Pen Name: WeeKittyAndTAT
Title: Wishing On A Christmas Coin
Crossover Fandom: N/A
Applicable Warnings: No copy right infringement is intended all things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer
Beta: TooCute24 - Thank you Sally you are wonderful!
Pre-Reader: Jess2002 - Jess as always thanks for having our backs!
Brief Summary: When eight year old Rebecca Cullen is given a gold coin from the mall Santa, to make a wish on, what will she wish for and will that wish come true in time for Christmas morning? Will Edward realize that what he's been searching for is already there? Will Bella give up waiting for Edward to see her and move on? Olderward/AH/Rated M
Rebecca Cullen's POV
"Ouch… Darn-it, Becca! What have I told you about leaving your school bag in the middle of the floor?" I turn and look up at my dad as he hops on one foot.
He shakes his head at me while yawning, which makes me yawn, too.
"Are we going to pick out a tree today?"
He smiles, nodding at me. "Yes, that's the plan for this morning, but I need to head into work for a few to sign some things, so we'll go afterward. Don't forget that I have a date tonight with Aunt Alice's friend, Katie."
I smile at my dad; he looks happy about the date. Aunt Alice set him up again, and I hope this Katie person is better than the last girl he went out with.
As we eat breakfast, Dad asks what kind of tree we should get this year. We talk about all the different kinds, and then agree to wait until we see them before we decide on a certain kind. I watch as he goes off to his room to get dressed. I go to mine and look in my closet for an outfit. I'm glad that I got my keen fashion sense from Aunt Alice, because if Dad dressed me, who knows what I'd wear. I find a super cute outfit that Aunt Alice bought for me a week ago, and throw it on. As soon as I have my shoes and jacket on, I run down the stairs.
"Rebecca Ann Cullen, go back up those stairs and then walk down them!"
I smile sweetly at my dad, who just chuckles while shaking his head and pointing up the stairs. Grudgingly I go back up and slowly, and with great exaggeration, I walk down them.
"Are you ready to go now, Becca-Boo?"
The nick-name he's called me since I was born always makes me smile, and I nod my head at him. We get in his beloved Volvo and drive to the tree lot. Dad gives me the 'stay close and don't run' look before I can bolt from the car. We get out, and I smell my favorite smell: fresh pine. We walk around the lot slowly, looking at all the different trees until I come to one that just screams 'Cullen Family' to me.
"Oh, my God, Dad, this is the tree!" I shout while bouncing up and down as Dad looks down at me.
"O-M-G, that's just fab," he says, trying to sound like me while he's flapping his arms around and jumping up and down.
I huff and glare at him. "I so don't look or sound—like that. And Dad, you don't abbreviate when saying it out loud, you only say O-M-G in texts." I roll my eyes, giving him the 'you're so stupid' look.
I watch as he folds his arms over his chest, raising his eyebrow at me.
Again, I smile sweetly at him. "I love you, Dad, and would really like it if we could get this tree."
He gives me a smile and a nod. We head home after stopping by Dad's work. The tree lot guys deliver and set up the tree by three, and Dad and I start to decorate it. We're just about done when Bella arrives; she walks in and hugs me while kissing my head.
"Wow, this is the best tree I've ever seen," she says as Dad lifts me up to place the angel on the top. I smile at her and nod my head.
"Want to help me cook dinner?" she asks and I quickly follow her to the kitchen.
While Bella and I are making dinner, Dad gets cleaned up and changed for his date. Bella and I have lots of fun when she babysits me. She's the best babysitter ever, and does crazy voices when she reads me my bedtime stories.
I haven't been in bed long when Dad arrives home. I frown, because even at eight years old, I know that coming home before nine o'clock from a date isn't a good thing. I quickly but quietly head to the top of the stairs to listen to Bella and Dad talk. I can see them, but not very well.
My dad rubs his face, sitting close to Bella. "She freaked when I told her I had an eight year old. She tried to hide it, but I saw it in her eyes. I don't understand how she couldn't have known; I mean, Alice set us up."
Bella touches Dad's arm and gives it a squeeze. "Edward, I'm sorry that it didn't go well. Maybe it would be better if she meets Becca and sees what a great kid she is?"
Dad shakes his head. "No, it wasn't going that well to begin with. I mean, I'm not really that sad about not going back out with her—I just don't know where the hell I'm going wrong. Why can't I find that one woman that clicks, you know? I want the whole package, the goose-bumps and butterflies, everything that's in all those story books you give to Becca. Why have I never felt that? There must be something wrong with me. I'm thirty-two with an eight year old, and I can't find the one woman that I want to share my life with. I'm scared that when I do find her and feel the butterflies and get the goose-bumps, she'll run because of Becca. That precious little girl up there is everything to me, and I will gladly be single for the rest of my life, rather than put her with a woman who wouldn't love her. On the other hand, I fucking hate being alone. I hate it more that Becca misses out on having a mom."
Bella leans over to hug Dad, and I watch him close his eyes as he pulls her close to him. I wipe away the tears that have rolled down my cheek and run back to my room.
I lay in bed looking at the picture on my bedside table. It's the only one I have in my room of Dad, my mom, and me. I don't really remember her much. She died when I was four in a car crash. Even though I saw her every day, I really couldn't tell you much about her. The only reason I saw her every day was because she was the weather girl for NBC. When she would come to see me, she was more like my teacher than my mom.
It was always pretty much me and Dad; he always made time for me. He has been on what seems like hundreds of dates with different girls, and I've only met two of them. The first one was Jessica, who he dated for two months before he brought her home for me to meet. She was crazy, and I knew that at only four years old. She shouted at me one day because I tripped and fell to the ground. When she helped me up, some blood from my knee got on her dress and she freaked out. After that, Dad quit seeing her and only allowed me to meet his dates if he was really sure they weren't crazy. Since then, I've only meet one other woman; the rest must have been crazy.
None of the women he dated lasted for long. The longest was Lauren—she was around for six months, and was the other woman I got to meet. I'd only met her a few times before Dad stopped dating her, too. I heard him say he found her sleeping in Taylor's bed. She must have been really tired; at least that's what Bella said when I asked her why Lauren was in Taylor's bed.
Bella is the longest, non-related female relationship my dad has ever had, but she's also the complete opposite of the women he dates. Bella is short, has brown hair and eyes, is super smart, and loves books and kids. She doesn't have a real job; she seems to float from one job to another. She always makes time for her parents, her friends, and me, but she always says I'm the most important person. Bella is the one I'm with most often when Dad has to work or has a date.
Dad mostly dates girls with blond hair who are almost as tall as he is. Most of them are big into this career or that. I know work must be important to some of them, because a few have actually canceled because of their job.
I put our picture back down and close my eyes, hoping sleep will come soon.
The next morning I wake-up and get dressed, knowing that I am about to spend the day Christmas shopping with Bella. I can't believe there are only nine more days left.
We've been shopping most of the day, and I bought Dad some cool books and CDs.
"Hey, little one, would you like to see Santa?" Bella and I look to the woman who is smiling brightly at us in a female Santa suit. I look at her up and down.
"Are you Santa's wife?"
She chuckles at me while shaking her head. "No, Rebecca, I am his mom."
My eyes widen as she says my name. "How do you know my name?" I whisper.
She bends her knees a little to look me in the eye. "Well, my sweet little, Becca, I need to know all the name of the boys and girls so I can remind my son of who's been naughty or nice."
