Disclaimer: Not mines, don't sue.

A/N: Meant to be a satire/commentary on the whole "Girl moves to town, meets the boys, and becomes BFFs with them" plot. I seek not to offend anyone who writes this plot or enjoys it.

"Come on Judith, you can do this, you can do this." Judith Mayfield told herself as she stood in front of the Lachance residents, running a freckled hand through her Red hair. She had almost considered just walking away, but reminded herself she had to do this. That she had an important task to do. Funny, in the whole year she had lived in Castle Rock, she had seen him plenty of times and even exchanged a few words with him, but the thought of actually having a conversation with him just caused her to get a nauseas feeling in her stomach and make her weak in the knees. But she came here with a purpose.

Judith and her family had moved to Castle Rock back in the summer of 1958. Judith would say she had a very awesome family. Her father is a dentist who was very emotionally devoted to dental care. He came from a family who had very poor hygiene, which made him want to make sure if he ever started a family of his own, he would make sure they had the best teeth around. While he wasn't the kind of person who would forbid sweets, he made sure his family would only eat down during special occasions, though he would sometimes slip some candy in Judith's lunch bag just to be nice.

Her mother was a nurse who worked at the American Red Cross. If you would ask her why she works there, she say it was because helping people was her passion.

When Judith first enrolled in school, she didn't have any friends. Oh, there were some people she would talk to some times, but not many she would hang out with. It wasn't until the spring of 1959 that she made some friends. Her first was a girl named Irene, who many would say was very "Girly." She liked to wear dresses and think bugs are gross and creepy, but she was good person to have around. The second friend was another girl named Phyllis. Phyllis was a daredevil type; always willing to do some dangerous thing because she thought it would be fun, such as trying to steal a pack of cigarettes from the Cobras: the town's local gang. Her third friend was Darlene. And the thing that stuck out about Darlene was that she was Boy Craaaazy. Darlene eats, sleep, and breathed boys. She could rank boys' attractiveness not just physically, but also by the manner in which they dress (Like, Michael Burstein usually beats Jerry Cartwright, but only when Michael wearing a nice sweater). She could also rank boys by prettiest to least prettiest eyes, softest to roughest lips, and even shortest to longest hair.

In fact, it was because of Darlene that Judith was in this predicament. It was during the fall of 1959 when Darlene, Irene, Phyllis, and Judith got together to talk about what assignments the teacher gave them to work on in English class during lunch. It was during this time when Darlene has asked Judith if there were any boys she had her eye on; this caused the other girls to go "Ooooh" and "Huba Huba." Judith scoffed at this and told her no, there wasn't anyone she particularly liked at this moment.

Judith much rather hang out with boys than try to go on dates with them.

Darlene told her not to worry because, while Castle Rock was a small town, the place was crawling with cute guys who would probably loved a chance to go out with her. In fact, out of all the guys in Castle Rock, there were four boys Darlene considered to be the Top 4 in turns of cuteness, who also happen to be very good friends with each other.

The first was a kid named Vern Tessio. He was a pretty chubby kid with brown hair and pretty blue eyes, and was very timid and some would say naïve, but he had good heart. In fact, some would say his naïveté was very attractive.

The second was Teddy Duchamp. Teddy was the craziest person you will ever meet. He's the kinda guy where you never know what he'll say or do next. He also had a very distinct laugh that sounded something similar to "Eeh eeh eeh." His father was someone who fought in a war, but at some point snapped and took Teddy's ear to a stove, nearly burning it off. This gave Teddy not only sympathy points, but some girls like a wild and unpredictable man.

The third was Gordie Lachance. Gordie was a kid with the softest brown hair, the smoothest skin, and the biggest brown eyes you ever seen. He also had a look to him that made him innocent, but at the same time once you get to know him, you find out he's really not. Gordie had a brother named Denny, who unfortunately died in an automobile accident and word is since then, his parents had been ignoring him ever since. Many girls want to give him a hug and pinch his cheeks.

