As usual, Dragon Ball/Z/GT ain't mine and all of that other shit. And in case anybody wanted to know, this was inspired by the That '70s Show episode, "Garage Sale."
"Come on, it's not going to kill you."
"Is it really that hard for you to just…y'know, socialize for once instead of hating everything in existence."
"For the umpteenth time, absolutely not! Now stop pestering me!"
Bulma sighed and took a sip out of her coffee mug. She restlessly tapped her fingernails on the kitchen table, knowing she was fighting a losing battle trying to get her grumpy flame-haired husband to do anything that involved interacting with people, but she figured she might as well have fought for the cause anyway.
It was time to pull out her trump card, the emergency offering in a glass, so to speak. Bulma looked at her husband with half-lidded eyes and in a low, husky voice, said, "Well, I mean, I would really appreciate it. So much so that I might give you a little pre-"
"And if you think offering me lewd acts will sway my opinion, you are wrong," Vegeta growled, losing his patience which each growing second.
Bulma's eyes nearly burst from her sockets upon hearing that. Usually all it took to get Vegeta to do things he detested was offering sex as a consolation prize. For him to even turn that down, he must have been really adamant in how much he didn't want to do it.
Vegeta rolled his eyes after seeing the look of astonishment on Bulma's face. He really didn't understand – every year Bulma would hold one of those stupid ass parties, inviting a bunch of miserable human friends and of course the rest of the gang, which included that moron Goku and his annoying family. He already had enough of the Sons, what with that lazy-ass Goten constantly hanging around their house like he was another son to them or something.
Normally, he wasn't particular about which parties that the prospect of a wild night in the bedroom would be enough for him to get up for, but in this particular event, the annual Capsule Corporation New Year's party, he was going to make an exception. There was no way he was showing up to that blasted party. Not after the Granola bar incident.
The Saiyan prince could feel bile rising to his throat just from thinking about that.
Bulma was ready to throw in the towel, but there was one last thing to go to: if there was one thing he needed more than sex, it was that. Giving Vegeta a smirk that would make even him recoil a bit, Bulma stood up and prepared to give her ultimatum. Vegeta's eyeballs twitched; he knew that evil bitch had something up her sleeve, but there was no telling just how devious, how Machiavellian her idea was.
"You spend all day training in that stupid gravity room. Lord knows it takes precedence over actually helping me out around this goddamn place," she said with a roll of the eyes. "It'd be such a shame if I just shut it down and had Trunks destroy the key. I mean, who knows how much stronger Goku is getting by the d-"
"Alright, alright, I'll do it!" Vegeta barked. Dammit, he should've known.
Bulma's smile became more easy-going and she bent down to give Vegeta a kiss on the cheek. "See, I knew you'd see things my way!"
"Hey mom, can you come here for a second?" Trunks called out from upstairs.
"I'll be right there, Trunks!" Bulma said as she removed her earphones and walked out of the kitchen.
Vegeta furiously smashed his fist against the table – which just enough strength so as not to destroy the whole thing, of course – and abruptly leaned back in his chair with his arms folded like some kind of toddler. Stupid humans and their customs; sometimes he regretted not just blowing the stupid ass planet to kingdom come. Why did he have to be endlessly subjected to those worms and their asinine ideas of "fun." Like that damn device Bulma just left on the table that she always had playing in her ear. What the hell was so special about? Against his better judgment, Vegeta grabbed the square device and placed the earphones connected to them in his ear:
"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, 'It's better than yours'/Damn right, it's better than yours/I could teach you, but I have to charge-"
To say Vegeta was appalled was an understatement. He feverishly removed the headphones from his ear like they contained some sort of poison, nearly breaking them from slamming them back to the table so hard. "What the hell kind of obnoxious nonsense is this?!"
Vegeta hurriedly resumed eating his pancakes so he could his mind off of that heinous assault to his eardrum. Minutes later, Bulma returned, not particularly shocked by how quickly Vegeta finished his food.
"But seriously, Vegeta, it's not going to kill you. You gotta live a little," Bulma argued, taking a seat back next to him.
"Don't be ridiculous," Vegeta scoffed, "Death is much more preferable to the stupid things you earthlings like to indulge yourself with, like that Godforsaken music you listen to!"
Bulma followed Vegeta's finger that was pointing at her MP3 player like it was some form of contraband. "Oh come on Vegeta, it's catchy!"
"I don't see what's so catchy about some vulgar woman screeching about how her," Vegeta began to shudder, the mere utterance of those lyrics making him want to throw up those pancakes, "'Milkshake brings all the boys to the yard'"
Bulma exploded with laughter, not only at the sound of those words coming out of Vegeta's mouth of all people, but at the horrified look he had on his face as he recited them. Vegeta glared at Bulma for belittling him so much.
