Author: Sorceress Fantasia
Warnings: Sap, OOC-ness at its extreme (then again, you really shouldn't understand how Heero's mind works)
Archive: Finally Fantasia (my homepage)
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own GW at all.
Note: Based on a song of the same name by Michelle Branch. Also, a stand alone prequel to 'I Knew I Loved You'.
'What's… this I'm feeling?' Heero closed his eyes, reveling in the warmth spreading within him. It was a tingling sensation that ran down his every nerve. Warm and fuzzy. Whatever it was, it felt good. But still, it unnerved Heero that he didn't know what it was. He wanted to know, needed to know. This feeling that always drifted over him when they met. Sometimes, he just wanted to grab the feeling with his hands, turn it inside out and analyze for himself what it was.
A soft chuckle broke him out of his reverie, and Heero lifted his head to look at the person that confused him so. As always, he was struck speechless by the fey beauty. She had a blanket of chestnut locks that flowed down her back like a waterfall, smooth and shiny like water. Her fair complexion glowed ethereally under the pale moonlight, and those were the times Heero found himself jealous of the moon. But the jealousy was quickly thwarted by her angelic radiance. The flowing black robes she wore covered most of her body, and the color contrasted wonderfully with her complexion. A perky nose and full red lips adorned her delicate face. But the most amazing thing about her was her eyes. Her magnificent endless pools of amethyst glittered with a light of their own, glinting with intelligence. They always tugged at Heero's heartstrings, and he knew he would never be able to deny her anything if she were to ask.
If. No matter what he did, she never spoke. He could go on and tell her every single damn thing that happened to him in the day, and she would just sit beside him and nod. He could just sit there without a word, and she would offer him a sweet smile.
Sometimes, Heero believed that her presence was the best medicine he could ever have. After a quiet night with her, he would always feel better. Even if she didn't say anything. One smile from her was enough to make him want to smile as well. She was gorgeous; he would never get tired of looking at her. That's why Heero wanted to stay with her forever.
But that could never be accomplished, for she would disappear once the sun rose. Or to be more accurate, whenever Heero woke up from his sleep. Yes, she existed only in his dreams. While most people would probably brush it off like a figment of their wild imagination, Heero was certain she wasn't. After all, dreams usually don't replay itself over and over. No, not replay. Every dream differed greatly, but she was always there. Her appearance had become something like a nightly ritual, appearing almost every night. It was like his dreamscape was another world that consisted only of him and the angel.
Right, angel. That was what Heero had taken to call her after several failed attempts to get her name. Sure, he had never seen any angels before, but he was sure if there indeed were any, they would look just like her.
Heero continued to gaze at the lovely vision in front of him. She gazed right back, smiling a lopsided grin. She cocked her head, silently contemplating Heero. His lips twitched slightly in response. She looked so cute like that. She was always like that, making him forget his problems and his rough life. Oftentimes, he would wonder how did he manage to survive through all his life. It was far from easy. First, life with an assassin then becoming a killer himself. Dynamites were his toys, and his education came from Doctor J, who taught him everything he needed to survive the war as a killer. Not exactly the life of a normal child his age. It was definitely hard. However, he was eternally thankful that he had. Otherwise, he would never have met angel.
On some occasions, he had asked her who she was and why was she appearing in his every dream. But she would just give him a wistful smile, and gently shake her head. Heero would then sigh inwardly, for he was still stuck at square one. After all those times they knew each other, Heero still knew nothing about her. Not even her name. He wanted to know, so he might get a clue as to where she was in the real world. But her mouth was always tightly clamped together, never leaking a single piece of information about herself. Heero smirked. She would definitely be suitable to pilot a gundam character wise.
Suddenly, the place brightened up and disappeared. Heero's eyes flew open, then snapped shut again as the blinding light streamed into his room, onto his face. 'K'so!' He cursed. Dawn had arrived. He hated dawn. Sure, to some people, dawn represented a new beginning, a new hope. But to him, dawn meant time apart from his angel.
That did not necessarily deter Heero, however. He immediately sat up and surveyed the room for her presence. She was so real, surely she existed outside of his dreams? Alas, it wasn't so. Once more, Heero admitted that she lived only in his dreams. Only when he was sleeping would he be able to see her.
