Day 184

'One-hundred and eighty-four days later and I am still counting from that day. The memory of the battle still freshly runs in my mind. It still haunts me, even the exchanged words we shared. It feels just like yesterday when it happened to me, to him, probably forgotten it by now. He's lost sight of it, along with me. I know he doesn't care about it and me anymore. There's no reason for him to care, there's no worries for him. For all I know he thinks I'm dead and it should be left as that. Why should he care? Why should he and his friends all care? They find me as a murder..a cerial killer...a physco...a deranged beast...worst...he claimed me...as..a monster...

It's not my fualt! I was created this way! He was the one that made me this way, the fear that manifested me was the fault of his own. The time when he exposed himself to the Chaos Energy for the first time was his own fault! And it's not my fault that exposure to the energy causes me to go mad! Most of the time, it's not my fault when I go insane. The Chaos Energy inside his body is so strong that it's hard for me to stay sane when I am close to him. It's difficult for me to control that power, Chaos is something that's not all that easy to maintain control. It takes all of my willpower to control the uncontrolable abilities within me.

He doesn't understand what I have to go through...nor does he understand what I have to go through now...

My physical condition is at it's worst right now. My fur is matted, my quills are also matted and beginning to lose life and droop, small pathches are caked with blood, and all of my body still bares the damage and scars from the battle. I don't try to heal myself, unless I get the Chaos Energy needed or enough flesh and blood to satisfy me. I do nethier. I kill only when necessary to keep enough strength and to keep me alive. I only hunt for survival, animals and all, but I will never kill a living person. I dare not to kill any living person, ever, as tempting as it is for me I don't dare to do it. Not at all...Never...

And with that, well...I'm left with a lot of free time. I burned most of my time exploring around the world. I saw many increditable sights and met a few interesting people, but I tried to keep myself hidden from the world and him. I'm afraid that if he sees me again that he will want to attempt to rid me forever. Yet, even though I try to keep away from him, I have a strange sense towards him. Like longing or something close to that, I have no real explaination. I'm sometimes so drawn that I watch him, I follow him. I always see him so happy, I myself wish time to time to be that happy, but that is an impossiblity. I know I won't be able to, I don't deserve to.

I want to go to him, but I can't. I want to go home, but I can't return to his mind. He won't let me back and I'm very definate of that. I miss it..more than anything...

It makes me feel something inside me I have never felt before; pain. Now I know how it truely feels to hurt...to hurt physically and mentally..From all the times I have mercilessly slaughtered people, I can now feel them. The misery and despire that slowly ebbs me away inside...it feels much worst than claws raking and cutting your skin and teeth tearing and shredding your limbs to pieces and chunks..And the terrifying thought that you will not live to see another day..or see loved ones again...It's much worse than that..

It doesn't matter to him..not at all..I don't matter to anyone..I'm hurting so bad no one can help me..then again why would any living being would?

Sonic only thinks of me as a monster...he doesn't know how painful it is to be called one..But I'm not a monster...I don't want to be one...

I don't want to be one...'

A single tear drops onto the page. The pained eyes of the author are red from sleepless nights and crying. Though they are already red with insane swirls, he could care less. Fleetway quickly wiped away the wetness from his eyes. He felt so alone and somewhat desperate. So neglected...so uncared for..So torn up, he doesn't know what to do but wander aimlessly lost, alone, and broken. From what happened one-hundred and eighty-four days ago, he will never be the same again...Never...