Author's note: I offer for your consideration a little one-shot story. It is a pairing of CM Punk and Jon/Dean Ambrose. This pair is very hot, in my opinion. I hope you all think so too. As usual, I own nothing. Just a piece of fiction. Song lyrics used within and the title of the story comes from the band Garbage and the song is called "You Look So Fine". I hope everyone enjoys!
You look so fine,
I want to break your heart And give you mine,
you're taking me over.
It's so insane,
you've got me tethered and chained
I hear your name
and I'm falling over.
Jon was pissed. He was livid. He was so fucking angry he could taste it. Well, that and the whiskey. He sat in a bar after RAW had wrapped up for the night, taking shots and trying to make left or right of the events that had taken place in his life over the last couple of years. Jon wasn't used to being rejected. He didn't take it very well when it did happen to him. "Punk. Fucking CM Punk." Jon whispered to himself. How had this one man thrown his life so out of whack? It had started in October 2011. Jon and Punk had a match at an FCW show. After the match Jon couldn't stop thinking about him. He wanted him. He felt this desire to have him, it had grown to an uncontrollable obsession. For the last year and three months now he had been trying to figure out how to make Punk his. All of his attempts had failed, the late night texts asking Punk to come out and join the party, always going unanswered or ignored. The daily talks about wrestling that he was always hoping would develop into something more. Hell, even the direct approach had failed.
Jon took another double shot of whiskey down and thought about the night before. He decided that he couldn't take it anymore, he had to do something. He knew that he had to try to make a real move and for some reason, now had to be that time. All of these months of frustration, unrequited desire, Jon had all he could take. As soon as he caught Punk out of the corner of his eye that night he tried to figure out the best course of action. Jon hadn't exactly planned on pulling him into a broom closet, but that was just the way it had worked out.
"What the fuck?!" Punk yelled at Jon. "What is this? Secret pre-show meeting that I wasn't aware of?" he asked.
Jon sighed. "No, not quite." he answered. He stared at Punk, his hazel eyes big and bright, staring right back at him intently. "Look, I'm going to be direct and to the point here." Jon continued, his hands on his hips. "I want you. I think you want me, I'm usually pretty good at reading these kinds of things. So, let's not play a game anymore. I thought the direct approach might just be the right way." Jon moved closer to Punk as he continued. He grinned at Punk, now leaning against a stack of boxes as he listened. "I have been thinking about you non-stop ever since that night last year when you and I were in the ring together. You did something to me that night, something lit up somewhere in my brain..." Jon said, motioning over his head wildly as he did, "...and I haven't been the same since. I want you. I think about you and I every night when I crawl into my empty bed alone, and I think about what your cock looks like. I think about what I would do to you. I want you. I need to know, what is your answer? Am I right or am I wrong? Do you want this? Because I know damn well I do..." Jon finished, trailing off a bit then.
Punk stared at him for a few moments before speaking. "I'm sorry. I don't think we should." he said slowly. "I'm sorry." he said again before brushing past Jon and exiting the room.
Jon stood there for a few minutes, in awe of what had just happened. All this time, all these months he had been on fire for Punk, and now he knew it had been for nothing. Jon's head was heavy. The whole room was red. Jon screamed as he kicked over the stack of boxes Punk had been leaning against. He lifted one high above his head and threw it down, yelling out "DAMMIT!" as it busted on the floor. Jon broke every broom and mop in the room over his knee and launched the pieces at the walls. When he was through he sat on the floor, confused. "How could I have been so wrong?" he asked himself. Jon hated to be wrong, almost as much as he hated Punk's rejection.
Now, sitting there in the bar, slowly drinking himself into numbness, the events once again unfolded in his mind. Jon began to get more and more pissed off as he sat there at the bar. He needed to get some fresh air. He needed a cigarette to calm him down. Jon worked his way through all of the other people in the bar that night, walking out the back door of the bar and into the alleyway. "Fuck." he said to himself, the cold night air hit him hard and he noticed it had started to snow just a bit. Jon pulled his hood over his head and lit up his cigarette, taking a long drag from it before letting it out.
I'm open wide,
I want to take you home
We're wasting time,
you're the only one for me.
You look so fine.
Jon felt as though he had relaxed a little bit as he was half done with his smoke. That all washed away as he heard that voice. "Put that thing out Jon, that's bad for you." Punk. There he was, standing just down the alley from him.
