TOTAL DRAMA TWIST
Episode 1: The Legend of Bozo
Hello, this is TIAW Mr. Coconut Beatle here. This was my first fic, and in retrospect it wasn't all that great. As such, I've decided to rewrite it, changing the script to story style, correcting typos and plot-holes, making the dialogue less awkward and more humorous, and switching around a few eliminations so that the story makes more sense.
I'll fix the 19 chapters I uploaded over the last year and a half one by one, before continuing on with the story and finishing it. This story was originally in script, something that will definitely be fixed this time around. I never had any intention of breaking site rules, but I'd already written a few chapters and I skimmed through the rules, assuming my fic wouldn't be breaking any. By the time I realized my mistake, I'd thought it was too late, but now I'm finally fixing it as well as all the other careless errors I made. Confessionals will still be in script, however. This was my first fic and I've improved greatly since then.
Anyway, this fic is about a fifth season with 13 characters competing. The cast consists of 5 veterans, 5 ROTI cast members, Mr. Coconut, and 2 OCs. Don't worry, though, the OCs don't get a lot of screen-time and I guarantee neither of them will make it to the final two.
This fic is rated K Plus for cartoon violence, mild crude humor, very mild language, and lots of explosions. Lots of explosions.
As I'll be fixing one chapter at a time, there will be a confusing point in the story for a while where the better, fixed version switches back to the old story between chapters. I'd recommend waiting for me to renew those chapters before reading them, as otherwise there'll be lots of inconsistencies in the plot because of what I've changed.
This is probably the longest author's note I've ever written. Enough blabbering from me, let the story begin!
Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own Total Drama or any of its characters, nor am I making any profit from this fanfiction.
The Dock of Shame, restored to its former glory, was seen as the scene faded in. The voice of the world's handsomest (and likely dumbest) host came from off-screen. "The island. A tropical paradise. Its lush exotic beauty is exceeded by none. Waves crash gently on the shore as a warm ocean breeze- - -what the? Chef! This isn't my opening script, this is a Hawaiian travel brochure!"
Chef's voice also came from off-screen, after a nonchalant whistle. "Erm, what opening script ya talkin' about, Chris? I never saw no openin' script."
"Ya know! My opening script! The one I'd been preparing for weeks!"
"Oh, that script. Yeah, I know what'cha mean now."
"Well, do you know where it is?" Chris was starting to get exasperated.
"Chef! Where is my script?!" screamed Chris angrily.
"Um, I kinda blended it up into my mystery meat smoothie. Yum."
"What? Chef!" Chris groaned. "At least I didn't eat it."
"Well, I also sorta hid part of it in your veil parmesan de flamingo."
"Why would you do that?!" Chris was angry again.
"Wanted you to eat your own words for once." The big man laughed nervously.
Chris face-palmed. "You and your stupid logic, Chef. Cut! Cut! We're starting over! And no dumb intern better put this clip in the final cut while I'm not looking!" The screen faded to back, only to quickly fade back in.
Chris stood on the Dock of Shame, a grin a mile wide plastered on his face. "Welcome back to Wawanakwa! This time, Total Drama is gonna be more hilarious, epic, and insanely dangerous than ever before! Every challenge is gonna have a major twist to it, and, boy oh boy, those teens won't know what hit them." The host laughed a moderately evil laugh. "I hate to focus the camera away from my gorgeous self, but reality show hosting isn't all it's cracked up to be. Like, last week I had to stay at a 4.9 star hotel! Now that's what I call roughin' it. They only provided three soap bars instead of four, the view wasn't perfect, and the room service took longer than 30 seconds to show up! My gosh, it sucked."
"Get back on topic," whispered the cameraman.
Chris cocked his head. "What? Oh right, yeah. As I was saying, it's time to meet the cast!" He stood there for a while, with the same obnoxiously happy countenance. After a few minutes, he glanced around, annoyed. "This is a half-hour show! I don't have all day here!
Overhead, Chef was piloting Chris' helicopter. The door opened, and ten teens and a coconut fell out, splashing into Lake Wawanakwa. Ezekiel, Noah, Izzy, Heather, Owen, Staci, Dawn, Mike, Zoey, and Lightning all surfaced and started swimming to shore, with varying amounts of success. The coconut bobbed up and was revealed to be none other than Mr. Coconut himself.
Zeke spat out a stream of water, took a few strokes, and started sinking. "Help! Help! I can't swim, eh! I can't swim!"
"Move it or lose it, Zeke," deadpanned Heather, elbowing the Canadian prairie boy as she swam past.
Chris laughed. "Hurry up, all of you! It's called swimming, not floating."
Staci stopped swimming to be obnoxious. "Yah, my great-great-uncle Smurfel invented water. Before him, people had a hard time drowning." As soon as she finished her sentence, she started drowning herself. Fortunately for the chatterbox (and unfortunately for the rest of us), Lightning rescued her.
Everyone eventually pulled themselves up onto the dock, with the exceptions of Zeke, Owen, and Mr. Coconut. Owen threw Mr. Coconut, hitting Izzy in the head. The crazy chick held a hand to the bruise, and then went psycho. "What?! No coconuts shall dare defy me! I eat coconuts for breakfast!
"Izzy, no!" yelled Owen, horrified. "Don't eat Mr. Coconut; he's too young to die!