I look over to Bella, who shrugs her shoulders, looking just as surprised as I am.
"So are you coming along to see Santa today, Rebecca and Isabella?"
We both nod our heads and walk over to where Santa is sitting. He looks up at us smiling.
"Rebecca Ann Cullen and Isabella Marie Swan, two of my good girls. How about I start with you, Isabella; what would you like this year?"
Bella touches my shoulder softly while shaking her head. "Thank you, Santa, but I have everything I want right here." She squeezes my shoulder a little.
Santa nods his head at her and looks to me, patting his lap. I slowly move over to him, because I still find it odd that they knew our names.
"What would you like, Becca? As I said before, I know you've been a good girl."
I shrug my shoulders. "I am very lucky and my daddy buys me lots of nice things. Could you maybe give my toy to one of the boys or girls that Bella visits and reads to? They aren't lucky like me, and even though their moms and dads work hard, they still have nowhere near as many toys as I do."
Santa smiles at me, nodding his head. "For you, my kind girl, I have this." He hands me a coin that doesn't look like any other coin I've ever seen. "This is a special coin. You make a wish and put it under your pillow, and, well, your wish may just come true."
I smile at him as I take the coin. "Thank you, Santa and Santa's mom."
I look at Bella and walk over and take her hand before waving goodbye to them.
"That was really strange how they knew our names," I say as Bella nods in agreement.
We head home and wrap up all the stuff we bought before Dad arrives and gives me kiss a on my head. He gives Bella one, too. Dad takes me to bed, and once I'm there, I look at the coin. I can hear Dad and Bella's voices, but can't really make out what they're saying, so I head back to the top of the stairs and listen to them.
"I can't believe you got fired from another job, Bella."
I watch as he chuckles while smiling at her, and she blushes and hits his arm.
"Oh, shut up! It was only McDonalds."
Dad nods his head while still laughing at Bella. "Yes, a big clown fired you. That's what, the sixth job this year?"
Bella nods her head and bites her lip. "Anyway, I wanted to let you know that… well, Jake asked me out again."
Dad chuckles even more. "God, Bella, when are you going to give that guy a break and say yes? Hey, that could be your Christmas gift to him; it will save you from buying him something now that you have no income—apart from what you get from me, at least."
Bella looks sad before plastering a fake smile on her face. "I did say yes; we're going out next week."
Dad looks taken back. "Really? You… you said yes?"
Bella nods her head. "Yes. I thought really hard about it and decided that everyone was right; I should give him a chance. Becca will still come first no matter what happens, so if you need me and I have date, call me. It's not like there will be a second date anyway, but if there is, just know that you can call me and I'll be here in a heartbeat."
Dad rubs his face and looks really sad. "Isabella, I can't ask that of you. It's one thing for me to put my love life on hold for Becca—she's my daughter—but you… you're twenty-two and her babysitter. I should've put an end to this when you were putting her before your jobs, but this isn't good or fair to you, Bella. You need to go out and enjoy your life. I think I need to start looking for another babysitter for her."
Bella looks like she is in shock. "But, Edward—no, please? I love spending time with her; please don't."
Dad stops her and stands up. "Bella, I didn't say you can't spend time with her, but you're her babysitter, and you'll go meet someone and have your own baby one day, and then they will become your number one in your life. It's not like you won't see her—I mean, you're Alice's best friend. God, now I feel even worse. You hardly have time for Alice because you're meeting my needs. You can't use this babysitting to put your life on hold. And besides, at this rate, she'll never accept another woman in her life if you are a constant here. You can't keep playing at being her mom, because she'll be left heartbroken when you have your own kid and she gets dumped by you."
Bella stands up, gripping her jacket. "It's possible to love more than one child. I know that I am just her 'babysitter', but I've watched her since she was a toddler and I love her. I know I'm not her mom and I never will be, but she means more to me that someone I just babysit. And I thought I was your friend, too."
I watch her walk away as Dad tries to stop her. Bella turns as she pulls her arm away from Dad's, and I can see that she is crying.
"Shit, Bella, that's not…"
Bella holds her hand up and Dad stops talking. She turns and walks out the door.
I walk back to my room, sad that Bella was crying. I really wish she was my mom. I look at the coin again, biting my lip. After a minute, I smile, knowing that this is something I have to do.
Okay, only one wish; I need to get this right. I pick up paper and write down my wish, and it takes a few tries to get it just right. I sit at my window and look up at the moon for a few seconds. Taking a deep breath, I hold the coin and close my eyes.
"My wish is for someone to help my dad find a wife for him and a mom for me. And maybe show him what's right in front of him. I'm sure that what Auntie Rose said about Dad and Bella to Auntie Alice is true, and if so, maybe they will get together.
"I hope that the girl is Bella, but if it's not, could you make sure she's okay and that she gets someone, too? Please make sure she stays near us and I still get to see her. I know that this is a long wish, but I wanted it to be right. Thank you, Santa and Santa's mom." When I open my eyes, I see the end of a shooting star. I smile, kiss the coin, and place it under my pillow.
I look at my watch and notice that it's eight thirty already. I let out a breath, looking at the paperwork I still have to do. I love my job—I'm an investment banker. It's hard work, and I put in a lot of hours, but the pay is worth it. It also helps that I work for a really great guy named Marcus. He understands that my daughter comes first, second, third, and fourth in my life. I look at the picture of me and my baby girl on the desk. Rebecca is the light of my life. I love the kid dearly. Rebecca's mom, Tanya—God bless her soul—died four years ago, not that she was in Becca's life much, anyway.
Tanya had her and helped to name her. She stayed the first month, but was offered a job as the weather girl for NBC and she took it. With the job, she also took a house near her new office, taking her two hours away from Rebecca and I.
The first two years were really hard, and I hated that Rebecca got handed around to different people to be cared for while I worked and Tanya was gone. When she was two and a half, Bella began watching her after school. I was worried about leaving my baby girl with a sixteen year old, but Bella had proven that she could handle her.
After Bella graduated from high school, she became Rebecca's full time care provider. She cared for her even while taking all her college courses online. I would have been lost if it weren't for Bella; she really came along and saved my ass. I know that Bella takes great care of Rebecca and loves her almost as much as I do.
My thoughts make me feel even worse for the words I said to her last night. I wish I could take them back. She means more to me than just a babysitter. I know Rebecca loves her a lot more than just some old care provider, too. This is another reason why I know I need to start pushing her out, though. Bella is going on this date, and it will lead to another. Before I know it, she'll be married and have her own kids, which will mean less time for me—well, less time for Rebecca. I know Rebecca will be heartbroken when that time comes. I don't want to see her upset, now or later. I really don't know what the hell Rebecca and I are going to do without Bella in our lives.
I frown when I see it's almost nine. I pack up the rest of my paperwork to do at home. There's only a mere eight days to get this all done so I can stop working before Christmas Eve.
I jump in my Volvo and head for home. I yawn when I stop at a red light; I didn't realize I was so tired. I wipe my eyes as I wait for the green light. The light changes, and I start driving again. I turn on a CD, trying to keep myself from falling asleep on this dark, quiet road.
Just as the road curves, a deer shoots out in front of me. I swerve my car to the side and run off the road, coming to a stop just before I hit a tree. I jump out of my car, looking around for the deer. I finally spot it on the other side of the road, and it looks at me before turning and to run.
"Wow, Santa was almost a reindeer short this year."
I shake my head and get back in the car. I put the car in drive and look to the passenger side of the car.
