Manipulation: The Aftermath
As ever, I do not own Criminal minds all rights belong to CBS… Damn!
Please R&R as always keeps me going
Set after the art of manipulation
She tapped her foot against the floor looking towards the doors as she looked back down at the case file in front of her, turning the page the pictures were like a knife to her soul, her face paled as a hand touched her shoulder, the fear washed over as she automatically reached for her gun "Whoa Emily it's me" Rossi moved back she didn't respond, never answered as she rose from her chair heading straight out the door racing towards the toilets. Falling to her knees as the bile rose as she vomited
Rossi looked down at the file "Son of a bitch" the angry in his voice as he picked up the file "Which prick put this on her desk" He growled as he threw the file down the pictures sprawling over the floor. Morgan eyes widened as he saw the picture "I...I… Shit"
Emily vomited again her body sagging against the toilet hearing the click on the door again she flinched for her gun, the ghosts haunting her mind "Emily it's only me" the soft voice spoke as she gently moved the hair out of her face as she vomited again "So..Sorry" she mumbled as her voice shuddered.
There on the floor sprawled out for everyone to see Emily naked battered body their hearts went out to her "Dave what's going on" Hotch's voice echoed around the bullpen, his eyes flashed in anger "Some sick bastered gave Emily her own fucking case file, that's what has happened!" With that he walked out of the bullpen leaving a very shocked Hotch
"How on earth did that get onto her desk?" he asked as both Morgan and Reid answered at the same time "No idea, I thought this" Morgan motioned to the file "Was you know filed far away from us all" Hotch nodded "Where is she" "Bathroom with JJ" he answered weakly.
Emily sat there shaking everything flooding back the pain the fear the part none of them knew, or saw, she placed her hand over her stomach as the tears fell from her eyes.
As the bile rose in her throat again "Jen...nifer" she stumbled over the words as JJ rubbed her back soothingly "I'm going to ask Hotch if I can take you home... Okay" she said softly as Emily slowly tried to regain her senses, she nodded as words failed her. "You think you can stand and can come back into the bullpen?" Emily nodded as the thought began to get too much for her, she wanted to run but her instincts told her to trust the voice she could hear.
JJ guided a very pale and shaky Emily back into the bullpen walking her into the kitchen just her legs gave out just as JJ caught her, as Morgan rushed over helping to steady her pulling a chair so she was able to sit.
She looked at Morgan for a moment as Emily flinched at his touch she was completely trapped in her mind. This was something JJ always feared. She knew she had to get her away from here, but first she wanted to know what the hell had happened. She had been doing so well lately and now she was just a vacant shell.
"Morgan get Garcia please" she said softly "She's on her way" Reid said softly "thanks," Morgan sighed as he watched Emily completely shut down to the point he couldn't even touch her, she hadn't flinched away from him and now it was as though she was scared of him the shell, he looked at JJ as Garcia calmly walked in.
There was no bright spark on her face just concern as she walked over to JJ, "JJ what on earth as happened?" JJ sighed keeping Emily close to her "I don't know and, please Garcia can you just stay with her" JJ's eyes watered slightly as she looked at her best friend. Garcia nodded.
She carefully reached her hand out speaking softly as Emily flinched away; she knew JJ's touch even in her worse state but now all she could see was him. "Please don't" her voice was weak as she whispered wrapping her arms around herself as away of protecting herself, the team was heartbroken they knew she was still struggling.
And when things had gotten too much for her, she would hide in JJ's office to work on her consults. She knew she was safe with her.
JJ knocked on Hotch's door not giving him time to answer, her eyes blazed at him "What the hell Hotch!" she scowled "I do not know how that ended up on her desk and believe me I will be finding out" JJ closed her eyes "Even I can't bring myself to look at them, do you have any idea what this has done to her" he cringed "JJ believe me I can imagine" she nodded "I need to get her out of here Hotch," she said softly her eyes keeping watch on Emily.
"Let me know how she is JJ, is Sarah at home?" JJ nodded "Hotch you best deal with this and make sure nothing like this happens again, she is only just coping as it is and now look at her Morgan can't even get near her" Hotch stood in the doorway and looked in her direction "Will you be okay getting her home" she let out a dry chuckle "I will have to be since she won't let anyone near her" with that she walked down to the bullpen collecting her things before making her way into the kitchen.
JJ knelt in front of her as she gently ran her finger through her hair, she flinched slightly at her touch as JJ smiled sadly as her "Shh, Em I've got you, your safe sweetheart" Emily looked into her blue eyes though she never made a sound or any type of movement "Em can you stand for me" she asked softly as she wrapped her arm around her waist, Emily stood slightly as Garcia spoke softly to JJ "I'll give you a hand JJ"
They guided her out of the BAU and down into the parking lot opening the car and getting her into the car "Will you be okay JJ?" Garcia asked, "I just need to get her home Pen" Garcia nodded "You need anything ring me" JJ nodded as she closed the door as gently as she could. "Thank you" she said with a sigh.
