It's cold. So cold and alone. Why am I here? I don't belong here. All I cause is pain and suffering. Maybe it would be better if I disappeared.

These are thoughts I've had for the longest time. All I do is torture the people of Tokyo for my own amusement, but honestly why am I here? I feel so alone, but I guess that's because I've pushed everyone away. I hate myself or rather maybe I hate what I've become. My name is Izaya Orihara and I'm completely suicidal. I've tried to kill myself multiple times, but to no avail. Shinra's started to notice and has gotten me a therapist so I can talk about my feelings. As if that's going to help. The only thing that keeps me going is my love for that one person: the person who I'd be devastated to be without.

Session 1

"Good morning Orihara-san" Wiriamuzu-san said.

That's my therapist, Shidonii Wiriamuzu. Dark skinned, long black hair, creepy red eyes like mine, a beautiful figure, and age 21. I've investigated her thoroughly becoming here. People say she's witty and has a sharp mind. She seems nice enough, but I still want nothing to do with her.

"Good morning" I said.

"How have you been doing lately?"

"Fine I suppose."

"Is there anything you want to talk about?"

"Listen I don't know what Shinra is paying you, but I can guarantee that I'm perfectly fine and don't need your services."

"Hmm. Shinra did say you would be trouble, but I can guarantee you Orihara-san that I'm not going anywhere. Now again is there anything you would like to talk about?" She gave me this look of confidence, that she could not be shaken, that I could not and would not fool her so easily.

'Well this is going to be harder than I thought'

"Well I'm not going to sit here while you try to figure out a problem that does not exist. I bid you good day." I stood up and proceeded to walk to the door.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"Hmm why not" I asked before my hand reached for the knob.

She smirked. "Honestly Izaya you wouldn't expect me to not predict that you would decide to leave. So I've taken the precautions in case this situation were to occur, now if you don't mind please sit back down and let's continue our session."

"You're lying."

"Would I? And are you willing to take the risk of finding out?" I hesitated before I went back to the couch.

"Good. Now let's begin. Shinra gave me a list of things to talk to you about."

"Oh yeah like what."

"Well there's your knife habit, your interest in watching people, social experiments, and-"

"Yeah. Yeah I understand I'm a complete fucking mess, and-"

"I wasn't finished there's also one thing he put in bold letters, a person named Shizuo Heiwajima. Is he important to you?"

My body froze for a moment and I tried to recover, but she already noticed. "All you need to know is that Shizu-chan and I hate each other and that will never change."

"Why is that?"

"Because he's an uncouth, uncultured protozoan." I said trying to sound like I don't care.

"Well how did you two meet?"

I explained to her the moment Shizuo and I first met in high school and how we tried to kill each other the moment our eyes met.

"Hmm it sounds like you two have had a strong impact on one another."

"Ha! Shizu-chan affecting me. That's ridiculous. As if that protozoan would ever effect my life."

"Well why do you still try to mess with him? You've made him lose countless of jobs not to mention that you provoke him on a constant basis."

"Listen I don't know what you're trying to do, but I can guarantee you that Shizu-chan means nothing to me. Ha! In fact the best thing that would ever happen is if he were to drop dead."

"I see. Actually to answer your question from earlier, Shinra is an old friend and I'm doing this as a favor and for my own personal interest. Well I think I'm done for the day. Come back tomorrow at 9:00 for our next session."

"As if I'd come back here. I just stayed to see what you were capable of and you're just harmless."

"Fine then, leave"

"That's what I wanted to do in the first place." I got up and walked to the door. As soon as I touched to doorknob my body was filled with jolts of electricity. I fell to the ground paralyzed by the shock. I heard footsteps walk towards me as Shidonii kneeled and took a sip from her mug.

"Hmm. Wow I though 500 volts would surely knock you out."

"wha-t the...fuck did you- do to me?!"

"uh I electrified to doorknob so you wouldn't get out duh. And I thought you were supposed to be the smart one. I see I might have to increase the volts, but I did warn you not to leave. Now you're going to come back tomorrow or else I might have I call Shinra. He did mention something about you owing him after something in middle school, care to talk about it."

"No" 'Damn it Shinra'

"Good boy. Now you should be able to move in about a min or so." She said as she patted my head.

'I've never been so humiliated in my life.'

I started to slowly move my limbs and get up and few mins later.

"Well it's good to see that you've recovered. Now do remember to come back tomorrow."

"Yeah yeah whatever." I reached for the doorknob again and frozen before touching it.

"Don't worry I turned off the electric current it's ok."

"I don't trust you." I said as I leered at her.

"Good. You've learned the number one rule in this office: never trust me." She walked over and opened the door herself. I walked out the door.

"Oh and Izaya." I stopped. "Do learn not to underestimate me again." I could feel her smirking. I said nothing as I walked out of the building humiliated and defeated as I walked home.

It was 2:00 when I got back and I told Namie to go home early. I wanted to be alone. I laid on my back starring up at the ceiling, thinking about the events that had occurred.

'What was the doctor going to do to me?' 'Why did Shinra ask her to ask questions about my relationship with Shizu-chan?' It was all too weird even for me. I turned over and reached under my pillow until my hands brushed against an object I hold so dear. I pulled it out and starred. It was a picture. A picture of Shizu-chan and I during high school. We both agreed for Shinra's sake to take one civilized picture. He may not have been smiling but I was. Not my genuine one, but a fake one to hide the pain inside. It was one of my favorite things. I held the photo against my chest as I looked outside and starred at the moon. Its soft glow illuminated the room as I stared at its beauty. I don't know why but I've always been drawn to the moon and the night. It was peaceful. It was serine. It was exciting. To me it always seems that the best things happen at night. I crawled over to the edge of my bed to look out the window. The stars shined brightly before me. I remember as a child my mother used to tell me this irrational story that if you wished really hard upon a star your wish will come true.

'That was a load of bull. I'm wished over and over again and yet here I am still miserable. Still suffering. Still alone.'

I looked at the stars before I leaned back, closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. I still held that picture in my hand and somehow, somewhere, there was a little boy deep inside that still wished upon that star.