[DISCLAIMERS!]: I don't claim to own any rights to Rise of the Guardians, The Guardians of Childhood, or any characters associated with them. I only claim rights to the plot ideas that this fanfiction is based on.

A/N: *crawls out of the ground by a cracked grave* I LIIIIIVE! It's been a while, huh? Hehe… I've been backed up with the reviews for this story and I am soooo sorry! I'm not gonna sugar-coat it, I've got to start picking the reviews I respond to (mostly ones with questions that need to be answered) I hope everyone can understand. To all of my reviewers, have a cookie… and again, I'm sorry. You all mean so much to me ; 3 ;


Chapter 8: Fuck Like Rabbits

Part 1: What Gives?

Breeding season for rabbits lasts 9 months.
In Australia and New Zealand, it's from
late July to late January.
So, only 7 months…

This was the third time Jack had been shooed out of the Warren in one week and by this point he was more annoyed than concerned—he may have even been a bit hurt by the abrupt turn-away and how quick Bunnymund had been to give it. After he'd been sent away, Jack returned to his lake and sulked in the manner any broody teenager would—slinging spikes of ice at the chipping face of a fairly sturdy tree trunk a safe distance away from the one he was perched in. Okay, maybe that was just a Jack thing. Either way it wasn't getting him anywhere fast. 'What's so important about October, anyway?' he thought, dropping down from the branch he'd been sitting on, staff in hand. 'We're nowhere near Easter. So, what gives?'

Jack began walking aimlessly, tiring possible solutions to his current predicament. Unfortunately, his ideas slowly transitioned into depressing, pessimistic thoughts that mostly questioned Bunny's feelings toward their relationship. Jack finally admitted that he had to be responsible and talk out this dilemma, but he couldn't just go barreling into the Warren and expect to be given that opportunity and honestly, he didn't want to face Bunnymund first—he needed friendly advice and would start with the guardian he thought was best qualified for sorting out emotional impasses.


"Hey Tooth, you got a minute?"

Toothiana turned at the call of her name, momentarily flashing a bright, white smile at Jack before quickly sending three of her fairies to Paris and one to Hammerfest, warning the latter of possible rainstorms in the area. Once transitorily free of coming-and-going fairies, she beckoned Baby Tooth away from the small fairy's diligent task of recording incoming teeth in an immense yellow-paged tome and gently ordered her to keep traffic flowing smoothly for a few moments in place of herself. Baby Tooth nodded and gave a firm salute before zipping back to her post and, from there, directing other fairies to where they were needed.

Now unbound by her duties for a brief time, Toothiana whirled around and flitted over to Jack, a high-spirited grin donning her glossy lips.

"Of course, Jack! It's always a pleasure when a friend visits." The initial sparkle in her amaranth eyes faltered when she noticed the slight upturned furrow in the winter spirit's eyebrows. "What's wrong? Did something happen?" Tooth placed her dainty hands on either of Jack's shoulders, leaning in with a severe expression. "Did the Leprechaun touch you?"


"It's okay, Jack; it's alright if you don't want to talk about it—just show me where on this doll he touched you." Toothiana pulled out a small, human-esque doll with big, dark green button eyes, faded umber yarn-hair, and a neatly sewn purple blouse with matching trousers.

Jack waved dismissively, choosing to overlook the question that quietly nagged his brain regarding where the borderline-voodoo doll even came from. "No Tooth, the Leprechaun didn't touch me. It's…" He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck and letting his eyes drift to the aureolin tiles beneath him. "Well, it's about Bunny."

Toothiana gasped, "Did Bunny touch you?"

There was a brief pause.

"…Without your permission?" the fairy added.

"Huh? No!" Jack pinched the bridge of his nose, still avoiding eye contact with Tooth. "No, it's something else."

When Jack lifted his eyes to meet Toothiana's, he realized the doll the older guardian had been holding out to him before had magically vanished—another inquiry he chose to ignore. She smiled sympathetically and folded her feathery arms on top of one another close to her.

"Baby Tooth!"

Baby Tooth jerked around to look at the larger fairy.

"It looks like I'll be a bit longer than I had expected, I'm counting on you to monitor the operations while I'm gone, okay?"

The tiny fairy gave another salute and dove right back into her work, scribbling in the tome with admirable concentration.

"Come with me."


"So what's your problem?"

Tooth had guided Jack to solid ground near one of the colorful murals scattered around the Tooth Palace; she knelt gracefully on the soft grass, her feathery train fanning out behind her as she folded her legs under her in a seiza-like fashion. She flourished a lithe hand to the patch of lush ground in front of her, urging Jack to take a seat as well. He sat Indian style across from the fairy, laying his staff across his knees.

"Well, Bunny's been acting kind of distant and irritable lately." Jack groaned and dragged his hands down his face. "He hasn't acted like this since before we got together." Distracted by his personal agony, Jack didn't notice the shy and slightly embarrassed blush creeping onto Toothiana's cheeks.

"Um, Jack."

"I mean seriously! Is he on his fucking period?!"


"Is it too much to ask that he acknowledge and be nice to me for more than a month?!"



Toothiana smoothed out her ruffled feathers, taking a deep breath and exhaling it in the form of an exhausted sigh, glad to have finally caught the winter spirit's attention.

"I think I might know what the problem is."

Jack bounced back from his frustrated spiral, eager to know what—if anything—he was doing wrong.

Tooth giggled, amused at how quickly the other guardian's mood had changed, but pushing her amusement aside, she cleared her throat. "And I think the answer lies within the annual cycle of lagomorphic hormones." She continued, earning a very puzzled stare from Jack. The older guardian paused and looked back at the confused snow imp with genuine shock. "I thought you knew what 'lagomorphic' meant. You used it fairly casually during our last meeting."

"I do understand what it means. What I don't understand is how that has anything to do with the current situation."

"It's the height of mating season for Bunny so he probably wants to keep the source of his, er… stimulation at a safe distance until it blows over." Tooth gently bit her lip; delving into the details of such a topic would always be regarded as the epitome of awkward conversations.

"So, Bunny's horny?"

"Well, to put it bluntly, yes."

"But he's got me! And I am perfectly willing to help him—he knows that!" Jack slouched forward, resting his chin in his open palm and looking up at Toothiana with a dolefully irritated grimace.

"But maybe Bunny doesn't think it's time to take your relationship to the next level just yet."

"He's been saying that for months now!" the discontented guardian flopped down into a helter-skelter heap of angry discouragement. Tooth moved to sit beside Jack's head and placed a warm hand on the winter spirit's forehead, fussing with his snowy bangs like a mother would do to a child before eventually brushing the messy tresses from Jack's face.

"Here's my advice; just do what you think is right. I'll leave it at that." With that, Toothiana lifted herself from the ground. "I should get back. I hope you work things out."

A light flutter and gust of air later, Jack was alone—left with only the rustle of blossoms and babble of water to occupy the silence. He rolled onto his back and draped an arm over his eyes.

"Me too."

A/N: Huehuehue I'm an evil writer è u é I did this mainly because my inspiration in running as dry as a desert and I need more time, but I really really needed to get something up for this story! D: Sorry again for leaving you all for literally MONTHS!

Heads up! The next chapter will probably be the last. Who knows, I may continue, but it isn't likely… So enjoy this chapter and look forward to the next and final one.

As always, reviews will be cherished and rewarded with cookies, but flames will get you thrown into the fiery pits of hell… y'know, so you can hang around your kind. *buuurn (no pun intended)*