So...

*deep breath*

*passes out tissues*

Here it is, ladies; the grand finale.

I cannot BELIEVE I've finally gotten to this point LOL

WARNING: I STRONGLY RECOMMEND THAT YOU NOT EAT OR DRINK WHILE READING

See you at the bottom for a final A/N...

*~TT&ABOFD~*

"Dammit, Edward, are you trying to piss the girl off? Get your ass outside and get some goddamn air. You're gonna wind up divorced if you keep on this way!" Charlie shouted at me, shoving me down the cold, sterile hallway of the hospital.

The hospital in bum-fuck Volterra.

I was in fucking hell.

No man deserved the shit I'd been put through tonight, and I had half a fucking mind to walk right back into our room and tell the bitch exactly what was what.

Ah, fuck … no, I didn't. And she wasn't a bitch.

Well … dammit, yeah, she was, but Bella was my bitch. More than that, she was my wife; regardless of how ugly shit was getting in there—Charlie was right—I needed to get the hell out and breathe some fresh air before I fucked things up beyond repair.

I mean, who thought we'd see the day she'd be kicking me out, yelling profanities and calling me every fucking name under the sun?

All right, shut the fuck up, it's been a while since any of that shit's happened, okay?

But … while keeping Aro and the goddamned Barbie in the delivery room to hold her damned hand?

Right?!

So, maybe you see why I was so pissed off … and fucking confused.

Okay, okay, it's not like it's a secret I'd turned into the world's biggest pussy, so … yeah, I admit it; I was hurt. Really fucking hurt.

And there was shit I could do about it.

Bella didn't want me anywhere near her.

My own goddamn wife was in the fucking room down the hall, in unimaginable pain, and she didn't want me anywhere near her. She didn't need me. In fact, I was pretty fucking certain my breathing pissed her the fuck off.

As usual, instead of taking all the shit I was being dealt, and keeping my mouth shut, I'd reacted … and not in a good way.

What?! Everyone in that damned room tried to play it off as though they were shocked when my fat ass mouth opened up and shot off, too … like it was something new.

I mean … Come on, people! I was Edward fucking Cullen! I was known for my mouth and tendency to fuck up. Hell, as far as I knew, that was part of what made Bella fall in love with my dumbass! So why was it all of a sudden a problem?

"Come on, man. I'll go with you. I can't take any more of that screaming shit," Jasper muttered, coming up behind me and clapping his hand over my shoulder.

"Jazz, I can't do this," I grumbled, ripping at my fucking hair as I literally hauled ass out of the hospital toward the courtyard. "I can't just go the fuck outside while she sits in there, screaming out in pain …"

"Edward, you can't take it personal. I know that's hard to hear, but it's true. She's not herself right now. Don't you remember how much hell I caught from Alice?" he asked, barking out a dry chuckle.

You're probably wondering when Jasper became a friend, but to tell you the truth, he really hadn't. However, at the moment, Emmett's weak ass was passed the fuck out in the nurse's station. Apparently, hearing the word 'dilated', and then seeing the anesthesiologist prep the fucking epidural was more than he could handle. Bree, the fairy I'd introduced him to at the wedding—they'd hit it off and were now partners on routes—sat beside him, fanning him with one of Aro's spare hand-fans that he kept tucked inside of his purse.

Don't fucking ask 'cause I'm not going there.

Back to Jasper, he did have some understanding I guess of what I was dealing with. Just a few months ago Alice had given birth, and if you haven't already guessed it, Bella's pregnant … and in labor—has been for the past eight hours.

Eight hours of fucking hell!

"I don't remember Alice going so far as calling you a sparkly, carrot-topped, pencil dick grasshopper, or blaming you for every fucking thing that had ever gone wrong in her fucking life."

Jasper grimaced with a laugh. "No, she didn't, and she never refused to 'fuck me with Rosalie's pussy' either, but she did yell other harsh shit, Edward. It might not have been the same, or carried as much venom to you as it did me, but it still fucking sucked. The thing is, she is in pain, and you're the only one that's truly in this shit with her, so of course she's going to lash out. Bella's lashing out at you because she knows, or at least expects, for you to still be there no matter what. You're the only one she has right now. Sure, the way she's going about it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but …"

"How the hell do you know all that shit? The shit that's going on inside of her head, I mean," I asked him, expelling a heavy breath from my lungs.

Fuck, I wish like hell I hadn't given up smoking months ago.

Something I'd done out of love for the woman in the building behind me.

"Most of it's the shit Alice explained to me later on."

"Okay. Then explain to me her dependency on Aro and Rosalie, because up until eight hours ago, they were our enemy, Jazz. Now? Now, they're her best friend, and me? I'm nothing. I'm the enemy. Hell, with the way things were before I was kicked out, I may as well be fucking dead to her."

