Author's Note: Sorry, Fanfic won't let me do the full summary that is on Fimfiction so I'll do it here:
What causes one to commit suicide? Why would one so loved and cherished take their own life? Twilight Sparkle ponders this as she looks over the three letters she was left from Spike, her lover, her best friend, her dragon.
As she journeys down the cruel and harsh path of her most loyal and honest friend, her mind shatters and she questions her life and what it is worth.
Meanwhile Spike himself is escorted by Death to his punishment for his sins, as he learns that sometimes the actions preformed in the heat of the moment, are ones that could lose the pony who holds his heart forever.
Twilight's eyes were puffy, the fur on her face stained with tears as she held his body, her number one assistant, her best friend, her lover, or who had been for the past year.
Spike the dragon, seventeen years old and unofficially known by the two of them as Spike Sparkle was on the tile bathroom floor, red blood dripping across the entire area as his right claw was stained with the substance, the life giving liquid that kept all creatures alive, his throat slashed open with the limb itself, his eyes closed.
The lavender furred unicorn with her dark blue mane that held a single strip of pink, the same color tail, blinked her purple eyes before lifting her head from the position that it was on, her mate's chest, ignoring the blood on her chin before she looked and saw the small, clear and heart breaking message addressed to her alone by the dragon before he did the action that took his life.
Took him away from her for reasons she could not understand, that ripped her heart from her chest and made her question her existence in Equestria and her life itself.
Her eyes shifted to the note that made her sob in hysterics every time she laid eyes on them;
"I'm sorry, Twi."
Were the only words written in the reflective glass, smeared with the drake's own blood before he had lost more blood than his body could keep in from the wound and fell to the ground as he no doubt breathed his last breath…and died.
A single burnt out Diseased Stallion cigarette, tottering on the edge of the white marble sink ,was close to falling into the drain, the odor being scented through the confined space, making Twilight scrunch her nose in disgust, but she decided to ignore it, in too much emotional agony to give a damn about some tobacco.
She did not understand, Spike and her have been together for a year, they had shared secrets that they would never tell anyone else, even the Gods themselves.
They had battled enemies with their friends that would make lesser willed creatures surrender in defeat; they had made love with one another that would make creatures in the earliest state of love and lust blush from their physical passion.
They were soul mates, in the noblest forms, they knew everything about the other and would never hide lies or distrust from the other. They would help carry their sins that chained them down together with no exception.
So… Why had the purple scaled drake with his light green underbelly, fins and spines. Not to mention his ancient, playful emerald colored eyes, perform the most taboo of sins to himself? Of what purpose did it serve those of the living, those who cherished him and loved him, if he was taken from them by his own claws?
Twilight wanted to know the answer more than anything, she needed to know…for it was the only thing keeping her sane, and not having darker intentions creep into her mind.
*Two weeks later*
Twilight Sparkle sighed loudly, resting her body on the blue colored couch that she had gotten three years ago. Painful, soul wrenching memories seeped into her mind as she remembered she and Spike had first made love on this couch when he was sixteen and she twenty two years of age.
They had gotten into a playful fight over who could win in a race between Rainbow Dash and Spitfire of the Wonderbolts while they quietly sipped from a bottle of red wine, their minds hazy from the alcohol. Before either of the two knew it, they were slowly pressing their lips together without meaning to.
Twilight's snout brushing against Spike's scales as they deepened the intoxicated, sloppy kiss and moaned before they went to a farther level of their actions, Spike flipping Twilight over as she laid on her back.
Sighing as she felt the softness of the couch on her fur and giggled when the dragon kissed her nose, then neck, making her moan, his right claw gently massaging her left ear as his left slowly stroked through her chest fur, softly feeling one of her teats as she gasped from the contact, not knowing how such a sensation was so relaxing, making her marehood drip with her vaginal juices as she whined for more from the skilled dragon, making him only smirk.
He had been impressive in what he had done to the mare before his eyes, so much so that Twilight, even in her drunken mind, wondered if he had done such before, but knowing that could not be the case for he had told her he loved her, and only her as his crush with Rarity had faded when he was fourteen, knowing the mare would never give her heart to the reptile as he had wished when he was twelve.