"Hey, stud muffin, how's it hanging?"
I freeze, looking right at... Tanya? I shake my head, slap my face, blink my eyes, and pinch myself, but still I see Tanya grinning at me.
"Oh, fuck! No, I hit that fucking tree. That damn deer got me killed; I knew I should've run it over."
I hear a chuckle. "I don't think the big man would be happy about that choice."
"Oh, God, I am dead. Why? And what about Rebecca? What the hell is going to happen to her? I can't be dead, she needs me. Please, God, please," I beg.
I feel someone pull my hair, so I turn back to Tanya. "What the hell?" She shakes her head at me. "You're not dead, dumb ass. I'm dead, remember? I'm here to help you out."
I glare at her. "You—help someone out? Fuck, well I might not be dead, but I sure must have banged my head or something."
I drive off, trying hard to ignore Tanya, who is now singing along to the CD that's playing. I pull up to my mom and dad's house, and see that the lights are still on.
I jump out the car and raise my hand to knock on the door. "Oh, it's like an old get-together! I can't wait to see them. It's a shame they won't be able to see me, but..."
"Of course they won't see you! I banged my head, which means you can't really be here."
She shakes her head at me. "So tell me, Eddy-kins, are the 'rents still a bit righteous?"
I roll my eyes and knock on the door. It only takes a few seconds before the door swings open and my mom is standing there looking frantic.
"Edward, what's wrong?"
Clearly, I'm not dead, and thank God for that.
I hear a chuckle and I look to see Tanya pointing at my mom. "Edward, maybe you should tell her why you're banging on her door at ten at night?"
"Carlisle, come quickly. There's something wrong with Edward!"
I turn to see my mom looking at me with worry. "No, Mom, I'm fine, just wanted Dad to look me over. I had to swerve when a damn deer ran out in front of me."
Mom pulls me inside, almost running with me to the living room. When we get there, Tanya appears, sitting on top of the fireplace.
My dad comes in and looks me over, but finds nothing wrong with me. "Did you feel like you hit your head, Son?"
I rub my face and pull my hair, because I still see Tanya, who waves at me and winks.
"No, just thought it was better to be safe than sorry, you know? I better get home. Bella will be wondering where I am."
My mom smiles when I say Bella's name. "I was on the phone with Renee earlier, and she told me that Bella is going on a date with Bill's boy. I really don't know why she kept turning him down in the first place; they will make such a sweet couple. She's just so right for him, and just his age, too."
I look at my mom and nod my head, not wanting to talk about it.
"He's really handsome and has a good job, which is good because she can't seem to keep one."
"Yeah, she told me, and she's worked for me full time for the last four years; I've never had a problem with her."
My mom shakes her head. "You two have helped each other out, but now you should really hire a nanny for Rebecca. You'll need one now. I know young Jacob really likes Bella, and well, you know young ones are now days and how young love works in the beginning; they will be so wrapped up in each other." My mom nods to herself as she talks.
I roll my eyes, having heard it all before.
"She's really hung up on Bella's age." I quickly look at Tanya as she watches my mom. I give a quick nod to Tanya to say yes to her.
"I'm glad you're starting to see things my way."
I look to my mom, realizing she took the nod as me agreeing with her.
"I better get home," I say as Mom smiles at me and walks me to the door.
"Don't worry, Dear, we'll help you find a nanny for Rebecca. I'll come over with a list in the morning."
My dad shakes his head, pulling Mom back. "How about letting Bella go on her date first, and see where things stand after Christmas?"
I nod my head quickly. "That sounds like a great plan, Dad." I walk away before Mom can get another word in, and quickly head home.
It's quiet as I drive, and Tanya keeps looking at me but doesn't say a word. I just try to pretend that I don't see her. I pull up to my house and walk in to see Bella sleeping on my couch. I push her hair out of her eyes, carefully pick her up, and then carry her to the guest bedroom. I place her down and cover her up. Reaching under the blanket, I remove her jeans so she'll be more comfortable. I move the blanket, pick up her jeans and fold them before I remove her socks and cover her back up.
"Bella, I am really sorry for what I said last night. I was an asshole. I really don't know what I would do without you. I..."
I'm cut off by a laugh, and I turn to look at Tanya.
"You give her some half ass sorry while she's asleep? I never pegged you as a coward, Eddy."
I walk out without responding to Tanya.
"You know, the sooner I do what I need to do, I can leave. You may as well help me, because I won't be leaving before my job is done. I'm quite sure you remember how much of a pain in the ass I can be?"
I walk into my bedroom, closing the door behind me.
Tanya follows me by walking through the closed door. "I'm Henry the Eighth, I am. Henry the Eighth, I am, I am. I got married to the widow next door; she's been married seven times before."
I glare at her.
"Hey, it worked for Sam Wheat," she smirks.
I roll my eyes and climb into bed as she starts to sing again.
I pick up my pillow and throw at her, watching as hits the dresser behind her. "I should've never of gotten you that damn film."
She puts her hands on her hips. "Hey, that was the best gift I ever got. Come on, Eddy; just let me explain why I'm here because there are rules. After that, we can get to work. I will get my job done, then you'll be happy and free of me once again, and I can go back to…"
I sit up and rub my face. "Rule one: don't call me Eddy. Two: no more singing. Three," I say, interrupting her.
Tanya holds up her hands, shaking her head. "I meant my rules, Edward dear." She gives me her best smile—the same one that made me ask her out for coffee in the first place.
I groan and flop back on my bed. "Fine, Tanya, why are you here?"
She jumps on the bed. "I'm here to help you. First, I'll show your past..."
I cut her off. "You've got to be fucking kidding me! I am going to be Scrooge?"
Tanya looks at me while laughing and shaking her head. "Goodness no. I'm here to help you finally see your soulmate. In order to do this, we will need to revisit some of your past."
I frown at her. "You're here to help me find my... true love? You?"
She glares at me. "Hey, look, I know I wasn't the whole show for you. My feelings when I was alive are no longer relevant. I have been doing this for four years now, and I'll have you know, I've helped more than fifty couples."
I nod my head at her and wave my hand for her to continue.
"I'll need show some of your past, and then I will lead you to her. Now, the rules—and you need to obey them all. First, you can't tell anyone about me."
I nod my head. "That won't be a problem; crazy has never been my strong suit. I mean, why would I openly tell people I can see you, someone who's been dead for four years?" I feel a slap on my arm. Damn, why can she hit me but I can't throw a pillow at her?
"Second, when I come to show you something, you must come with me; you have no choice. It doesn't matter if you're in a meeting or with Rebecca. Rebecca will be safe if you need to go, and nothing bad will happen while you're with me.
"Third, even once I'm gone, you can't tell people about what you saw, heard, or about me—this must always remain your secret. Forth and the hardest, when you see something that you will want to stop, you can't. You can't interfere with what is to be."
I look at her confused.
She sighs. "I will be showing you people in your life, and how things are with them. Say Alice was about to fall or get hurt—you can't stop that if you're not meant to be there. I just show you what happens to the others around you, and sometimes things needed to help in order for the pieces to play out the way they are supposed to."
I nod my head. "Okay, so if we're doing this, when do we start?" I question hesitantly.
She smiles at me. "Well, since you've had a busy day, I'll let you rest a little; I'll be back." She winks and then disappears.
I wake up to my alarm going off. I look at it and see that it's only six-thirty. I slam my hand on the off switch before getting up.