"You're seriously confused as to why Bella got pissed and kicked your ass out of that room, aren't you?" he questioned, narrowing his eyes.

"Dude, I fucking know I've got a big mouth, but I'm her husband! I didn't deserve any of the shit I got thrown in there!"

"Edward, you fucking accused her of turning tricks with Rosalie on the side when she wouldn't let you hold her damn hand! And if that wasn't bad enough, you said that she shouldn't have any trouble pushing the baby out considering how easy it was for you to get in. You called your wife loose in front of God and everybody! Hell, I'm not even a woman, and I was fucking offended!"

"What the hell am I going to do, Jazz? You know that I didn't mean any of what I said, and I know, somewhere inside, Bella knows it too. They have to let me back in there. I can't … I can't miss the," I started, feeling myself get choked up as I collapsed onto one of the stone benches, burying my face in my hands.

I felt Jasper's hand rest on my shoulders. "Just breathe, man. I'll go back in and see what I can find out. Keep your phone on, okay? Try to relax, and think about what all this might be like for her, Edward. I know it seems like it should be about both of you, but until the child is born, it's all about Bella. She needs you, but if you're gonna go back in there half-cocked, it won't be good for anyone."

"I know," I groaned, shaking my head as his footsteps faded away, letting on to the fact he'd gone back inside.

Thank fuck; finally, I was alone again. Don't get me wrong. I was glad to have the support and the ear of someone else, but really? I wasn't a child. I knew I'd fucked up.

And as I sat there, I couldn't help but think back to the day this rollercoaster began.

*flashback*

"What the hell, baby?" Bella whined, grinding her bare, drenched pussy over me, my cock having gone soft inside of her with my last release.

Since we'd been married, she was completely insatiable. Her sexual appetite was just as intense as it had been the night of our wedding; it had never waned. In fact, it had only intensified more and more each fucking day—literally … and pun intended.

Okay, that's not entirely true. We found out days after the wedding that there was a flower in Bella's bridal bouquet called the sex blossom—apparently, it only existed in Volterra. How it wound up in her arrangement we had no idea, but according to Aro, that was what had caused her intense reaction. Of course, it had baffled us all considering the fact that, up until that point, she'd proven to be immune to every dust put before her. Then again … this wasn't a dust.

Anyhow, the increase in her libido, the ferocious hunger for sex, had come back almost three months ago, but—for me—it was like it had never really left. There was just a month in between.

"Jesus fucking Christ, what do you want from me, Bella?" I panted, gripping her hips in my hands to stop her movement on me. "I just fucked you six ways from Sunday, and—not including the five times you came—I fucking exploded three times! That's a damn record, and I'm pretty fucking sure you broke my dick this time, Princess," I told her, laughing dryly as she slumped forward, burying her face in my neck, her hips continuing to fight against the hold I had on her.

"Edward, please," she begged, kissing my neck, "you feel so good, and I don't think I can stop."

Unleashing a growl, I forcefully sat up, taking her face in my hands and making her look me in the eye. "You're my wife, and I love you, but I'm not a goddamn machine."

That had been the wrong fucking thing to say, and I knew even as I said it, but something was obviously going on with her. She needed to talk to somebody, be checked out, or … shit, something! I had even considered putting in a call to Aro because after three months of this shit day in and day out, I was done.

I was a man and I loved sex with my wife just as much as the next man, but Bella was pushing the limits of what was reasonable and what wasn't. There were nights that my cock had been fucking chafed to the point of pain from having been fucked so goddamn hard the night before.

And you just think I'm joking.

So, after I'd lashed out, Bella jumped from my lap and, instead of coming back out and arguing with me, she'd grabbed a nightie, stormed out of our bedroom—or should I say waddled?—then proceeded to lock herself in one of the guest rooms.

I'd tried knocking, texting … fuck, I even attempted to pick the lock. None of that shit worked. I mean, yeah, I could've used the fucking dust to magically open the door, but if she wanted me out that bad, forcing my way would only piss her off more; I'd fucked up enough for one night.

I didn't see her again until the next afternoon.

She never came down for breakfast with Sweet Pea and me, which was really unlike her. Had it not have been for the note she'd slid under her door when I'd knocked, I would have been fucking worried. She'd said that she wasn't feeling well; that she was going to take the day for herself to get her head together, and if I needed her, I could text her.

What did I do? I wrote on the back of the note that I loved her, that I was sorry, and slid it back under the door like the whipped pussy I was. Then, after dropping Sweet Pea off at school, I stopped by the local flower shop and put in an order for the best fucking arrangement of roses they had. I also arranged for lunch from her favorite restaurant to be delivered to the house.

Sure, it all cost me a pretty fucking penny, but after my colossal foot-in-mouth mistake last night, I needed to grovel at least a little.

