Chapter 28
February 1977
Jack got out of his truck and looked around; he'd followed the directions Ennis had sent with his last postcard and now here he was. It was a beautiful log cabin that Ennis told him belonged to a work friend - someone called Don Wroe. He wondered why Ennis had done this and could only think that he was trying to make up for what had happened last year.
He had the feeling that Ennis thought he was mad at him for it all, and that was why he'd been so quiet lately. The truth was...Jack was still feeling guilty for what he'd gone and done. He could barely look Ennis in the eye these days.
Just as he was trying to sort out his muddled thoughts, he saw the front door of the cabin open and Ennis stepped out, smiling at him. Jack smiled back, surprised at how easy it came to him. Maybe things would be alright after all.
"Hey," he called up the steps as Ennis descended them. He'd missed Ennis a lot over the holiday season, and was willing to try and move past recent events. He still loved Ennis and even now, would move in with him if he was asked. He just couldn't stay mad at this man.
"Hey, bud," Ennis replied as he reached Jack, and outstretched his arms. Jack went into them willingly, and allowed himself to be held by his strong cowboy. "You doin' okay?"
"Yeah, I'm good." Jack looked up at the cabin before him, already liking this trip. "What's all this about?"
Ennis broke away. "Just...wanted to do somethin' special. Thought you'd like us havin' a bed for once, an' not have to sleep on that cold ground."
Jack smiled and kissed his cheek. "I love it, cowboy. This looks great." Ennis lowered his head, pleased that he could put a smile back on Jack's face.
"Alright. You can get yer stuff an' I'll help you get it up there." Jack nodded and they let go of each other, turning to Jack's truck. Ennis knew he had to be very careful right now; he never wanted to make Jack angry with him ever again.
They got Jack's things up the steps and into the cabin, and Jack looked around appreciatively. "This sure does look good...you said it belongs to a work friend?"
"Yep," Ennis replied, nodding. "Told him I wanted to take a trip up here for some fishin' with a friend. He didn't ask no questions, an' said I was welcome to use it."
"Great." With Jack's things in the bedroom, Ennis slid his arms around Jack from behind, making Jack grin despite himself. "What's this?"
"Missed you," Ennis breathed in his ear, squeezing him. Jack wished he could erase his memories of Mexico; every time Ennis touched him he felt like a liar and a cheat. He didn't understand why he didn't feel like this when thinking of Lureen. Technically, he was cheating on her but it didn't feel that way because he didn't love her. He did love Ennis, and he felt terrible for what he'd done.
"I missed you too," he replied, sighing. They stayed like that for a while, echoing the dozy embrace by the fire many years ago. Jack had felt so safe and loved in Ennis's arms, and now things were so messed up that he didn't know what to do. Despite Ennis being divorced, Jack knew that he couldn't press the issue of living together. He couldn't force Ennis into something he might not be ready for; that was unfair and would only drive a wedge between them. Ennis could end up resenting him for pushing him into it too soon.
"You hungry?" Ennis murmured after a while, and Jack nodded.
"Yeah, kinda. What've we got?"
"Come on, bud." Ennis released him and took his hand, leading him back out into the main room. The kitchen was at the back and Jack noted how well-kept it was. He knew he would enjoy this trip despite everything, especially the prospect of being in a bed with Ennis. They hadn't had that since the motel in 1967.
Ennis cooked them some bacon and eggs, with plenty of coffee. They ate at the small table and allowed their feet to touch lazily, which put a shy smile on both faces. Jack loved this aspect of their trips, where they could tell each other without words how they really felt. He wished that they could read each other's minds; then they could say the words and everything would be okay. He'd considered just telling Ennis that he loved him, but he was scared of what the reaction might be.
"What're you thinkin'?" Ennis asked him, seeing how distracted Jack appeared to be. He didn't think that Jack was angry with him anymore, but something still seemed off about him. He was different from the young, carefree rodeo rider he'd fallen in love with. Something just wasn't right.
"Nothin'," Jack replied, shaking his head. "Just...after this, can we...?" He hesitated, wondering if it was too soon. But Ennis nodded.
"Sure we can, bud. Ain't no problem...you know that." He covered Jack's hand with his own and smirked at him. "I wanna try out that bed, too." Jack smiled weakly and returned to his food. He wanted to try out the bed, but that wasn't why he asked. He needed Ennis to hold him and make him forget what he'd done; he would always need that from Ennis because he would always feel guilty about it.
They made love very slowly that morning, with Ennis holding Jack close as he wanted him to. Ennis could sense how much Jack needed this, and he did everything to show Jack he loved him. As they moved together, both were thinking the same thing.
I love you so much...an' I'm so sorry about what happened. Can't stand the thought of you bein' mad at me...hope you can forgive me for what I've done.