AN: First fanfic. Been trolling for ages, but now that I've read all the fanfics and I'm recovering from surgery and have nothing else to do, I thought I'd give it a go. Planning on multiple chapters, but we'll see how it goes. Starts after 3x15 because I figured that was as good of a place as any.
Disclaimers: I own none of it, but lord help me if Maura Isles was mine.
Make You Feel My Love: Chapter 1
You put your arms around me and I'm home.
They arrived at Maura's, covered head to toe in soot and grime. It had been an incredibly long day. They were exhausted – a bone weary, soul crushing exhausted. Once the building site was secured, they had returned to the station to get a head start on the necessary paperwork. It was now well after 1 AM that they were finally walking through the door. Their hands were still intertwined; a connection that had yet to be severed from the building site.
As she sat at her desk, Jane could only manage to mull over the developments in her personal life. Casey had, once again, turned his back on her. It took having her brother, her nephew, her partner, and, for a brief moment, herself and her best friend in immediate danger, to realize exactly the type of person Casey was, and the type of relationship she had with him. It was a rude awakening, to realize exactly how far up her ass her head had been buried. Yes, he had been a good friend to her. Once. Yes, he was for the most part, a good man. But he was a coward. A proud, shallow, coward. Through and through. How could she have been so blind? Time and time again, he led her on. Made her feel as though she was inadequate. Left her in the dust, with Maura to clean up the mess.
Casey had been a nice distraction from her "predicament" with Maura. She had had a lingering attraction to Casey from high school. It had been nice, the sense of security that "romantic" attachment had provided. If she was pining over Casey being away, being a hero, and consequently, suffering as a wounded soldier, she didn't have to focus on the fact that she had fallen completely, helplessly, head over heels in love with her best friend. Her very female best friend. Yes, Casey was safe. And Jane clung to Casey as her safety vest as she was sinking into the dangerous abyss of loving Maura, vehemently, with every fiber of her being.
If she were being honest with herself, it was a futile effort from the start.
Her attraction to Maura had been immediate. She had never been blind to it. You'd have to be blind not to notice Maura. It had started like any other crush. An ineffable and undeniable draw to the gorgeous doctor. As their friendship grew, so did her attraction to everything that made Maura so Maura. Her compassion. Her intelligence. Her drive. Her magnanimity. Her dedication. Her warmth. Her awkwardness. Her generosity. Her loyalty. And damn, if she wasn't wrapped up into the finest package possible.
To this day, Jane couldn't understand how you could know Dr. Maura Isles and not be in love with her. She was lost to Maura from the very start.
And if she were being honest with herself, she didn't want it any other way.
There had been a time when she almost thought they could be. A time before the warehouse shooting. A time before she realized exactly how fragile a relationship could be. Initially, Jane hesitated to make them something more because she didn't know how Maura felt. It didn't take long, though, before Jane had her answer. Once she had opened herself to the possibility of Maura loving her back, Jane knew. She knows Maura. Jane knows. And you would have to be blind to miss how Maura felt about Jane. No, she knew Maura was in love with her, too. Now, she no longer hesitates to make them into something more. Now, she knows they can never be. Now, she knows exactly how much she has to lose. Ever since the warehouse shooting, Jane had promised herself that if she could just get Maura back into her life as her friend, that would be enough. But Maura being the unbelievably magnanimous human being that she is, came back into her life as her best friend. Still and stronger than before. And Jane had promised herself that she would never, ever do anything to jeopardize that again. A life without Maura was no life at all.
At first, Maura seemed to be of a similar sentiment. And yes, Jane knows that ultimately, Maura would rather just be friends than nothing at all.
But lately, it almost seems as though Maura doesn't find the idea of a "them" dangerous at all. It almost seems as though Maura thinks the idea of remaining just friends is more dangerous than crossing the previously un-crossable line. And that, more than anything, terrifies Jane and pushed her towards Casey.
Yes, Casey was safe. But as Jane stood in the wreckage of the collapsed building, holding Maura's hand and looking into those green eyes, she realized that safe was also cowardly.
And now, Jane was at a bit of a loss. She wants Maura, with everything she is. It was almost unbearable. They were walking a fine line between friends and more, occasionally stumbling. Occasionally intentionally tripping and falling, only for a moment, attempting to escape reality. And just as Jane would dare teeter towards the infinitely more pleasurable, more fulfilling side of that line, she would flash back to the look in Maura's eyes as she hovered over Doyle's body. And she shut down.
