This one's long...whoaaaa.

Anyway, adventures of Team Gai! Plus unfortunate NejiTen. Enjoy...I hope.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, because poor Neji was lying on the ground whilst Naruto turned everyone into mini-Kyuubis. Though I'm rather happy that episode 296 showed Mito, even if it was just once. :)

Warning: Swearing. The word fuck appears, which is rare for me, because I hardly ever swear. If you can tell, I was angry, so I sat down and typed to relieve stress. So this beginning is the result of a pissed author trying to convey a pissed Tenten. Enjoy.


Chapter 2: Crime Lab - Decoding Stupidity

"And this little piggy went all the way to—"

Kill me now.

"But the Big Bad Wolf took a deep breath, and he huffed, and he puffed, and he—"

Why me?

"—blew that straw house down!"

Cue collective gasp from group of children.

"And so the two little piggies went—"

Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can read stories to little kids. Without killing anyone.

"This time, the piggies' house was made of wood!"

Wood, wood, First Hokage, Yamato-taichou, wood, angry, I hate little kids, Lee would love little kids, why doesn't Lee read to the little kids?! WHERE THE HELL IS LEE?!

"But the Big Bad Wolf—"

Seriously, if I drop F-bombs in the middle of this story, you can blame Lee!

"—took a deep breath, and he huffed, and he puffed, and he—"

Fucking blew the fucking house down, like the piece of garbage it was! Why wouldn't you just build a house out of freaking airtight high security metal, if you're going to go through so much trouble?! See if the fucking wolf can blow it down then!

"—blew the house in!"

Neji watched the corner of Tenten's right eye twitch, and when she viciously spat out "puffed!", he knew that she had had it. She was probably going to snap at any moment, but Neji could do very little to help. After all, if he read the story, things would probably go down even worse, and he'd receiving a heavy berating from Gai. He didn't want to sit in front of his sensei for an hour, so he contemplated an escape plan.

" 'Little pig, little pig, let me come in,' the Big Bad Wolf said then," Tenten read in a mock growl. The children squealed in terror at Tenten's Big Bad Wolf voice. The weapons mistress was not sure whether or not to be pleased or offended.

Somehow, the brunette made her way to through the end of the story, managing to end the story with three happy, healthy little piggies and no "fucking roasted ham on a platter".

"You did well," Neji told her simply, when she was done. He realized, then, that he almost certainly should've kept his mouth shut, because Tenten cast a look so terrifying, she probably just out-glared Uchiha Madara.

"Fuck stories," she swore. Neji closed his mouth, then, trailing a good distance behind his teammate. When Tenten resorted to swearing, it meant that she was verbally attacking whatever it was that she wanted to slice to ribbons with a triumphant Soshouryuu, but was simply not allowed to.


"Tenten! Tenten! I read the story, Goldilocks and the—"

"I don't care, Lee." Tenten brandished a kunai to emphasize her point. Lee, confused, shut up and turned to Neji.

"Neji, Neji, aren't you enjoying this mission?!"

"No."

"Why not?!" Lee bounced in front of the Hyuuga, all smiles. Apparently, he'd gotten new shoes, because the shinobi-issued sandals squeaked cheerfully with their brand new soles and straps. The constant squish-squeak of his toes was driving Tenten insane, but only the Hyuuga noticed.

"I—"

"Don't answer that question! Is it possible, that you don't like children?" demanded Lee.

Oh, why Lee, how ever did you know? Neji thought to himself bitterly. He also didn't wish to face the wrath of Tenten in such a dangerous mood. On a similar note, he assumed she was having her time of the month, and was currently ten times as irritable as usual. He had seen Ino smack the living daylights out of Shikamaru for yawning one time, and Sakura was no exception. The current Naruto-Long-Distance-Punch record was so far, Neji couldn't even remember. He just knew that the poor jinchuuriki was vaulted thirty feet into the air, and was last seen sailing over the trees or restaurants or what have you.

No, the scariest things happened monthly in the Hyuuga household. It had gotten consecutively worse once Hanabi reached that age. It was at that age that girls become scary. Seriously scary.