"Fuck. THIS." Jon said, heading back for the door.
"No, Jon." Punk grabbed Jon by the arm and pressed him against the brick wall of the building.
"Let me go. I don't want to stand out here and talk to you. I need to go back inside and have more whiskey." Jon said, not wanting to even look at Punk.
"Just wait a minute." Punk said slowly. "Let me tell you..."
"NO. FUCK THAT!" Jon yelled, feeling the same anger from the night before coming back to the surface once again. "I think that you made it abundantly clear last night how you feel. I don't think I want to hear it again."
"I can't be with you, and you can't be with me, and if you just let me explain to you what I need to explain maybe I can make you understand." Punk said. "Jon, just listen for once in your life."
"What? Listen to what?" Jon questioned as Punk looked at him. Punk had the most serious look on his face, his handsome features had hardened and his hazel eyes were dark and transfixed on Jon. The usual bags underneath his eyes looked even more prominent today, making Jon wonder if Punk had been up all night just like he had. "I don't think I have it in me to stand out here and listen to you say that you don't want to be with me two nights in a row, so just let's cut our losses right now and go on with our lives." Jon said that, but he knew it wouldn't be that simple. It couldn't be. Looking at Punk made something jump inside of him, like this switch had been turned on and Jon had do idea how to turn it off.
"Jon..." Punk began. He looked at Jon, his hair a mess. Those wild blue eyes of his staring a hole through him. Punk could tell that Jon was genuinely hurt by his response the night before. "This really means something to you, doesn't it?" he asked.
Jon couldn't answer. He got more and more angry then, not enjoying the thought of Punk trying to toy with him.
"Jon, you and I are one in the same." Punk began. "You and I are alike in so many ways. We have so many things in common. We have the same qualities, the same talents, the same drive..." he continued as Jon tried to make sense of what Punk was trying to tell him. "...but what it hurts me to say to you is that those are the reasons why you and I could never be able to work. Think about it. I don't even mean in any other aspect other than sexual. I haven't even thought of anything else since last night when you said what you did to me." Jon's head snapped up, looking at Punk's face now as he spoke. "You think I've never thought of you with lust in my heart? You think I've never had desire for you? You're fucking nuts then. You know I have. I've wanted you. You're beautiful, Jon. Look at you. You're a fucking beautiful man." Punk reached out and pressed his hand to Jon's face, cupping his chin in his palm and moving closer now so that their bodies met. Jon took a deep breath. He had been dreaming of being this close, he had fantasized of being in this scenario countless nights.
"But...I know that we could never act on our feelings, and it hurts me to say that, but it's true." Punk continued. "Think about it Jon. You and I both want the same thing, you know that. You and I both are the same with sex. We both want to have all the power, we both want the control. What we need to be satisfied is for the other person to submit. And you and I both know that neither one of us is going to submit to the other."
Jon hated that he was right. Jon knew that both of them were dominant in the bedroom. That was just their way. It was part of their beings. Jon didn't think either one of them knew any other sort of way to find pleasure in being with another human being. It had to be a certain way. Just plain old vanilla, 'I love you, baby' lovemaking would never get it done for either one of them. Jon didn't want to accept this, he didn't want to think about it being the answer, the final answer. Jon was desperate. He felt horrible to feel this way, but he was desperate. He wanted to do anything he could in that moment to change Punk's mind.
You're taking me over
Over and over
I'm falling over
Over and over
"No, no." Jon whispered. "NO. Punk, don't tell me that. Don't tell me that." he said, feeling his words beginning to sound more like pleas. He didn't care. He felt so much for this man and had just enough whiskey in him that he didn't care anymore. Jon took Punk's face in his hands, pressing his thumbs along his cheekbones. He took Punk's hood off his head and watched as the snowflakes gently fell across punk's face and hair. "Just give me a chance. That's all I want. That's what I need. Just let me show you. I know I can show you if you just let me, I know what this could be, why don't you understand?" he pleaded with Punk. Jon held his face in his hands still as he spoke. "Just let me show you, please..." Jon leaned in, pressing his lips to Punk's. Punk tried to pull away, but Jon pulled him in, pressing his arms around Punk's body and keeping him close. Jon kissed him, their lips pressing together. Punk's lips were so soft, his taste so sweet. Jon tried to go deeper but Punk broke free, Jon losing contact with his lips.
