Finally I got it done. This is kind of a random chapter really. But I think it will leave you very disappointed but don't hate me.
Just read the chapter and you will find out.
To that person that asked if Gale and Katniss were together because Katniss would change the subject when Peeta mentioned Gale, well, your question will now be answered.
No, Katniss and Gale were never in a relationship. Katniss just didn't like talking about Gale with Peeta because he talks about him as if Katniss loves Gale and Katniss doesn't. Plus, she thinks of Gale as a brother not a boyfriend or anything like that.
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: I LOVE YOU
I can't control it.
Maybe I can. I just don't know how.
No matter what I do, Peeta seems to be the only thing on my mind. I also realized that I'm starting to be the one that makes the first move. Meaning, I'm the one that kisses him first, wraps my arms around him first and I just make the first moves. I could see the confusion in Peeta's face at times, how he looks at me and he even asked me if I was sick a few days ago due to my change of actions.
I went hunting with Gale on the next Sunday. We didn't talk much; he didn't mention Peeta or anything. Good. It should stay that way. The last things I need is Gale whining about that. Gale and I catch rabbits and squirrels and I offer everything we caught to him but he wants me to take at least one. Then I remember a conversation Peeta and I had about bread and squirrel, how I would cook some for him for dinner so I decided to take it. I come home that night and I couldn't be happier to see him.
We start getting phone calls from Effie. She just talks about our wedding and how they'll come in just a few weeks' time to try on some dresses. I hunt too, with or without Gale, and I don't care if the Capitol watches me. I really don't.
It's going to rain soon and after that it's probably going to snow. I can tell and I've just been hunting for an hour and a half. I grunt and stomp through the green trees and each twig breaking at my steps. I still have a long way to go until I reach the fence, probably another 30 minute walk and it's going to rain any second now. I can already hear the thunder.
As I take a look up at the sky raindrops hit my face. It gets heavier as the milliseconds go by.
I curse under my breath and that seemed to have made things worse. The rain starts pouring as hard as it can and I'm soaked. I run this time and I actually get closer to the fence, I can barely see It as well. The raindrops making my eyesight blurry.
I'm not complaining though, I like the rain. But I don't want to worry Peeta so I make a faster run for it. I reach the familiar tree where I had my bow and arrows; I crouch down and hide my weapons. I have to get home too, maybe some peacekeepers just happen to be on patrol and I might get caught. Another thing to worry Peeta.
This is what I'm talking about when I can't control it. I can't get Peeta out of my head, everything I do just has to equate to Peeta somehow. It's impossible for my head to stop thinking about him. I make a stand and jog to the fence. I bend down and get half of my body through. When I try to get my legs out though I moved a little too fast and my ankle twists in the wet and slippery snow and I fall. My bum landing on the rocky ground hard and it sends a painful wave of energy through my tailbone.
I let out a groan. My ankle leans on the fence line and it's throbbing with pain. I'm finding it hard to breath and I can't move. I sit like that for a few seconds, in pain, until I manage to stand up a little. I can't stand up straight, it hurts. I take a step, taking it easy, but I wince with every move.
Little by little I take tiny baby steps. I might as well try to take my time if I want to get home alive. I'm already soaked and now I'm starting to get cold. I do enjoy the rain, but not like this.
I continue taking tiny baby steps and my lips start trembling. I feel like I'm going to pass out soon because of the pain.
"Katniss!" It's muffle by the rain but I can still make out who it is. It's Peeta!
"Peeta?" I yell loudly and praying that he could hear me. I can't hold myself up any longer. I stand there in the rain, shivering and waiting.
"Katniss! What are you doing standing there?" He asks while running at me. He reaches me soon enough and I let out another wince because it's so painful.
"Are you okay? What happened? What's wrong?" He asks quickly and worriedly.
"Peeta, I can't walk. I'll explain later." I say, making my voice loud and clear. The rain isn't getting any nicer, I look at Peeta. Just as soaked as I am.
"Alright then. Let me carry you." He puts his hand on the lower part of my back and I let out a cry.
"What's wrong? Does it hurt there too?"
I bite my lip, hoping to dull the pain, and nod.