One time, their poor distant cousin Ko tripped over a hotpot cooker cable, and it pulled the entire thing off the table, resulting in boiling water splashing all over both Hinata and Hanabi. Contrary to popular belief, it was not Hanabi who lashed out. Usually, the catlike Hyuuga girl was quick to ignite with a sharp tongue and a stiff glare. However, this time, she was late to the punch. Instead, Hinata took the initiative and scared the Byakugan out of everyone present.

"FUCK, KO!" she had suddenly screamed at her cousin, who paled and nearly fainted. The poor guy would have fallen, but Neji was behind him to place a steady hand on his shoulder. Okay, not so steady. Neji's hand was quaking in sheer disbelief.

Hiashi sort of just stared at his daughter, blinking several times, and then pretending that nothing had occurred. It developed to the point where he made himself believe that Hinata had never sworn in front of him, and any mention or reference to it was immensely frowned upon. Hinata had been extremely silent after that, with no indication that she had yelled, besides a sheepish apology to poor Ko.

All throughout dinner, everyone was silent. Hanabi had given her sister an approving pat on the shoulder before plugging the hotpot back in. And then, regular conversation continued on its way.

Another time, Hanabi had holed up in her room for an unknown reason, and Neji was tasked with bringing her the dinner she missed. Simple enough, one would think. But no, Neji knocked lightly, opened the door a crack, and slipped the food in. He recoiled just fast enough by instinct when Hanabi body-slammed the door shut. He had barely saved his fingers.

"DON'T OPEN THE DOOR UNLESS I SAY YOU CAN!" screeched the current 12-year-old. After that, Neji quickly fled the room when someone was asked to bring Hanabi food. Hinata, too.


"—which may result in…Neji, are you listening?" Lee waved a hand in front of the Hyuuga, lips pursed.

"Huh? Yeah, what?"

"Yeah, what, what?" parroted Lee.

"Seriously."

"You weren't paying attention."

"I was."

"No you weren't."

"Yes, I was."

"Liar."

"Am not."

"Am too."

"Am not."

"Am t—"

"SOSHOURYUU!" Tenten bonked them each on the head twice with a big metal ball, just hard enough to knock them out, but not hard enough to kill them. They'd be fine.


For the curious, Lee had been discussing their plan for the mission. While they were reading stories to the children, their real mission was to discover the culprit in the scene of a crime that had taken place in the last classroom down the school's last hallway. They were using the disguise as "teen volunteers" reading storybooks to the little kids to get closer to the scene, because of the teachers that were suspects. It was best not to alarm them, so they were touring the school making various presentations for kids of all ages—it ranged from that day's kindergarten storytelling to wild sex education for the students closer to their age (a topic which, as expected, Neji and Tenten refused to take…though Tenten was somehow dragged into it anyway).

"It's lunch time!" sang Lee.

"Wait, what do we have after lunch?" Tenten asked.

"You have bracelet and charm making with the girls, and Neji and I are demonstrating ninja topics to the boys!"

Why can't I be in charge of ninja topics? I'm the weapons specialist…and why couldn't Ino be on this mission?! She could do the stupid bracelets!

"Well, we also have to inspect the classroom." Lee's voice had lowered, and his expression became considerably more serious. "Neji, you know what to do."

A simple Byakugan check confirmed that the entire place was blocked off, and there was no sign of the living. The dead bodies had been removed and sent to autopsy, where it was revealed that blunt force trauma to the head with some heavy object had killed them. However, it wasn't just any object—further inspection detailed it as something long with a smaller end, which was used to push the victims harshly in the gut to initially injure them before beating them to death on the head.

"Motives?" asked Lee.

"None so far. Jealousy, perhaps?"

"I heard that the two people killed were having an affair, so that seems plausible," agreed Tenten. Lee had whipped out a small notepad, and his serious note-taking was almost unnerving. The way he switched from goofy to businesslike was uncanny.

"Excuse me, but no one's allowed over here." They glanced up to see a plump woman teacher gesturing towards the cafeteria. Lee laughed lightly, apologized, claimed they were sort of lost, and ambled casually in the direction he was pointed in.