He kissed her lips which she opened without hesitation and intertwined their tongues, being awkward as she had never had her first kiss with any creature but him. After a fierce battle of the tongues, in which he reigned supreme, he laughed kissing her on the forehead before he breathed softly on her wet neck fur, making her moan before allowing his right claw to slide down to her soaked marehood, and teasingly stroke it with a claw, making her gasp before she had grabbed his head and-
Twilight cut off the painful, but passionate, memory before it could go farther, and rip her heart in two. As she levitated with her magical pink aura a single wine glass and a bottle of forty year old red wine, uncorking the top before filling the glass to the brim and taking a sip, a moisture was forming on the edge of her eyes, causing slow tears to run down her face as she looked at the three pieces of yellow paper before her eyes on the small tan oak table before her, seeing that the words were written by Spike and addressed for Twilight's eyes only.
She had found the papers on the bed upon which she and Spike slept together before she had found his body in the bathroom, but had never given them a glance over, even once, as she was too busy being emotionally drained from the dragon's suicide.
With a larger swallow of her wine, ignoring the alcohol burning her throat, she took her first look at the first letter of three, this particular one titled
Taking my life with my own claws; a tale of tragedy and sin.
With a large swallow of spittle caught in her esophagus, she brought the paper to her eyes, and with a deep breath and soft sob, began to read.
'My dearest Twilight Sparkle,
My love, my heart, and the only pony that I would ever give my heart fully to, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Twi…I was never the strong, gentle and passionate dragon that you hatched, that you grew up with and eventually fell in love with.
I was merely a shell that lied and tricked you into believing my words were not false, I was nothing but a teenage reptile that hid my emotions behind a mental wall and my words cloaked in false sympathy, I lied to you Twilight, I broke your heart. Even worse….I betrayed you.
I spoke harsh words behind your back and cursed your name as I hung around a dark crowd that used me for nothing more than their own amusement and relief from their own sins….nothing more than a drug I guess.
I could not bear the guilt and shame if I told you the truth, if I had spoken these words to your face, for I knew you would throw me out of the house, wanting absolutely nothing to do with me and knowing how your mindset works you would have fallen in a deep depression in which you could not escape from with losing the only creature who ever had a romantic interest in you and perhaps would have taken your own life, as I have done.
Did you know I did drugs? No, I don't think you ever had any idea of the demons I had indulged in while you were studying or with your friends, while you kissed Princess Celestia's ass like a good, loyal student.
As if the Goddess of the Sun would have ever truly noticed a normal, pathetic, far too studious mortal unicorn mare such as you, as if it would have made any difference what you had done to impress her.
Did you know that I smoked? Well, I'm guessing from the butts of those cigarettes under our bed that you do now. Did you ever wonder why I did it despite the fact that you hated it?
Because it relaxed me, it was my stress reliever when I did not have the bits for the booze or drugs and as for why I had gotten into the act, it was because it kept me from tearing my own scales off in rage from the fights we often got into, they kept me from back clawing you or physically harming you when you got into my face with angry, hurtful words or how you always wanted to prove that you were right in the most annoying way possible.
I used to pray to the Gods, Luna to be exact, praying that she would bless our love before it crumbled to dust as I often believed it would…. but I stopped, once I noticed no change in our 'love', in our romance, or even in our words.
Part of me even wondered if you had cheated on me… heh, but it was the other way around.
My words are harsh because what I speak is the truth Twilight, as much as I love you, as much as I never wanted a more perfect pony in all my life, these letters will be written not only with honestly, but with my guilt, my shame…my sins. I can't hide anything from you Twilight; you deserve to know it all even though I would wish otherwise.
You always said that there should never be secrets between romantic partners, maybe your right but I warn you….your mind and heart must be strong, for you are about to travel a very dark road, my road in which you will forever be changed because of it, for better or worse, which is your choice alone.
I love you Twilight Sparkle, and though I never expect you to forgive me, I just want you to understand the path I have taken… One which lead me to my permanent action.