"Okay…um," Peeta scratches his head in the pouring rain. Soon his hands go under my knees and slowly he places his hand higher than where he touched me a while ago. He lifted me up nice and slow and I bit my tongue and squeezed my eyes shut as he carried me easily. I let my head fall into his shoulder and he walks nice and easy in the pouring rain. His ruching at the same time but everytime he makes a bump it hurts me.
My arms around Peeta's neck tightens as I get colder. It wouldn't do much help to be honest but I'm hurt and I just want to know that Peeta is with me.
I feel Peeta take larger strides and I open my eyes and see that we're going up to Victor's Village now. Peeta reaches the front porch of our house and the rain doesn't hit us anymore.
"It's okay Katniss. We're already here."
I can feel my lips trembling and I feel so tired. My eyes open again and the door opens. Peeta carries me inside and sets me down the couch slowly.
"We need to get you out of those clothes Katniss, just wait here."
I hear Peeta run somewhere and I'm left these trembling. My ankle is in a relaxed position but my tailbone is throbbing with pain.
Peeta moves fast for a boy who has an artificial leg. Soon I feel a warm towel wrap around me. He tries to get me to sit up but my tailbone objects.
"Katniss, you have to let me take your clothes off." He mumbles.
"J-J-J-Just do wh-whatever y-you ne-need to do P-P-Peeta." I tremble.
His hands are steady when he makes a move to take my shirt off. He does it with ease and starts drying me with the towel.
"I'm going to put a shirt over you now Katniss. It's a large one, just so that you're comfortable." I can feel the slight tremble in his voice and he might be cold as well.
Steadily, he puts the shirt over my head and keep my arms inside the shirt. I open my eyes and I manage a small smile. He smiles back and his hand goes under my shirt, unclasping my bra underneath.
He takes it off and that's when I decide to put my arms out through the sleeves. Next he quickly undoes my braid and dries it with the towel.
"You probably won't feel comfortable with me looking at you naked Katniss." He says softly.
I let out a quiet laugh.
"Now for your pants." He says and I give him a look.
He waits for my call and I manage a nod. "Will you be able to turn Katniss?"
"Let's t-try…" I mumble and I start to move, millimetre by millimetre. Peeta helps me and we manage to make turn so now I'm not lying sideways but lying straight. It hurt my tailbone quite a bit but at least I can manage.
I close my eyes and as Peeta moved to change my clothes. The only thing I try to remember and out in my head was how soft his hands were. It was the only thing that would stop me from feeling weird about it. I didn't think about him undressing me, I just stayed mindful about my injuries. I groaned if anything hurt and Peeta would move slower and much steadier.
After his gotten me out of the wet clothes and into the dry, he moves quickly to the telephone and I hear him mutter my mother's name.
"Katniss just got injured from when she was hunting. She's hurt and I might need you to take a look at her." He says into the phone.
My mother and Prim are just 2 or 3 houses away from us. Sure Peeta could run into the pouring rain and call them but using the telephone to call them instead is almost genius. I watch him from the couch and he put the phone down.
He looks at me and smiles the way he does. He grabs the blanket on one of the comforters and comes to me. I am still cold and Peeta seems to have made a note of that. He puts the blanket over me and I feel more comfortable.
"You're mother's coming," he says.
"So I've heard," I say with a little laugh.
He smiles but it drops afterwards, "You shouldn't hunt without anyone watching your back Katniss. Especially without Gale, what if something worse happened to you? I wouldn't be able to find you that easily you know."
I roll my eyes, "I know what I'm doing Peeta."
"Oh really?" He says sarcastically and points out my condition.
"Well…sometimes," I reply.
"Yeah, exactly." Peeta says with a smile and just then my mother and Prim walks through the door.
"Alright, what happened?"
"I hurt my tailbone and my ankle," I explain.
"What were you doing?" She asks me and Prim stands next to Peeta.
"I was hunting and I slipped…"
"On some ice?" Prim asks surprisingly.
"Yes little duck, yes."
"You shouldn't be hunting alone. It's snowing now, good thing you got in before the cold hit you." My mother says.
"She did get soaked but I changed her clothes," Peeta says and my mother gives him a small but thankful smile.