"Aw, c'mon," sighed Izzy. "Coconuts are my favorite vegetables, and I believe in eating healthy."
"Eating healthy?! Izzy, are you out of your mind?!'
The insane girl giggled. "Don't worry Owen, I was just joking!"
Chris gave the former couple a weird look before pulling out his walkie-talkie. Owen and Zeke were still flailing around in the water, and he definitely needed Chef's help to get them out. "Yo dude, where's the fishing net?" The cook answered him with an 'almost there', and Chris put the walkie-talkie away.
The helicopter flew back overhead, dropping a fishing net. Zeke and Owen were caught up in it, but their combined weight (or really just Owen's weight) was too much for the helicopter, which did a nosedive and headed straight for the ground. As the aircraft crashed, Chef jumped out and ran away screaming while Owen and Zeke landed with a thump on the dock.
Staci: Yay, my first confessional! You know, my great-great-great-aunt Smelly invented Reality TV confessionals. Before that, everyone had to tell everyone their secrets out where everybody could hear!
Owen: Man, I am so pumped to be back here! I tried to come back last season, but that didn't turn out so well.
End of Confessionals
"Okay everyone, let's welcome Staci!" exclaimed Chris.
"Yah, my great-aunt Boris- - -" began Staci, before the middle-aged host cut her off.
"Shut up," ordered Chris, before returning to introductions. "Meet Mike, who is wonderfully cured of Multiple Personality Disorder!" He winked at the camera suspiciously.
Mike: It's great to be starting off a season completely cured of MPD! No worries, problems, or anything. Yep, it's all hunky-dory and hakuna matata here. Definitely.
End of Confessionals
"Zoey! Izzy! And Owen!" announced Chris. Zoey waved, while Izzy bared her teeth and growled.
Owen waved at the camera. "Hi! I'm breaking the third wall!"
"Much like my sanity is breaking," quipped Noah.
Chris rolled his eyes mischeviously. "Meet Noah, the world's cheeriest barrel of laughs!"
"Gee Chris. Nice analogy," replied the egghead sarcastically.
"I know," said Chris. "I compliment myself on my grammaticaler correctness. And splleing too. Now, as we all know, every reality show has to have a couple contestants with no actual brains! On Total Drama, we have Mr. Coconut, and Lightning!"
Mr. Coconut said and did nothing, as Lightning flexed his biceps proudly. "Sha-Lightning! Lightning's obviously gonna win this season. Two in a row! Sha-bam! It's a no-brainer."
"No-brainer. Yep," sneared Chris. "Anyways, let's not forget our formerly feral friend! Zeke the Freak!
Ezekiel stopped picking his nose to frown. "Can I get a new nickname, eh? I don't like that one.
"No. Also introducing- - -"
"Can I have some chockate milk, eh?"
"Um, okay. That's the most random thing I've heard in a while."
"Really? 'Cause I heard 'bout this disease called naivety, and I think I mighta caught it, eh."
"You think?" asked the host sarcastically. "Anyways, introducing Dawn!"
Dawn smiled good-naturedly. "It's wonderful to be back here, Chris. I hope evilness will not plague you this season as it did last year."
Chris grinned obliviously, before proceeding to gesture at the queen bee herself. "And finally, last and also most likely least, Heather."
Heather rolled her eyes. "Get a life, Chris."
"I already have one. It's annoying you. It pays good money too."
"That rhymed, eh," observed Zeke. "You said 'you', then you said 'too', so it was sorta funny."
"Thank you for that bit of intelligent conversation, Zeke," deadpanned Noah.
"Yoo're welcome, eh," replied the homeschooler proudly.
"Ahem," coughed Chris, interrupting the egghead and prairie boy's conversation. "This season, we also have two newcomers! Heads up!"
A kid fell out of the sky and landed on the dock. Everyone looked up, wondering where he came from. The boy, who had a heap of black hair and green eyes, got to his feet shakily. Although he wore jeans and sneakers, instead of a shirt the kid had on a black suit with a fancy white collared shirt and tie.
"Mysterious entrances," grinned Chris. "Good for ratings. Now, everybody give a huge round of applause for Blake!" Instead of the expected clapping, there was dead silence until the newcomer spoke up.
"Ugh. Where am I? My parents don't really like me falling out of the sky. I could get dirt on my suit, and I'm not allowed to get my suit dirty. What is this place?"
"It's Total Drama!" answered Chris nervously. "Ya know! The reality show you free-willingly signed up for!"
"I never signed up for- - -" began Blake, but Chris didn't let him finish, shushing him loudly. "But I didn't- - -" Blake tried to say, before being interrupted yet again.
"Zip it, kid!" hissed the host.
"I'm not even allowed to- - -"
He was interrupted for the third and final time as Chris shoved him into the lake. Surfacing, he started screaming. "Someone help me! I'm not allowed to swim!"
"Whoops. Accident," laughed Chris as inconspicuously as possible, which was actually extremely conspicuous. "Time to meet our final contestant this season, Annette!" A girl with frizzy blonde hair and blue glasses suddenly appeared in the middle of the dock. "Special effects. Also good for ratings," bragged the host.
Annette started to sing in a screechy, off-key voice. "It is I! Oh I love pizza pie! I could sing all day! Hip hip hooray! This show is awesome! I love my neighborhood opossum!" She looked around excitedly. "Seriously! There's this possum that lives behind my neighbor's shed!"
