Rated T for depressing themes and a little bit of language.
Disclaimer: If you think I own Total Drama, you're crazy. This story will be told by Justin's point of view. This fic takes place after the end of season 5. That was then Justin wasn't in season 5 of Total Drama. Oh, and the song "Longer" belongs to one of the greatest singer-songwriters of the 80's, Dan Fogelberg. The song does not belong to be in anyway. May he rest in piece. AKA, not a songfic.
It felt very alone in this life. No matter how many times life is gonna throw on you. Odds are, it's never ever gonna come on a silver platter. Trust me, it hurts when you're very good-looking with such an inflated ego. Sure, you may have girls screaming right at you, but there's always a double-edged sword looking to slice you in half at the right moment. There are two sides actually: One is where you focus nothing less than your own beauty and the other side of the sword is when you finally come to realize... that it's just not worth it.
Unfortunately, I'm one of those people who had to live in the dark shame of reality. It was the only thing I had to accept no matter how bad you wanna change fate or destiny. It sucks not having the only thing that people want most than money. And that was ever having to love someone who deserves much more things that are worth. I would have thought of it, but it was way too late. Total Drama is over and done with and there's nothing I could do about it. And the truth is, it still hurts to this very day.
It was the story of yours truly, Justin. I'm now spending all of my time slaving the hours away from a bar after I lost everything that meant that much to me than life itself. I lost my modeling contract, my charm over the ladies. But worst of all, I had lost every single chance of trying an ounce to talk to one of the most beautiful woman in the world I had ever gazed my eyes on, and that was none other than Heather. It was now a mistake I have to live with, and there's nothing I can do about it. It was all about fate. And it had a way of playing games with me. I'm now 21 and all I have left with me was a glass of beer. The only friend that can help drown my sorrows one by one. A bartender soon came to my side. He looked like he was in his early 30's and was black. He was really kind of friendly to be exact, so he warmed up to me a bit.
"So, enjoying that nice beer of yours? Best flavor there ever is!"
I didn't say even a word. I was too much busy spinning the liquid all around the glass.
"Yeah... it's really nice..." I said as I spun the glass with such quiet and nonsense.
"You wanna know where I even got the flavor from. It was from a nice city down in Hanoi. My uncle who was stationed there back in Vietnam got the recipe from those commie bastards who tried to kill him. I tell ya, not even gunfire and explosives was enough to take him down!" The bartender chuckled as he shined another glass. "You get what I'm saying here, Justin?"
I didn't even listen one bit. I was still looking right in the glass with plain nonsense why.
"Justin? You there?" The bartender replied to me again. When I noticed the bartender trying to snap it out of me, I had no choice but to reply.
"Oh, yeah... I'm fine. It's just that I got a lot on my mind..."
"Oh... well, if you decide to tell me what's on your mind, let me know, okay? I'll be glad to help." The bartender smiled right at me.
"Thanks... I'll make aware of that." I said back to him as I sipped another glass of beer and still kept turning the other cheek.
As I still trying to drink away my pain, the bartender, which was probably named Davis, changed the TV far away from me. He was just turning channel after channel until he suddenly saw two familiar faces, in which one face I really wanted to see and one face that I didn't even want to see as a matter of fact. The guy on the TV, which was someone by the name of Mario, happened to have some gossip of his own. This I never really wanted to head.
"Okay, let's see the 411 on what's happening down in Hollywood! We seemed to have spotted longtime Total Drama alumnis Alejandro Burromuerto and his main squeeze Heather holding hands as they walked out of the Chinese theatre during the premiere of 'Movie 43'. It seems that this love-hate relationship between the two seems to have come personal between them, indicating that Alejandro wants to settle down with her. I think we could smell a future marriage coming between them!"
Knowing that I had enough of having the names 'Alejandro' and 'Heather' mentioned in the same sentence, I ended up snapping.
"Please turn that TV off..." I muttered right to the bartender with little rage.
"But why, this is good-" The bartender said to me as he still held the remote.
"I SAID TURN THE FUCKING TV OFF!" I shouted right at him. It seems my shouting seemed to startle everyone attending inside the bar. The bartender finally had the courage to turn the TV off in the bar. Somehow, he finally noticed something wrong with me. He could see my whole entire anger in my eyes.