"You should go and get changed out of those clothes if you don't want to catch pneumonia." Peeta nods at my mother and goes upstairs.
Prim gives me something called morphling to numb the pain and my mother wraps my ankle in a bandage. The morhpling gets me drowsy.
Peeta comes down and my mother tells him to carry me back to bed and they say a goodbye and leave. At first I manage to stand and walk but the morphling gets me all relaxed and ready for sleep. Instead, Peeta picks me up and carries me upstairs.
Peeta puts me down on the bed and tucks me in. Before he can go I catch his hand.
I manage three words before I drift to sleep, "Stay with me."
I heard him mumble but I didn't understand what he said.
I wake up the next day with Peeta awake beside me and a very sore throat. I also woke up because, despite the heavy blanket, it's really really cold.
"Morning Katniss," he says happily.
"Your mother said that you should stay in bed for a while. Don't do anything excessive with your foot. No hunting or anything, just rest." He says straightforwardly.
"What? Well…how long am I supposed to stay in bed?"
"She said at least for a few weeks, you know, just to be safe."
I sneeze soon after he says that then cough.
"Don't tell me you have a cold Katniss." He says.
"I don't know, maybe I do."
He feels my forehead and his face turns from confusion to worry.
"It's hot; you might have a fever Katniss."
I frown; I'll be weaker than ever then.
"But don't worry, I will transform myself from a baker to a doctor so that I have a reason to take care of you instead of you being stubborn and taking care of yourself."
"But Peeta, I can though. I'll just stay in bed and take my medicine."
"You're not allowed to walk Katniss. It's bad for your ankle and tailbone."
"But Peeta," I start to argue but he cuts me off by putting a finger to my lips.
"Call me Doctor Mellark," he says with a smile and I laugh.
"What? You don't like the new name?"
I continue laughing with no though of stopping. Doctor Mellark, where did that come from?
"I will take the job as your doctor, your cook and your cleaner until you are better," Peeta says with a smile on his face.
I watch him closely, trying to keep my face serious because I really feel my face about to burst with laughter.
"How does that sound?"
I nod happily and I give him a kiss. It's cut short when I accidentally move my ankle under the covers. I lean back with a painful groan. Before Peeta can say anything I open my mouth, "I'm fine. It's nothing."
"Don't you want to go down and eat breakfast now?"
I nod again and Peeta stands up. His arms move under me as he picks me up. Peeta carries me downstairs and sets me on a chair.
I smile happily when I see those all too familiar cheese buns on the table. I give Peeta an excited look and he chuckles.
"Here's your milk." He places a cup of warm milk in front of me and I lick my lips. He passes me the plate filled with cheese buns and I shove one down my throat straight away.
"Aren't you going to eat?" I ask with my mouth full.
"I already have. I got bored and afterwards and decide to lie in bed with you until you wake up." He takes the closest seat to me and smiles widely.
I give him a weird look and I continue eating. Peeta watches me with the most fascinated look he can muster. I put the cup in my mouth and I look at him through the foggy glass. I set the cup down and I look at him suspiciously.
"So…you watch me sleep and now you watch me eat my food as if it's the most entertaining thing on the world. To be honest, you have got to be the freakiest person I know. I mean, you're watching me with that huge smile on your face," I say to him.
He shrugs and just when I though his smile couldn't get wide enough, it does.
"I'm not entertaining Peeta. You know it," I say with and shove another bin in my mouth. "Now be a good monkey and do something useful." I say with my mouth full.
"I don't have anything to do but watch you and take care of you Katniss." He says.
I sigh and continue eating. When I finish, Peeta sets me down on the sofa and I start to feel tired again and even colder.
After 10 minutes of shivering, I feel Peeta put a blanket over me but it isn't enough.
"Peeta, sit with me." I say and he does. His arms go around me and we converse about anything really.
He calls my mum through the phone throughout the day asking about medicines and pain relievers. For my fever, Prim just dropped of some syrup they bought in town. It could help with my cough and sore throat but resting is the best we can do.
Everytime I cough or sneeze, it catches Peeta's attention. Every tiny moan from any sort of pain makes a reaction to him. He's so caring, making sure I get what I want and need even though it's only been a few hours since I wake up. I got to admit, he's a pretty good doctor.