"That was some dream; fuck no, Tanya was there—make it a nightmare." I shower and dress before heading down the stairs.
When I get to the kitchen, I see that Bella is already up and has made my breakfast.
"Sorry, I only closed my eyes for a minute. Thank you for putting me to bed."
I look right at her, but she doesn't look my way and it's odd.
"Esme called. She says that she has the ad all ready if you want to look at it, and she'll get posted this afternoon."
I frown at Bella because I can hear the hurt in her voice. She passes a cup of coffee to me along with a piece of paper. I look down, and there in Bella's handwriting, the words scream off the page; it's the ad for a nanny.
"Bella," I say, but she doesn't turn around to face me. I get up and walk over to her, turning her around, but she looks at the floor instead of me.
"Please look at me."
She looks up at me, and as I look back into her eyes, I feel a sharp pain my chest.
"I am not looking for a nanny! Mom said that maybe I should just in case you could no longer look after Becca. You were only supposed to help me out for a little while, and here we are four years later."
Bella nods her head at me. "It's fine, I understand. You're not the first person to fire me, but I would really like it if I could still have a day—you know, where I could come and it could be just me and her."
Unable to look at the heartbreak in Bella eyes, I drop my hands and nod my head. I feel like my chest has been crushed as she walks away from me.
The day goes really slow, and when I get home, Bella leaves quickly, not staying to have dinner with Rebecca and I like she usually does.
"I hope Bella feels better soon."
I look across at Rebecca and frown. "Was she sick today?"
Rebecca nods her head. "Yeah, Grandma and Aunt Renee were here for a bit. They were talking to Bella about a job she's been offered. They kept saying she should take it."
I set my fork down, feeling very uneasy. "She's been offered a new job?"
"Yeah, some top bakery wants her to sell her yummy cakes there. When Grandma and Aunt Renee left, she kept rubbing her head. When I asked her what was wrong, she said she had a headache. I asked her if she would take the job, because I think it would be great to see her cakes in a shop. She said no; she didn't want to leave me or her home."
I shake my head at Rebecca, confused. "Why would she need to leave her home?"
Rebecca looks down. "Bella said that the job was in Italy, but that she wasn't taking it, so I shouldn't worry."
I push my plate away, unable to eat any more. The rest of the night, I think of Bella and her job offer. Unable to stop my thoughts, I pick up the phone to call her.
"Hello, handsome; you all ready for some leg work?"
I put the phone back down, looking at Tanya. Looks like I am having another nightmare. I must have fallen asleep on the couch, which means I'll be sore tomorrow.
I'm brought out of my thoughts by my hair being pulled.
"Ouch! Will you stop pulling my hair?"
Tanya shakes her head at me. "Let's go,"
I look at the stairs, shaking my head. Tanya rolls her eyes, pointing to an old lady sitting on the chair reading the paper.
"You want me to leave my daughter with a ghost?"
Tanya slaps my arm as the old lady raises her brow at me.
"Zafrina is very real, so don't worry about it."
Tanya snaps her fingers, and when I look around, I see that it's sunny and we're in the park. Tanya nudges me, so I look around and see younger versions of ourselves walking towards each other.
"This is when we met."
Tanya nods her head and I chuckle, seeing myself practically drooling over Tanya. We observe as the younger me asks her for her number and then watches her walk away.
"So what are we doing here? How will this help me find my soulmate?"
"We're just going to visit all the girls you've dated. Let's see if we can find the common denominator in each of them."
I shake my head. "Why do I get the feeling you're enjoying this more than you should?"
Tanya grins at me, snapping her fingers again. It feels like a lifetime passes as we go through all my failed attempts at dating.
"Last one, now; let's go and see Katie," she says with a smile.
I groan because this one lasted a whole two months, which in turned out was four dates. "Will you stop now? I get it—I'm a lousy date."
Tanya shakes her head at me. "No, Edward, your dates were always great. It's these women that you pick—and well, that Alice picks. They're all like me... too much like me, to be honest. It's almost as if you're picking the women you know it won't go anywhere with. I know you cared for me and loved me, but you were never in love with me. That same thing applies to that whore-bag Lauren; I wanted to haunt you for dating her, just so you know. I don't get why you're protecting your heart so much?"
I look at Tanya, puzzled, and she winks at me as I hear another voice talking. "Dad, are you getting up?"
I look into Rebecca eyes and feel myself jump at how close she is to me.
I sit up and look around the room. "You're being really weird today, Dad."
I watch as Rebecca looks at me worriedly, and I shake my head. "Sorry, Sweetie. Why don't you head downstairs and I'll get dressed?"
She nods her head, jumps off my bed, and then moves toward the door. "You sure you're alright?"
I nod my head, giving her a smile and motioning for her to go.
After breakfast, I drop Rebecca off at her school and head to work. The morning goes by fast, and I'm about to leave for lunch when there's a knock on my door.
"Come in," I call out.
The knocking doesn't stop, and I rub my head and repeat for them to come in. Again, the knocking just gets louder. I jump up and pull the door open, only to find no one there. I look down the hallway, but still don't see anyone. I go back in my office and close the door before turning back to my desk.
I jump back, seeing Tanya standing there laughing.
"Will you not do that?!"
She chuckles at me. "Come on, Romeo, time to visit yours and Rebecca's lives."
The first place we see is when Rebecca is born, and that followed up by Tanya leaving. Not that I was surprised or overly sad that she left.
"I did love her—it's just... well, this was not my life."
I nod my head at Tanya, hearing a bit of regret in her voice.
She snaps her fingers and I hear crying. As everything comes into focus, I see myself in my own living room, walking back and forth with Rebecca; she's so small.
"I remember this. It's Rebecca's first Christmas. Mom, Dad, and Alice had gone to Grans to bring her over here. They weren't due back until Christmas Eve, and Rebecca had been crying all day long."
Tanya smiles at me and looks back to where I'm still pacing the floor.
"Edward? What's going on?"
I watch as fourteen year old Bella comes running in, looking between me and Rebecca.
"Oh, baby girl, what are you doing all this crying for?" I say and watch as I pass Rebecca to Bella and grab my cell.
"She's been like this for hours, Bella. I'm going to see if I can get her seen at the doctor's office."
I watch myself leave the room, and I turn back to see Bella starting to hum a song.
"What's wrong with you, sweet girl? Hmmm... You know, I had to take this stupid plastic doll home one time, and all it did was cry. Really, I thought it was pointless, like why are they making us do this? Well, it cried for two days straight, and in the end, I threw it out my window. Shh... Don't tell anyone. I told them I fell down the stairs, which I did, I just didn't do it when I was holding the doll." Bella puts Becca down on the changing mat and beings to strip her down.
"Well, now I understand, because I think I picked up on some stuff. If I remember right, when a baby pulls their knees up to their belly, it means they have trapped gas?"
I watch as Bella undoes the diaper, turns Rebecca on her side, and begins to rub her back and belly while humming and talking to her. Just then, Rebecca farts quite loudly. I chuckle as it was followed by another. I watch as Becca grunts and then expels feces from her small bottom. Rebecca lets out a giggle and kicks her leg, causing Bella to get poop all over her shirt.
"So this is what I get as a thank you? You really shouldn't have," she says to Becca with a giggle.
I watch myself come back in muttering. "... really can't believe they won't fit her in. I'm just going to take her to the ER."
