The epilogue only has two parts! First one is mine, second is Karen's. This story was a lot of fun to write—I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as we enjoyed putting it together! I think it turned out pretty well, especially considering the total lack of planning that went into it. XD
"...And so, I regret to inform you all that as of ten o'clock this morning, I officially retired as Hero of Metro City."
There is immediate outcry, as he had known there would be. He talks over it. "I will continue to work with the MCPD for some months on a consulting basis, but—"
"But what about Megamind?" An unusually shrill voice manages to make itself heard above the din of unsettled citizenry.
Metro Man blinks at the crowd. "What about him?"
"You can't just abandon us to him!"
Now he grins. He can't really help it. If the pocket dimension the villain installed in his cape works...
"Well, funny story about that," he begins, holding his cape out to the side and giving it a vigorous shake. Megamind tumbles out of the folds, which is good, because the action would have looked incredibly silly if he hadn't. "I didn't think that would work," he blurts.
"Oh, have a little faith," Megamind says stiffly. Then he faces the crowd and takes the microphone Metro Man passes him, taps it, blows into it. Grins sharply; he's always had a fondness for audio equipment.
"Well," he says. "Fine, fair citizens. Fear not! For I, too, shall be...
"Oh, you know what, screw the speechy song and dance. I'm just done. You guys. I'm done. We," he confirms, pointing between him and the hero, "are done. With you andeach other. That's all! The end! Enjoy your boring little normal lives!"
He throws a smoke grenade at his feet and wraps both fists in Metro Man's cape. "Now, go!" he hisses. "Go, go!" And for once, Metro Man does as he says. It's the first of these speeches where he hasn't had to hang around afterwards and be social, and it makes a nice change.
Roxanne is waiting on the roof of a nearby building with the hoverbike, a wide, joyful smile, and open arms. "You're free," she exclaims as Metro Man drops Megamind on his feet. "Oh...my goodness, I almost didn't think you two would really go through with it."
"Well," Metro Man says—because Megamind is too busy hugging his girlfriend to respond properly—"He's not the only one who was sick of it all. Figured we might as well start looking out for each other, since we both seem to want the same thing and we were most of each other's reasons for not getting it."
"That whole sentence made zero sense," Megamind announces. Metro Man grins.
"Yeah, well. I'm glad you're on my side, little buddy, that's all."
He grimaces the way he always does at any mention of the strange alliance that has sprung up between them. "Likewise, I suppose."
He takes a deep breath, lets it out, glances up at the clouds. It really is a beautiful day. "Well, I expect you have a lot to talk about, so I'll be off. See you around, you two."
"Yes," Megamind agrees, not looking away from Roxanne. "Yes, 'talk about.'"
"Bye," Roxanne says as he lifts off, "and thanks again!" Then she bumps her forehead against Megamind's, touches noses with him. Brushes a kiss across his lips as she slides her hands down to his waist. "Talk, huh."
His eyes are shining as he smirks at her. "Oh, yes. A long, long talk, somewhere that isn't here. With a door."
"Mmm, but you'll have to leave the spiked boots outside or you'll tear my sofa again."
At that, he blinks and offers her a quiet smile. "A-actually," he says shyly, "I was thinking this time...we could go to my place. Now that you don't have to worry about plausible deniability anymore. If that's okay."
"Okay?" She pauses, then kisses him again, smiling against his mouth. "That sounds just...about...perfect."
It still isn't exactly normal, but he's not about to mess with perfection.
Three days later Roxanne has just wrapped up her live interview of the Chief of Police about the dual retirement of the city's super rivals. She and her cameraman, Hal Stuart, walk down the steps in front of the side entrance to the 4th street police station. The van is parked halfway down the block at the curb and they make their way towards it.
"So, I was thinking," says Hal out of the blue, "It's quitting time, but it's such a nice day. What do you say we go down to the Coffee Cabana over on 5th and sit out on the patio awhile? My treat." He smiles at her hopefully.
"That's sweet, Hal, but it's kind of late in the day for coffee," she answers with her usual evasiveness.
"Oh, yeah, that's fine. No coffee." He frowns, obviously thinking, and then grins as he says, "Hey! We could go out for burgers instead, if you want. There's a place over on-"
"No, Hal." She sighs, not really wanting to hurt the guy's feelings, but this has really gone on long enough. "You're a really great guy, but I already have a boyfriend."
"Oh, right. Metro Man," he mutters, looking down at his feet, "I guess I can't really compete with him. You'll probably get to see a lot more of him now, since he's retired."
She considers letting him believe that, but it's still a lie, even if it's only a lie of omission. And really, she's tired of everyone thinking she's Metro Man's girlfriend. Since he retired, there isn't really any good reason to continue the deception. "I'm not seeing Metro Man," she tells him.
"You're not?" He perks up. He can't really compete with a superhero, but a regular guy? Maybe there's still hope. "Well, the offer still stands. I'll take you out and you can tell me about this new guy of yours."
"No. I'm still gonna pass." She tells him, inching away from him uncomfortably. They've reached the curb next to the van. She opens the battered passenger door and lays the microphone in the seat.
"Okay, that's cool," he answers, walking around the van and opening his own door. He sets his camera in the case behind his seat. "Maybe some other time?"
"Hal..." she begins, but then sighs and doesn't continue. What can she say that will deter him without being mean? It turns out she doesn't have to. A distinctive black car covered in spiked, chrome crests pulls around the van and parks at the curb. Hal's eyes nearly fall out of his head and he lets out an involuntary little gibbering squeak. He isn't at all prepared when she smiles and says, "Looks like my ride's here. He's such a show-off. Less than a block from the police station?" She shakes her head, but doesn't appear very upset. Luckily, the lot where the squad cars park is on the other side of the building and, at present, there aren't any police around. The coast is clear.
Hal has a perfect view of the side of the infamous blue man's head through the rear window. He's grinning at Roxanne. "But th-that's Megamind!" he whispers.
"Yup. See you tomorrow." She slams the van door and he watches in disbelief as she calmly walks to the villain's car, opens the passenger door, and slides inside. The car shimmers into invisibility, but not before Hal watches the criminal plant a casual kiss on his partner's cheek. The red-head's stomach clenches in fear and anger as he watches the slight distortion that is the invisible car pull swiftly into traffic. "What is wrong with her?! He's the bad guy!" He slams his hand furiously into the steering wheel, "Ow! Stupid van! Broke my hand!" He starts the engine and squeals off, forcing the cars in the lane beside him to swerve out of the way.
When he tells his boss about Roxanne's new boyfriend, no one believes him, but they accept his transfer request to be assigned to a different reporter.