With love, honesty and regret,
Twilight read the dark written letter over and over again, her mind not comprehending just what the drake had wrote, that he had gotten only farther and farther into darkness and never informed her, with a wail of anguish and sorrow she threw her half full glass of alcohol against the wall, making it shatter upon contact, her mind starting to crack from the emotional stress and heart break of her former mate, as Spike the dragon stood in the realm of Death itself, awaiting judgment for his sins.
As the unicorn wept in the realm of the living, Spike stood confused as to where he was, seeing nothing before him but white which his feet stood on, there was not any sound, or sense of a single form of life around him as he looked behind him, seeing nothing and not knowing what was to be done. He turned around once more and saw a large dragon skeleton, the size of Garble himself when he was a teenager, the red scaled male dragon bully of Spike when he was but a boy.
The dragon skeleton wore a long, black cloaked robe that moved as if they were a part of his body, with large skeleton wings flapping softly outside his cloak, in his front right claw he held a large, black stick, with a curved, shining silver blade at the tip as he reached his left claw towards Spike and spoke in a cold, emotionless voice.
"Come Spike Sparkle, Tartarus awaits your soul for the sins you have committed in the land of the living."
I scowled, offended at the immortal being that dared to address me with such injustice.
"And why the buck should I care about my punishment? Will my sins offend the Gods themselves?! I'm nothing but a-"
"That is correct, reptile. You are nothing, nothing but a worthless, weak, scaled lizard who has the nerve to disobey a creature far superior to you, drake!" Death spoke with a growl, his long bone tail waving in rage outside of his cloak, that went unnoticed by me before, as I gritted my fangs and narrowed my eyes.
How dare the reaper of souls try to tell me what to do, I was a dragon for the Gods sake, granted still a baby compared to the large, fully grown adults but a dragon nonetheless, our species was the most fierce and proud of all Equestria and even beyond it, I would not be mocked by some damn, eternal skeleton.
"You dare scoff a dragon, bitch! I'll smash your brittle bones into dust, I'll rip off your bucking wings and shove them up your-" my loud, angered rant was cut off by a bony claw wrapping around my throat, cutting off my voice as my eyes filled with fear that Death himself was annoyed by me, irritated by my words no doubt as I shut my mouth immediately.
"Your words of false promises, while amusing are causing you nothing but farther suffering for the lies spewing from your tongue, dragon, unless you wish for your entire existence to be wiped for all of time from the minds of even the Gods, I suggest you silence your tongue." Death growled, and even though we both knew that I would feel no pain as I was now a soul, it was still an unpleasant sensation.
The cruel, cold words of what the grim reaper had spoken vibrated through my mind, was it true that he could remove my entire existence from the mind and memories of even the Gods themselves with only his scythe?
My eyes shifted over to the weapon in which the immortal skeleton took and judged all souls from every creature, normal or mystical alone.
I needed to get that weapon, if it was powerful enough to erase even the soul of a creature, perhaps it could even restore the life of a soul….if that was even possible.
With an enraged growl, I pulled back my left leg as far as I could and swung it deep into Death's chest who stumbled back, stunned from the blow but not injured as he had no flesh or organs before I reached my right claw for the scythe, which Death smacked hard into my forehead and threw me away from him six feet, I had reason to believe that if I had my body that it would have hurt, a lot.
But as it was, I felt no pain, only an icy chill as I stood up slowly, my eyes narrowing to mere slits as Death now held his weapon in both claws, his empty eyes glaring at me with fury before his large, bony wings flapped twice, his tail waving behind him, eager to be of use against the challenge I had offered Death.
Death bellowed in rage "How dare you attack me with your pathetic, small claws, shade. I will tear your soul into a thousand pieces before I am finished with you." He roared as I just now realized I had no weapons of my own except... except my claws and tail, not to mention my green flames, if they were even able to work after I had left my body, and of course, my fangs, if needed.
So all hope was not lost, I was going to fight Death himself if it meant returning to my body and my beautiful, lavender furred mate. How this battle would go, was something only Fate herself knew.
"What about my punishment, surely the Gods would be upset if you did not do your job and send me to Tartarus." I spat, only angering the dragon skeleton more.