I watch as Bella cleans Rebecca up and then talks to me. "Edward, I think it was just gas, and maybe a little constipation; she seems fine now."
"Bella, I know you're just trying to help, but this is a real life baby, not some doll to play house with."
I watch as I pick Rebecca up.
"Why in heavens name did you undress her? Jesus, Bella, she's not a toy." Turning away from Bella, I pat Becca's back. "Come on, Baby, let's get you dressed and we'll head to the ER. They'll make you all better."
I watch stunned as I leave Bella without noticing that Rebecca was already better and had pooped all over Bella. Bella cleans up the mess on the changing pad, and then cleans up her shirt.
As I come back out, I hear Bella. "Edward, can I come..."
But before she completes what she was saying, I was out the door.
"You know, you didn't say you were sorry to her that day, either? Hell, you didn't even thank her for cleaning up and making your dinner. Oh, and let's not forget the fact that you didn't even asked her why she came over in the first place."
I look to Tanya, frowning. "I swear, I—if I saw that she helped my girl, I would have thanked her—I will thank..."
Tanya raises her brow at me, and I know thanking Bella now is something I can't do. Tanya snaps her fingers, and when we appear again, I watch as a small Rebecca comes running past me. I look around to see the bounce castle.
"It's her fourth birthday. You remember this, right?" I ask, looking at Tanya, who is smiling and nodding her head.
I look around the garden, seeing loads of people there. My girl is in the pool on Bella's back. I follow Tanya as she walks to a table where the Edward of the past is sitting.
"Hey, Daddy, did you see me swimming?"
I turn to see Rebecca standing with Bella, both dripping with water.
"I did, Sweetie; you did really great. Are you going to get dried off and dressed? Your mom just texted to say she's on her way here. I don't think she wants to see you all wet."
Rebecca smiles and runs over to my mom.
"What about you, Bella? You're welcome to go to the guest room and dry off. I'm sure I could lend you a shirt or something."
I feel a blush come over my face, clearly remembering this day, not only because it was my baby's birthday and the last time we saw Tanya, but it was also the first time I saw how much of a sexy woman little Bella was turning in to.
"Wow, I think if you were a cartoon character, you would've had smoke coming out your ears and your tongue rolling open on the ground."
I turn to glare at Tanya. "She's Rebecca's babysitter, and I am ten, I repeat, ten years older than her. She's just a kid, here, Tanya. She's only eighteen!"
Tanya shakes her head. "There's something Bella has never been, and that is a teenager; you and I both know that. You clearly saw that at fourteen, she had more of a level head than a thirty year old. She's been the one person that even I knew you could rely on to always help you out."
I look Tanya up and down. "Since when did you become Bella's support person? You always made it clear you hated her."
Tanya looks embarrassed, but turns away from me and toward the backdoor of my home.
"Where is my baby girl?"
I shake my head at the outfit that Tanya wore that day, and watch as she gives Rebecca a gift that was inappropriate for a four year old before walking over to us and the Edward of the past.
"Eddy, I can only stay for thirty minutes. I have an interview for the anchor position at NBC." I watch as Edward of the past pulls Tanya down to sit on the seat.
"What the hell, Tanya? First you show up two hours late, and now you're saying that you're leaving within thirty minutes? This is the first time you've seen your daughter in four months; she wants you here. Why can't you put her first, just once?"
Tanya of the past rolls her eyes. "Look, when I get this job, things will be hard for a few years, but once the public loves me—which they will—I can take time off to spend with her."
"Sorry to bother you, Edward, but I think you should maybe take a look at one of the gifts Rebecca has."
Past and present, we all turn to look at Bella
"Bella, I've seen them all; they're fine. The only new one was what Tanya just brought her, and she's her mother—I'm sure it's fine."
Bella looks worried and goes to speak, but Tanya cuts her off. "Look here, child, I know that you like to play mom with Becca, but I am her mom. Knock it off, or I'll have Edward stop you from spending time with her. There's nothing wrong with what I got her, so why don't you run along and play with your own toys?"
Bella twists her hands and looks toward the past Edward, clearly asking for me to say something.
"Bella, I will talk to you later, okay?"
She nods her head at the old me and walks away.
I watch as Tanya and I spend the next ten minutes arguing. Tanya taps my arm and holds on to me as we disappear and reappear in Rebecca's bedroom. I look out the window, seeing that we are still at the fourth birthday party. When I turn to the bedroom door because I hear crying, my baby girl comes running in and falls on her bed. I move towards her as she sobs.
"Sweetie, I'm here." I go to touch her, but my hand goes right through her.
"She can't hear you, Edward; remember, you're only here to watch."
"Tanya, she's breaking my heart. I need to do something. Why the hell didn't I know about this?"
Tanya doesn't respond to me, but looks to Rebecca's bedroom door.
"Becca? Oh, baby girl." I watch as Bella wraps her up in her arms.
"It's not fair, Bella. Why can't they just be nice? I never see her, and when I do, she and Daddy shout the whole time."
I watch as Bella rocks and shushes her. "Your dad loves you very much, and he gets angry, but not at you. He's only upset that he can't give you your mommy to see all the time. And your mommy, she's trying to become something that you're proud of. She loves you so very much. She even got a job where you can see her, and the sun that she puts on the board is for you; it's her way of saying 'hello, my sunshine girl'."
I frown and look at Tanya, who shakes her head. "I have no idea where Bella got that from, but it was what Rebecca needed to hear."
I nod my head and watch as Rebecca stops crying and begins to play with Bella. I smile at them both. Watching them play is something I've always enjoyed. My eyes widen as I hear my own voice, and I suddenly remember what I did that night.
"Tanya, I can't watch this again. Please, can we go?"
Tanya shakes her head, and I see my old self at the door smiling only for a second. "What the hell, Bella? She has a party outside, and her mom's here to see her, and yet you bring her in here to play?"
I didn't even allow her to speak before I picked up Rebecca and took her outside to say goodbye to her mom.
"You sure did shout at her a lot. I know I was no better, but I did it because I envied her so much. It was clear she was who she was, and she didn't feel the need to put on makeup or wear the right clothes. She was happy with herself and always put her family first. It sure didn't help that the older she got, the more beautiful she became. Even at four, I saw that Rebecca looked up to her and wanted to be just like her. That's why I hated her, but you... I could never figure out the reason you acted like a prick to her. That gift for Rebecca's birthday that Bella asked you to look at it? You didn't, and when Rebecca appeared with no eyebrows, you blamed Bella and not me."
I don't say a word, because right now, my mind is full of all the times I shouted at or spoke harshly to Bella.
With a snap of her fingers, we are back in my office.
"I'll be back on Saturday, so you have some time to think about what you've seen."
The last few days, Bella has been on my mind a lot more than she usually is, and I usually think of her a least once an hour. I know that the older she got, the more beautiful she became. I started finding her sexy and attractive at my daughter's fourth birthday. When I first came in the room and saw her tickling Rebecca, I wanted her more than I've ever wanted any other woman. Then I became so angry at myself because she was ten years younger than me. Two years younger than my baby sister, Alice.
Alice's boyfriend, Jasper, is six years older than her. He's also the same guy I beat the crap out of because, in my eyes, he was corrupting my little sister. This was all in my mind, and because of it, I pushed Bella away. I was angry at her for making me feel the way I felt. Of course, I knew it wasn't her fault, and over the last four years, I have found myself pushing and pulling her.