I sit there, wrapped around 2 blankets because the 'doctor' insists, as Peeta lights the fireplace. It's cold in the house and we could use some more warmth.
"Aha! Finally! It's lighting up now Katniss, don't worry." He says.
"I never was Peeta. I never was."
"Just play along, don't ruin the fun." Peeta says and turns his head back to me. He stands and closes the lights and then sits down next to me.
He picks the blanket up and scoots closer, "it's cold isn't it?" He asks me.
"You don't say," I say, my voice already tired with fatigue. I yawn and my head drops on his shoulder.
"If you're tired Katniss, I can carry you to bed now."
I shake my head, "It would be too early for you to sleep. Then you'd just be laying there all night until you get tired."
I feel him shrug, "I don't mind, if you don't want me to leave the bed then I won't."
Suddenly I start feeling too hot, I put the blanket down so it's only up to my waist and cuddle closer to Peeta, which in return, irritates and hurts my tailbone. I groan again and I feel Peeta move.
"What wrong? Where does it hurt?" He asks quickly.
"No, it's okay. Just my tailbone."
"W-well, do you want me t-"
I cut him off, "I'm fine. Really I am."
I start trembling under the warm covers and Peeta holds me closer.
I start to think, what if cold nights were spent just like this? With Peeta and I sitting in front of the fireplace? Talking about anything.
Jus the two of us, not worrying about tomorrow, not caring about the Games or anything. Just like when we were back at the tour, when we would watch the sunrise or spend sleepless night in bed talking and even kissing. Where we didn't have a care about anything but us.
I wish that hopefully that will become a permanent kind of thing. Where it doesn't just happen every now and then and where we don't have to worry about anything at certain times. I just wish that I don't have to worry anytime. Where all our problems with Snow are fixed and we can only worry about what we're going to cook for dinner or whether or not it's a good time to hunt.
I wish that we could just be happy everytime. But of course that's impossible. Life has its ups and downs, challenges to face and problems to resolve. Times when you are happy and safe are the most special. Like right now with Peeta, Snow might be trying to bomb us right now and I wouldn't be worried or scared because I feel safe sitting here with Peeta. I have absolutely no care in the world. No worries whatsoever.
Peeta sneezing takes me out of my thoughts. He sneezes again and this time I pick my head up to look at him.
"Don't tell me you've caught a called." I tell him.
"Maybe, let's not worry Katniss. I'll be fine."
"We shouldn't really sleep in the same bed if I'm sick you know?" I say and clear my sore throat.
"You know I can't sleep without you Katniss."
"Well we should I pillow between us maybe. I don't want you getting sick."
"That is so not happening, I'll wake up in the middle of the night and I'll kick that pillow down like a ninja." He says jokingly and again I laugh. Only to be stopped by a loud cough.
I jumped a little bit while coughing and my ankle reacted and a shot of pain rushed through me. I find myself letting out another cry of pain. I bite my lip and hold my ankle.
"I think we should try to kiss it better," Peeta says and when I look at him he has his cheeky smile on.
"Maybe, try." I say with the same cheeky smile and bring my ankle out from underneath the blanket. Slowly and carefully, Peeta scoops my ankle into his hands and he looks up and smile at me again.
"Let's give it a kiss over here," he says and kisses the front of my foot.
"Ew, Peeta. You're actually serious? You're kissing my foot and it doesn't even hurt there." I exclaim.
He shrugs, "Oh well." This time his lips touch my ankle and it leaves an after feeling. His lips were warm and soft against my skin, it only lingered for a second but I felt it.
"You should rinse your mouth properly, that was really weird of you."
"I offered and you let me Miss Everdeen." He says.
I slowly move my ankle back on the ground and we're back in our normal position. I cough and I sneeze for minutes after. Peeta doesn't back away and just watches me with worry, instead, I turn around when I wheeze or cough. Doing that gets me really tired for some reason and I start to feel my eyes starting to drop.
"I'm taking you to bed now Katniss alright." Peeta says and his hands go under my knees for the hundredth time today.
"Huh?" I stare at him, tired and confused. He shakes his head at me and picks me up. I fall into sleep while he climbs the stairs and I wake up again with a ferocious nightmare about a bleeding Peeta.