"My ears hurt, eh," whined Zeke.
Staci took the opportunity to lie. "Yah, my great-great-grandpa Harrison invented earaches. Before that, people had to deal with no pain in their ears."
Noah, meanwhile, took the opportunity to be sarcastic. "Oh the horror! So glad I didn't live back then."
"Well I did!" shouted Izzy, popping up behind the braniac and the pathological liar. "There was this person called Georgey Washington. Man, that guy could cross a river!"
Izzy: Ah George. You were so dreamy…
Noah: This season, I'm going all the way. Sure, Total Drama has had some tough competitors. There's Courtney and Alejandro, to name a few. But no one, and I repeat, no one, has seen what brains can do to this competition. The million is mine. It's a known fact, just like how books are always better than the movies and the other three were better than Ringo.
Blake: So this is a confessional, is it? I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to confess, so I'll just say my feelings. Last thing I remember, I was locked in a closet by this feral teen, then fell out in front of this Chris guy, who thought I was so funny I needed to be on this show. I don't really get it. Is it a spy movie or something? I don't see any secret agents. Are they hiding? I'm not allowed to hide. Hiding is dangerous. I could possibly injure myself by forgetting where I am. I don't know how that could injure me, but I don't like being forgetful. It makes you feel like you might have forgotten something. But I don't forget stuff that much. Well, there was that time I forgot how to tie my shoelace. So I didn't tie it. But then I fell down seven flights of stairs. It was moderately painful. So I decided, from then on, things would only be slightly painful. But then, I fell out of the sky today so that ruined that resolution. But at least- - -
(We're sorry; the rest of Blake's message could not be played. He ran the confessional cam out of batteries)
End of Confessionals
"Alright Chris," said Heather. "Let's just get this over with. What are the teams?"
"There are none."
Everyone gasped in shock, except for Zeke who cheered. Everyone gave him a weird look, prompting him to say "What? Every time we get those team thingamabobs, I always get the boot furst, eh! This time it ain't happenin'!"
"Hold your horses, Zeke," said Chris. "There are no teams…for now. Your first challenge is a free-for-all! And it starts in two hours at the Dock of Shame, right here. I'll let you go and unpack your stuff in a minute. Everyone can just leave their crap in the left cabin, until tomorrow when teams will be formed and one team will move to the other.
"But before you go, I need to tell you one last thing. This season works much the same way the others have. Three terrible meals a day in the mess hall, a challenge and elimination every few days, a million bucks for the winner. However, one major thing is different. Every single challenge will have an unpredictable twist. You'll never see it coming!"
"I think that's what unpredictable means, Chris," quipped Noah.
"I can be redundant if I want, bookworm. Anyway, these twists will be brutal, and could very well change the outcome of not just the challenge, but the entire game! Now get out of my sight, so we can kick off the first episode of TOTAL, DRAMA, TWIST!
The theme song played. It showed the camera sweeping past the dock, where Chris waved at it. Chef smiled at it, then gulped as it came nearer to him and smacked him in the face. After he disappeared the camera zoomed up the cliff, where it showed a squirrel punching Zeke in the face. As the camera "fell" off the cliff so did Zeke. Hitting the water, bubbles covered the screen. When they cleared, Izzy was swimming away from a shark, only to turn around and bite the shark back. Above the water, Noah was sitting in a boat, reading his trademark book, when Zeke landed on him.
Right after the moment of impact, the camera zoomed to the forest, where Mike was petting a raccoon. The raccoon bit his finger, causing him to wince in pain, inhale deeply, then scream at the wild creature. The camera zoomed to the waterfall, where Annette was singing on top of a log that went over the waterfall. At the bottom, Dawn was sitting cross-legged on a beam of wood going across the pool of water at the bottom of the waterfall, meditating. Suddenly, Annette flew past her and her mouth fell open. The camera moved to the outhouse confessional, where a bear was knocking on the door. Blake stuck his head out, screamed, and then ducked back in.
Chef's kitchen was shown next, with a small television in the background upon which Courtney and Cody could be seen. Lightning was dumping protein powder into his mouth before fist-pumping, while Heather was tied to a chair, being force-fed Chef Hatchet's special soup by Chef himself. The camera moved outside to the campfire pit, where Owen was holding Mr. Coconut and rocking back and forth giggling. Staci was seen on the dock, blabbing on while reading from a gigantic stack of papers. The camera shifted a little, showing Chris on the other side of the dock, covering his ears and yelling. He ran around and fell into the water. When he surfaced, in classic cartoon style, his head steamed over in anger, causing a fire.
The camera followed the fire embers up, and then back down, revealing the campfire. Zoey was sitting in front of it, looking nervous, before her eyebrows scrunched up and she grinned evilly, only to look around self-consciously when she saw Zeke and Mike sitting on either side of her. The camera panned out to show all thirteen contestants sitting on wooden logs around the campfire, as Chris stood nearby and grinned at the camera. A wooden sign was shown, where neon letters lit up, saying TOTAL DRAMA TWIST.
Lightning ran to the Dock of Shame, followed by Noah and Blake walking at a more casual place. Everyone else had yet to arrive.