We always have a great time together. I fucking kiss her on the head a lot, but when she gets too close, when I feel like I'm about to let her in, I get scared and push her away with hurtful words. I know that I am damn lucky she's never held anything against me. I also know that's why I always pick girls that are her opposite. Maybe it's like what Tanya said; it's nothing more than self-sabotage. I only go where I know it will fail.
I just wish I could meet someone like Bella, but older. I will never find anyone like her, though, and now she's on her way out on a date with some guy who she will fall in love with and I will have to watch him be all over her.
"My goodness, you're in a gloomy mood!"
I turn to look at Tanya, and see that the old lady is back.
"Okay, let's get this over with; where are we going now?"
Tanya frowns at me. "Edward, what's wrong with you? You look like someone ran over your dog? They didn't, did they? I mean if you had one..." She chuckles at her own joke.
I shake my head at her anyway, still raging mad at myself.
"Well, we're going to see people around you and Rebecca."
Tanya and I watch my mom and dad, and Alice's first meeting with Jasper, which was really not how I thought it went. Now I can see just how much he loves her. It makes me feel even more like an ass because of the way I was in the beginning. Even now, four years down the line, I've never been nice to him. That will change after today.
As the room spins, I'm in a small apartment and I smell the home cooking that I know is Bella's.
"Alice, what did you think he would do? You never warned him that you were dating an older guy. You're twenty-two and are dating a twenty-eight year old."
"That not the point! He hit him! God, I wish he would've taken an interest in you—then he would understand."
Bella looks to her phone. "Alice, I'm almost twenty; he's thirty. I'm sure he doesn't want a kid as a girlfriend, even more so because he has a kid to take care of already."
I look on, shocked at what I am hearing.
"Bella, you've been crushing on him for a year now. Why don't you use your womanly ways and get him into bed?"
Bella looks sad, but shakes her head and keeps stirring the pot. "Alice, he doesn't see me that way and he never will. I'm alright with that. I would never get him into bed that way anyway—I'm not the whole 'seduce a man' kind of girl. Please just leave it. Talk to him about Jasper; you're the one not really giving him a chance to get to know him. When Edward is around you two... Well, maybe if you didn't spend the whole time dry-humping each other, he wouldn't get so angry. I was about to hit the both of you myself. I mean, Rebecca was there."
Alice laughs and I shake my head as does Bella.
"He needs to lighten up. God, he's such an old man. I really don't see why you like him so much."
Bella takes the pan off the heat. "Alice, I see him the exact way he is. He's an amazing guy and a great dad. I've told you all of this before. Look, I need to go; I'll talk to you later."
I look to Bella—who still making her cakes—and then to Tanya.
"She had a crush on me? When…"
Tanya shakes her head at me. "She has a crush on you. As in, she still does have feelings for you."
I shake my head at her. "No, that's not possible after the way I've treated her."
Tanya shrugs her shoulders. "You like her, don't you?"
I look at Tanya and then at Bella, who is dancing while still making her cakes. "I am too old for her, and she's on a date right now."
Bella walks out of the room and Tanya moves over to where the cake is sitting. I look down with a smile, seeing that it's the birthday cake she made for my thirtieth birthday.
"Age is only a number, Edward."
I look up at Tanya, about to argue, but she cuts me off.
"Let's go and see how Bella's date is going."
I look around and see that Bella is sitting across from Jake. Looking at her, I can see that she looks completely uncomfortable and Jake has not picked up on it.
"She doesn't look like she's enjoying herself to me. There is just no spark there for her."
I look to Tanya. "She needs to give him a chance. Tanya, he's two years older than her, just..."
Tanya slaps my arm. "Look at that couple over there; watch as they touch."
I turn and look to see small spark coming off of the couple she pointed to.
"That is what I see when a couple has a chance. The stronger that spark is, the more suitable the couple is. Come on, I want to show you something."
Tanya takes me to a different time; Bella had recently turned eighteen, and it was right when I started to feel something for her. I watch the small touches we shared, and the looks Bella gave me when I was pulling her toward me. I must really be confusing the hell out of her, not to mention the hurt I've caused.
Then I watch the way we were together after I took Bella and Rebecca to the movie last month. I frown when I see the small spark between Bella and me, even though we're not touching. I remember that night; I felt as there was something pulling me to touch Bella the whole time. I know from that night forward, I've been a bigger ass to her.
I watch as Bella and I drink some beer after Rebecca goes to bed. It's not long until Bella is curled up against my side and I'm leaning over her tickling her. I close my eyes, not wanting to see the kiss, but Tanya sharply kicks me, making me open my eyes. I see the kiss—it was the best kiss of my life.
"Katie," the old Edward mumbles out.
I look over to see Bella push me away. She helps me stand, and I add a small stagger so that she would stay close to me. I even mumble Katie's name a few more times. The next day, I pretend that I don't remember.
"Oh, that was low... so low. Did you really think she was Katie?"
I look at Tanya, shaking my head. "I knew it was Bella, I just felt ashamed. I was worried she..."
Tanya waves me off and I hear sobbing. I follow the sound, and what I see breaks my heart. Bella is in the bathroom of the guest room, siting in the bath tub and crying. She even turns on the tap to mask the sound.
Tanya snaps, and Bella disappears as I reappear in my own room in my own time.
Sunday comes and goes without Bella turning up. Normally she would call or something, but I don't hear a word from her. Night comes again, along with Tanya.
"Look, can we just stop this? I mean, I get it; the love of my life is Bella. I will openly say that, but I lost my chance with her, Tanya. I've hurt her so much over the years. To keep my heart safe, I've just about destroyed hers. Plus, I am far too old for her; you know that—I know that."
Tanya sits next to me.
"Where the hell does the age thing come from? It's the only thing that seems to be stopping you from making a move on her, even now that you've realized you care for her. I don't get it."
I shrug my shoulders; it's the way I was brought up. My friends are all close in age—none more than two years older or younger than me.
"It's a rule, Tanya; people don't like when guys date girls a decade younger than them. Are you trying to send me to hell?"
Tanya laughs, and a piece of paper appears in her hands.
"You're right; it's one of the unwritten commandments, right under 'thou shall not orgasm from self-pleasure!' Hell, you've been booked to go to hell since you were fourteen! Or did you forget about your rebellious years?"
I shake my head but laugh a little.
"Your mom is great, and all, but her word is not gospel. She is only human, and just because she feels uncomfortable with age gaps, that doesn't mean you should miss out on something really great, Edward. You and I both know that Bella has always been the best mom to Rebecca. And Rebecca sees her as her mom. She's scared to tell you that in case you stop Bella from coming over. She even calls Bella her mom in her diary."
I look at Tanya. "You read her dairy?"
Tanya blushes but shakes her head no. "I pop in from time to time. I can read minds a little, so I pay close attention when she writes in it. Look, Edward, you keep saying you want to be with someone that makes you feel goose-bumps and butterflies—someone who gets you, and who will love you and Rebecca with their whole heart. You want someone who has the ability to light you up inside, and who Rebecca can always look up to. You already have that with Bella. You're looking for something you already have—and have always had. She just happens to be a little younger than you."
I glare at Tanya.
"All right, Gramps, ten years younger, but don't you think she is worth fighting for? Isn't she worth a few looks from people you don't know and could care less about? As for your mom, well, she'll come around. Besides, she must know how you both feel."
"Maybe, Tanya, but Bella had her date last night, and well, she never called me today like she normally would."
Tanya looks upset and stares at the floor. I swear I see anger flash in her eyes, too.