When I wake from a nightmare Peeta's isn't beside me. I sit up to fast and it hurts my back, a new wave of energy sends my chest into a panic attack.
Where is he?
"Peeta!" I shriek, I can hear the fear and worriedness in my voice. I hear thundering footsteps towards me and I panic.
Who is it? Are they coming to get me too?
My hand grabs onto the sheets so hard I can feel my nails dig into my palm though the thin layer of cotton. Tears of panic fills my eyes, if only I wasn't injured I could run for it.
"Go away!" I shout into the darkness.
The lights turn on and when I see that blond hair and blue eyes I burst into another wave of tears.
It was just a dream. Again, I let it take me into thinking that it was a reality. My mind is, too, is afraid of these dreams. I start trembling and when Peeta's arms go around me I hold onto them for dear life.
"Peeta…" I whimper like a small child and I start coughing.
"It's okay Katniss. I'm right here." He kisses my forehead then moves to my temple. He rubs my back soothingly and I continue sobbing into his chest.
"W-Where were you?"
"I was just downstairs, I was about to come up to sleep. Lie back down Katniss."
I do as he says and Peeta gets up, off the bed. I panic again I quickly try to grab him.
"It's okay; I'm just going to turn the lights off." He says softly. I watch him intently as he moves to the other side of the room, moving towards the light switch and turning the light off. I can make out his silhouette as he moves towards me.
When Peeta gets under the covers his arms find my waist automatically. Cautiously, even though it hurts a little bit, I turn so I am now leaning on my side and I can look at Peeta. The little light from the window lets in some moonbeam rays.
Peeta looks at me worryingly and his thumb wipes away the tears across my cheek.
"Katniss it wasn't real. Everything's fine." He says softly, he moves closer and gives me a light kiss. My hand moves to the back of his neck and he lets his lips linger a little longer.
When we break, I choose to make a confession, "Peeta it was about you again."
I don't really tell Peeta whether or not I dreamt about him because it might make him feel confused about whether I love him or not. Then that will lead to all these negatives things that people have told him about me not loving him and he'll just be upset and believe it all over again. That I absolutely have no care in the world about him and that's not true.
I'm afraid about losing him aren't I? Don't my dreams prove that enough?
I only have to prove it to Peeta, which I know he won't believe. Because the only thing he grew up believing in is that I…well I don't love him and I never will. And that's harsh.
"You were- you were being tor-tortured again-" I whimper.
"Again?" He asks.
I give him a slight nod, "I didn't like what they were doing to you Peeta. They tied me up and made me watch, th-there was a l-lot of blood any everything. The painful shrieks you m-made scared me and then- and then all at once…all at once you…you stopped-" I choke and I clear my throat, "and then you weren't moving-" Tears fall again and I start whimpering.
"Katniss shh…" Peeta moves closer and rubs my back again. "it didn't happen Katniss. It never will," he assure me but I don't believe him.
"What if it does? What if one day, people will take you and torture you for answers you don't even have? Especially with Snow at our tails?" I snap at him.
"If you believe it then it will happen." He tells me and I get scared, I shake the thought of losing Peeta away and concentrate on thinking that that does not happen. "We'll be fine Katniss," he kisses my temple and I end up smiling.
"Can I get a kiss to confirm it then?" I ask him and he chuckles.
"Sure, let's try that." He lifts my head up and gives me another kiss. A kiss full of feeling and confirmation. I remember how I made a secret promise of never leaving Peeta's side and how I sealed it with a kiss. It feels just like that.
I turn our kiss into something passionate Peeta's hand runs through my hair. I stop our kiss when I feel myself about to cough.
Peeta sighs disappointed and he feels my cheeks and forehead with the back of his hand, "Still as hot as last time," he says.
I don't want Peeta to get sick because of me but I don't want to sleep without him by my side and my fever makes everything else twice as cold. It's snowing outside and it's below temperature, my fever makes the temperature twice as cold.
Peeta and I already have a total amount of three blankets around us and it's warm enough but I don't think that it is enough. I'm even wearing one of Peeta's knitted jumpers and I still need to pull my legs and knees together to get warmer.