"Lightning's ready for any challenge!" exclaimed the jock. "Lightning'll do anything to win, and nobody's gonna stop the Lightning! Sha-awesome!"
"What if you're not allowed to win?" asked Blake. "Or become a Scottish person?" Lightning gave him a weird look. "What? What'd I say?"
"Don't take it personally, Blake," advised Noah sarcastically. "You said a two-syllable word. There's no way Lightning could understand that."
"Are you a bad influence?" asked Blake.
"No, I'm Charlie Chaplin."
"Didn't he die in 1970 or so?"
"Possibly, but never forget the possibility of reincarnation," said the egghead jokingly.
"I don't believe reincarnation exists."
"I don't believe there's anything intelligent going on in your head," quipped Noah as soon as Blake had finished his sentence.
"Well, that's not a very nice thing to say," said the newcomer.
"Neither are two-syllable words, but ya guys say them all the time anyway!" yelled Lightning.
Noah rolled his eyes. "Whoopee. I'm stuck on a rickety dock with two idiots who belong in Looney Tunes."
Chris ran up to Noah and shushed him. "You can't say copyrighted names like Looney Tunes on Total Drama! We'll get sued! Oh shoot, I just said it myself! I'm gonna get sued! I'm gonna get sued!"
"Chris. Calm down. Take deep breaths. It's challenge time, remember?"
The host inhaled deeply, before his usual charisma and annoying overconfidence came back. "Okay, I'll announce the challenge over the megaphone."
"What happened to 'show up at the Dock of Shame'?" asked the bookworm.
Chris doubled over laughing. "You guys actually thought you were supposed to do that? Well, I guess Blake and Lightning are clueless. But Noah, I expected more from you!"
"What are you talking abou- - -" began Noah, as Chris took out a remote control with a big red button, grinning evilly. As soon as he pressed the button, the dock flipped over and dumped Noah, Blake, and Lightning into the lake.
"How about a swim?" laughed Chris.
Noah glared at him while treading water. "Second time today."
Chris ignored him and turned to face the camera, holding up the remote. "Introducing the McLean-brand Dock Flipper! Ever known someone you wished you could casually throw into a lake? Well now you can! The Chris McLean Dock Flipper is available for only ten to the fifth power payments of $19.99!"
"Gee, what a good buy. I'd even pay ten to the sixth," growled the sarcastic genius as he climbed back onto the dock.
Chris: I need to update my "Most Hated Campers" List. Noah's workin' his way right up it.
Noah: Why, I'd even pay ten to the seventh if you threw in a free McLean-brand coffee maker.
End of Confessionals
"Shut up Noah," ordered Chris. "You're taking up too much screen-time. Let someone else be a star for a chance. Like me!"
"No," deadpanned Noah.
"Well, what about Lightning? I'm sure Total Drama's athletic overachiever has plenty of interesting things to say, eh Lightning?"
The jock though for a little bit as he jumped onto the dock, with Blake slowly and painfully crawling onto land a few feet away. "Uh, sha-cupcakes?"
"Very interesting! Now, it's challenge time!" He turned on his mic so that his voice would broadcast through the megaphone pole in the center of camp. "Okay campers, head to the Boat House! There you will find fake plastic swords. Then, you will be taken to the forest, where you'll try to attack each other with your cheap plastic children's play things. Take three hits and you're out. If you're a moron and hit yourself with your own sword, you also lose a life. Last two standing win invincibility for tonight's vote! And don't forget...this challenge will have a cruel twist, to be revealed shortly. Now go go go!"
Switching off his mic, Chris tossed plastic swords to Noah, Lightning, and Blake. The latter examined his carefully. "I'm not a fan of plastic weaponry."
"Too bad," said Chris sadistically. "Now head to the woods!"
Owen carried Mr. Coconut and two swords through the woods. One sword was his, the other was Mr. Coconut's. Chris' voice blared through the megaphone. "Attention, groovy cats! The challenge begins...now!" Owen grimaced and set Mr. Coconut down on a rock.
"Yep," sighed the fat teen. "Well, sorry to do this to you, Mr. Coconut, but it is a free-for-all." He smacked the fruit with his sword three times before breaking down crying. "Mr. Coconut! I'm so sorry! Can you ever forgive me?! I'm such a terrible person! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" As Owen continued to wail, Zeke crept out from behind a bush and tapped him lightly on the back three times with his plastic sword.
Owen continued screaming over-dramatically for a while. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- - -oh wait never mind I'd dead. Okay. Gotta make it dramatic." He stood up, then flopped over onto the ground with a bloodcurdling wail. "Zeke...urgh...you killed me...you heartless murderer...tell Mr. Coconut I love him...urgh...I think I'm...BLAGH!"
"I thought I had a heart, eh," said Zeke matter-of-factly. "That's wot the doctor said when he examined me for mental instability. And all I did was set him on fire."
Ezekiel: Easiest challenge ever, eh. If I keep this up Oi might even get voted out second! Yahoo, now that's what I call a personal best.
Owen: Now, am I a drama queen or what? Those tears were fake, of course. Sniffle sniffle. WAAAAH! Mr. Coconut! Oh the horror!
End of Confessionals
Heather sat cross-legged on a tree in the middle of the woods as Chris announced something else through the megaphone. "Calling all teens! Owen and Mr. Coconut are out! No surprise there."
