This is just something that came to mind one night.
YES, its a CRACKFIC.
"Mr. Cullen, Bella Swan is here to see you."
I really needed a new receptionist because if I had to listen to her whiny, nasal ass voice for one more day, I was going to fucking set myself on fire.
"Send her in," I muttered back into the intercom.
Calling Swan in to my office had seemed like a good idea this morning since we needed to go over what articles were going to print in tomorrow's paper. But as it was, I had a pounding headache and desperately wanted to do nothing more than sleep.
"You needed to see me?" she questioned, stepping into my office.
"Yeah, I wanted to go over what we're printing tomorrow, but to be honest with you, I've got a headache that won't quit. I hate to put this on you, but do you think you can handle it on your own?"
"What happened?" she asked flatly, crossing her arms over her chest and moving to take a seat in one of the chairs.
"I told you; I have a headache," I groaned, tipping my head back and rubbing my palms over my face.
Bella Swan and I had a bit of a different relationship than I did with my other employees. She was my best friend's little sister. We'd known each other since we were in diapers so trying to pull the wool over her eyes or trying to dominate her in anyway never worked.
Regardless of whether I was her boss or not.
"Right. Okay, now explain the gash above your eyebrow, and the puncture wounds on your arm."
"Look, I got into a fight last night. No big deal. Now can you do it or not?" I asked, watching as she gave me the bitch face.
Great. I just knew I'd be hearing about this later. Considering that she fucking lived with her brother, he found out about everything that went on up here.
"Yeah, I can do it. Thanks for asking so nicely," she grumbled as she dug around in the pocket of her jacket.
She then stood and dropped a few Advil on my desk. "Do yourself a favor and take these. They may help with more than just your shitty mood. Asshole."
As she walked out, I adjusted my pants and sighed.
One of these days, I was going to learn how to fucking talk to her.
I mean, fuck, it shouldn't be that hard, right? I knew she had a kid, and I knew that the whole situation revolving around that fucking sucked for her as the kid's dad was total dick, but no matter how much time I spent with her, no matter how many moments we had, if I was in a bad mood or we were in the office, I treated her like shit.
I didn't want to either.
What I needed was to lose my second job.
Maybe then I'd actually be happy.
Maybe then I'd actually get some fucking sleep.
And maybe…just maybe, Bella would get to see me for who I really was, because I knew that at this moment in time, she only saw me as the spoiled offspring of the infamous Carlisle Cullen…owner of The Line, a highly regarded newspaper in the small town of Forks, Washington.
It was while I was on my way home from the office that I did what had become my m.o. after work.
I texted Bella my daily apology.
Because I was a pussy and hoped that one of these days, God would see good in me and grant me my one wish; to sink my dick to the fucking hilt inside of her.
Hey, I never claimed to be a gentleman.
Bella of course texted back with her usual 'Fuck off.'
I didn't expect anything less, and to be honest, it made me smile. Fuck if I know why.
As I glanced down at my watch, I realized I only had an hour and a half before my second job took over.
Worst part about it was, I couldn't call in sick. I couldn't take vacation. And I sure as fuck couldn't be late.
I had no fucking choice in it.
Maybe it was God punishing me, or maybe it was fucking Lucifer himself having a grand laugh at my expense, who knows.
All I knew was that I was forever damned to a nightlife of misery with no end in sight.
I just prayed that tonight, I would actually finish early.
And for the love of God, I hoped it was uneventful.
But as things go in this fucking line of work, every night is eventful. Every night runs late.
And every night, I get fucking bit by the bitch dog on Sycamore Lane.
When I was forced into taking over Alice's route, I didn't believe for one second that I'd be made to wear her uniform, but apparently, we had to keep with appearances for the sake of the kids we were visiting.
If I had had any control over it, I'd have bought a change of outfit and said fuck their rules, but they'd stripped me of that right.
Instead, like clockwork, every night at nine o'clock on the dot, I was transformed into the one thing that threatened every shred of my masculinity.
With the pale pink tights and glittery pink stilettos, complete with the criss-crossed pattern of silk ribbon around my calves….
The dark pink tutu that hung around my fucking waist and the sequined pale pink leotard that clung to every—and I mean every—inch of my torso and groin, to the extravagant wings that appeared out of nowhere and growing my back, and the fucking man purse that hung on my shoulder…complete with a bag for the teeth, and the multiple formulas of fairy dust…
I was fucking cursed.
Ladies and gentleman, my name is Edward Cullen and I am—indeed…
The Tooth Fairy.
So...yeah...blame my daughter's loose tooth LOL!
This will most likely be 8-10 chapters long...at the most!
Leave some love!