"Are you cold?" Peeta asks, somewhat shocked.
I nod again and Peeta's hand lands on my legs. I jump a little and then his hand rubs my legs then pulls my legs closer. I can feel the soft cotton fabric of my pajama pants rub against my skin, my eyes close and I snuggle into his chest.
Peeta lets at a groan, "God Katniss, you're so close and it's so hot. I can't even breathe." He whispers in the nicest way possible.
I smile into his shirt, "Well tough." I mumble.
"I'm sweating Katniss…"
I say nothing and move my head up a little bit, I'm now breathing into his neck. A deep breath comes out his mouth.
"Okay , I'm not doing this. It isn't going to work. Give me a sec," Peeta grumbles and he gets out of bed. I lie in bed, confused, looking at Peeta standing in the dark light.
I sigh and put the blanket completely over me. In the dim light I see him takes his sweater off, then his shirt and then he drops his pajama pants. I find myself smiling widely and I even start giggling.
"What are you laughing at?" He asks in a joking manner, "I was sweating my butt off Katniss."
"Okay," I say with a shrug, "I heard some girls saying back at school that shirtless boys are…what was that…sexy or something."
He laughs, "Yes Katniss, I am very sexy thank you very much."
"I said, I hear girls saying shirtless boys are sexy. I didn't say you were one of them."
"But I am a boy Katniss," he says climbing into bed, the cold chill hitting me as he goes under the covers. "Let us just add me to that category okay Katniss. Then no one gets hurt," he says happily and his arms go around me.
We stare at each other in the darkness, waiting for sleep to overtake us.
"Are you happy Katniss?"
His question makes my eyebrows furrow. What does he mean?
Like, am I happy? Right now? In this moment?
"Of course I'm happy Peeta. I get to lie down with a shirtless you." I say poking at his bare chest.
"I mean like, with this. Us."
"Are you okay with the whole moving in, getting married and following the Capitol stuff?"
I frown, I'm not entirely happy with the Capitol taking making our decisions for us and using us as their puppet. But with Peeta and I, how our relationship is, I would have to say…yes…actually I am happy. Not just happy happy, but it's like another type of it. I can't describe it; it's a happiness that's found from the heart I guess. Not in a friendship or relationship kind of way.
A happiness that I can only describe with the word 'Peeta', it's a happiness I share with only him. A happiness that completes my heart entirely.
"Yes, with us. Yes," I answer.
"Gale doesn't look happy though."
"Don't worry about Gale. Peeta, this is between you and me and this has absolutely nothing to do with Gale."
"But Gale likes you too; I don't want him thinking that I stole you from him when we're just friends."
For some random reason, I feel a stab when he says the word 'friend'. As if that's all we are to each other.
Wait, no. We're just friends aren't we? At least, that's what I remember thinking before, that Peeta is just a friend to me.
Yet, why did it hurt when he said the word friend.
"I- I don't-" I stumble with my words, "is that all we are Peeta?"
"A-are we-we just friends?"
It his turn to be silent, "Well, that's what you had me believing anyway."
That's what I had him believing.
I thought so, I just don't understand why I'm asking a question that Peeta would be.
"Katniss?" His soft voice warms my heart.
I don't know what to say to him now. He wants me to say something, to continue after a question that we wouldn't expect to come out of my mouth.
"I don't know Peeta. I'm just really confused, all I know is that I'm happy spending every minute with you. I'm happy enough to live you for the rest of my life." I say quickly before I can stop the words from coming out.
"The rest of your life?"
"Uh…yeah," I say a little awkwardly.
I see his smile through the dim light, "really? Does that mean I'm not very boring?"
"You're never boring Peeta." I say, mirroring his wide smile.
"Are you really happy Katniss?"
"Yes Peeta! I could just spend every night with you, just like this." I say happily.
"Like this? With three blankets around us? Every night?"
I laugh, "Peeta stop being silly. You know what I mean."
He laughs as well then slowly, out laughter dies. We're silent again, left in a comfortable silence.
"I love you," Peeta says quietly, too quiet. It sounded like he was saying it to himself rather than to me. Maybe I wasn't supposed to hear it, but I did anyways.
"Peeta…if I told you I loved you…what would you do?"