Though, I didn't entirely think it through because if I had, I would have realized all of what I'd done for her would only make her want me and my poor, over-worked cock that much more.

However, when I returned home that night, not only was I not met with an overzealous, horny wife, I arrived to find our daughter missing, and a hot, home-cooked meal on the table.

Bella hadn't felt up to cooking shit in at least a fucking month so that alone told me something was up.

As I entered the dining room, I looked cautiously around me, not sure if a frying pan was going to come flying at my head or what the fuck was going to happen. This shit was all new to me, and—with as badly as I'd fucked up last night—I wasn't exactly feeling safe.

"You're home? I told you to text me, baby," Bella said quietly, coming around the corner and slowly approaching me.

She'd texted me? When the fuck had that been? She knew I never checked my phone at work.

"Guess I didn't see it. What's the occasion? Where's Sweet Pea?" I asked her as she stepped up against me, sliding her arms up my chest and around my neck, rising on to her toes for a kiss.

I was pretty fucking sure I was imagining all of this.

"She's with Emmett for tonight. I needed to talk to you, so I asked him and Bree if they would mind keeping her."

"Princess, if this is about how I acted last night …"

"It is, but it isn't. Edward, your words hit hard and hurt me last night, but they also made sense because you were right. I was up all night thinking about how I've acted. I haven't been myself since before we were married really," she confessed, sighing as she kissed my cheek and walked away, grabbing two glasses of champagne from the dining room table.

"I told you I was sorry, Bella, and you know I didn't mean for what I said to come out the way that it did. Fuck, baby, you know that I love making love to you, but I just …"

"I spent the day with Alice," she interrupted, handing me a glass.

"Okay, mind telling me why you're interrupting me with talk of hanging out with my fucking sister?"

I eyeballed her then, raising a brow as I took a sip from the glass. What the ever loving fuck?

Mother of ass!

"Princess, what the fuck is this shit? Did you even check the date on this champagne? Was it sitting open in the damn basement for decades or something?"

"Sweetheart, it's not champagne; you're drinking white grape juice."

I couldn't stop myself from grimacing. "Oh good God, woman, no wonder it tastes like shit! What the hell possessed you to pour grape juice in my wine glass instead of fucking champagne?"

"Nothing possessed me, Edward. I can't have alcohol."

"Right … did you hit your head? Unless you're pregnant or you've suddenly developed an aversion to drinking, then …"

Her throat cleared and when I looked at her, she was smiling, and her eyes were angled toward her stomach, where her hands were slowly stroking her…

Oh son of a bitch. What the fuck had I done?

"P-princess?" I croaked, my voice breaking as my hand shook. "A-are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"I took three tests this morning, baby. We're pregnant."

I could feel my knees starting to become weak and my head beginning to swirl. An involuntary burst of boisterous laughter erupted from my chest as my palm slapped against the wall.

"You're going to have to do a hell of a lot better than that to get one over on me, Princess," I answered unsteadily, downing the rest of the grape juice, not giving a shit how vile it tasted.

*End Flashback*

Now, I know you're thinking I probably fucked the whole night up, but the truth was I'd actually-for once—saved my ass. After I'd popped off, Bella got defensive and angry, saying that I was making a joke out of having a child with her and started to walk out on me. She was so fucking hurt; it scared the fuck out of me because I thought I had screwed things up beyond repair without really even realizing it. However, knowing Bella's past the way I did, I knew if I didn't rectify the situation and fast, I had the potential to hurt her more than anyone else ever had, and I refused to be that person. To do … to have done so, would have fucking destroyed me …

Just as her pushing me away now was.

I sucked in a heavy breath, pushing my fingers through my hair. This fucking sucked.

If only I could fucking fix things now the way I had then.

I looked over my shoulder at the hospital doors behind me; knowing that she laid in a room beyond those walls, fighting and preparing to give birth to our first child. And she didn't fucking want me anywhere near her.

Yet, she had the fucking Barbie there to coach her, and Aro there to deliver.

Nothing.

Fucking nothing had gone right from the second her water broke, which happened while out on our route, mind you.

That fact alone started the whole goddamn battle between Bella and I. Charlie, Emmett, and Jasper seemed to see it from my side of things—at least they claimed to when they were in front of me—but then they'd get around Bella, and the fuckers would start kissing her ass.

Two-faced motherfucking pussies. They threw me under the fucking bus. Every. Damn. Time. and tonight had been no different.

I'm probably completely losing you here.

See, the problem was this: from around Bella's second trimester of her pregnancy and on, I didn't think it was fucking safe for her to accompany me on our routes.

You know of mine and Bella's tendency to fuck up, so can you blame me for being a bit skeptical and wanting to fucking protect her?