The last was Chris Chambers, who all three girls unanimously considered to be the cutest of them all. He had dirty blond hair and blue eyes you could get lost in starring into them. As well as the cutest half-smile. Word is he comes from a family that a lot of people in town look down upon and such, many believe he will end up being just like them. Many girls love his bad boy image and how he can seamlessly got from the toughest guy ever seen to the sweetest kid you'll ever meet.

Personally, Judith didn't think Chris was all that great, In fact, she would say she thought Vern was the cutest of that group, but the others just looked at her as if she had committed some kind of unspoken sin.

But still, from what she seen of those guys based on their interactions with each other around school and around town, she thought they seemed like nice guys to hang around with.

Irene thought so too, and she told her that word is those boys were considering adding a fifth member to their gang and Judith should try to get in on that. Judith liked the idea too, and set up to make that happen, which was why she was at the Lachance resident. She had already got Vern and Teddy to give her their Ok and now it was time for Gordie. She figures it was a good strategy to start at the bottom and work your way up. And since she knows Gordie is Chris' best friend, she figures if she can get him to like her, then maybe he would be able to get Chris to give his final approval.

After finally calming her nerves down, Judith knocked on the door and patiently waited for someone to answer. After a few second, she heard the lock click and saw a very confused Gordie looking at her. Judith then explained she wanted to talk to him about something important and so he let her in and they sat down at his kitchen table, his parents apparently haven't come home yet from work.

"Okay Gordie, here's the deal; I know you guys are interested in adding a new addition to your gang and I'm interested in joining that. I know you barely know me and all, but I really want you to give me a chance and see that I can fit in just well with you guys. And I know how to prove it."

With that, Judith reached into her pocket and pulled out a planner, opened it, and dropped it on the kitchen table in front of Gordie. Gordie just stared at the booklet puzzlingly. "Just pick the dates you want to hang out." She told him while fishing into her other pocket and pulling out a pencil, dropping it on top of the planner.

"Pick the dates?" Gordie finally spoke up.

"Yeah, I figure if we pick out some dates when we can spend some quality time together, we can bond and you can see that I'm not that bad a guy, or girl, and after that, maybe you can help Chris give me a chance and we can make this official." Judith finished explaining with a sweet smile on her face. By explaining what her intention are, she could see that they could reach some common ground and soon, get Chris to accept her and everything would truly work out for the best.

"Well, I hear what you're saying and I'm afraid the answer is… no."

Of course, that didn't mean it would work for the best way.

"Oh okay, uh… how about we just hang out this weekend? I think that would be plenty of time for you to get to know me." She offered an alternative.

"I don't wanna hang out this weekend either." Gordie responded

"Well, what about right now? Can't we just go down to the library to hang or something? I think right now could work for a trial run."

"There shouldn't be a trial run. Hell, there shouldn't be a trial. I'm not agreeing to any of this. My answer is no." Gordie told Judith straight up, crossing his arms.

"Why? What can I do to prove to you I can fit in?" Judith asked with a hint of pleading in her voice.

"If you want to prove yourself, then either stay away from us, move to another town, or bother someone else."

Judith tried to keep her cool by grabbing the pencil she had given Gordie and tapped it on the table to sooth her nerves, due to Gordie being really rude right now. It was a minute before she spoke again.

"I'm not going to move and I don't want to hang out with someone else, I want to hang out with you guys. And I want the transition to move smoothly, which is why I want us to hang out first before I get to Chris. Can you tell me why you don't want me with you guys?"

"Because, well… because you're a girl! And I don't want any girls in our gang."

Judith raised an eyebrow at this. "And what does my gender have to do with this."

"Because I'm sick of you girls constantly trying to butt in into our lives! You think after all the nagging and whining and bitching we get from you girls, the others would see the light. Well, if Vern and Teddy aren't going to do anything about it, then I will." Gordie explained to her, a slight glare in his eyes.

"So, let me get this straight, you don't want any girls in your group? At all? Period?" She wanted to know while resting her chin in her palm while her elbow rested on the table.