I hear nothing but a short gasp and unsteady breathing, "I…I would die of happiness right there and then…b-because…I finally got what I've been waiting for my whole life."
Can three words really make someone die of happiness?
I smile sadly at him; little by little I can feel Peeta's love for me and how strong it is. Every gesture, those kisses he gives me and his smile. I like it when Peeta smiles, it makes me happy and makes me careless about anything but us.
"I really like you Peeta…I do…and- and I know that this is hard for the both of us…but I…I really don't care about the awkwardness or anything because I only care about you an-" His finger lands on my lips.
"Katniss don't. I'm happy as well, you don't have to make up lies to- whatever you were trying to do."
What does he mean lies? I'm telling the truth!
"Are you some sort of stupid or just a slow learner?" I say.
"What?" Peeta grumbles, sounding a bit shocked.
"Why can't you accept the fact that I care about you as much as you care about me?" I say that and then I try to get myself to sit up. Peeta tells me to lie back down but I don't. Peeta hesitates and helps me sit up and now I'm leaning on the head board of the bed with Peeta.
"It's hard to believe that you would care that much, I mean, I'm just a boy who bakes. What's the good in that? I'm not strong like Gale or quick thinking as him. No one in their right mind would care about or even need me."
I scoff at him, "Peeta but I-"
"-don't," he finishes my sentence for me but that wasn't what I was going to say, "No Katniss, you don't. You might like me and enjoy me being around but if I died. Give it a few weeks and you'd forget about me."
I frown, "who told you about all this- all this crap Peeta? What is your mother again that led you to believe that?" I spit angrily.
"But Katniss it's the truth. You know that, you can last the rest of your life without me. I don't mean that much to you, I'm just a worthless, pathetic-"
I stop his sentence with a kiss. As soon as I heard 'worthless' I know that it would have something to do with his mum. I don't like that way Peeta's mother says these things to him, and now it leads us to another sleepless night of drama.
Another night to fix each other's broken hearts, to find a way to tell each other that's it's going to be alright and the nightmares we get from the Games isn't a great help either.
I move my lips against his and then I feel his tongue rub against my bottom lip. A gasp escapes my throat and I find myself giving his tongue permission to enter.
I don't think Peeta and I have kissed like this before. My throat is sore and it feels like I'm about to cough but I really don't want to because I don't want to ruin this for Peeta. He breaks our kiss a moment after though.
"Peeta, you're everything but worthless."
He shakes his head in disagreement, his head drops and I start to boil with anger.
Why doesn't he believe me!
"Peeta…Peeta look at me, you have to believe me Peeta. You have to believe everything I tell you because it's the truth; I'm telling you the truth Peeta. I'm not making up stupid lies just to make you feel better; it hurts when you don't believe me because you have to know how amazing you really are. Who have to stop believing what these people told you and believe me. If you love me you would."
He just looks at me, the kind of look that tells me to stop trying. To trying to make everything better when it's not.
"Goddammit Peeta! I care about you alright! Peeta, I need you as much as you need me and if you don't believe that then I shouldn't stay any longer then. Because what's the point of needing someone if they don't even believe you? You're not worthless or pathetic and you're not just a baker with no meaning! Peeta please believe me, you have to." I start feeling tears forming in my eyes.
"Peeta..I…please I…" I don't know how to say it. I just hope that he would believe me because I would just be so heartbroken if he didn't.
"Peeta…I love you…" I say those three words softly and almost, almost, inaudible.
Peeta's eyes go wide; a look of disbelief, shock and just a tiny bit of happiness covers his face. I blink back my tears.
"I love you! Peeta, for goodness sake I love you!" My head falls to his chest and I start sobbing.
I don't know. I'm just filled with so much emotions right now that I don't know what to do, but I'm just praying that he believes what I just said because even I can't believe that I said that either.
Peeta's still, still as a rock, I can just hear his heart beating. Thumping at a hundred miles per hour, then I hear his deep breathes. In just a few seconds his breathing sound almost scary, as if he can't breathe and he really need more air.
"K-Katniss I- I can-can't breathe." He says and his breathing goes faster by the second.
I lean my head back and look at Peeta; he puts a hand over his stomach and turns his body, looking forward.