"So another New Year's party, huh?" said a familiar voice, one that didn't belong to Trunks. Vegeta looked up and let out a few curses under his breath when he saw it was the fourteen year-old Goten. He should've figured it was Kakabrat #2, what with the irritating lisp caused by those unsightly railroad track-like devices on his teeth being unmistakable.
"They're getting pretty old, to be honest," Trunks added from behind him.
At least one of us has some sanity, Vegeta mentally agreed.
"Oh hush up young man. If you plan on being the boss of this place when you're older, than you better get used to representing us at these functions," Bulma chastised, drawing sighs from all of the people in the room with Saiyan blood.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get dressed," Bulma said. She left the kitchen and went to her room upstairs. Just as Vegeta thought he was going to have some semblance of peace and quiet, another annoying person decided to make their presence felt in the kitchen.
"Oh, I can't wait!" Mrs. Briefs said as she strolled into the kitchen. The eccentric woman walked towards the cabinet as she rambled on. "I just have so much food to cook," she turned to her grandson and his friend, now having an idea. "Trunks, dear, do you mind maybe helping me cook something?"
"Nah, I don't think that sounds like something I'd be interested in," Trunks politely declined.
"Oh, poppycock, Trunks," Mrs. Briefs dismissed, waving her hand at him. "It'll be fun, you can make a booth for yourself. You don't have to make crazy things like me; maybe some cookies or brownies could be good!"
Trunks shook his head. "Grandma, I'm just not much of a-" Trunks stopped himself short when that last thing she mentioned set off a light bulb in his head. "Brownies, huh? I could make brownies…I mean, people love brownies!"
Vegeta raised an eyebrow when he saw the mischievous grin making way to his son's face. What the hell did that brat have planned? The Saiyan prince smirked as well, proud of the devious mind he obviously inherited from him.
Goten on the other hand, wasn't so pleased. He looked rather glum upon hearing Trunks' reply – he had an idea of what his friend was getting ready to plan. "Uh…no they don't."
"Oh, they love my brownies!" Trunks replied, turning to Goten as his grin turned into a full-fledged smirk.
"This is delightful!" Mrs. Briefs cheered, completely oblivious to what Trunks had planned with his brownies. She skipped out of the kitchen.
"Trunks, you can't be serious!" Goten pressed, growing anxious. "You can't make…er, special brownies! My parents are gonna be there, too!"
Vegeta's curiosity heightened at the sound of Goten's remark. "Okay brat, there's obviously something peculiar going on with these brownies, so talk."
Trunks started nervously sweating. As amusing as the thought of Goten's parents discovering the brownies were, he wasn't sure how his own dad would react. Depending on what side of the bed he woke up on today, he'd be either incredibly annoyed or proud of a job well done. Not wanting to take his chances, Trunks went into denial mode.
"Oh it's nothing! Goten, stop acting all paranoid," he said with a nervous laugh as he dismissively waved his hand at the younger half-Saiyan.
Vegeta shook his head. To be honest, whatever Trunks had planned, he neither cared nor wanted to know. As long as it didn't involve him, the little shit could do whatever he pleased. Vegeta stood up from his seat and walked to his room upstairs so he could get ready for the absurd festivities.
Goten shot Trunks a glare. "You're seriously not gonna make "special" brownies, are you?"
"Oh, shut up and grow a set of balls, Goten!" Trunks balked as he looked through the cabinets for the chocolate mix. "I have to find some way to make this crap interesting."
Goten shook his head in defeat. He just knew something bad was going to come from this.
A few hours later, most of the guests had already arrived. Trunks was in the kitchen, taking a tray full of brownies out of the oven and placing them on the counter. He smirked as he looked at the batch, thinking of his glorious plans. After that, he grabbed a spoon and placed it another bull full of mix to prepare another set.
Much to Trunks' chagrin, Goten stormed back into the kitchen, looking as anxious as ever. His temper flared when he saw the set of freshly baked brownies sitting on the counter. "Trunks, c'mon! I'm asking you not to do this! Our parents can't eat the 'special' brownies, they're-"
Before he could finish the sentence, he felt Mrs. Briefs' ki enter the room. She was carrying a trey full of food with her. "Aw Goten, simmer down! You look kinda pale."
"It's just Trunks and his stupid brownies," Goten groaned.
"Leave Trunks alone, sweetie," Mrs. Briefs' replied. "This is his contribution to our party, after all! Besides, I happen to know that you put the special ingredient in these brownies!"
Goten's anxiety went through the roof, and now Trunks was sharing his feelings! They both tried to remain calm so as not to raise suspicions, though Goten was doing a significantly worse job than Trunks.
"Uh…special ingredient?" Trunks asked, trying to appear as oblivious as possible.
"I TOLD HIM NOT TO!" Goten shouted over him. He nearly broke the table from how hard he slammed his hand onto it. There's no way she knows about THAT, he thought, though he quickly dismissed it. It would explain her oddball personality, however.