"Yes, exactly." Gordie answered her like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why, are you guys a couple of homos?" Judith meant that as a joke, but come to think of it, during her one year in Castle Rock, she never seen Gordie hang out with any girls, which is weird since quite a few girls would love to spent some time with him. In fact, she had never seen him hang out with anyone else besides Teddy, Vern, and Chris, mostly Chris. She had always seen them around town or in school, always just inches apart, practically always touching each other. It caused more than one person to think that there was something… funny going on between them.

It was then that Judith put her fingers to her lips as they slightly parted, then she nodded her head, her face lighting up with understanding.

"Oh, now I get it. You don't want me around because you like-like Chris and you're afraid I might take him from you. Well, you won't have to worry; I'm not into him at all." Judith explained, thinking she'd figured it out, putting emphasis on 'like.' Gordie's jaw dropped so fast, it's amazing it didn't hit the table.

"What? Jesus Christ, no! Why the fuck would you make up shit like that?" She took notice of how Gordie didn't stutter or pause nervously once while he said that.

"But you just said you don't want any girls in your gang!" Judith countered back.

"It's not because I want to screw Chris! Read my lips, I don't like Chris like that, and I'm not going to let you make me think I am, so you can break us up and replace me!"

Okay, the term 'Break us up' didn't help much, but in countless TV shows and movies and radio dramas she's seen or heard, it was obvious that the other guy was lying. Judith studied Gordie's features carefully and saw that there was still no nervousness in his face, eyes, or voice. No hidden longings, no nervous twitches… no tell tale signs of deep romantic love for his best friend.

If Gordie really was telling the truth, then what was this about? Come to think of it, he did say something about 'replacing' him.

"'Replace'? What do you mean about 'replacing' me?"

"Oh, don't play dumb with me. I know what you girls really want." Gordie started. "You really don't give a crap about us, you all really just want Chris. Don't tell me I'm making this up, I've seen how all you girls look at him. You all say you want to be our friend," Gordie spat the word out as if it tasted like poison. "When really, you want to take over his life so, by the end of it all, you have him all to yourself and I've been kneed out as his best friend. Well, I'm not going to let that happen! Chris is MY best friend, not yours!"

"This… happens a lot?" Judith couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Almost every day! Some chick either moves into town and tries to cozy into our gang so she could try to get her claws into him, or she's someone who claims we've known all our lives when really, half the time, we don't know who the hell she is. And you all make up some big 'Boo hoo feel sorry for me' act, knowing Chris is the kind of guy who stand seeing someone hurt, and then try to work your tricks so he'll fall for you!" Gordie heaved after explaining all this to Judith.

"That's why? That's the whole reason?" Judith demanded after hearing this, though in some small way, she could see why Gordie would feel this way.

"It's half the reason. I, Chris, Teddy, and Vern have gotten along just fine without girls around. If we didn't need them then, what do we need them for now?"

"Because… why not?" Thinking up the best reason she could.

"But why? Why? We don't! We're better off just being guys only and we don't need girls tearing us apart with their love bullshit! Getting bossed around by them, ditching friends for them, and doing everything for them when we guys aren't that picky! If it was good enough in the past, it should be good enough for the future!

"So, you think it's wrong to hang out with girls." Judith inquired.

"Yes exactly."

"But you don't see anything wrong with only ever hanging out with boys?"

"At least it's natural. Boys stick together from birth. Most of the girls around here are either drama queens or clingy and too co-dependent. Don't try to tell me that you're different from the others or that there are better girls out there. I haven't seen a better girl all the years I've lived here so it doesn't matter."

"Gordie, this is getting ridiculous. Just because you had a few bad run-ins with some girls, doesn't mean you should discriminate against my whole gender!" Judith practically screamed at him, standing up a bit, leaning forward.

"I'm not discriminating, but we don't need you all trying to insert yourselves into our lives. We never needed any girls around to have fun or go on adventures, so why need them now? If anything, that proves we don't need them."

"But… you guys are growing up. Sooner or later, you guys are going to fall for a girl." Judith pointed out.

"I'm not going to. We don't need any girls around to understand any of that love bullshit. We never needed any girls around when we hang out together and its work out well so far. All girls do is slow us down, try to divide us, or cause one of us to only focus on them, making the rest of us feel like we're being ignored or invisible!"