"Tenten, are you hungry, or what?" Lee asked, when Tenten stormed ahead. She didn't look back, further baffling the green beast, but Neji placed a hand on the boy's shoulder and shook his head.

"She might bite your head off, be careful," he warned as sincerely as possible. To his surprise, he received an amused smirk.

"And you would know?"


Tenten hated to admit it, but somewhere deep inside of her, her girly self really enjoyed doing the girly things that girls do, activities that she'd refrained from participating in as a child, because she thought they made her weak. The fact that all the third and fourth graders crowded around her and clamored about how much they loved and adored that pretty silver bracelet she had on made Tenten all the happier. It was a simple, thin silver chain adorned with the smallest diamond designs, inlaid was a jade dragon snaking its way around her wrist.

"Where'd you get it, where'd you get it?!" the girls demanded. By this point, the older girls had noticed the commotion and now, they too were leaning over Tenten, inspecting the jewelry.

"Oooh, that's pretty," a girl around Hanabi's age cooed. The middle school kids and high school kids had mixed together, and they took turns turning Tenten's wrist over. The older girl prided herself for her one beautiful piece of jewelry that day.

"That's so cute," a 14-year-old told her admiringly. "Where'd you get it?"

"I got it for my birthday," Tenten explained, blushing slightly.

"Who gave it to you?!" came the quick reply. It was getting harder and harder to answer their myriad of questions, but the most frequently asked ones were answered. They continuously demanded to know who gave it to her—mom, dad, sister, best friend…

"My, um, boyfriend gave it to me," she stammered out at last. A collective gasp and a collective "awww" followed closely.

"That's so sweet," the same 14-year-old gushed. "And it's expensive, too, I bet!"

Tenten didn't say anything about the sender being part of an old, prestigious clan of Konoha. She vaguely remembered their one fireworks contest one year, where Team Kurenai had nearly blasted away the competition with their Hyuuga-funded contraption. Why Neji didn't receive any support, Tenten never asked.

"What's your boyfriend's name? Do you have a picture? Let's see, is he cute?"

"Umm…."

"Seriously! Show us, show us," the girls chimed. Tenten hesitantly pulled out her small wallet, where she kept, deep in one of the inner pockets, a picture of Neji. She would never admit or dare show him that she kept a picture of him at all times; it was something that she would only pull out when depressed or discouraged.

The older girls turned her wrist so that they could see the picture. Another round of gasps and "ooooh's" and "aahhh's".

"Ohmigawd, he's, like, so hot," an older girl exclaimed. "You're so lucky. What's his name?"

"Neji…"

"Score, girl!"

"Hey, I think Ten-chan's pretty," an elementary student called out. "If she let down her hair, I think she'd be more prettier!"

The older girls stepped back and considered. The one 14-year-old sat behind Tenten and touched one of her ribbons cautiously.

"May I?"

"Um…sure?" Tenten let the girl pull her hair down, and yet another round of awed gasps echoed through the crowd of girls.

"You've got the prettiest hair."

"You've got such big, pretty eyes."

"Oh my gosh, I'd kill for your eyebrows, they're lovely."

Random comments began spouting just from her hair cascading down over her shoulders.

Tenten touched her face self-consciously; she remembered when she was called "unibrow girl" for a short period of time when her eyebrows, thicker than those of most girls, had grown especially rough during the eighth grade. Now, they were still thick, but rather than unruly, they were full and shaped.

Rather than make bracelets, now the schoolgirls were dead-set on doing Tenten's hair and makeup and having fun with a makeover. Tenten didn't object, but rather secretly enjoyed it. In school, she had never been called pretty. The popular girls in the Ninja Academy called her the tomboy, the manly one of the group. To have the younger girls now admire her was truly…a new experience.

From Hashirama-knows-where, the girls whipped out hair curlers, straightening irons, eyelash curlers, mascara, eyeliner, lip gloss, eye shadow, a blow dryer…

All the feminine necessities of life were laid out in front of Tenten's widened eyes.

The girls were halfway through their makeover—makeup was pretty much finished, and now for the hair—when Lee sent Neji to check on Tenten. It did not go the other way around, because that would've left the male students with a stoic, glaring Hyuuga, and that was no fun at all.