"Well, you definitely had the heart to tell me. So... it's this between Alejandro and Heather, or what?" The bartender spoke right to me like some sort of special education teacher just helping me with a disorder. I definitely had a disorder. Well, it wasn't much a disorder. It felt more like pain and anguish.
"It's something like that..." I said to him once again as I spun my drink and began to tell my tale, "That should've been my life, not that painless sack of a bastard..."
"I assume you're talking about Alejandro, then..." Davis spoke to me as he shined another glass, but still took my attention.
"I'm right." I replied as I took another shot of light beer. "You don't know how bad hurts for someone to fall in love with someone who looks like me, feels so much like me, but isn't me! You ever feel that way? Because I sure as hell don't! I tried to be evil and manipulative, but somehow, Heather didn't see that in me! I tried so damn hard to get her to notice me and notice me over and over again, but you know why she never noticed this side of me before? It's because she still thinks I'm just so attached to my looks that she told me I don't care about anybody but myself!"
"Wow, Justin... you seemed to-" The bartender told me before i rudely had to cut him off. It seemed that my story wasn't quite done yet.
"I'm not done yet! Somehow, back at Total Drama Island, she voted me off for something I tried to do for the good of the team! I hardly did anything bad as a matter of fact! But somehow... I just couldn't be mad at her for what she's done. I just wanted to forget why she acted evil in the first place. I mean, she's beautiful and pretty. How can someone so beautiful be so heartless? I just don't understand this at all..." I said to him as my voice turned to pain and heartache, "I mean, the only reason I tried to be evil was so I can try to become close to her. I mean, slamdunking her wig in that basketball challenge was the only reason I was just having fun with her..."
"Go on." The bartender spoke to me before I still told my story to him.
"But she got voted off, and now I've lost my chance to speak with her." I said as I finally set my glass down. "I even tried to fall in love with another girl in the form of Courtney. I always thought she would be manipulative and stubborn like Heather, but somehow, I found out she was only using me to make Duncan jealous. I was such a bastard to fall in love with her. The reason is... she wasn't Heather. Every girl that I met wasn't like Heather. It just reminds me of nothing but the heartache I still suffer to this very day. And somehow, when Total Drama World Tour began, I was just no more. Even when girls like Beth, Katie and Sadie were still loyal to me, I still felt nothing. They were never Heather."
"Uh-huh..." The bartender muttered to me, but he still knew I was serious.
"That's when Alejandro came along. He did everything I failed to do. He manipulated people to the top. I failed to do that. He began involving himself in other people's relationships, I failed to do that. He got others to spill the secrets. That's the only one thing I managed to do. It cost Trent his relationship with Gwen. I made people hate her because of me. The only problem was... Heather didn't even notice me doing this. It was the only thing that sucked about this. You wanna know what's worse than all of this combined. Alejandro managed to get Heather. That was the only thing I failed to do back in Total Drama Action. I wish I could go back and change all of it, but it's just too late for me. It's just fate. And now I'm stuck living in it."
Knowing the sadness he saw in my eyes, the bartender came up to me and replied with such concern.
"I'm very sorry you feel that way, Justin. I really do."
"Thanks. But now that Heather's with Alejandro... I got nothing left to live. Somehow, you're just stuck with the fact that it wasn't never meant to be. Maybe you'd be better off living in a basement with nobody caring about you but yourself. It's just a sad world I'm living in. I lost everything I had because Heather couldn't see me for who I really am..." I said as tears suddenly began to pour a little bit on my blue eyes. "The only problem was... I had feelings for her because the way she had acted back at the island... it was only hurting her. Maybe... just maybe if she had never voted me off... I would have gotten a chance to see what a beautiful and passionate girl she would have been. But it never happened."
Somehow, Justin's tale struck a bit a nerve on Davis's chest. I still began to speak a little more while I dried my tears a little.
"But you know something? Even if she never knows it for a million years of if she was dead... I would've loved her. I would have loved the beauty in her. But she's with him now. And that's fate. And there's no way I could ever change it. You understand what I'm saying?" I said to him as I raised my voice a little.
