Two weeks later, Sheldon handed Penny a sheaf of paper in a manila folder, along with an ink pen. She settled down on her couch to read it, her eyebrow rising steadily as she flipped through the pages.
THIS AGREEMENT, effective this _ day of _, 20_, by and between Sheldon Lee Cooper, B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph.D, Sc.D and Penelope Marie Lane (hereafter referred to as "Sheldon" and "Penny"), two mutually consenting adults of sound mind and body as recognized by the State of California.
THAT WHEREAS, Sheldon, being desirous of an exclusive romantic relationship with Penny and having completed all socially obligatory motions to obtain thus,
WHEREAS, Penny, understanding said motions and having reciprocated said desires, and having provided Sheldon with all socially obligatory responses,
NOW, THEREFORE, in consideration of the premises and of the mutual covenants herein contained, and other good and valuable consideration, the parties do hereby covenant and agree as follows:
TERM OF AGREEMENT
The term of this Employment Agreement shall be for a period of one (1) year starting _, and shall automatically renew annually thereafter for succeeding one year terms under the Terms and Conditions of this Relationship Agreement unless one of the parties decides to terminate the Agreement in writing.
In the event that either party wishes to re-negotiate this Agreement, the proposal changes need to be presented in writing to the other party at least ninety (90) days before the end of the current contract year. Following the presentation of the proposed changes, the two parties have one month to re-negotiate the contract to mutual satisfaction. If unable to do so, the Agreement will terminate automatically on midnight, the last day of the current contract year.
1. Penny will provide transportation for Sheldon to and from the premises of Comic Book Night, Date Night, and Anything Can Happen Thursday unless ill or otherwise indisposed or unless notice of unavailability has been provided to Sheldon in writing at least seven (7) days prior to the date of unavailability.
2. Penny agrees to abide by the weekly schedule of activities and dining experiences outlined in addendum A, but may choose one (1) night per week to abstain from aforesaid. In the event that certain activities or dining experiences become unavailable or prohibitively difficult, Penny may suggest three (3) alternatives, of which Sheldon may veto two (2).
3. Penny will refrain from referring to Sheldon by the moniker "Moonpie" as the use of this moniker has been deemed exclusive to MeeMaw. Failure to abide by this stipulation may result in punitive measures, including but not limited to: remedial classes, confiscation of frivolous female-centric DVD's, tickling.
4. Thursday of each week will be herein deemed "Date Night" and will consist of romantic activities and dining experiences between Sheldon and Penny. Sheldon may offer three (3) options for Date Night activities and dining experiences, of which Penny may veto two (2).
5. As per Addendum A of this agreement, Wednesday being Halo Night, Penny agrees to be Sheldon's Halo Partner and will strenuously reject and refuse all pleas by other parties to the contrary.
6. Penny will love and make love to (the phrase "make love" to include all sexual activities, including but not limited to kissing, fondling, rubbing, touching, hugging, and coitus) Sheldon exclusively, and will strenuously reject and refuse all pleas by other parties to the contrary.
7. Penny will inform Sheldon promptly if she is feeling sad, dissatisfied, angry, irritated, gloomy, lonely, sexually frustrated, or other negative emotions, in as rational a manner as she is capable, and herein agrees to make all reasonable efforts to resolve Relationship Difficulties within a timely manner, preferably before bedtime of the day said negative emotions occur (bedtime being 11 PM as outlined in Addendum C of this Agreement).
8. Penny agrees to listen to any similar grievances on the part of Sheldon and accept all overtures towards reconciliation that result.
9. Penny will assuage any physical injuries incurred by Sheldon via the "kiss it better" method outlined in Addendum C.
10. Penny will stop hugging Raj so much because it is unhygienic and furthermore it is very rude.
1. Sheldon will provide for quarterly maintenance of Penny's vehicle in return for transportation services.
2. Sheldon agrees to abide by the weekly schedule of events and dining experiences outlined in Addendum A and also agrees to respect Penny's weekly exceptions with a minimal amount of argument.