All it took to make her reconsider years of pent up emotion and self-discipline was a day like today. And the look in Maura's eyes right now.
Their relationship had evolved to a point where they didn't really need words in a time like this. They were so finely attuned to each other that no questions were asked; they instinctively knew what the other needed. As Maura looked up into her eyes, she knew. Tonight, they were going to test the line between friendship and more. Tonight, they both needed more. As they stood in the kitchen, Jane squeezed Maura's hand and pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead. Once she pulled away, Maura slowly opened her eyes. Her forehead crinkled and she gave a sad half smile as she slowly, carefully brought a hand up to cup Jane's cheek. She ran the pad of her thumb across Jane's bottom lip in an attempt to wipe off the smudge of soot left by her forehead. She repressed the urge to lean forward and capture that lip between her own, the urge to lick it clean and gently bite down and tug until Jane gave in and finally kissed her properly. Her breath caught in her chest when Jane grabbed hold of her wrist and placed a kiss to the pad of her thumb, and then the inside of her palm.
Jane pulled her out of her reverie when she quietly rasped "I'm gonna go grab a shower, okay?"
Maura nodded in response as Jane backed away towards the guest bedroom. She sat there, leaning against the counter, wondering if Jane would ever realize that ignoring this could potentially harm their relationship just as much as something like the warehouse shooting. Casey had been the first real threat. She knows why Jane clung to Casey. She understands. But what Jane didn't understand, or know, was how much it hurt to stand by and see the woman she loves fawning and pining over a man who couldn't offer her even half as much as she could. How much it hurt, that hollow ache, to know that Jane didn't love Casey like she loves Maura, and knows how Maura loves her, yet she chooses to pursue Casey instead. And then to have that man treat the woman she loves the way he did, and have to pick up the pieces of her broken heart – their broken hearts – because he was too proud, too cowardly to see what he could have? And Maura could never tell her. She knows she has to wait for Jane to realize this on her own. And Maura could be patient because Jane…Jane would be more than worth it. She already is more than worth it.
She set about the kitchen to prepare a light dinner for when Jane was out of the shower. Thankfully, Angela had left perfectly proportioned leftovers in the freezer, so she didn't have to put much effort or thought into it. Once the containers were out and the plate was in the oven, Maura went up to her bathroom to take a much needed shower, followed by a hot bath.
Once the water ran clear after washing her hair for the third time, Jane shut off the water and exited the shower. She quickly toweled off and threw on a pair of gray sweats and a white tank top before she made her way down to the kitchen. It was then, as she walked into the kitchen to pull the heated leftovers out of the oven, that Jane realized she was home. Maura was her home. Maura, who kept her shampoo and soaps in the guest bathroom. Maura, who let her have a dresser filled with her things in the guest bedroom. Maura, who kept her beer in her fridge. Maura, who had a bed for Jo Friday in her living room, which the little pooch was currently sleeping in, and always had her food on hand. Maura, who knew she would be hungry and set the leftovers to be warmed by the time she finished showering. Maura, who never failed to tell her the truth and always, always stood by her side. It was times like these that overwhelmed her with her love for that woman; and she was absolutely bowled over by Maura's love for her.
Jane quietly knocked on Maura's bathroom door while balancing a tray with dinner, a glass of wine and a bottle of beer in her left hand. At Maura's barely audible 'come in', Jane toed the door open and tried to keep her breathing pattern somewhat normal.
Maura lay back in the bath, damp hair twisted up with loose tendrils falling to frame her face and starting to curl as they dried. Both arms rested on the sides of the tub as she softly smiled up at Jane. She returned her smile while passing Maura her glass of wine and silently both cursing and thanking her lucky stars for the scented bubbles that were miraculously covering Maura.
"You're welcome, Maur."
Jane took a seat on the stool next to the tub, close to Maura's head. She twirled the pasta around her fork, with a bite of chicken, and shoveled it into her mouth. She hummed in appreciation of her Ma's excellent cooking skills.
"Did you eat while I showered?"
"No, I was hoping you would share."