"Tenten, Lee told me to—" Neji froze in the middle of the doorway, staring at Tenten through the middle of a hoard of girls.

"NO WAYYYY!" squealed the one curling Tenten's hair.

"Wait, is that him?" demanded another, bouncing in her seat. Tenten's sudden blush answered them all, and a deafening group scream scared Neji half to death.

"—ask you if you…were doing, uh, okay..."

The mass of girls turned doe-eyed and stared at him with sparkles in their vision. Neji contemplated whether to run away, stand there like an idiot, or do something…erm, manly? Now the girls' gazes were bouncing back and forth between Neji and Tenten, as if they were watching a tennis match. When Tenten didn't squeak "help!" or issue any death glares, Neji supposed it was safe to assume that she was fine.

"I'll…check back later…" He mouthed to her afterwards, What the hell?

Tenten only smiled enigmatically, leaving the Hyuuga genius to mull over what had just happened. As he made his way down the hall, he could still hear the few "kyaa" and "awww" noises that the girls suddenly chimed out as soon as he stepped outside the room, and then "he's so sweet!" rang among many voices. Tenten's light laughter rang above it all, which comforted Neji, though the circumstances were still bizarre.

She had looked divine, though, he thought suddenly…


Now, fast-forward to the end of this mission, and you'll find that the culprit was indeed, a jealous teacher who had had an affair with another staff member. She used her handy-dandy umbrella to give her coworkers a few pokes and jabs and vicious whacks to the head, and then she'd fled the scene. Crime solved.

However, there remained one of the greatest mysteries to be solved.

"Tenten, why are there…sparkles, on your eyes?" Lee was currently the Sherlock Holmes to this investigation, while Neji had unwillingly been forced into his Watson position. "Watson, what do you think?"

Neji had, indeed, been thinking of the sparkles—they made for a rather interesting touch—but he held his tongue. Recently, Tenten had become the one subject where his tight, Hyuuga tongue slipped often. One time, he blurted that her hair was "really super shiny do you use shampoo um I mean wait I um what shampoo?!" whilst grabbing her by the shoulders. Then he quickly withdrew, lifting his hands from her shoulders and rubbing his nose awkwardly.

Another time, Hanabi, who knew just about everything if she put her mind to observing it, deviously timed her plot during a "Hinata's time of the month" period. She also happened to observe Tenten walking to the Hyuuga complex with her cousin Neji, and found this rather intriguing. Upon seeing him quickly glance about and plant a chaste kiss to her lips, light as a feather, before she left, Hanabi cackled inwardly and set to making a terrible, terrible plan.

Terrible — no, it wasn't a faulty plan — as in the persons involved were doomed.

"Hinata-nee," she asked at dinner shortly after, "if you had a boyfriend—"

"No."

"Let me finish. If you had a boyfriend, would you walk him home or would he walk you home?" Hanabi asked smugly.

"That's a silly question, Hanabi," Hinata told her lightly. "Of course the boy would walk the girl home."

Usually, Hinata would've answered meekly along the lines of "Oh, yes, the boy would, um….escort…her…"

But her opinions were clearly voiced, and she spoke at a brisk, clear clip. To offend her or argue her message would be blasphemy — it would also be your doom.

"Why do you ask?" Hinata continued.

"Oh, no reason, nothing at all," Hanabi sang nonchalantly, poking snow pea with her chopsticks and subtly glancing Neji's way across the table. The older Hyuuga remained stoic and unrelenting, his face a stone.

"Spit it, Hanabi." Hinata set her glass of water down a bit too firmly, and it hit the wood table rather hard. Hiashi didn't even blink; he recalled Neji's mother, who would always set things down far too forcefully, a smirk on her face (Hizashi never batted an eyelash). Somehow, his own wife had picked it up, and now, lo and behold, Hinata was doing it (albeit only sometimes).

"I told you, it's nothing," the younger girl insisted.

"Spit. Don't gargle."

"I dunno, ask Neji."