At this, Judith saw a bit of an opening, but Gordie spoke before she could form it. "And don't say this has anything to do with my parents! Even if they weren't… what they're like now and you weren't… what you are, the point would still be valid.

"Gordie, I don't know what the hell is going on here and I don't know what your problem is, but you can't just make wild accusations on me based on a couple of bad experiences. You don't even know the first thing about me! You can't just claim I have a tragic life or that I want to 'steal' Chris away from you! Now please tell, what are the magic words that will let you give me a chance?" Judith stated impatiently, she was really starting to get sick of this.

"There are none. Get this through your head, you don't fit in here. No girl does. You girls just aren't necessary a lot of the time. We don't need you and we don't need you getting in the way and ruining our quality time together and making everything all about you."

Judith massaged her temples to try to sooth the headache she could feeling forming.

"I give up!" Judith exclaimed in a dramatic manner, throwing her hands into the air. "I can't win with you! It seems like no matter how many times I tell you I don't want Chris and I don't have some kind of sad backstory, you'll still refuse to accept me because of a couple of bad run-ins."

"And that says it all. I hope you now realize girls aren't necessary here and just leave us alone." Gordie then got up and opened one of the cabinets, grabbing a glass. He then turned on the faucet and pours some water in, turning the faucet off, he drank the water down in three gulps and put the glass. "Sorry for my little freak out. " Gordie told Judith softly. "I only get this way around my dad, Ace, or you girls. I just wish you all would just leave me and my friends alone." Gordie shook his head in frustration.

There was some silence between before Judith spoke.

"I… I know how you feel." Gordie just stared at her confused. "Before I moved to Castle Rock, I use to live in a town outside of Los Angeles. There wasn't much to do there, except there was this Sandlot that a group of boys would play at. Their names were Benny, Hamilton, Squints, Yeah-Yeah, Kenny, Bertram, Tommy, and Timmy. Great guys, but unfortunately, a bunch of girls who also happen to 'conveniently' play baseball would constantly try to join their team, though really, they only wanted to hook-up with Benny. So, it's not like I don't see your whole view point." Judith softly smiled at him.

"Sorry again." Gordie smiled back. And like that, Judith got the idea. She won't be joining their gang. She grabbed her planner and pencil and made her way to the front door. But before she left, she turned her head to say one last thing to Gordie.

"You may not want girls around now, but like I said, you guys are growing up. Sooner or later, girls are going to enter your lives. I'm not saying this as a threat, but I do want you get ready."

"I will, I will." Gordie hinted. And at that, Judith open the door, walked right through it, and heard the door closed behind here. Well, this was a bust. A part of her was still angry at everything Gordie had just said, but a part of her couldn't help but think about the points Gordie had made.

The bonds between the boys did mean a lot more to them than any they might have girls. They had been friends for so long, she couldn't have expected all of them to just readily accept her like that. Even if she did join them, there was no way of knowing they would be on equal wavelength or even treat her as an equal.

She could go to Chris and tell him everything Gordie had said to her, but given what Gordie has said, she doubt even Chris would want to have a girl in the gang.

So, what was there to do? Simple, she just had to work her way up. She wouldn't just waltz into their lives and try to enter their little world. She would try to be an acquaintance first. Be someone they could just shoot the breeze with, and who knows, maybe they'll be comfortable enough that they might let her partake in their activities. And maybe, with just enough time and patience, they just might accept her into the gang. If any of that 'Love bullshit' happens, well… she'll just have to cross that bridge IF that happens (Though, she had to admit, Gordie does look kinda hot when he's mad).

But whatever happens, she knows one thing, that this isn't her story. If she were a writer, she would probably say that this is the boys' story; they are the main characters and the focus should be on them. Other characters can enter, but they shouldn't make it all about them.

Sometimes Judith wonders if Gordie would be more accepting if she was a boy. Come to think of it, she does find it weird how it's always girls who try to join their group and never another boy.

But if Judith Mayfield had accomplished one thing, it's that she would sit back and slowly try to be a friend first, work towards it, don't just have it happen like a snap of finger.

Though, it probably won't stop the next girl who tries to join their gang.

The End