She twirled a smaller amount of pasta around the fork, with a bite of broccoli at the end and lifted it towards her doctor. Jane was mesmerized as Maura leaned forward and slowly wrapped her lips around the fork and moaned her appreciation for the food. Jane's heartbeat spiked as she watched Maura's tongue peek out to catch a bit of sauce at the corner of her mouth. How does she make eating sexy?
"Yes. Your mother's cooking is always wonderful."
Her heart swelled as she thought of how wholly Maura has been accepted into her family. Maura's affection for her mother always warmed her heart, and her mother honestly couldn't be more pleased to finally have a doctor in the family, especially because it was Maura.
They continued in this fashion until the plate was cleared. They sat, sipping their beverages and enjoying each other's quiet company. At some point, Jane's arm had come to rest across the back of the tub, behind Maura's head. Her fingers had been gently toying with the slightly curled hair at the base of Maura's neck. It felt so natural, so soothing to do something as simple as twist the curls around her fingertips, and Maura clearly enjoyed it. Her eyes had closed and her head had tipped forward, a small smile curling those gorgeous lips.
Once their drinks were finished, Maura signaled for Jane to pass her towel. Jane stood, feeling rather bold, and held the overly plush towel up for Maura to step into. They locked eyes as Maura slowly rose from the water, rivulets and bubbles trailing over yoga toned curves and planes. She deserved an award for maintaining eye contact, but those eyes were so captivating. Maura's subtle smirk indicated she knew exactly where Jane's thoughts had been heading. But tonight, tonight was about comfort. Tonight was about feeling whole and safe; she could wait to push Jane's buttons another time. As she stepped into the towel, Jane carefully wrapped it around her and pulled her into an embrace. They held each other for minutes, or hours, reveling in the sensation of feeling so wholly at peace, at home, with another person.
Eventually, Jane broke the silence. "Can we watch SportsCenter for a little while?"
"Of course, Jane. I'll be down shortly."
Both were reluctant to separate, but once Jane had gone downstairs, Maura made her way over to the vanity. She examined her reflection as she took care of her hair, moisturized and momentarily debated putting a little make up on. No, Jane always seemed to be a little more flustered by her when she was fresh-faced. A little perfume, however, would be agreeable. She dabbed a bit on her wrists and just behind her ears, knowing Jane particularly loved this scent. She headed over to the closet, debating her sleepwear. She could opt for her usual silk pajamas, but ever since Casey had re-appeared in their lives, she had taken to wearing a silk nightgown in Jane's presence. Yes, it was daring and borderline inappropriate at times. But it was a much more fun way to remind Jane of what she could have, if only she would come to her senses. She settled on a silvery gray silk nightgown that fell to mid thigh, with a lace trim that accentuated her cleavage and clung to her waist. Yes, tonight was about comfort, warmth and safety. But that didn't mean she couldn't give Jane a nudge. With a smirk, she made her way downstairs to join Jane for SportsCenter.
Jane was sprawled out on the couch, left arm draped across the back, beer in hand, with one leg propped up against the back of the couch and the other resting on the coffee table. Maura didn't have the heart to reprimand her tonight. Instead, she chose to tap the leg that was resting against the back of the couch until Jane lowered it to the coffee table, and nestled herself into Jane's side. Jane raised an eyebrow, her eyes raking down Maura's frame and taking on an almost predatory look. She brought her arm down to rest along Maura's shoulders, reveling in the warmth that radiated through the silk material. Maura was impossibly warm, impossibly smooth and impossibly soft. She wanted nothing more than to get lost in this woman. She handed her beer off to Maura, who took a sip, set it on the coffee table and fully curled herself into Jane's side. She was constantly amazed at how someone so slim, someone who was all hard edges, could be so incredibly comfortable to cuddle up to. Jane's arm gradually drifted down to her waist, with her hand coming to a rest on her hip. Warmth radiated from Jane's hand throughout her entire body, and Maura wondered if it was not, in fact, possible for your heart to burst with happiness. Both sighed in contentment and drifted off to sleep a few minutes later.
Jane slowly awoke, back pressed firmly into the back of the couch, right arm bent and acting as Maura's pillow. She instantly flushed as she realized their intimate positioning. Her left hand had settled over Maura's midsection and was slowly rising and falling with each breath she took. As her eyes adjusted in the darkness, she noticed the scrap of silk that acted as a poor excuse for a strap on Maura's nightgown had somehow slid down her shoulder during her slumber. Her stomach pleasantly plummeted as she drank in the sight of Maura's smooth, bare shoulder and the newly exposed top of a luscious breast. God, the woman was mouthwatering. Jane blindly, yet carefully, felt across the back of the couch for a blanket to cover them with. She paused when she felt Maura stirring – too afraid to wake her and bring this dream to an end.