The moment PMS-Hinata's eyes settled on Neji, the male stiffened visibly. Hiashi sighed as quietly as he could, just in case that death glare so similar to the older women of the Hyuuga turned on him, instead. Hinata, however, focused only on one thing, and that, at the moment, happened to be poor Neji.

"Well?" Hinata—who at this point could easily be mistaken for Road to Ninja Hinata—nodded at Neji, a signal to continue.

"Hn." Neji uncomfortably brushed some of his hair behind his shoulder, wondering whether or not to pick up some food or just sit there. He seemed to have body language and next-step dilemmas often, though no one really knew that.

"Don't hn me, answer the question."

"What question?"

"Don't play dumb."

Hinata was getting seriously terrifying. If this was the power of the strange, alien pulls of the month, then Neji was horribly glad he was a man. Even if Lee dressed him up in a skirt and jewels, and subjected him to painful cross-dressing torture, he would retain his manliness with constant objections and the victorious ripping of the clothes, among other things.

"What's this about boyfriends and girlfriends, and what does it have to do with you?" Hinata voiced, sighing exasperatedly.

"Ah. I don't quite know what Hanabi was talking about." The last words were stressed with a glare aimed at the younger Hyuuga girl, but she busied herself with some bean-curd rolls.

"Uh huh. When Hanabi talks, everyone knows what she's talking about," Hinata sniffed.

"You don't."

Hinata glared so fiercely then, that Neji nearly dropped his utensils and fled the room. Her determined face during the chuunin exams was one thing—but hey, they were hardly even teenagers back then—but this was a nightmare. Neji wouldn't admit it, but he was secretly afraid of the supernatural. That one time with the ghost in the armor in the Bird Country with Naruto and Tenten, he was secretly just as terrified as Naruto. He would never show it, though. Anyway, Hinata was scaring him even more than those ghosts, but he kept a relatively straight face and swallowed a piece of meat forcefully.

Hanabi felt immense glee at the slight crook in Neji's eyebrow, and nearly unnoticeable "I'm-stuck!" sort of expression that pulled at his lips. It takes a Hyuuga to read another one, and Hanabi was a pro. Her own father monitored his body language signs extremely carefully to prevent Hanabi from reading his intentions like a book.

"Okay, when Hanabi talks, it depends on who she's going to kill."

That was the bluntest way of putting things, and it certainly held true. Hanabi grinned evilly at Neji, whose eye twitched.

"I'm going to go off on a branch and assume that you have a girlfriend?" Ko suddenly voiced, from down the table. Their older cousin offered a kind smile towards Neji, whose eye twitched again.

"That was a great pun, Ko," Hanabi deadpanned. "But I think it's 'go out on a limb', or something like that."

Now Ko was confused, and he immediately began to back out. He knew full well the consequences of getting caught in one of Hanabi's spontaneously laid nets of doom.

"I'm going to pull you into the Main House, Ko," continued Hanabi in the same, nearly monotone, slightly sarcastic voice. "And tell you that you are correct."

Ko flushed slightly at the reference to the Branch and Main Houses.

Hinata, on the other hand, took the bait.

"Spit it out, Neji. Who is it?"

"Manly," Hanabi suddenly blurted. They all looked at her strangely.

"Manly?" echoed Hinata dubiously.

"His special person is manly. Very strong. Nice buns."

Neji's eye twitched, matching the upward lift of Hanabi's mouth into a Hyuuga smirk. At this point, everyone at the table was now staring at Neji, probably with the wrong idea in mind.

Did Hanabi just insinuate that I'm homosexual?

Neji took a few seconds to think this over, while the 12-year-old grinned to herself.

"Wait, wait, hold on," Hinata said, shaking her head. "You're gay?"

A few suppressed snickers in the room, Hanabi nearly rolling off her chair, Ko holding a hand over his mouth, and Hiashi staring at his plate, as if all was right in the world (though he vaguely pitied his nephew).

"And according to Hanabi, your boyfriend is hot?" Hinata said. She turned to Hanabi. "Nice buns, you said?"

"Very," Hanabi sniggered.

Kill me now, Neji groaned inwardly. However, unfortunately for Neji, his slippery mouth would soon act against his favor, and lead to his demise.