Heather smiled at the thought of Owen losing, as she'd detested the fatso ever since the final six challenge in TDI. The smile didn't last long, however, before a frown replaced it. "Stupid frickin' challenge. There's nothing I can do to guarantee a win! I have no lackeys, everyone knows my tricks, and someone could jump out from behind a tree at any moment. Not to mention it's in the forest. I hate the outdoors!"
She stood up and kicked the tree stump she was sitting on in anger. "Ow! That wasn't smart." Holding her now-throbbing foot, she sat back down. "I could just throw this challenge. But I'm not exactly the most popular contestant, even I have to admit that. If I don't get invincibility, I might get the boot right away! I have to at least try and win this."
Meanwhile, Blake was walking through the trees, muttering to himself. "Dumb game. Dumb sword. Oh no! I forgot I'm not allowed to insult plastic!" He face-palmed with the hand in which he held the sword, thereby dropping the blade. It landed on his foot, tip-down. "Ow! Lost a life already? Aw, c'mon."
Suddenly, Izzy came running out of nowhere. "PREPARE FOR ANNIHILATION!" screamed the crazy chick at the top of her lungs. Blake screamed as well, for a vastly different reason, as Izzy lifted her sword high above her head and swung.
Mike was running around the island just like everyone else when he tripped over a rock and almost fell, instead bracing his hands against a tree trunk and managing to avoid harm. "Phew," sighed the multiple-personality man. "Better be careful not to get hurt. I really do not wanna get hurt." He self-consciously glanced at one of the nearby cameras. "No, not like that! I'm no wimp. Something else happens when I get hurt. Something bad."
Chris' voice came over the megaphone again. "And, the weird kid Blake is out. Nothing else of interest to report. Catch ya later!"
Somewhere else on Wawanakwa, Heather scoffed. "Newbie's not the only weird kid. There's at least a dozen of them."
"And I'm one of them!" shouted Izzy, as she swung out of a tree on a vine and landed in front of Heather.
Heather stepped backwards, surprised and more than a little scared. "Whoa. Where'd you come from?"
"From Canada!" answered Izzy excitedly. "Duh. We're all Canadian here, eh. Haha I sounded like Zeke! But enough chit-chat, let's get down to business." She pulled her sword out of a sheath she'd fashioned from vines, and started swinging at Heather. The queen bee made sure to block her, and got in a blow of her own, but Izzy pressed her backwards and she tripped over a root and went down. Three swings of a stupid plastic sword later, Heather was out.
"Off in search of more prey!" yelled Izzy, cackling madly.
Izzy: Finally, a challenge where I can literally destroy the other teens, one by one, slowly and painfully...
(She notices the camera)
Izzy: Um, hee hee. I was just fakin' that, ya know. Let's face it, I'm not that crazy. Or am I?! WAHAHAHAHAHA!
Heather: I lost already? Screw this.
End of Confessionals
Zoey and Mike were both running through a swamp when they literally crashed into each other. Mike got back up and helped Zoey to her feet. "Oh, hey Mike. Any luck in the challenge?"
Mike shook his head. "Haven't even seen anybody yet. Wanna team up?"
"Alright! Two sword arms are better than one, huh?"
Zoey grinned. "We got this invincibility in the bag."
Somewhere else, Noah was giving himself a pep talk. "Okay Noah. Even in a physical challenge like this, strategy is still the key. And no one strategizes better than you. Step one is to take out the weak links. Get them out of the way while you still can. Who are the weak links? Staci and Zeke."
He spun around and ducked into a bush as he heard footsteps. Staci walked by, blabbing on about her ancestors. "Oh man, I really wish my great-great-great-uncle two times removed was here. He invented sword fighting. Before him, people had to fight each other with their fingers. Yah, they always ended up with a lot of sprained digits."
As soon as Staci had passed him, Noah crept out of the bush and walked as stealthily as possible behind her. Considering he was Noah, that wasn't exactly very stealthy. The pathological liar spun around and got a lucky swing in before Noah swung thrice quickly and got the chubby girl out.
"Sigh," said Staci. "At least I can fake my death now. Did you know my great-aunt Potter invented faking your death? Before her- - -"
"Hurry up and die," interrupted Noah.
"Fine." She made a gurgling sound and fell to the ground, clutching her throat. "Guess I'm out now. Aw man, I was doing so good! At least my death was heart-wrenching. I bet the whole audience cried. They did, right? Right? Right?"
Chris' voice came over the megaphone for the umpteenth time that day. "Guess what? Staci and Heather have been eliminated. Whoever eliminated Heather, kudos to you! Now if someone would just attack Zeke..."
Speaking of Ezekiel, he was hiking around near the base of the cliff. He stopped to lean his back against a tree. "Ah. Joost the calm of the ootdoors. No annoyin' other people who always vote me off, eh. Joost me."
Out of the tree jumped a squirrel, landing on Zeke's toque and viciously attacking it. "Ahhh! Help me! I'm bein' attacked by a dinosaur, eh! Get it off! GET IT OFF!"
The scene switched to Annette, who was singing in her annoying, screechy voice. "Oh I'm walking on a path! Hopefully I won't fell Chris' wrath! I may be lazy! But Izzy's the one who's crazy!"