Even so, Heero could feel her presence everywhere. Not only in his dreams, but also in his life. When he ate, she would eat with him. When he read, she would read with him. Whatever he did, she was always with him. Even if he couldn't see her. But once he closed his eyes, he'll catch a small glimpse of her angelic radiance.
This was one of the reasons why he hated killing. Because she'd see. She'd know. Know what a cold-blooded murderer he was. If she were to be disgusted, Heero didn't know what he would do. She was all he had. She was what he was surviving for. 'She makes me believe I'm not alone… because I she's with me… all along… everywhere…'
Another night, another dream. Another night spent with her. This dream was special, for they were in a beautiful landscape. It was a deep valley, greenery attacking his eyes. Layer upon layer of every shade of green imaginable wrapped the valley in a shroud of tranquility, and the air was refreshing. In the middle was a calm lake, its waters reflecting the sunshine. Heero sighed as he watched angel treading lightly in the shallow water. She was so beautiful like that, frolicking in the lake. Suddenly, she turned around with a mischievous grin and splashed the water onto her companion. Heero, who wasn't expecting that in the least, was unable to dodge the sudden 'attack' and got wet. He sputtered, then stood up from his comfortable spot under the shade, frowning.
She snickered, one hand covering her mouth. Her eyes twinkled with glee as she cocked her head and continued to gaze at Heero. She was the epitome of cuteness. At that moment, Heero recognized those feelings that surfaced whenever they were together. No, not recognized. He knew what they were a long time ago, yet never admitting it. But he could finally acknowledge them as he watched her small frame still shaking with laughter. His lips twitched in a little smirk as he ambled towards the lake. Getting close to her, he debated whether to grab her hand, then decided not to. He wanted to touch her, but never did because he was afraid. Afraid that she might disappear after that, and prove to him that she was conjured out of his mind. It hurt even to just think that she might not be real.
Suddenly, he felt a chilling coldness at his legs. Without hesitation, he looked down, only to see the water was dyed a crimson red. The color of blood. Drip. Drip. Drip. His hands were coated with a layer of the thick red liquid, dripping drop by drop into the water below.
'Nani!' Heero's eyes widened a little in astonishment, then berated himself. He shouldn't be shocked, not in any way. After all, he did kill for a living. Killed anyone who stood in his way. He was a soldier… who killed to live. Heero gritted his teeth, and knelt down. He rubbed his hands with a vengeance, roughly and crudely.
'My hands are stained with blood… always are, always will. But I want it to stop. Why can't it stop?'
'Why must this happen? Why must she know? I don't want her to know!' He mused. That thought alone set him on another cleaning spree, rubbing his hands even harder. 'What if I disgust her? What will I do if I don't see her again?' She was everything to him. After he met her, he knew he was never alone again. But now… was he doomed to live alone?
In his confusion, it took him a moment to register the gentle touch on his hands. He lifted his head slowly, as if afraid of seeing her disgust. He was surprised to see none of that. She gave him a warm smile, then pushed his hands into the water. Gently, she cleansed his hands of all the blood and gore.
Heero stared at her, jaws a little slack. Then, he smiled a genuine smile as he understood that she accepted him. His faults... his crimes… his everything… she was his salvation. Now, he finally saw that an inner beauty matched her beautiful looks.
When she finished, she looked up and continued to smile at him. Heero smiled back as much as he could. There would be no more 'I', for 'they' were beginning. At that moment, Heero felt the desolate, dark void in his heart brighten up a little. All because of her presence.
Dawn again. Heero woke up, the smile he wore in his dreams still present. He didn't need to be upset by morning anymore, because he knew she was still there with him. She was omnipresent to him. Heero sucked in a deep breath, smelling her body's fragrance. Yes, she was still with him. Once his closed his eyes again, he would see her. Never alone.
Somewhere faraway, Duo woke up in his bed with a start. With a groan, he willed himself to go to sleep again, to see that cobalt eyed boy in his dreams once more.
Author's Notes: Another songfic to add to my inventory! BTW, this songfic is a prequel to 'I Knew I Loved You'. But this was actually done after that one. So gomen if there are loopholes.