"The Gods can wait, I'm sure the Judge of Tartarus would understand if I send you to her in nothing more than fragments, it has been done before with rebellious souls, you are not the first, reptile." He answered back, his wings flapping four times before he charged me as I knew somehow that what he spoke was true, and that not for the first time, my mouth had gotten me into very deep shit.
I did not even had time to snap out of my mental thinking before I felt a large, rather strong, curled claw slam into my right cheek and throw me six feet to the left, as I rolled hard into the ground, making not a sound upon contact before I stood on shaking legs, feeling an odd shiver of discomfort through my body before curling my claws. Oh, it was ON!
I shook my head to clear the shiver from my system, as well as the quote I stole from Rarity, before feeling an icy rush of air and dodging Death's scythe swiftly as he swung it to my neck, intent on taking my head before I ducked, dodging the blade by a millimeter, but the tall spine on my head was not so lucky as I watched it get sliced off, knowing that blood would have flown from it had I been alive before I curled my right claw and upper cutted Death's right jaw, making his body be thrown back three feet.
I felt proud of myself for a second that I could actually go against the grim reaper himself, but my excitement was quickly losing fulfillment as Death merely gripped his scythe in rage before flapping his wings, propelling himself hard into my body as he slammed his left claw hard into my stomach and gripping my throat in his tail, he growled, about to speak before I blew a large stream of green fire in his face, making him drop my body with a thud as I took advantage of his surprise without hesitation.
I opened my arms as I tackled his form hard and into the ground, slamming my claws into his face, hearing a small crack I as continued with my assault before I felt a large, fully grown tail wrap around my throat before my body was lifted off Death's with ease, as he smashed me hard to his left before doing the same with his right and then throwing me farther into the ground, one yard away as the skeleton stood slowly, my body shivering with an icy numbness as I slowly stood, coughing out smoke and somehow blood.
I looked at my own blood on the ground with fascination, never knowing that I, as a soul could bleed before it vanished before my eyes, leaving nothing but the harsh white that made Death's realm.
Lifting my head, I narrowed my eyes, wanting that scythe to get back my body, life and mate before I had chosen the action that changed everything for me.
Standing up on numbed legs, I took four steps towards Death before he flew at me and slapped my body hard into the ground, then grabbing my neck with an icy cold claw, whispered his dark, cruel words into my left ear fin.
"I would have given up by now if I was you, shade, you are weak, fragile, and nothing more than a hindrance to me, not a threat in the slightest, you cannot slay me, you cannot cause me harm, you will NOT win!" he screamed, as I had enough of his ranting, and back clawed his face with my right claw before punching my left claw into his nose which shattered from the blow before spinning around quickly as he dropped me and slapped his face with my tail, I stepped back six feet quickly, making the dragon skeleton roar, not from what would have been pain if he had been flesh, but from the shock of damaging his form with my own claws.
"HOW DARE YOU TOUCH ME WITH YOUR FILTY CLAWS, LIZARD, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH, YOUR SUFFER AND TORMENT WILL LAST FAR LONGER BY MY CLAWS THEN YOUR PUNISHMENT EVER COULD!" He screamed, his mouth spewing with black flames as he glared at me, making my body shiver before he flapped his wings and once more lifted into the air.
Death charged me again, but this time he gripped my throat in his right claw before flying up into the air and dangling me sixty feet off the ground, he growled with irritation that a mere mortal reptile like myself could defy him and cause his spiritual body harm.
He squeezed my neck harder, making me cough up blood before I, in a last minute decision punched him the face and set his cloak on fire, the emerald flames climbing up the cloth rapidly before he dropped me, trying to stop the flames from advancing and blowing them away with his wings as I fell from his grasp, knowing at the last second that I had no wings myself, what a dumbass I am.
As I dropped, seeing the ground before me, I was roughly gripped by my left leg, doing all I could to keep my tail from wrapping around Death's leg in fear of dropping and anger of my enemy, I would show as much mercy to him, as he did to me.
I looked up, seeing how Death had caught me with his tail and smirked, before I slammed my right claw hard into his tail hearing the bones crack as the lower part of his tail crumbled to dust, making him roar in annoyance as my body was dropped once again, but not before I grabbed his scythe in my tail, hearing the howls of his fury above me as I smashed into the ground as if I had run into a train, but besides my body feeling as though it had froze, I was not harmed.
