N/B: Final part….Man love galore, don't read if….well if you don't like it, I don't know why you've come this far. I fixed a few things in the other chapters, nothing too much though.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot and my perversion.
The house was so quiet that Sirius couldn't use city noise as a reason for his insomnia. He had tried to sleep the previous night but found he had spent most of it rolling over, punching his pillow into a new shape and closing his eyes, but to no avail. Twenty-four hours later, Sirius was sitting at the dining table, twisting the old, faded scarf through his fingertips; his eyes bloodshot.
You've treated me like a stranger and all along you've been hiring someone to look like me so you can fuck him?
Put that way, it sounded so cold. The fact that it was true made it worse. He would never forget the look of betrayal in Harry's eyes. Sirius wanted to defend himself, scream at anyone who would listen that it hadn't been so sordid for him, that it came from something more than lust but there was no one to listen.
Harry had not come back.
Heat sneaked through him. He told himself it was exhaustion. He had the right to it. He hadn't felt at peace in so long that he had begun to wonder if he had never really come back to life. Perhaps, this was his own personal hell: condemned to want the one thing he could never really have?
There was no answer to his question but the twisting, gnawing ache that was both lust and something deeper, more dangerous that he hadn't voiced since his first night with the imposter. Love. He knew that heat that feeling in the pit of his stomach was because of what he done, how he had made Harry feel. His brilliant plan had been so well thought out when Harry had been completely unaware of it.
The knowledge that, not only did Harry want him, but felt something more than platonic affection made his jaw clench in frustration. It all seemed so simple now the truth was out. If only he had been honest from the beginning, Harry may have wanted more than an angry kiss in the heat of the moment. Sirius was sure he had returned home to his girlfriend and some sense of normalcy, all convincing him that what he felt was wrong and that Sirius did not deserve anything after what he had done.
It was all too easy to jump to this conclusion. Harry had not come back.
Sirius stiffened when the flames grew large and turned green, his godson's form stumbling into the room. For a brief, desperate moment, visions of Harry declaring his love danced behind his eyes. Instead, Harry smiled and shuffled on his feet in apparent nervousness.
"I wasn't sure if you wanted me to come back after what happened last night but we agreed the week, right?"
Sirius glanced at the grandfather clock towering in the corner. Eight o'clock sharp. He let out a bitter laugh and ran his fingers through his hair.
"Just go." He said flatly, covering his face with his hands. "Deal's off."
"I thought this was what you wanted?" Sirius closed his eyes and breathed, just taking in his voice for a minute.
"No." He replied finally, his voice muffled behind his hands. "It's not enough, not anymore. Go home, kid."
Sirius huffed in irritation but he was too tired to feel any real anger. "You know for someone whose career is built around customer service, you don't listen worth a damn."
Sirius leaned back in his chair, trying to ignore the ache radiating through his back at the movement and watched the figure before him move steadily closer. In that moment, it was like his whole world had been pin-holed to this one person. It wasn't until the scent of him assailed him that Sirius realized the only thing separating him from Harry was a few feet. He peered into the bright green eyes and tried to steady the pounding in his heart. It was all too tiring. His eyes were trying to close.
"I hurt him and I'll never forgive myself for it." Sirius sighed, finally naming the sinking feeling in his stomach: Shame. Truth, wielded like a sword, wielded against himself in punishment for his actions, his callousness. "All of this just proves he's better off without me in his life. I can't give him what he needs…"
"No matter what he thinks he feels." He finished, stroking his fingertips over the scarf that lay on the table, his eyes closing again as an iron fist wrapped around his stomach at the thought of never seeing him again. It was suffocating.
"So, it wasn't just sex?" Harry whispered. Sirius eyes flew open at how close he sounded. He hovered over him, hands braced on the back of the chair at either side of his head. "You're in love with him? For who he is not who you want him to be?"
"What are you doing?" Sirius asked, his voice cracking on an uneven breath.
"It doesn't matter-"
His voice closed over as Harry lowered himself into his lap, his hips pressing against Sirius'. He was hard too. Sirius felt his brain turn to fog and his hands moved of their own accord to his hips, pulling him closer. He turned his head to the side sharply when Harry tried to kiss him.
"I told you, not that."
"You've kissed me before, Sirius."
"Last night." Sirius blinked in surprise and looked up into the dark green eyes burning into his.
"How did you know that?" Harry responded by nipping Sirius' lip and rubbing his cock harder. Sirius groaned as the truth assaulted him. "You came back."
Harry laughed sadly, skimming a hand down Sirius' side, lips trailing heat across his jaw, coming to rest against his ear. "Couldn't stay away. I just needed to know for sure why you…"
"I know." Sirius' hand moved up his back, slipping under his shirt then back down again seeking to map out every inch of his damp, warm skin. Harry's breath quickened with the pace of his hips. "I'm so sorry-"
"Did you really think some imposter would ever be good enough, Sirius?" Sirius tried to respond but his tongue felt heavy in his mouth with every thrust of his hips. "How did you not see how I felt every time you saw me? I thought you knew…that's why you avoided me….I thought I disgusted you."