Izzy jumped out of a tree behind her, with a goofy grin a mile wide. "The only person who can call me crazy is me, and that's only on Tuesdays! And your singing sucks!"
The crazy girl positioned her sword right in front of Annette's neck, and the terrible singer put her hands up in surrender. "I surrender! There's no such word as misdender! But I needed a rhyme- - -"
"And now you're out of time!" finished Izzy, smacking her in the neck, arm, and leg with the sword.
"Ow that hurt my head! And in this weird game I am dead! So I will talk no more! Wait, can I still sing anymore?"
"Annette is out!" announced Chris over the megaphone. "And banned from singing!"
Annette: No dead people singing? This is a disgrace! Hey, I bet I could make a song outta that.
End of Confessionals
Dawn sat on a log, birds flying around her, tweeting harmoniously. She smiled as a little hummingbird landed on her head, before flying off again. "Nature is really so peaceful." A couple of sharks tip-toed by, and one stuck his tongue out at Dawn as they left. "Except on this island."
Over with Mike and Zoey, the duo had just spotted Lightning up ahead in a clearing. "Aw, yeah!" shouted the jock to no one in particular. "Lightning's practically already won! There's no way anyone could beat sha-Lightning! Even if Lightning hasn't seen no sha-people yet! Sha-bam!" As Lightning walked around the clearing obliviously, the couple swung their swords simultaneously, and suddenly the athlete was down to one life.
"Sha-cheaters!" accused Lightning. "Sneakin' up on defenseless Lightning! Take sha-that!" He swung at Mike and hit him in the leg, hard. Then Zoey smacked him with her sword and he ran off screaming into the woods.
Lightning: Lightning didn't actually get smacked by a little girl and run off screamin'. It was the sha-special effects! Like Chris said! Good ratings! Hmm. That sha-scene better not get good ratings.
End of Confessionals
Mike fell onto his hands and started breathing heavily. Zoey laid a concerned hand on his shoulder. "Mike, are you okay?"
"Zoey, my, my MPD," stuttered the lanky teen. "It's...not completely gone. Huh, huh, sure I got rid of Chester and the rest, but there's a, a fifth personality. Urhg ahhhh and he's...worst...than...all the rest!" He inhaled deeply and stood up, as the look on his face changed from pain to insanity.
"WACKAWACK SWORD ATTACKIN' TIME!" yelled the strange new personality. He chased Zoey around until she turned and smacked him on the knee with the sword. "NO ONE SMACKS BOB! SAY GOODBYE TO CHICKENS!" screamed the personality, who was evidently named Bob. He held his sword aloft menacingly, and stepped slowly closer to Zoey, who backed away in fear.
"Mike?!" asked the indie chick fearfully. "Mike! No!"
Chris laughed over the megaphone. "Looks like Zoey is out. Oh yeah, and Lightning's out too. Man, that Bob is a riot!"
Zoey: What a great way to start a season. Mike turns into a psycho and runs around attacking people with a plastic sword.
End of Confessionals
Noah had been sitting on a rock inside the cave on the island. "Hmm, with Zoey and sha-idiot out, that leaves Mike, Dawn, Zeke, and Izzy. Izzy's the biggest threat. She has to go down."
"NEVER! YOU'LL NEVER GET ME ALIVE!" shouted Izzy herself, appearing at the cave mouth.
"Whoa! How'd you get here without me noticing you?"
Izzy giggled. "Oh, Izzy learned that trick from a chameleon. Awesome! Now, die Noah die!"
"Perfect," said the bookworm sarcastically, before raising his sword to block Izzy's blow. The psycho was twice as fast as him, however, and as soon as he'd blocked she swung again and hit him hard in the head. The egghead fell over, but swiped at her leg on the way down, scoring a point. Between the hit Staci had scored on him and Izzy's recent blow, Noah only had one life left, and that life quickly disappeared as Izzy swung her sword again.
"Noah's dead. Ha ha." said Chris over the megaphone.
Noah frowned. "I may have lost, Chris, but you can't humiliate me by making me pretend to die over-dramatically. I'm just gonna walk back to the cabins and read my book."
"Aw c'mon!" whined Chris. "Noah always ruins my fun. Anyway, most of you have been eliminated, so it's time for the twist! Everyone meet me at the campgrounds."
Izzy, Dawn, and Zeke ran out of the woods to join Chris at the campgrounds, right next to the cabins. Zeke was covered in scrapes, scratches and bruises. "Soomething attacked me, eh!" he exclaimed. "It woos mighty ferocious."
"Yeah, yeah, save your sob stories for later," said Chris. "We've got a challenge to wrap up."
Mike, or Bob, jumped out from behind the megaphone pole. "EXPLOSION TIME!"
"Um, no," grimaced Chris, shoving the psycho personality away, as Bob had tried to tackle him. "I control the explosions. And only I. Now, see the chalk circles by your feet? Everyone stand on one."
"YA CAN'T STAND WHEN YA DON'T HAVE ANY LEGS!" yelled Bob.
"Good point," admitted Chris, "but you have legs, so use them to stand on the circles!"
Bob complied, along with the other three. Suddenly, platforms erupted from the ground, carrying them upwards. The pillars then tilted and collided together, forming a sort of circle with a depression and a large hole in the middle.