"LOVE!" Mrs. Briefs' joyously proclaimed.
Trunks and Goten breathed sighs of relief. They should've figured she'd be oblivious to that sort of thing. That didn't stop Trunks from playing around, of course.
"Oh, there's a whole big bag of love in here, grandma!" Trunks replied with a maniacal grin while Goten nearly had an aneurysm behind him. Mrs. Briefs walked through the already open kitchen door.
"Trunks, seriously, you can't make the special brownies here!" Goten once again argued.
Trunks looked at Goten with mock-terror. "Gosh, I already mane them - I wish you would've told me sooner!"
Goten gave Trunks a look of dismay as the older Saiyan continued, "Get your panties out of a bunch already. Yeah, I'm making 'special' brownies, but I'm making regular ones for the 'straight folks,'" he added with air quotes.
Goten relaxed a little bit. He supposed things couldn't get too bad as long as the adults stayed far, far away from the "special" brownies.
Vegeta walked through the crowd of humans like a drill sergeant. He didn't even bother to find a casual outfit, instead wearing his typical battle suit and Saiyan armor. His agenda was going to be simple – get his food, eat, and avoid running into Goku at all costs. Oh how he hated these parties. As if the grating music blaring from the speakers wasn't bad enough, all of these obnoxious idiots prancing about made him want to vomit. Vegeta went to one of the tables, and in blatant disregard for the line of people waiting to get food from the various trays, shoved his way between people and picked up the food he liked.
Just as he thought he was in the clear as he walked away from the tables to find himself a chair, he bumped into his worst nightmare.
"Oh, hey Vegeta!"
"Out of the way, Kakarot," Vegeta grumbled, contemplating on how this day could get any worse.
"Aw, c'mon Vegeta, this isn't too bad," Goku said. It was clear he hadn't really made an effort to prepare himself for this party either, as he was wearing his standard orange gi and blue shirt. Goku laughed as he added, "Well, as long as there's no incident like last year with the granola bars. I'm surprised they even got those things out of Yamcha's-"
"Shut up, Kakarot," Vegeta interrupted.
"You look kinda on-edge, Vegeta," Goku remarked as he observed his ex-rival, seemingly oblivious to how much he didn't want to talk to him. "Hey doesn't Bulma have a birthday or something like that coming up, too?"
Vegeta nearly choked on his food after hearing that. Goddammit, he was right, she did have a birthday coming up, in about a week. And she was surely going to demand he give her a present. The only problem was, he had no idea what to even get for her.
"You still haven't gotten her a present haven't you?" Goku teasingly observed. Vegeta grunted as Goku continued, "I think I can help. Maybe you should get Bulma one of those long, buzzing things."
Vegeta looked at Goku with a mix of aggravation and confusion. "What are you going on about now?"
"They're these weird things. I dunno what they're for, but Chi-Chi has like, eight of them," Goku thoughtfully pondered. Vegeta's face contorted with revulsion as it dawned on him what Goku was talking about. "Goten and I play around with them and pretend like we're swordfighting, and she always gets mad and yells at us when we do. They smell weird, t-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, KAKAROT!" Vegeta shrieked, to the alarm of the many people nearby. Parents who had kids around found themselves turning them away or covering up their ears. "I now have a disgusting mental image, one that won't be going away any time soon, thanks to your moronic mouth!"
Vegeta stormed away from Goku, which surprised the palm-tree haired Saiyan. "Huh, I wonder why he got so grossed out. Maybe I should ask Chi-Chi…"
Meanwhile, Trunks was sitting at his tables, with a batch of brownies by his side. He spotted one eccentric looking guy with long hair and shades, figuring he would more than enjoy these brownies. "Hey, you. Do you now, or have you ever had, any association with the West City Police department?"
The man shook his head, which was all Trunks needed to see. "Alrighty then, here's your brownie." He scooped up one of the brownies with a knife and handed it to him with a napkin. "You've got about 30 minutes to get someplace safe." Getting the right idea, the guy gave him a thumbs-up and strolled away.
Trunks stood up from his stand and walked back into the Capsule Corp. dome. He was such a genius – he decided to have some fun and charge 1 zeni for each brownie, and was now going back inside to count the money. As he was heading back inside, he saw a bunch of adult, including his parents, crowding around one table. He figured it was some gross food only adults liked and shrugged it off.
Goten was eating in the kitchen as Trunks joined him at the table. "Counting your drug money, huh?"
Trunks snickered as he laid out the zeni bills on the table to start counting them. He noticed something peculiar. "Wait a second…I'm all out of brownies, yet I should have more money. It's like I lost an entire tray of brownies."
"Wait a second…what tray were they, regular or 'special?'" Goten inquired, growing nervous again.