"I feel you, man..." Davis the bartender said to me as he took in a sigh, "But just because Heather doesn't know your feelings, that doesn't mean hope still isn't lost for you."
"What are you even getting at?" I sniffled a bit as Davis shed a different light for me.
"What I'm getting at, dude... is that there's still hope for you. After all, fate has a way of playing the field of a future that you would live someday. If you really love Heather with all your heart, you have to hope that someday, you can change your future and your destiny. And maybe, if you manage to play your cards right... then you and Heather can live long together peacefully. You just have to make destiny work his hands. It's never the end of the world for you. Trust me pal when I say this... there's always the future to look forward to."
Hearing the words coming from Davis, it just suddenly realized what I have been missing.
"Are you meaning to tell me that even though I no longer have Heather now, there's still a chance that me and Heather will be together in the future?"
"As long as you let destiny play its cards, Justin. Then you will have a chance." The bartender smiled right at me as I suddenly felt my heartache and pain pass over me like a cloud rolling past a dangerous thunderstorm.
His words suddenly shed his light on me all of a sudden.
"Thanks, man... somehow... your words came to me. I appreciate it man..."
"Glad that I can be able to help..." The bartender replied as he went back to shining his glasses. But then, he suddenly had an idea, "You know, have you ever tried singing to get rid of the guilt?"
"I haven't thought of that basically..."
"There's a karaoke machine right here. If you want to sing just to get rid of the pain that you still have, be my guest!" The bartender smiled at me once more.
It was weird, knowing the only talent I ever had was modeling. I never really much sang so much, let along the last time I sang was with Trent, Cody and Harold as part of the Drama Brothers. But then again, it was always known that music would soothe the savage beast. And I was the savage beast that needed to be soothed one way or another.
"On second thought, I will sing." I said as I managed to get out of my chair and walk myself to the stage.
"Nice to know that..." The bartender smiled at me once more as he got to the karaoke machine as well, trying to choose a song for me, "What kind of song do you want? 'Take It On The Run' by REO Speedwagon, 'Have A Drink On Me' by AC/DC, or 'Celebration' by Kool and the Gang? Or do you just wanna go random?"
'Just random is fine..." I said as I sniffled a bit. As soon as he chose the song for me, he left to serve another customer as I waited for the song to play.
And then suddenly, I heard light guitar music that felt so much soft and yet so much sad. But then, I suddenly realized that it was the song "Longer" by Dan Fogelberg. Even though I wasn't used to this kind of music, I had to admit, it was relating my lost love of Heather. The tune really struck my heart so much. My lips went to the mic and I sang my heart's content.
"Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean/Higher than any bird ever flew/Longer than there've been stars up in the heavens/ I've been in love with yooooou..."
I sang okay, but somehow, the rest of the guests who were attending inside the bar suddenly looked at me and my message of heartache. They were stuck to their seats as I continued to my heart's content.
"Stronger than any mountain cathedral/Truer than any tree ever grew/Deeper than any forest primeval/I am in love with yooooou..."
Davis the bartender smiled right at me for having the guts to sing. Sure I really didn't want to be a singer, but somehow, this was just like my comfort zone just in wherever the pain and heartache involving Heather infected my very soul once again. But somehow, I only wished for just one single life-changing moment... that Heather would be here to where I am now. I wish she could hear my song coming straight to her.
"I'll bring fires in the winters/You'll send showers in the springs/We'll fly through the falls and summers/With love on our wiiiings..."
I could feel my heart and my soul singing right through a smoked image of her. I'm pretty sure Heather would have been touched by my voice. The only single voice that could win her over. But just as the bartender said to me, I have to let destiny play the future for me. Maybe a miracle would happen to be in the long run. I just knew in my heart that I needed a miracle. I began to go for the closing moments of the song itself.
"Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean/Higher than any bird ever flew/Longer than there've been stars up in the heavens/I've been in love with yooooou..."
But then in one silent intermission, I spoke on the mic one last time with a tear shed to my cheek, hoping that this would be the last time I would ever shed for every guilty thought I should have done.
"I am in love with yoooooou..."