"Edward, I swear I didn't know what was going to happen. I just knew that Bella didn't feel very comfortable with that Jake guy. I didn't know there was a bad side to him…"
I stand up, feeling anxious.
"What happened? Did he do something?"
Tanya nods her head at me. "Edward, are you sure you want to see this?"
I roll my hand to make a fist, but nod my head. I hear the sound of Bella voice and move toward it.
"Well, this me."
I watch her take a step back as Jake chuckles.
"I know where you live, Bella. So, how about a cup of coffee?"
Bella shakes her head at him. "Jake, I need to be up early. I want to go see Mom and Dad before they leave on their ski trip, and I wanted to ask Edward if Rebecca could have a sleepover here because I won't see her now until after the holidays."
"Come on, Bella, we could have a sleepover, and I'm sure that you'll have a lot more fun with me."
Bella closes her eyes before looking around. "Jake, I didn't have a good time tonight, and I'm sorry, but I don't feel anything other than friendship for you."
Jake grips her arms and pulls her toward him. "That's because you have that fucking Edwin guy in your head. Look, he doesn't fucking like you. When are you gonna get that? Let's get things straight; you're okay looking, but you're not the girl he's looking for. Hell, he doesn't even think of you as fuckable."
I feel the rage build inside me.
"Edward would never sleep with someone if he didn't feel even a little bit for them. This, with you and me, has nothing to do with fucking him. Besides, I know he'll never see me that way. That's why I've pulled back from him. I'm trying to work out a way where I can see Rebecca without seeing him. I get it that my feelings for him are wrong, and that someday he will find the right woman. I know when he does, I may lose Rebecca, but I never had Edward to lose in the first place, and I will hang on to Rebecca as long as I can. As long as I bring some happiness to her, I am going be there. You need to go, Jake."
I frown when I see the tears on her face over the thought of losing Rebecca. I'm so caught up in it that I don't see Jake grab her until he has her pinned against a wall. I pull my arm back and hit him, but never make contact.
Tanya pulls my arm. "There's nothing you can do, Edward, it happened." I glare at Tanya and shrug her off. When Jake screams out in pain, I look to him see him on the floor, rubbing at his eyes while Bella holds a can of mace. She kicks him in the nuts while he's down.
"Jacob Black, I take it back, you're a dipshit! Don't ever come anywhere near me again, or I'll get my dad to lend me his gun, and I'll put a little lead in your ass."
She walks into her apartment and slams the door as Tanya and I flash inside with her. I watch in horror as she removes her jacket to reveal clear handprints on her arms.
I lean against the wall and watch her grab a change of clothes before heading to her bathroom.
"I am so, so sorry, Bella. I love you, really, I do," I whisper as she walks past me.
I watch her as she stops and looks my way with a frown. When I move my hand to her face, cupping it, her eyes widen and I can see and feel the spark, just as I can whenever she's close.
"Tanya, she knows I am here."
Tanya looks at me, obviously a little confused, and she snaps her fingers, bringing me back to where I was.
"Tanya, what was that? How did she hear and feel me?"
Tanya lets out a small sigh. "I'm not sure, but when soulmates are joined together, things are always really strong. Maybe that explains it."
Bella is my soulmate?
Tanya nods her head. "Yes; Of course it didn't kick in until she was of age, but, yeah. You and her are joined; you're supposed to be together. Surely you saw this, and I know you feel it."
I nod my head.
"She moved on, though, Tanya. What the hell am I going to do to win her back?"
"That's for you to work out. I'll see you tomorrow; it will be Christmas Eve, after all."
I stay awake most of the night. I tried calling Bella, but her phone was off. The next morning, Rebecca is moping about the house.
"Do you think we can go to Bella's? I have her Christmas gift."
I try calling her again, but there's still no answer. The whole day, I barely get a smile from my daughter. I know that this is Bella's plan to cut me out of her life. I have really fucking screwed up royally with her.
After bathing and putting Rebecca to bed—who didn't even ask for a bedtime story—I walk into my room with my head full of all the times I pushed Bella away…all the verbal hurt I dished out. Not once did I tell her how sorry I was for hurting her. Well, none she could hear, anyway. I slide to the floor, crying like a little girl.
"So is this how you're going to win Bella back? I can tell you right now, I really don't think it's going to work."
I wipe my face and look at Tanya.
"I've lost her. There is no winning her back. I..."
Tanya once again pulls my hair. "Knock off the 'woe is me' shit, and get off your ass, drive to her house, and beg her to give you a chance. That girl is the best thing you and our daughter have. She's worth the fight—even if you have to embarrass yourself by getting on your knees and begging her. And hey, you may get laid. It's been what, three or four years since the last time that happened?"
I jump up, grabbing my jacket.
"Is that nanny going to come back? I mean, I can't leave Rebecca by herself."
Tanya shakes her head. "No, but I will watch her."
I feel myself pale. "Tanya, you're dead. That's going to scar her for life if she sees you. She'll be afraid if she thinks I left her own her own."
Tanya snaps her fingers again and she looks like the old lady that has been watching Rebecca. "Better?"
I stare at her, nodding my head.
"Well, you better get going; Santa will be doing his rounds soon."
I run out of my house and drive over to Bella's, banging on her door when I get there.
"Alright, I'm coming! Where the heck is the fire?" Bella says as she opens the door and looks at me in confusion.
I look her up and down for a second. She has boy shorts and a tank top on. As I glance at her arms, I see the bruises Jake left behind.
"Edward, is there something wrong?"
I look down at the floor and shake my head. "Can I come in?"
She steps back and allows me to enter.
"I have been calling you nonstop since yesterday!"
Bella slaps her head.
"Shit, I'm sorry. Did you need me to watch Becca? I kind of lost my cellphone, and I didn't think to call you. I'm sorry."
I lean my head to the side. "What do you mean you kind of lost your cell?"
I watch her wrap her arms around her middle. "I know where it is, I just can't get it."
I wrinkle my eyebrows together in confusion.
"I left it in Jacob's car."
I nod my head at her, looking at her arms again. My hands go up to the bruises and I rub them lightly. As I step closer to her, I feel her shake a little before she steps back from me. I drop my hands to hers before pulling her to me.
"I'm so sorry. I swear I never ever meant to hurt you. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that you felt anything for me. I was so hung up on our age difference that I didn't see you. I refused to see how well we clicked and just how much I've grown to love you in every way."
I see the tears fall from Bella's eyes as she shakes her head at me.
"I love you! I am in love with you, and I have been for three, almost four years, now. I've dated girls that were your exact opposite because I knew that you were my perfect girl—my dream girl. When I kissed you, I knew exactly who I was kissing, and it was completely perfect in every way. It scared me, though, because my brain told me that I was dirty; I shouldn't have sexual feelings for a woman who is ten years younger than me. I didn't think you would ever see me like that, and I would lose you—Rebecca would lose you.
"I tried to keep my distance. I kept telling myself that you were just Rebecca's babysitter. I was trying to convince myself, but I always hurt you so much when I said it. I'm not afraid anymore, not of us—I'm only afraid that I have lost you. I swear if you can't forgive me or you don't feel as strongly as I do, then I'll back away.
"You will always have a place in Rebecca's life no matter what. She loves you so much, and I can see that you love her just as much as I do. And just to set the record straight, I know that you have been a mom to her—I do see that. So Isabella Maria Swan, would you like to spend Christmas with me and my—our daughter? I would really like to take you out on a date after the holidays, but for Christmas, I promise to be on my best behavior."