Sorry" she muttered as JJ kissed her head "Shh, let's get you home" she said softly as she started the car. Her hand rested on Emily's knee in a hope of grounding her, even when Emily had her bad days she needed the contact of JJ and JJ knew this as she pulled the car out of the parking lot and driving them both home.
Sarah and JJ helped Emily up to her the front door, and helping her inside. "Whiskey or scotch Mom?" "Sc...Whiskey" she muttered as they guided her to the sofa, JJ never leaving her side Emily curled into JJ "don't leave me please" she said weakly "Never" she said firmly as Sarah gave her Mom the glass "You can only have one Mom okay" Emily nodded as she wrapped a protective arm around her stomach "When how" she looked at her daughter "I know you Mom and as for the other Garcia rung me" she smiled softly.
Two days later March
Emily sat staring out the window thinking about what to do she was torn she hadn't got a clue how to tell anyone she feels dirty and tainted by everything she thought she had managed to build her walls back over it and just move on. Nevertheless, inside she is broken and hurting and did not know how to ask for help, or how to open up fully.
I know you say you are there for me and you love me, I fell for you the second I met you and that hasn't changed, I love you as well, I know you have had so much dumped on you in a short period.
Sarah has been through too much she has been hurt too much because of my job and my choices, but I only regret one thing and that was when she got hurt.
Jen she nearly died because I went undercover, and no one had my back, please do not get me wrong though, I trust the team, and I trust you.
But when it comes to her I trust no one and neither does she, but she sees that you make me happy and she can tell you love me, as for what I told you, it is why I haven't been back to the hospital, I feel dirty and tainted and scared and I have only ever been scared a few times in my life but this haunts me.
I close my eyes I see the basement, then I see the man that hurt my baby.
It has taken me so long to pull her through that, and in the end she pulled me back, I hide behind my walls but I allow you in because I can see you I can feel you and more than anything, I trust you.
I know I may make no sense but I am so unsure what to do right now, how do I tell Hotch I'm pregnant how do I choose to keep it, a reminder of the pain the hurt, the disgust I feel, I hate myself Jen and all I want to do is run!
I want to crawl and hide away. How do I make that feeling go away? How do I let someone catch me because I am falling and I am scared if I fall this time no one will be able to pull me back?
I blame myself, I was so confused the last case it ripped me apart you asked once why children get to me so much, it's because I know what it is like to see your child suffer and watch your child be beaten and. All because I could not protect her. Forgive me? Please!
I wanted into the BAU for so long I worked hard to get where I got, I know many of you thought my Mother pulled strings for me to get into the team, but she didn't have any hand in it, yes she would rather me be in white collar, and that is because she saw the damage that happened to me and Sarah because of my job.
If I hadn't gone to the bar that night, if I had asked him to leave me alone, I knew he had a thing for me Jen, but I never thought he was capable of that of this, what kind of profiler does that make me?
I should have seen the signs I should have known, have no clue why I let my guard down. Maybe I dissevered this on some level.
Maybe I didn't but, how do I get past this how do I heal and get back to me? I know you do not have the answers maybe I am writing this just so you know that I am standing on the brink and I am unsure and do not know how to get back.
I wanted to die! I prayed to die. It hurt so much I never knew your body could sustain so much pain and not give up or do I have something to live for? Can you live with a shell or can you save me? On the other hand, am I asking too much?
I am so lost right now and I know I am rambling but my mind is so jumbled. How can you look at my body and not be repulsed?
If I choose, to keep this child would and will you still want to stand by me? Will you hold me, or do you think I am dirty and tainted as I feel? I do not want to push you away Jennifer.
I need you!
Two days later
"Jayj?" Garcia looked at her friend her eyes blood shocked and looking like she had just got back from a case with little sleep "Hey Pen" she said sadly not meeting her eyes "Talk to me sweetie" she said as she walked in sitting down on the chair
JJ sighed as she finally looked up at her best friend "I don't know how to help her Pen, how do I make her feel safe? Its Emily she is normally so strong so...Ugh!" She slumped further into the chair as she tried to pull herself together
"You be strong for her and we will be strong for you, give her time JJ, she has been through so much in the past few months, and if I am honest it was only a matter of time before she broke" she offers a weak smile
"she is so open yet she won't talk to me, how can I help if she doesn't talk to me, Garcia she had a bad nightmare last night and if Sarah wasn't there I don't know what I would have done" she leans back as she pinches the bridge of her nose "I just want to wrap her up and take the pain away but I know I can't"
"Give her time and love, and JJ Sarah has had 15 years to know how to deal with her," JJ chuckled "Mini Emily" Garcia nodded "Very much a mini Emily, but JJ she loves you and that is what will pull her through" Garcia smiled at her as she stood up "If you need me you know where I am and I think I can speak for everyone when I say you need anything either of you day or night you ring one of us" "thanks Pen" JJ smiled as she walked out.