for whom I had developed a certain amount of fondness. For a fleeting second I contemplate what it would be like should I choose to walk away from my lifestyle ...
Marriage, kids, love ... A pang of long forgotten longing lances through my heart, reminding me of the dreams I used to entertain as a teenager. No, I cannot go down that road, for life has irrevocably changed me. Despite the desperate pleas of the girl I used to be, I can no longer find contentment living as a faithful wife and devoted mother. My needs are much darker than what a conventional husband could possibly satisfy. And that's what Jasper was always meant to be: the loving husband of a vanilla housewife.
Awareness of that fact had tempted me into testing his limits. I was entertained by his naiveté, by his obvious belief that somehow he could "heal" me. It all started as an amusing game, but soon I could see that it had changed into something much darker. A part of him craved the pain and humiliation I so gladly provided, although the greater part of him rebelled against it – his inner struggles appealed to the beast within me.
Flattered by his devotion to me, awed by the extent of his submission, I failed to consider the repercussions of the emotional pain he was feeling. As a result I'd had to deal with his melt down – a very unpleasant way to spend the night. Had I been a decent human being, the sight of his raw flesh wouldn't have aroused me – but it did. Valiantly refraining from acting on my urges, I spent the night considering how I could help him achieve a more manageable state of mind.
Maybe I'm just angered by the monumental failure of my plan. I'm not used to my desires being thwarted by an unexpected bout of self-esteem. Maybe I should turn around – I'm fairly certain that Jasper would take me. All it would take was opening my heart to the possibility of loving him. It sounds, so simple ... so appealing ... As I stare at my house, I wonder if I could really be happy living behind a white picket fence.
Opening the front door, I notice the man kneeling at my feet. At the sight of his eagerness to please and readiness to fuck, I forget the gloomy thoughts that had been occupying my mind. A tiger can't change its stripes ... Putting the annoying events of this morning behind, I order my pet to follow me – it's time to have some fun.
AN: And this is the end ... Thoughts? Don't be shy!
Thanks for reading!