"Oh dear," said Dawn. "Do we really have to continue sword-fighting? I really do dislike purposeless violence."
"Hey, if I'm not the one getting hurt, it's fine by me!" laughed Chris sadistically. "Now, the rules are simple. No pushing people off the platform. If you do, you're out. If you're stupid and fall off by accident, you're also out. I'm talking to you, Zeke." The host gave the homeschooler a glare.
"Hey, eh!" protested Zeke. "Moi balance isn't that bad! I hope."
Chris ignored him and continued explaining. "Otherwise, it just continues with the sword match. Zeke and Dawn have three lives, Mike or Bob or whoever the heck he is has one, and Izzy also has a miserable one life left."
"Izzy's survived swordfights with only a tenth of a life!" yelled the psycho hose beast. "Bring it on! Let the match begin!"
Dawn stood on her pillar watching the others. Izzy and Zeke quickly started swinging their swords, while Bob just waved his above his head and smashed it into the pillar repeatedly.
"Careful, eh," warned Zeke. "Ya wouldn't want to fall off this." Izzy didn't bother replying as her sword went under Zeke's guard and hit him in the leg. Zeke tried to jump, but fell over onto his back. Izzy scored another point on him. As she was about to deliver the final blow, Bob came up and did the job for her, repeatedly smacking Zeke on the nose with his plastic sword.
"GOODY GOODY I HATE TURKEYS!" yelled the out-of-control version of Mike. While his focus was still on the downed prairie boy, Izzy's slammed her sword into him and he fell off the platform. Bob landed hard after the twenty foot drop, knocking himself out.
"So sorry, Izzy," grinned Chris, "but your craziness shoved that, um..." he glanced at Bob before continuing "...thing off the platform. Remember the rules? You're out!"
Izzy looked shocked, before she fell to her knees and let out a dramatic moan. "Why? Why?!"
"Dawn and Mike have won invincibility," announced the middle-aged host. "As for the rest of you, ya better hope ya don't get voted off!"
Mike: Oh no! I let my new personality show, and I get the feeling Zoey isn't exactly Bob's biggest fan after what he did to her. Sigh. At least I won invincibility.
Dawn: In a sword-fighting challenge, I won without ever striking a blow. It's rather ironic, but I'm happy because I've got invincibility and I didn't have to resort to violence at all.
Blake: Good thing I lost. I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to win. Or am I? I'm not quite certain. Better double check with my parents on that.
Zoey: I feel so sorry for poor Mike. As if Vito wasn't bad enough, now he's a part-time lunatic! Urgh! I really hate this show. It makes me so mad!
Heather: Well, I didn't win invincibility. This campfire ceremony might not go down well for me.
Owen: I killed a coconut. How could I?! I'm such a bad Owen. Bad Owen! Bad bad bad Owen!
End of Confessionals
The thirteen campers had gathered around the campfire pit, sitting on the various logs and barrels. It was night out. Chris stood in front of them grimly, holding a platter with twelve marshmallows. "Okay, you all know the drill," said the host.
"I don't," said Blake.
"Yeah, me neither," began Zeke. "I never even made it through one o' these ceremonies!"
"Zip it!" hissed Chris. "I'm trying to build tension here! Anyway, the first two marshmallows go to Mike and Dawn, our invincibility winners."
Mike yelled "Yeah!" while Dawn smiled politely. They both caught and ate their marshmallows, and Chris continued with the elimination ceremony.
"Noah, Mr. Coconut, Zoey, and Annette. None of you got any votes. Take your marshmallows!"
"Oh I got a marshmallow!" sung Annette as the others glared at her. "This really isn't mellow! Wait, never mind, that doesn't rhyme."
Owen sniffled. "Take your marshmallow, Mr. Coconut. You deserve it more than me." The fat boy sniffled a few more times, on the verge of tears.
Chris groaned. "Hello? This comic relief is really not helping with the tension-building. Anyway, Staci, Lightning, Blake. You are all safe. For tonight."
"Lightning strikes! Sha-bam!"
The three caught their marshmallows and Staci started to lie, as usual. "Yah, marshmallows were invented by my- - -"
"Shut up Staci," interrupted Chris. "Now, a marshmallow for everyone's favorite evil person, Heather!"
Heather looked shocked to have been spared from elimination, but that shock soon turned to gloating. "Yes! You suckers should've voted me off when you had the chance!" The others looked at her and shrugged.
"We figured there were more important people to vote for," said Staci, glaring at Izzy.
Chris grinned. "Anyway, our next-to-last marshmallow of the night goes to…
"I woosn't the first voted off?!" exclaimed Zeke. "I really woosn't?! I WOOSN'T THE FIRST VOTED OFF, EH! GO ZEKE FOR THE WIN!"
"Yep. Shocking," said Chris. "Well, well, well. Izzy and Owen. Our bottom two. Izzy, I'm not surprised. You hit some people in the head a few too many times. But Owen? Sure you epic-failed the challenge, but why would anyone vote for you?"
"Me and Mr. Coco both voted for me," answered the normally cheery camper. "And I told some other people to do so too. 'Cause I'm such a terrible person! WAAAAAAAAAAHH!"
Chris was evidently a little creeped out with Owen as he continued. "Okay, okay, let's get on with this before Owen has a nervous breakdown. If he hasn't already, that is. The final marshmallow goes to…
"What? But I wanted to get voted off!"