By the time Neji had thought up a good response, Hanabi had passed along the message with a look of mock surprise on her face.

"Wait, wait, Neji, I didn't know you swung that way," called one of the Branch cousins, Hikaru. Just a few years older than Neji, he often poked fun at the more stoic, unconcerned Hyuuga.

"I don't."

"Hanabi said ya did."

"Hanabi's lying."

"Oh, buddy, be careful. Don't want her to rip your throat out." Hikaru chuckled nervously and eyed the heiress's younger sister with caution. When he was finally sure that no sharp items would be tossed his way, he leaned back in his chair languidly, an amused smirk settling on his features.

"Oh, I won't be the only one whose throat gets ripped out," Neji muttered under his breath.

"So, who's the lucky guy?" Hikaru pursued.

"I told you, it's not a guy."

"Oh, so there is a special someone!" Hikaru chirped. He winked and Hanabi, who openly leaned over to fist bump with him.

"No, you've got it all wrong, I–"

"Let's start naming people," suggested Hikaru. Hinata took his as her cue to take over, and to Neji, it was as if Satan had descended upon them. If Neji didn't believe that Akatsuki could send over Hinata from a parallel universe, even when Naruto yelled "BELIEVE IT" in his ear – after a mysterious disappearance – he believed it now.

"Could it be…Lee?"

"NO." That was just outrageous.

"Ah. I see, Neji-nii-san, you're also after Naruto," Hinata accused. The fact that these words left her mouth just as readily as one would say "Please pass the dressing" was altogether terrifying.

"No, Hinata-sama, I am not. I would never, um…"

"Never what?"

"I told you, I'm not gay!"

The entire table went silent. Even though only a few Main House and Branch were present, the inevitable giggles from adults, even, resounded in the dangerously silent room. Neji's pale eyes turned to his uncle for assistance, but Hiashi failed to support the boy. Inwardly, the Hyuuga clan head knew how his poor nephew was feeling, but this was something that the boy had to conquer on his own. He would say nothing – partly because he wanted to watch the show – until Neji defeated the girls' dastardly plan.

Uncle! Neji sent mentally. But again, his uncle calmly sipped his tea and then said, simply,

"Hinata, please pass the dressing."

GRAAHHHHHH.

Neji inwardly screamed. This was far too much for him, and from the look on Hanabi's face, it was nowhere near over.

"Sureeee you aren't," Hinata drawled. Ko shook his head when the Hyuuga heiress twirled her chopsticks in Neji's direction, while Hanabi continued giggling.

"So, who is it?" prompted Hanabi, the ultimate question.

"I—uh—well—"

"I already know who it is," Hanabi told him lightly. "But we'd all like to hear you tell us, of course."

"I'm not at liberty to say."

"Oh really?"

"I'm not about to—"

"OH MY GOSH IT'S TENTEN." Hinata abruptly stood up, chair screeching backwards. "NO WAY, NEJI-NII-SAN."

Everyone just stared at her, and a few sniggered again. Most likely, everyone in the Hyuuga household save a few of the older people and Hinata (plus Hanabi until earlier that day) knew that it was Tenten. After all, it wasn't like they ignored the fact that she walked home with him every day.

"The nerve, Neji," Hikaru piped up, in mock disappointment. "Your lady walks you home every day. It should be the other way around if you want to be manly."

"I'm not sure where your definition of manly is coming from, but Tenten is—"

"Aha! It is Tenten!" Hinata's trick of naming a random person (Tenten was the first to come to mind) had proved successful.

"Wait, what?"

"I'm going to tell Ino, and you know what happens when you tell Ino things?"

"I'm not sure I want to know."

"By the end of the day, the Hokage will know about it."

"Ah. That's why I didn't ask you, specifically, Hinata-sama, because I didn't want to know."

"Neji-nii-san, you're doomed," giggled Hanabi.

"Tenten and I are—"

"Yeesh, boy, Tenten's more manly than you!" Hikaru remarked. "You know, if us Hyuuga boys had half a mind, we'd steal her from you in a heartbeat."

At this, Neji's jaw went slightly slack as he stared incredulously at his cousin. Hikaru justified his reasoning.