I heard Death's roars of rage above me as I smiled holding his scythe in my tail before I brought it to my right claw and slowly standing up, though it felt like it took five minutes, I held it in both claws as Death flew swiftly in front of me, his fangs gritted in hatred as he held out his right claw.
"Give back the scythe, mortal. NOW!" he screeched, his voice holding anger I never thought possible as my smirk grew even more smug and I twirled it like a baton, knowing I had defeated Death himself.
"I don't think so, I won, guess that means I'm Death now." I mocked as I laughed before looking at the sliver blade that had taken more souls then I could possibly imagine.
Death somehow knew what I was thinking as he, with an annoyed growl, sighed.
"The scythe cannot give you your life back, mortal. It has powers the likes of which your feeble mind could never comprehend, but it cannot give you your body back, did you think you were the first to wonder this, reptile?!" he snarled as I gripped the wood in my claws hard, feeling them shake in rage as I felt cheated from all that I had just been through.
I felt an icy cold rush of air blow pass my body as Death stood over me, intent on getting back his weapon as I in my anger held the blade to his chin.
"Don't move you bastard." I spat as he let out an emotionless chuckle.
"And what will you do, dragon? Slay me? Do you have any idea what it would cause to all of creation, not just the living world but the dead and even the Gods themselves if you destroy me with my own scythe?!" Death snarled, in no mood for my childish games, I guess, as I shouted back.
"NO, I don't, why don't you bucking tell me, you damn skeleton!" I screamed as he only gave another emotionless chuckle, which was really starting to piss me off.
"You mortals honestly believe you understand the ways of the dead, no matter… if you were to slay me, dragon, then it would cause not only your entire existence to fade, but also every other living creature, then the dead, and slowly but surely the Gods, even Fate herself will be taken into oblivion, nothingness, darkness, ceasing all existence itself. Erasing all creation itself in this universe, all because of one selfish, worthless, mortal dragon soul which is you, Spike Sparkle." Death answered calmly as I stood with my mouth open in shock and terror, realizing the seriousness of his words as they weighed heavily upon my being.
But my pride was wounded and I had to try, I could not just give up on Twilight, I could just not surrender after all the shit I had just been through, I could not let my love down, she was the only thing I had left.
"Then who do I talk to, to restore my body?!" I shouted as the Angel of Death only sighed loudly. How he did such with no lungs, was something one could only guess.
"If you must find a way to restore your soul back to your body then you must speak with Fate, the creator of all creation herself, but no mortal or even the Gods can speak with her, it is forbidden by ancient laws, even I have only spoke with her once.
For you to do so would unbalance the laws of the universe itself, Spike Sparkle." He spoke slowly, as if I was nothing more than a baby, which made me snap with rage as I brought the scythe back about to swing it at him with all my might but he merely smacked my entire body away with his tail then grabbed the weapon as my body flew into the air before slamming into the ground.
I was thrown six feet away from him before I saw a large gash on the side of my left hip,the wound dripping blood like a river before it sealed up by itself and the blood disappeared, glaring at Death whose body was instantly healing, including his cloak and tail before he slammed the end of the scythe firmly into the ground and groaned loudly as his snout once again reformed from where I had broken it.
"I admire your persistence, reptile, you have gotten closer to my scythe and threat to destroy me than any creature ever has, and I have fought a God before, how amusing. But you have failed, which is of no surprise. All creatures cannot fathom when and why they die and must be sent to their punishment." He whispered before letting out an emotionless chuckle.
"Now, if you are done with your temper, it is time to pass on to your punishment, come, Spike Sparkle." He spoke and turned around, walking slowly away from me as I felt tears run down my face where I stood, my spiritual body draining of the rage I had felt before wiping my tears with my tail, followed after the reaper of souls, having no other choice in the matter. I had lost after all.
Author's Note: This will be a very, very dark story so I'm hoping all of you can understand and give your thoughts and options on such, it will be three, maybe four chapters. Most likely three. Enjoy and please read and reivew my fellow author friends.
Very special thanks to DarianStephens, he's done a real amazing job that I could not with being an editor, means a lot to me.