"No!" yelled Izzy. "You can't vote Izzy off! It's unbelievable. It's impossible. It's- - -" She was interrupted as a trapdoor slid open underneath her and the crazy girl fell down a circular chute. "I'll be baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!" she cried as she fell, sliding down into who-knows-where.
"And, that was just the Chute of Shame," announced Chris gleefully. "It cost a lot more than the ol' Boat of Losers, but watching people scream as they fall down a chute is fun!"
"Oh my Izzy, she didn't deserve to go. I did! Why? Because I killed a freaking coconut! WAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Relax, Owen," said Noah, elbowing the big guy playfully. "We all know you. By tomorrow you'll have forgotten you were ever sad."
"Yah, my great-great-uncle Bum invented sadness. Before him- - -"
"No one cares," Noah said darkly, cutting the chatterbox off.
Over on the Dock of Shame, Chris grinned and gave his closing speech. "Well, this episode really brought on the drama. Yeah. Not that much. Better improve on that. Who's going to be eliminated next? How twisty will the challenges be first? And just how impossibly awesome of a host am I? Find out next time, on TOTAL, DRAMA, THE ISLAND REBORN!
"Whoa. Where the heck am I?" Izzy's voice rang out in the darkness. She scuffled around in the pitch black until she found a switch. Flipping it, a chandelier turned on above her head. She was in a large underground room resembling a fancy hotel lobby and pool, with Chef standing next to her.
"What is this place?" asked Izzy, both curious and awed.
"This is Season Five's version of Playa des Losers," answered the tall black man. "Ya know, that resort where the voted off people went. This place is even more luxurious, with a TV broadcasting Total Drama The Island Reborn live. But you're stuck under the island. And you won't ever escape! WAHAHAHAHA!" The cook faded back into the shadows, leaving Izzy alone.
The crazy chick grinned defiantly. "No luxurious hotel can hold Izzy for long! IZZY SHALL ESACPE!"
The credits played.
Mike: Izzy knocked me off a twenty foot pillar! I'd have to be as crazy as that psycho not to vote for her.
Dawn: Izzy has upset the peace. She needs to go.
Izzy: Chatty girl talks too much! Good-bye Staci! WAHAHA!
Heather: Who to vote for? I already know. Zeke stole my million! I was the winner of Total Drama World Tour! If he hadn't fallen into the volcano and burned my prize money to ash, I wouldn't even need this stupid season! I'm voting that moron off.
Ezekiel: I feel sorry for Owen, eh. He's really upset. He even told me to vote him off! I doon't really wanna do this, but if you're sure, Owen, I'm voting for ya.
Noah: Okay, today two idiots got on my nerves. But Lightning would be a much more useful teammate. Bye-bye Blake.
Owen: I'M SO MEAN! I DON'T DESERVE THE MILLION! I VOTE FOR MYSELF! BOOHOOHOOHOO!
(Owen is holding Mr. Coconut up to the camera)
Owen: [in a weird voice] I, Mr. Coconut, vote for Owen, 'cause he killed me and he's a terrible person. Aw, BOOHOOHOOBOO! WAAAAAAH!
Staci: Yah, I vote for Izzy. Why? None of my ancestors invented craziness, so I just can't deal with it.
Zoey: Owen told me to vote him off. He has been really depressed ever since the challenge. But he deserves the million a lot more than some other people...Lightning for example. He's a jerk. I'm voting Lightning.
Lightning: That Izzy is a raving lunatic! Lightning heard what she did to the others! Lightning's votin' for her!
Blake: Oh shoot. I'm not allowed to vote!
Blake: C'mon Blake, you can do this. I...vote...for...um, who should I vote for? Okay, eeny, meeny, miny, moe, catch a tiger by the toe, if it hollers...Heather.
Annette: I really don't want to vote anyone off. Everyone's just so nice! Oh, I know! I'll just vote someone off who no one would vote for. How about Zeke? I bet he's never gotten voted off! Oh I just voted! I need a word that rhymes with voted! This is an awesome song! I sure hope you all sing along!
End of Confessionals
Mike - Izzy
Dawn - Izzy
Izzy - Staci
Heather - Ezekiel
Ezekiel - Owen
Noah - Blake
Owen - Owen
Mr. Coconut - Owen
Staci - Izzy
Zoey - Lightning
Lightning - Izzy
Blake - Heather
Annette - Ezekiel
Mr. Coconut: 0
Contestants: Annette, Blake, Dawn, Ezekiel, Heather, Lightning, Mike, Mr. Coconut, Noah, Owen, Staci, Zoey
Well, I hope you guys liked that. Sorry to all Izzy fans, but she still has a huge role in front of her. This chapter is much better than the original version was, before I redid it. I wouldn't recommend moving onto the next chapters until I've redone them. I'd look at Chapter 2, and if it's still a script style typo-filled garbage fic, wait for me to redo it before reading. As I said, I'm going to redo all nineteen chapters before moving on with the story. I think that'll take me two or so months, and then I can finish the remaining eight chapters! Thanks for reading!
~TIAW Mr. Coconut Beatle
Next Time: The teams are formed, and the twelve contestants battle it out in a life-sized board game…with explosions. With humiliating and painful mini challenges galore, a huge conflict begins.