My Heart Cries

Post-Episode 69

By Jinxie

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters; I just made up the stories. The beginning and ends of episodes are quoted from the actual TV series.

Content Warning: This is a series that takes place between episodes. The stories build upon the TV series and it is advised that you watch the episodes then read the post-episode (this story) in between. Many references by the characters are very specific to the episodes, so you may not get everything unless you watch at the same time or have the episodes memorized. The series does lead to a romantic relationship between two women, so if you don't like it don't read it.

Goal: To fill in the rest of the story of Xena and Gabrielle that I felt the series left out. This is more how I would have wished the show to go. I strive to make it a realistic love story of how the two get together and share their lives together. Please feel free to email me with constructive feedback Jinxie2013

End of Episode 69 (S4,E1): .

Xena has just finished killing the Beserker. Her new Amazon friends come to help her off her horse. "You alight?" they ask.

"My legs still feel broken. It doesn't make sense. The power that was making me relive my past seemed to be coming from the Beserker." Xena said panting and wincing in pain.

"But you killed him." Otere replied.

"I know." Xena stated. "And that should have released me from" she pauses as she looks at the horse. She draws her sword and Alti's spirit comes out of the horse.

"Her spirit was in the horse! She seemed afraid of you."

"Now maybe. But as we get closer to her stronghold, she'll get stronger and stronger. This new power she has, the one that makes you relive your past. It's a toughie." Xena says as she drops off the horse.

"Can we beat her?" they ask.

"We've got to." She replies.

Back in the woods, Xena and the Amazons are wandering towards the power emanating from Alti. Xena is in the lead. Everyone in the group is sullen and quiet, not quite sure how to perceive this new leader. Xena doesn't notice though. She is lost in thought.

Oh Gabrielle. I can't do this without you. I'm not holding up well. I need you. As soon as I'm done helping them, I'll find you, I promise. I'll do whatever it takes to get to you, my love. I made you a promise that death would not separate us. I intend to keep that promise. This world is darker without you in it. My world is darker. I feel like I'm lost. I'm scared. I am forever falling down an endless abyss. My heart cries out for you. I long for your touch on my skin once again. I want to hold you in my arms. Just to hear your voice again would bring hope to my battered soul. What I wouldn't give to kiss you again. I'm void of life, as you are. Why did you leave me? I love you, Gabrielle.

"Xena, hold up a minute." Otere calls to her. Xena waits for her to catch up.

"Will you tell me about your friend? The one you were after in the land of the dead?"

Xena smiles softly, "Sure. Her name is Gabrielle, she's a bard. The best bard I know, actually. She is the smartest and most beautiful woman I know. She's funny, full of life, light and love. She's the other half of my soul; my life. Without her, I have no meaning. I would never have become the woman I am today without her. She saved me from certain death. I cannot live without her."

Otere soaks the information in. "You speak of her as though you know her intimately."

"Well she is… was my best friend." Xena replies.

"That's not what I mean. Are you in love with her?"

Xena looks down at the path in front of her as a tear drops down her cheek. "Yes. She was my lover."

Otere thinks about that for a few moments. "I'm sorry you lost her Xena. I hope that you can be with her again someday. I've never known love the way you describe it. I hope that someday I do."

Xena smiles and wipes her tear away as they continue to walk through the forest. "I'm sure you will, Otere. Just don't let it go when you have it. Cherish it."

"Did you let her go once?"

Xena thinks back to the time with Perdicus. She shakes her head, berating herself once again at the memory of her stupidity. "Yes. She married a man from her hometown because I didn't tell her how I felt about her. I didn't tell her how much I loved her and wanted to be with her. She was in love with me too, but couldn't be around me anymore without having me as her own. So she left and married him to escape."

"So she was married when she passed on?"

"No. Her husband died the morning after their wedding. She came back to me. It wasn't for another three months that we confessed our love." Xena thought back to the time she died, leaving Gabrielle behind to mourn.

"Otere!" Otere yelled, "Come here I want to show you something."

Xena walked on in silence.

Beginning of Episode 70: Moments later…

"Xena!" Otere called.

Xena looked behind her, "Nice job."

"What is it?" Otere looked at a hut behind them that the Amazon were building.

"Be patient. You'll find out soon enough."