My heart had finally found closure with this song. This song was now with me for the rest of my life. As soon as it ended, everyone in the bar began to cheer and clap loudly for me. The pain and heartache that I had was no more. Now I had to move on for the future. But I still feared what would happen to my life in the future. Would it be some sort of a domino effect that would end a possible future for me and Heather together? Well, as much shocking this was, the bartender was right all along...
It had been five years ever since that life-changing revelation that Davis told to me. I fought tooth-and-nail to get back everything I lost. I fought through hell and back to finally reclaim what had been mine.
I finally got my modeling job back. I finally had the support of everyone who turned and forgot me for a good five years, and somehow, among a rainy patio somewhere in a condo in Kona, Hawaii...
...I was holding a proud baby boy in my arms. His name happened to be Devin, named right after my proud uncle. I was just smiling proudly right at him, even if I was shedding a tear of some sorts. This little miracle was seeing me smile right at him just as if I was never going to leave him. Even though the rains we were watching looked a little bleak, it was pretty much relaxing since the whole mini-showers felt like so much as a sleep alarm to this child.
"You love the rain don't you? I know I do. It's weird how mother nature can do all these things peacefully." I said to myself as I was still kicking back on my chair and cradling this little baby right in my arms. Somehow, I teared up again, but this time, it was tears of joy. I always thought being a father would be this hard, but I got a little kick out of it every now and then. "One day, you're gonna see the rest of the world as your own oyster. Never forget that..."
The baby was still sound asleep, but he pretty much knew what I was saying. The bond seemed to happened for another few minutes before a female voice called me.
"Hey Justin, you and Devin outside?"
"Sure, come on out."
The female who walked outside was none other than Heather. It was certain that Heather became the mother of this beautiful child of ours. Everything that bartender said about my future was right all along. After I got my modeling job back somewhere right before me and Heather had our baby, I found out that she and Alejandro had broke up during a huge nasty fight. I somehow comforted her to the point where she would never have to be alone as long I was still standing head and toe with her.
Somehow, we hit it off very nicely until me and Heather were married in a festive ceremony in my native Hawaii. For strange, yet for proud reasons unknown, the song "Longer" played as our wedding song. As bride and groom and as husband and wife, we would dance to the light melody until the night was over and done with. In my eyes, it was pretty much certain that Heather was no longer the Queen Bee everyone had ever knew. The Heather that everyone had now knew before our little miracle was born, finally turned out to be nice. It was the only side of Heather I liked from her. Sure, she may be grouchy and angry most of the times, but she always found it in her heart to smile.
She was just smiling at the baby, cradling it in her hands. I looked behind her and looked at our proud child once more.
"I'm just gonna take him and lay right on his crib. Outside is just too harsh for him, Justin." Heather chuckled at me lightly, fascinated by Devin opening his eyes up. He looked right at us like she was experiencing the true nature of life itself.
"I think he likes it." I chuckled and smiled right back at Heather, who silently cradled the baby to sleep. "I guess he can't get enough spending time with me. He's gonna grow up to be a great kid like me."
"Yeah, he really likes spending time with you. You're turning out to be a great father." Heather said to me while she planted a light kiss on my lips. "I think our kid's gonna have a bright future here..."
"I couldn't agree more with you..." I whispered to Heather, kissing her back. We finally went inside where it was warm.
I guess it was finally the storybook ending I really wanted. Justin and Heather as proud parents of a bright little miracle that we were holding in our arms. It was perhaps the future I wanted all along. I would never be alone, and so far, she would never be alone. The heartache I had never seemed to creep up on me anymore.
Some people say that my future was over, and that the girl I should have loved back then would never be together for as long she was with Alejandro. But somehow, fate and destiny always had mysterious ways of changing things for me. This was the kind of fate and destiny I loved from now on.
I proved them wrong. And I would continue doing so for as long as I was still breathing in my heart and soul. As long as time stood still...
...I had nothing to worry about.
Okay, I really hate to reveal this, but I frickin' cried writing this fic and the song itself because it was just so beautiful and tear-jerking. And I think it adds well to Justin's more angsty side.
So what does everyone think? I would soooo love it if everyone shared an opinion!
Until then, read and review. Now can someone hand me some "Kleenex" now?