"Th-that's not p-possible." He says quietly.
"Peeta. Shhh, it's okay. Relax." I put my hand over his and squeeze it tightly. He turns to face me and his eyes start filling with tears.
"Oh Peeta…" I give him a small smile.
Peeta's breathing is nowhere near normal and he suddenly attacks my lips with his. He kisses me for only a moment and he leans back just a few millimetres.
"You lo-love me?" He asks softly, his voice shuddering.
I small smiles creeps on my lips and I nod yet again. He closes his eyes and when they open tears begin to fall.
I feel my own eyes filling up with tears again and I laugh softly, wiping his tears away with my thumb, "hey come on. It's not that bad." I say.
He smiles but it doesn't go very high.
"This has to be a dream, it just has to be." He mumbles. "I love you Katniss," He says quietly.
My smile comes back again, "I love you too Peeta." I say just as quiet and he kisses me again.
I wake with the heavy rain hitting the roof and the thunder striking outside. When I open my eyes, I see that Peeta is still asleep.
A smile tugs at my lips.
It feels like last night didn't even happen, part of it felt so real and another just feels like it was miles away from here. The feeling is so far away that it makes me wonder that it actually didn't happen, it doesn't feel like it didn't happen, it didn't happen.
I tap his nose and his face twitches at my touch. This time, I pinch the bridge of his nose and slowly, his eyes open.
"Katniss!" He says half tired and half happy.
"Morning!" I say quickly and give his lips a kiss. My hands fall to his chest and I feel the softness of his shirt.
My eyes open but my lips are still on his.
Hang on; Peeta took his shirt off last night because he said that it was too hot. My lips leave his.
"Peeta? Did you put your shirt back on?" I ask him.
His brows furrow, "what do you mean?"
"Last night, you took you shirt and pants off because it was too hot; we had like 3 blankets around us." I look at our blankets; we still have 3 around us.
"Katniss, last night was cold as ice. What are you talking about? The three blankets was well enough and you have your fever reflecting back at me.
"Peeta you are not making sense. After I had my nightmare and you soothed me, you said it was too hot and took your clothes off until you just had your boxers on.
His gives me an 'I have no idea what you're talking about' look.
"You didn't have a nightmare last night. You fell asleep while we were climbing the stairs and I out you to bed. I went back downstairs for like an hour, just thinking. And when I came back up you looked like you were miles and miles away from here, you must've been in a deep dream."
Dream. The words hits me. Dream.
No…no…no! It was real, it wasn't a dream!
"What do you mean what? Then I joined you in bed, you didn't have any nightmares last night Katniss. Thank God you were able to sleep peacefully. I didn't though," he frowns.
"Peeta…" I say through gritted teeth, "Don't mess with me."
"Katniss, what are you talking about?"
"You're kidding right?"
"What? K-Katniss no. I'm not kidding; you really didn't have a nightmare last night. Why? Did you?"
Wait a minute, this doesn't make sense. I did have a nightmare, it was about Peeta.
But he's saying that I didn't. Peeta doesn't really lie and I don't think that we would joke about last night not happening because that was something he always wanted to happen. For me to say those three words.
"Katniss are you okay?"
I look at him with no expression on my face.
No. It wasn't, it didn't happen. I never said it, those three words; they never came out of my mouth.
It was just a dream.
A dream that felt so real that it's a memory to me.
I can feel the sadness that overtakes my heart.
"Katniss?" Peeta sounds worried now and the back of his hand feels my forehead and cheeks again.
"Hm, still as hot as last time," Peeta mumbles and I remember where he said that before. Last night, well, last night in my dream.
I clear my throat and offer a smile.
"Why don't you take me down for breakfast?"
"Yeah…sure, I'm hungry anyway." And he smiles at me.
Don't hate me. I wrote it like this because I also had a dream that I really thought that happened the night before because it felt so real and I was asking about it the next day.
That whole I love you bit wasn't suppose to be a dream but I added it in because I experienced it and I though, eh, might as well add a twist to the story.
But I promise you (hopefully) the next one will be the moment of truth ( I don't really know what that means).
Please stay tuned guys, don't hate but please feel free to review your feelings.