Maura was gently pulled from sleep as she felt Jane fidgeting behind her, and felt a loss of warmth as Jane turned slightly away to reach for something. She then realized just how intimately they were intertwined – Jane's arm crooked under her head, Jane's chest partially pressed into her back, their legs slightly tangled – and a slight thrill rushed through her, leaving her covered in goose bumps from head to toe as heat rushed to her core. She felt Jane drape a blanket over their legs and waists and then carefully settle back behind her, though regrettably, she left a little space between them. The sleep and arousal induced haze dared Maura to move closer. Body thrumming with awareness, she reached for the scarred palm that was currently resting at her hip and pulled a strong, thin arm around her and nestled their hands together between her breasts. She couldn't suppress the satisfied hum that escaped her lips as she brought her hips back, shimmying until she was fully pressed into her detective.
Jane froze, completely overwhelmed with the sensation of that gloriously rounded ass pressing back into her and that breathy little hum. Her body was no longer her own, now alight with arousal, she pulled Maura even closer and couldn't resist nuzzling the exposed neck. She slowly ghosted her nose and lips from the base of Maura's neck to the delicious smelling soft spot just under her ear – up, down, and up again for a second time – lingering to press a soft kiss just under her ear, before sighing and settling into golden waves for a peaceful night's rest.
Maura's breath caught as Jane nuzzled her neck, wetness gathering between her legs at a speed she couldn't fathom. She bit her lip, both praying the delicious torture would end before she moaned outright and made a fool of herself, and hoping that Jane would have noticed that she, too, was awake and more than receptive. Her arousal battled with the calm wash of comfort that came over her, being held by Jane with such conviction and caring. Ultimately, comfort won out as she drifted off to sleep again.
Sunlight streamed through the curtains, gently rousing the slumbering detective and doctor. They had shifted during the night, blanket all but forgotten, and Jane now rested flat on her back with one arm wrapped securely around Maura's waist – Maura now had her face buried in the crook of Jane's neck, with one leg slung over Jane's hips in a manner that could only be described as possessive, and a hand loosely holding the neck of Jane's tank top. Jane felt her heart and stomach clench simultaneously as she took in the sight of Maura curled around her so possessively, and a warm rush sent arousal pooling between her legs as she noticed just how far Maura's silky nightgown had ridden up. A seemingly endless plane of toned, creamy thigh was wedged between her own and it took all her might to resist grinding up.
She felt Maura stirring in her arms. Would she feel the heat radiating from her center as she woke?
Maura's lips were sliding against her neck as she roused, and fuck if her tongue hadn't just swiped against her neck as she wetted those pouty lips. Spontaneous human combustion? Very, very real.
Maura felt Jane tense, and felt her pulse throbbing beneath her lips. She barely resisted gently biting down on that pulse point, but she was far too weak to resist wetting her lips and sneaking a taste of her detective. God, the woman was delicious. She stretched, gently arching her back and pressing her hips further into Jane's – both quelling and stoking the ache she felt there. Another satisfied hum was loath to be repressed.
A breathy 'fuck' escaped Jane's lips. She had to put a stop to this now, before she completely lost control.
Maura smiled at the endearment. And that voice. She would give up half her shoeboxes to hear that voice, extra deep and raspy from sleep, every morning. Half her shoeboxes…who was she kidding? Her shoeboxes didn't stand a chance.
"Morning, Jane. Did you sleep well?"
Jane chuckled lightly. "Yeah, you?"
She hummed in response and lifted her head to ask "What time is it?"
Jane looked down into those sleepy hazel green eyes and momentarily forgot to breathe. Could anything be more beautiful? She looked down to her watch. It was a quarter after 9. "Too late to make it to morning yoga."
A sleepy pout overtook Maura's face. Oh. Something could be more beautiful. Jane suddenly wanted to take it back, to do anything to put a smile on her doctor's face, but morning yoga was out of the question. No, stretchy Maura working up a light sheen of sweat in clothing that left next to nothing to her already overactive imagination was beyond her realm of control this morning.
It was going to be another long day.