3. Sheldon will refrain from statements that insult or belittle Penny and will make immediate amends should any statement on his part accidentally offend. Failure to abide by this stipulation may result in punitive measures, including but not limited to: remedial classes, confiscation of Star Trek DVD's. NO tickling.
4. As per addendum A of this agreement, Wednesday being Halo Night, Sheldon agrees to be Penny's Halo Partner and will strenuously reject and refuse all pleas by other parties to the contrary.
5. Sheldon will love and make love to (the phrase "make love" to include all sexual activities, including but not limited to kissing, fondling, rubbing, touching, hugging, and coitus) Penny exclusively, and will strenuously reject and refuse all pleas by other parties to the contrary.
6. Sheldon will inform Penny promptly if he is feeling sad, dissatisfied, angry, irritated, gloomy, lonely, sexually frustrated, or other negative emotions, in as rational a manner as he is capable, and herein agrees to make all reasonable efforts to resolve Relationship Difficulties within a timely manner, preferably before bedtime of the day said negative emotions occur (bedtime being 11 PM as outlined in Addendum C of this Agreement).
7. Sheldon agrees to listen to any similar grievances on the part of Penny and accept all overtures towards reconciliation that result.
8. Sheldon agrees not to hug anybody but Penny and close family members when necessary.
ARBITRATION - Any dispute between the parties shall be referred to Committee, said Committee consisting of Rajesh Koothrappali, Howard Wolowitz, and Leonard Hofstadter, each member of the Committee receiving one vote. Penny may not use feminine wiles or threats of physical violence to influence the outcome of the Committee Vote.
ENTIRE AGREEMENT - This Agreement (including any exhibits or schedules attached hereto) contains the entire agreement between the parties concerning the subject matter contained herein and there are no other terms, covenants, obligations, or representations, oral or written, of any kind whatsoever. Any modification, addition or alteration of this Agreement must be in writing and signed by both parties.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, the parties have hereunto set their hands and seals the day and year first before written.
Tapping the pen against her cheek thoughtfully, Penny spread the papers out over her coffee table and went to work. She slashed through an alarming number of lines, then yanked a piece of notebook paper out of her set bag and began to write.
Relationship Agreement Between Penny and Sheldon
1) Penny will drive Sheldon around when she damn well feels like it. Penny is more likely to drive Sheldon if he asks nicely and says please. Penny will let Sheldon fix her car if he will stop talking so much about the check engine light. Penny will repay Sheldon with kisses and Italian dinners.
2) Penny will try to stick to Sheldon's schedule and she will tell Sheldon if she does not feel like it. Sheldon can argue but Penny will probably not listen.
3) If Sheldon is being a jerk Penny will call him MoonPie and if he does not like it Penny suggests he call his MeeMaw and talk to her about it.
4) Penny agrees to Date Night and all of Sheldon's stipulations therein, and furthermore wishes to say that she thinks that idea is very sweet.
5) Penny will be Sheldon's Halo Partner unless Sheldon is being a jerk and then Penny will play with Raj.
6) Penny will only ever love and have sex with Sheldon and Sheldon will only ever love and have sex with Penny as long as they are together. Penny will hug whoever she damn well pleases, especially Raj because he is cute and that boy needs some affection in his life, but that doesn't mean Penny loves Raj because Penny only loves Sheldon.
7) Sometimes Penny will be a jerk and sometimes Sheldon will be a jerk but that is okay because Penny and Sheldon are human beings who make mistakes. Penny will tell Sheldon when she is upset and vice versa, and they will make up, except if Sheldon is extra rude and then Sheldon should probably buy Penny some flowers. Smooches optional but strongly recommended.
8) There will be no Committee. Penny thinks this is a stupid idea so Penny and Sheldon will not be doing that.
9) Penny will not bother Sheldon while he is working, and in return Penny can smooch Sheldon whenever she pleases and they will snuggle at bed time. Penny will always take care of Sheldon and kiss him better and Sheldon will always take care of Penny and hug her when she is sad.
10) Anything else we'll make up as we go. Love you! - Penny Lane
She signed the amended agreement with a flourish, and slid it under the door of 4A with a wicked smile.
THE REAL END (THANKS AGAIN EVERYBODY!)