"…Special." Trunks bleakly replied. He was just as nervous as Goten.
"Where was the last place you had them?"
"…I left them at one of those tables."
They hopped up from their chairs so swiftly they knocked them over and ran outside faster than their legs could keep up with. But it was too late. What they saw outside made their jaws sink to the ground.
The adults were all sitting at the table, the brownies all gone. Only crumbs remained. Vegeta and Goku were grabbing food at random and stuffing their faces, while Chi-Chi was laughing uncontrollably for some reason.
"Hey Trunks, your brownies were a BIG hit," Bulma remarked before laughing as loudly as Chi-Chi was.
Trunks nervously scratched the back of his head while Goten was glaring at him so hard his eyes were piercing right through him.
"Oh yeah Trunks, by the way," Bulma began speaking much more methodically than usual, "That one girl you had a crush on from school showed up, and funny thing, I thought it'd be cool to show her all of those journal entries you wrote about her!"
"You WHAT?!" Trunks shouted before running away and looking for the girl to explain those journals.
"Y'know, I spend all this time in the gravity room, trying to be the strongest fighter in the whole uh…" Vegeta slowly said as his voice trailed off. He seemed to forget what he was going to say mid-sentence.
Chi-Chi broke out into boisterous laughter again. "HA! He said, 'in the hole!'"
While Vegeta was trying to find his words in the tangled up forest that was his brain at that point, he found himself staring at Goku's hair…and the more he looked at it, the more hilarious it became.
"Your hair…it looks like a palm tree!" Vegeta keenly observed before laughing haughtily.
Goku seemed to take offense to Vegeta's statement, but soon found himself laughing as well. "Yeah? Well your hear looks like a pine tree!"
"Ha! You should've seen the prank I pulled a few years ago. I put decorations on Vegeta's hair like a Christmas tree!" Bulma said, laughing at the hazy memory. Much to her surprise, Vegeta joined her in the laughter as well, creating a bizarrely heartwarming moment.
Several minutes later, Trunks and Goten stopped to catch their breath. Trunks had to give one lengthy explanation for those sappy ass journal entries he wrote to the girl he liked, though she strangely found it adorable. When Trunks and Goten returned to the adults, their jaw nearly sank to the ground.
Vegeta and Goku were laying on the ground, their stomachs disgustingly bloated. They had eaten nearly everything in sight, and were now reduced to laying around like grotesque pigs, eating blades of grass!
"Hey…ya gonna eat that?" Vegeta asked, pointing to a beetle crawling near Goku's boot.
Goku looked down, and immediately protested Vegeta's proposition. "No, that's mine!"
"I saw it first, you son of a bitch!" Vegeta sneered.
Goku and Vegeta both stood to their feet, nearly stumbling upon standing up. Despite their severely slowed down motor skills, they were seething with rage, staring each other down and ready to rip the other into pieces.
"I'm eating it!" Goku declared.
Of course, had they been paying attention, they would have realized that the beetle had crawled far away from them. Trunks and Goten could only laugh nervously, hoping that this didn't escalade into something horrible. While Bulma and Chi-Chi typically loathed when Goku and Vegeta would get into their childish standoffs, they found it hilarious this time.
Suddenly, golden aura exploded around Vegeta and Goku like flames as they transformed into Super Saiyans. Just as quickly, they were in the sky, trading blows so hard it made the earth shake. The various humans began running away in fear, thinking some sort of earthquake was occurring.
Goku delivered a devastating blow to Vegeta that sent him spiraling down into the grass, which exploded around him when he landed. Goku had Vegeta right where he wanted him. Cuffing his hands to the side, the strongest warrior in the universe gathered his Ki.
Goku smirked. He had Vegeta now! Trunks and Goten were now frantically flying to Goku, trying to talk some sense into him. There was a crucial miscalculation Goku had made, one that he wouldn't have done had he not been completely baked:
He wasn't even aiming at Vegeta!
Goku fired the Kamehameha before the demi-Saiyans could even reach him. The large, blue beam of energy slammed into the ground and created a huge explosion, unfortunately hitting its eventual target head-on!
Trunks' heart sank to his stomach. Who knew who the hell Goku had hit? It could've been anyone! "Goku, you dumbass! You didn't even hit dad!"
As the smoke cleared, Goku still wasn't completely aware of what happened. He saw someone laying in the crater, but was more preoccupied with Bulma and Vegeta's loud laughter at the scene. But still, that human…he definitely wasn't in good shape. Smoke was coming from his body, and he wasn't moving at all.
Goten looked at Trunks like he wanted to tear him limb from limb. Trunks held his head in shame, knowing what Goten was going to say. "See what happens, Trunks? You dance with Mary Jane and you get your toes stepped on!"
Fortunately, Goku was able to teleport to Namek, gather all seven Dragon Balls, and wish Krillin back to life.