This was written for Aleysiasnape to the prompt "snarky, chocolate, green" at the LiveJournal community hpcon_envy earlier this year. No betas were harmed in the production of this flufflet.
Severus pretended to sip at his drink as he scanned the room for anyone whose conversation he could tolerate until it would be seemly to make his excuses and slip away. Honestly, he had become as suspicious as Mad-Eye in his old age, but he'd had too many experiences of Ministry administered Veritaserum to be comfortable accepting one of the flutes of champagne that seemed determined to bob in his wake.
His eyes landed on a satin-clad arse, winding its way through the crown towards the drinks table. The pale green cloth was draped rather artistically over a nicely shaped bum, and he watched appreciatively until its owner was swallowed up by the crowd.
Momentary distraction over, he returned his attention to the room at large. How he hated these things. He'd once longed to be accepted at functions like this and had fondly imagined what it might be like to stand sipping champagne, dressed in expensive robes, amongst the rest of the Merlined celebrities and heroes. Now he was actually here, the garish Order of Merlin left resolutely in his sock drawer at home, he was dismayed – but not surprised – to discover that the whole affair was as dull a gathering of egotists and sycophants as had filled the Slug Club suppers when he had been at school.
Surely it couldn't be much longer before he could go? It wasn't as if his presence would be missed by anyone, anyway.
"I'd say another ten minutes should do it."
He turned to find himself confronted with a pair of satin covered breasts. The material, that had draped so elegantly at the back of the dress, fell in gentle folds at the front, affording him a tantalising glimpse of creamy skin and the soft swell of high, round breasts.
"Admiring my dress, Professor?"
He dragged his eyes upwards immediately to find Hogwart's new librarian smiling at him from behind too much lipgloss.
"I've asked you not to call me that, Granger." Honestly, it looked like the stuff was painted on. He felt his fingers twitch as he fought the urge to reach out and see how it felt. Would it be sticky, he wondered, or slick to the touch?
"And I've asked you not to call me that, Severus. You can't stare at me like that, and then address me like a schoolgirl." She smoothed her hands across the fabric of her dress. The slight nervousness of the gesture wasn't lost on him. "Anyway, now that you've had a good look, what do you think?"
Aware that he had been thoroughly conspicuous in his appraisal of her figure, Severus found himself on the defensive, sullen and awkward as the teenage he'd been at those parties, long ago. Briefly he searched for something quelling to say, to take that half-teasing, half – what, precisely? – look from her eyes.
"It's a rather insipid shade of green. With your brown hair you look like some sort of chocolate mint sundae."
The teasing look vanished, alright. Her lovely mouth became pinched, and he cursed himself for once again speaking without thinking. Her look of hurt lasted for only a heartbeat longer before being replaced with flashing anger.
"I have never met anyone as contrary and aggravating as you. Is it completely beyond you to pay an honest compliment?" Her breath came fast and her chest rose and fell swiftly within the confines of her impractical dress. "You are utterly infuriating!"
Severus watched in silent dismay as one of the few colleagues he had thought to be something like a friend began to turn from him, like all the rest before.
"I tried being nice to you, and you're nothing but snippy and short in return. I show an interest in your work and you're sarcastic and . . . snarky in response."
Was that even a word?
"You're a bad as Ron!" she continued, her cheeks flushed and her eyes bright
Now, that was a little unfair, surely?
"Honestly, if you like me, all you have to do is tell me."
Like her? What was she going on about? Well, of course he liked her. He had been willing to put up with this conversation for far longer than he was comfortable with – surely that ought to count for something?
"Why is it all men think that the way to gain a girl's attention is to insult her?" She continued. "I put hours into looking like this and you tell me that I look like some mint confection."
"I like mint." He interjected. "I like chocolate. You look delicious. And besides," he continued, hoping that he hadn't just infuriated her further with that slip, "you're not a girl, you're a woman."
"Oh," she replied, the anger evaporating. "Really?"
"I should think it's bloody obvious."
"Which bit?" she pressed, before holding up her hand. "Actually, I think it's best you just stop talking before you really ruin things. Are you ready?"
Honestly, talking to her was more dizzying than refereeing Quidditch. "For what?"
"To leave, of course." She smiled, taking his full glass from him and placing it on a passing tray. "Now we've established your opinion on my dress, I think it's only fair that you get the chance to judge what I chose to wear beneath it."
She paused, and Severus was surprised to find that they were already at the doors leading to the Atrium.
"Try leading with delicious, maybe?" she suggested, smiling. "I'm sure you wouldn't mean to insult me, but I'm also fairly certain that I wouldn't mean to hex you in return, especially once we get beyond the underwear point."
He nodded curtly, certain that he had understood her, but not believing all the same. "Delicious," he managed, faintly.
Her teeth were white and even as the smile split her face, her coloured lips glistening in the torchlight. How would they taste?
"That's a start," she nodded, pulling him gently towards the Floos. He resisted, tugging her back towards him.
She looked surprised, but came willingly enough, letting him rest his hands on the silky material covering her waist as he pulled her close. He stared at her berry hued lips as they parted in silent question. Slowly, giving her time to pull away, he lowered his mouth to hers.
Slowly, her eyes opened, and she regarded him softly from beneath her lashes. "Yes," she breathed. "Most definitely a start."