Bella just stares at me with her mouth open, so I cup her face and stroke her cheek.
"You love me?" she asks, finally finding her voice.
I nod at her as she shakes her head.
"I really hate this fucking dream!"
I let out a chuckle. "My love, you're not dreaming."
She rolls her eyes at me. "Yeah, you always say that."
I pull her to me and kiss her hard.
"Yeah, you always do that, too."
I chuckle a little. "Bella, how I can prove that I am here—that I love you?"
She looks at me. "Kiss me again."
I smile at her before placing my lips on hers. Pretty soon, the kiss heats up and she threads her fingers through my hair. Before long, my hands are under the back of her top, and her hands are kneading and scratching my scalp and neck. I move to the sofa and sit, pulling her into my lap.
With her legs straddling me, we both deepen the kiss. It's not long before my sweet, sexy Bella is grinding her very warm center over my hard cock. I pinch her nipples as she moans in my mouth, and when I reach down, and I can feel how damp her panties are. She pushes her center against my hand, and after a few movements, she is gasping against my neck. When she moans out my name, I pull her mouth back to mine and kiss her with everything I have.
"I love you, do you believe me now?" I ask, pulling back so we both can breathe.
I look in Bella's eyes as she gazes back at me. "You're really here and you really love me? You're in love with me?"
I nod my head, a little worried. I took things too far too soon.
"I love you, too; I have had a crush on you since I was eighteen, and well, I didn't realize that I loved you until last year."
I smile at her, feeling like my heart is about burst into flames from hearing those words come out of her mouth.
"Does this mean you're willing to forgive me and give me chance?"
Bella nods her head at me.
"Thank God! I swear I will never hurt you again. I'm done with being scared of how I feel about you. I love you so much—so much more than what I ever thought was possible."
"Edward, if you're here and I am here, who's watching Becca?"
I smile and pull her up. "A friend that was passing by. Will you come home with me to spend Christmas with me and our girl?"
"Are you sure?"
I nod my head at her. "More than sure, Love, more than sure."
Bella quickly grabs her things and we drive back to my house. Once we're there, she glances at Tanya—who is still dressed as an old lady—and she frowns while shaking her head and walking up the stairs.
"It's amazing how quickly the feelings come after you're willing to accept them."
I nod my head in agreement. "Well, I've got to go—I have another charge."
I pull Tanya in and hug her. "Thank you so much, Tanya. Really…thank you."
Tanya shakes me off, but I can see that she's more upset than what she lets on.
"Would you tell Rebecca when she's older that I always loved her. I know I didn't show it, but I did, and I always will. Oh, and just so you know, I'll be keeping an eye on our girl."
I nod my head silently.
"Well, I'm off to Harlem." As Tanya says Harlem, she shivers and makes a disgusted face, and then she disappears.
I jump upstairs but don't find Bella in my room. I head to the guest room, seeing her changing for bed again.
"Love, why are you in here? I kind of thought that you…um, that we could, you know…share. I mean, I swear I will be good."
Bella bites her lip and nods her head at me. I clasp her hand in mine and bring it to my lips to kiss.
"Edward, I only ever had sex with Mike, and that was a whole five times. I just thought you should know that I still have no clue about sex or any of that."
I smile at her. "Love, we can learn it all together, I promise. And since you told me, let me tell you this: I've only had sex with seven women, a little more than five times, but I haven't had sex in three and a half years."
Bella looks up at me and I shrug. "It really doesn't work for anyone except you. That should've been my first clue on how strongly I felt for you."
Bella and I spend the next few hours talking, which leads to another heated make-out session. Even though it's not my intention, we are both completely disrobed before I know it. When I reach my senses, I stop her to look in her eyes. I notice her scared looks, and I immediately know she thinks I am rejecting her after everything.
"Bella, my love, I want you so very badly," I say with a huskiness in my voice that I don't recognize.
"Then why, Edward, why stop?"
"I don't ever want you to think that I only want you as a babysitter and as a sexual outlet. You are everything to me. You're everything I never knew I wanted, needed, or deserved. I love you with every fiber of my being, and I want you—all of you. I know it's crazy, but I want you to share my bed, my life, our daughter, and any other children you want to have with me. I want it all with you; you're every facet of my dream come true."
"Edward, would you marry me and give me a baby so our daughter could have a sibling?"
"Every single day and twice on Sunday," I say, smiling at her.
"Good, I'm glad to know we are on the same page. Now, could you please show me—make me yours in every single way possible? Because I need that right now more than I need air."
"Baby, you need air to stay with me, but I can still do little things to take your breath away," I say as I pull her the rest of the way under my body. Kissing her deeply, I line up our bodies. The moan that rips from my body and hers as I enter her is euphoric, and not only feeds our senses, but pushes us both beyond. The current between us is amazing, and I kiss her and murmur words of love the entire time I ravage her body with mine. I never knew what making love was before now. Her whole body sings to me. Making love to Bella brings me closer to heaven then I ever deserved to be.
After we both come off our climax driven highs, I kiss Bella's head. "I can't believe we haven't been doing this these last four years. It feels new but old at the same time, you know? It's as if I know where to touch you, and you know where to touch me. I really hate to tell you this, Bella, but you're stuck with me. I don't think I could ever survive losing you."
Bella nods her head in agreement as we move on to round two.
Christmas day is just about the best for me ever, only falling behind Becca's first Christmas by a shred. Rebecca was over the moon to find Bella and me together kissing very early this morning. She kept jumping up and down, saying her wish came true. We had breakfast and opened all our gifts. We played a few games together and had an early, light lunch of grilled cheese and tomato soup. Afterward, Bella put our dinner in the oven and asked Becca if she wanted to play in the snow.
So here we are, making snow angels as we wait for my mom and dad to get here. Bella already told her mom and dad about us. They were a little upset, but Bella told them to get over it. I jump up, looking at my snow angel as something catches my eye. I head over to the trees where I see Tanya looking over at Bella and Rebecca.
"She looks really happy—they both do."
I look at them and listen to them laugh while throwing snowballs at each other.
"You do too, Edward. This is the happiest I've ever seen you. Well, apart from the day Rebecca was born."
I nod my head again.
"You never know what you've got until it's gone."
I look at Tanya, hearing the sadness in her voice.
"You look a lot more at ease and happy, Tanya."
She shrugs a little. "It's really ironic, don't you think?"
I frown at her. "What is?"
She chuckles. "I had to die to find my humanity!"
I chuckle and nod my head, already seeing the nicer side of Tanya these past few days.
"Alright, time for me to go to work and for you to protect Bella from your mom. Don't lose out on her just because your mom doesn't agree with the two of you."
Tanya winks at me. "Later, Eddy-kins."
I shake my head and give her a wave as I see my mom and dad's car pull up.
I head back over to Bella and Rebecca, only to see that Bella is already worrying.
"I love you and I will not allow her to split us up. We're in this together."
Bella looks back at me, taking a deep breath. "Together," she says, gripping my hand in hers. Rebecca places her hands on top of ours.
"Together," I say with Becca as we both smile at Bella.
A/N: Well first off thank you to all of you who voted for us and made us the first place winners of the fans vote. Secondly thank you to the wonderful judges, who voted us second place judge's choice. Nikky and I hope that you all enjoy this, thanks for reading and reviewing. (Nikky)& Kasi~