"Stop Jon." Punk said, stepping back and putting his hood back over his head. "Dammit, Jon. I told you, I know that this couldn't work. Why don't you listen?" he asked, Jon sensing the anger rising up in his voice.
Jon ran his hands through his hair, pulling it back away from his face. He crouched down low to the ground, resting his head against the wall behind him. He thought for a moment of what to say next, not wanting to say the wrong thing. "Jon..." Punk said, moving closer once again.
"I want you. I need you." Jon began. "So, you said you thought about this too. I knew you had. I fucking knew it. I have ached for you, I have longed for you. All I have wanted was to know what this would be like, how it would feel to be with you. And now you tell me that you don't think it's a good idea?" he asked, looking up at Punk. "How did you think I was going to take this?"
"I don't know, Jon. I just thought you deserved to have a better explanation than the one I gave you last night, that's all." Punk said. "I don't mean to hurt you. That's not my intention. I'm sorry."
"Sorry. You're sorry. I don't want to hear that. I don't want to hear that you're sorry. SORRY?" Jon yelled then, "Sorry is what you'll be if you throw this away, sorry is what you'll be if you let me slip through your fingers." Jon stood up then, taking Punk's hand in his. Both of their hands were cold from standing outside in the snowy weather. "Don't tell me that we couldn't do this, we could. We could leave right now, you could come with me, just come with me. Don't you see, don't you see? DAMMIT! How do you not see this?" Jon asked, squeezing Punk's hand. "I want you. Please, we can make it work. Don't you see that the fact that you and I are exactly alike is what would MAKE it work? That's not a problem. It's what makes up perfect for each other. We know exactly what WE want. We know exactly what the OTHER wants. How could it ever be bad, how could it ever be wrong?" Jon pleaded. "What is it you don't see?"
"Jon, you want to know what I see?" Punk asked, letting go of Jon's grip on his hand. "I see a man who is so desperate to keep hold of a desire, an obsession maybe, that he would say almost anything to keep me here."
Jon's heart sank. He didn't want Punk to see the tears that he feared may start to fall down, he could feel them welling up. This was never the way Jon imagined this going. How had it all gone so wrong? Jon stared at the ground, the snow beginning to collect there more and more. "Don't say that." Jon whispered. "So that's it, that's all. It's already been decided that this can never be."
"Jon, I just don't think it would work." Punk said. "I'm sorry. I just don't see it going the way either one of us would like for it to. Someone will get hurt, trust me."
"Someone is already hurt." Jon said softly, looking in Punk's eyes as he did. Punk pursed his lips, his expression softening slightly. Jon couldn't help himself. He grabbed Punk again and pressed their lips together. Punk didn't protest this time, or try to pull away. Jon felt him give in slightly. He knew it was just out of pity. Jon knew that Punk didn't really want to kiss him, he knew it deep down. He just was thankful that Punk was now allowing him the satisfaction of kissing him, even if only for just a moment. Jon knew then, deep in their kiss, that this was all they would ever have. There would never be another moment like this. He needed to make it last.
Jon kissed him, shivering when Punk allowed his tongue to enter his mouth and meet with his own. Jon sighed, pressing his hand against the back of Punk's head over his hood. Jon pressed his body to Punk's, the cold air seeming to vanish as their body heat met. Just as Jon was beginning to grow used to the feeling of Punk's lips on his, the hard metal of Punk's lip ring brushing against his lips, Punk broke their kiss once again.
Jon let him go now, he knew that this was it. Their moment was gone, fleeting as it was. He didn't know if he could accept that this was all they would ever have. "So this is it?" he asked as Punk turned and began to walk away.
"I'm sorry." he repeated to Jon again. Jon had lost count of how many times he had told him that these last few days.
"You will be." Jon said to himself as he watched Punk walk away, leaving a trail of footsteps in the snow as he left Jon standing there alone. Jon didn't want to cry, he hated to cry, but he couldn't hold it in any longer. Jon wondered how he was supposed to just let go of something he had wanted for so long. He hoped that he could cope, find his way. "I love you." he whispered to the trail of footprints in the snow. "I loved you."
Been down just to find out
I'm through living for you
Let's pretend, happy end Let's pretend, happy end Let's pretend, happy end Let's pretend, happy end