"It's true, man! But you're so stuck up about everything that you see nothing under your nose! Seriously, Neji? The catcalls and the waves? It's all us."

"Hyuugaception," Hanabi randomly threw in.

"How is that Hyuugaception?" Hinata argued. "Unless it was a Byakugan within a Byakugan within a Sharingan within a Byakugan—"

"Okay, okay, enough!" Neji declared, refusing to listen to more Hyuugaception and the fact that his cousins, apparently, were onto him. He could vaguely see Tenten dressed up as a cowgirl, yelling at him to run. Why that image came to his mind, he had no idea.

"Say it, then."

"Say what?"

"Say it," stressed Hanabi.

"Tenten and I are dating! Okay! End!" Neji held up his hands, and began to add, "It's not like we do anything—"

"—YOU DO INAPPROPRIATE THINGS IN YOUR ROOM EWWW NEJI-NII-SAN!" shouted Hanabi. "SERIOUSLY I LIVE UPSTAIRS! DON'T KEEP ME UP AT NIGHT PLEASE!"

"I-I do not, Tenten and I do not do i-inappropriate things in my room, hey, wait a minute!" Neji stammered, before spluttering out, "What are you talking about Tenten is a virgin!"

And then the Hyuuga table seriously went silent.

"And that was Hyuugaception." Hanabi nodded triumphantly.


"I, um, think that Tenten just wanted to try something out?" The question that lilted his voice made Lee turn to him suddenly.

"Hyuuga Neji, did you just say 'um'?!" Lee exclaimed. "I didn't know you could stutter!"

A snarky smile, and then Lee avoided an angry strike of Neji's Jyuuken. Tenten sighed and adjusted her pack on her shoulders. It was good that Gai-sensei wasn't here, but Lee alone was overwhelming enough. Lee continued harassing the poor Hyuuga about his usually stoic, assured-sounding voice. Neji would never hear the end of it. Luckily for him, that one incident at the Hyuuga dinner table never got out, hence why the rest of the Konoha 12 plus Sai had no idea what had occurred. Hanabi and Hinata never uttered a word, partially because Hanabi rarely interacted with the Konoha 12…plus Sai, and Hinata had been too embarrassed by her un-Hinata-like conduct that night. And so, the only one who would ever suspect anything (so far) was a partially insane Uchiha Sasuke who looked just a little bit insane at all times, even whilst holding fluffy bunnies and offering a bouquet of flowers to Sakura (if that ever happened, of course).

"Neji, I shall tell Gai-sensei that you are human!" Lee shouted happily. Tenten wasn't quite sure what this meant, but left it to the green-clad boy to deal with.

"I seriously have no idea why I'm on a team with you two," she sighed, shaking her head slightly. Neji threw her an insulted look that pouted, Hey, what about me? Lee, on the other hand, laughed energetically and skipped ahead.

"Hey, hey, we're near that curry place!" He jerked his thumb towards the shop they'd stopped by that one time, with Naruto, during the face-off with Raiga, one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist (who inherited swords passed down from Ameyuri Ringo).

And that began a bout of endless youthful stories.

Plus more Hyuuga flashbacks. For some reason, Neji recalled the one time he had stumbled upon Hanabi braiding Moegi's impossibly gravity-defying hair. He'd backed away slowly, expecting the Hyuuga girl to murder him or something just as terrifying. However, Hanabi held up a ribbon and asked,

"Wanna learn? You can braid Tenten's hair."


Oh my gosh, Hanabi's evil! She seems fun, though.

Lol. Oh Neji.

Anyway, the author is tired, but wants to write a funny idea that popped up for Tobirama.

She is also contemplating whether or not to tell you that ROAD TO NINJA IN THREE MONTHS YEAH WHOOOO!

Oh wait, just told you. Anyone else excited for the movie?!

I am. Though just the idea of clumsy!Tenten, pervert!Neji, sassy!Hinata, depressed!Lee, dark!Menma/Naruto, emo-ish!Ino, cat!Kiba, lacking-art-skill!Sai, playboy!Sasuke, plus many more, is already quite the terrifying thought. Especially pervert!Neji.

:)