"Christ…I don't remember...You could never-"
Control was never a problem for Sirius, not during sex at least but every word, every thrust was pushing him to the brink. He released the death grip he had on Harry's hip and cupped his neck, pulling him into a kiss. Harry's lips parted, tongue leisurely delving into Sirius' mouth as if he'd been waiting a lifetime for him to take the initiative. The hot heavy sounds of his breath, the feel of his body, the taste of him, all of it overwhelmed the outside world for Sirius. The darkness of the room closed in around them until there was nothing but their touch; Harry's hands wrapped around his neck, Sirius' cradling his face.
His stomach fluttered with warmth. Sirius breathed Harry's name, tilting his head and capturing his lips again, meeting his tongue with a fierceness born out of weeks and years of denial.
"Harry, I can't…"
Sirius' fingers twisted and tangled tighter into the black, messy hair, then started to cramp, but the pace of Harry's hips wouldn't allow him to unclench them. Muscles tensed, hips stuttering, breath held, Sirius came quietly, with a clipped moan and a deep shudder.
The satisfied smile that appeared on Harry's face, the needy moan that escaped from between his lips urged Sirius to push back against his hips. Reaching down, Sirius buckled his hands under his knees and lifted him on top of the table, coming to his feet in the same fluid motion. Sirius brushed his lips against Harry's forehead, tasting salt and sweat and every one of his fantasies. His pulse began to stutter and race again the sight of him spread out on the table, his stomach heaving with breaths, lips wet and eyes dazed made Sirius realize how desperately he needed to be inside him.
Sirius took a deep breath and got himself under control. This was not about him. It was about Harry, broken and bruised by the world and refusing to give up, never asking for anything in return.
You're in love with him? For who he is not who you want him to be?
Staring into his eyes, Sirius unbuttoned Harry's jeans and pushed his shirt up with gentle fingers, exposing the pale, toned skin hidden beneath. He traced each muscle with tongue, reveling in how his stomach quivered against his lips as he curled his fingers into Sirius' hair.
"So perfect." Sirius whispered, gliding his hand further up his chest, his fingers running over the faint scars the war had left behind. There were so many.
Harry stiffened slightly.
"Don't" Sirius soothed, his tongue dipping into Harry's belly button. Harry relaxed. Gripping the sides of his jeans, Sirius jerked them down below his waist, exposing his hardness to the air. Sweat pooled in the small of Sirius' back and trickled down his neck as he wrapped his hand around his cock, his mouth watering at the single, clear drop that glistened in the slit.
"Sirius." Harry murmured, arching his back and pulling Sirius' mouth closer to his skin. Sirius took the hint and flicked his tongue into the slit before his mouth closed around the head, feeling his pulse beating raggedly along the vein. Sirius held fast to his hips, swallowing more of his length without hesitation as he began to moan and writhe beneath him; the skin becoming wetter and wetter, teasing until, with every breath, he gasped out a curse.
"I'm going to come, Sirius."
Sirius ignored the warning and began to move the hand wrapped around the base faster in time with his mouth. Fingers clenched in his hair and yanked as Harry came with a deep roar; body tensed and breath shuddered. The strong, bitter taste filled Sirius' mouth and he swallowed without faltering, mesmerized by the way Harry stared at him intently as he released him and licked his lips clean.
Pushing himself on his forearms, Harry tugged on Sirius' hair, pulling upwards until Sirius lay draped across him and moved in for kiss. With his free hand, Sirius stroked the sensitive skin beneath his shirt, his heart soaring when Harry laughed against his mouth, soft and deep; more air than voice.
"What happens now?" Harry asked softly when they finally pulled apart, his eyes suddenly serious.
Sirius took a deep breath and pushed the sweat-drenched hair from Harry's forehead. "I don't know."
"What you did...hiring that person." Harry began, his voice cracking from some unknown emotion. "You violated my privacy."
Sirius closed his eyes. "I know."
"It wasn't real, Sirius. Whatever you did with him, it wasnt real."
Sirius nodded. He couldn't do anything else. Every word was the truth. He feared that Harry would never be able to trust him, again, to forgive him and Sirius would have to spend the rest of his life alone, all too aware now of what it had been like to hold everything in his arms, even if it had only been a night. Sirius eyes flew open when Harry's knuckles brushed against his cheek.
"But this," Harry continued, running his fingers through Sirius' tousled hair. "This was real."
"I'll never forget it."
N/B: The end….I'm fiddling with the idea of maybe doing a sequel but if I don't you can come to your own conclusions.
You know what's a great song. Hanson – Lost without each other. Props to the boys on that one. Good song.
Please review x