Right! Well, Charlie and Emmett saw it my way, and so did Jasper, but Bella didn't. She fucking fought me tooth and nail every goddamn night. There were times that I would actually tie her ass to the damn bed before leaving, only to run into her at one of the houses, thanks to Em or Charlie having cut her loose.

Yeah, you can imagine how much fun those nights were. She was a bitch from hell when she had a score to settle. Add her hormones to that … I was fucked.

She was bound and fucking determined to work through the end of her pregnancy, and it truly scared the fuck out of me. I mean, would you believe me if I told you that our fuck ups rose to an all-time high after she became pregnant?

Because they did.

I went through more shit than you could ever imagine. Why?

One reason.

I was protecting her ass.

Her touching tendencies … the unbelievable ability she had to wake people up and have my ass chased by men built like fucking houses? Yeah, I took all of that shit like a fucking pro, in addition to my fuck ups. Only now we were adding Charlie's to that.

Oh, I forgot to mention that, right?

He was on the routes with us. He was fucking worse than she was if you can believe that.

And you should have seen the fucking shit fit my bitch wife threw when I asked her to wear crocs, or at the very least, tennis shoes instead of the goddamn stripper shoes just as a safety precaution on the route. You would think I was asking her to take part in a gangbang or some shit.

Fuck, I didn't like the shoes either—they were ugly as hell—but if it kept her from breaking her leg, or injuring our child, then yeah, they were worth wearing.

Anyhow, what led to me being out here, and her in there, holding hands with two of my arch enemies was that when we'd been on the route tonight, she'd seen a child's pogo stick off in a corner.

As fucking nasty, embarrassing, and grotesque as it was, I'm pretty damn sure I don't need to go into detail of exactly what happened, but when it did, I exploded on her. I started in on my bullshit about how if she'd have just fucking listened to me and stayed the fuck home, this wouldn't have been happening.

That didn't go over well.

Charlie, who—unbeknownst to Bella—had been laughing his fucking ass off during the whole episode, started taking her side and exploded on me, calling me an insensitive bastard; saying that I wasn't being supportive.

That only fueled the fire.

I tried holding Bella's hand and smoothing over my mistake, putting my anger away for the meantime, but she wasn't letting shit go. She started blaming me.

Bella was yelling, scratching, fucking punching … she even went so far as to say that if I had just thought to hide the fucking pogo stick from her, she wouldn't have been tempted to ride it.

Yeah? I couldn't believe she fucking went there either.

When she did, I lost my shit. Everything that I had held back for the last nine months came out. Shit about how she made me feel more like her over used, under-appreciated, sex toy than anything else. How she didn't give a shit about her and our baby's well-being. It got really fucking ugly and it was stuff that, under any other circumstances, never would have come out.

She completely flipped out on me and I didn't … don't blame her.

Shit, that wasn't even the worst of it either. It only got worse once we arrived in Volterra.

When she announced to me that Aro was her mid-wife and was delivering our child, I saw nothing but red.

It was only Bella and me in that room when she'd gotten up onto the table, placed her heels in the stirrups and spread her legs only for him to shove his nasty fucking fingers inside of her.

Exactly. I stood there while 'I Dream of Genie' and Ozzy Osbourne's love child fingered my fucking wife.

And as if that wasn't enough, she'd called in the fucking Barbie to hold her other hand and coach her.

I don't know what the fuck Bella's reasoning behind anything was anymore, but I wigged the fuck out on her. Everything came slamming down on me and when her contractions began coming more frequently and violently, I turned into enemy number one.

There was only so many times I could take watching Aro's grimy hands go near her pussy and, with my fucking stress level through the roof—when Bella snapped at me—I went for blood.

She fought right back and, well … the rest you've heard from Jasper.

I'm sure I'm leaving a shit ton out, but I can tell you one thing; it was obvious seeing Aro in that room, crouched between my wife's thighs, face to her pussy, that his stomach was sickened. He was strictly dickly. No one would ever have to worry about that man going after their woman. It was just knowing he'd had his hands on my wife that pissed me off.

Knowing she was willingly accepting his touch and comforting words … that fucking hurt.

I knew that I was doing and saying all the wrong fucking things tonight, but as I had told Jasper, she knew that about me. Sadly, it was a part of who I was. I couldn't fucking help it. It didn't make me love her or our child any less. It also didn't make me not want to be in that fucking room with her, holding her goddamn hand.

My phone began to vibrate against my thigh as my ringtone sounded out. Panicked, I pulled my phone from my pocket, and rolled my eyes when I saw that it was my sister.

"Yeah?"

"What in God's name is wrong with you?!" she hollered at me.

"I don't need you to tell me how big of an asshole I am, Alice, I'm well aware, okay?!" I said loudly, my voice a higher pitch than normal.

"Don't you get all smart-assed with me, Edward. I just got off the phone with Jasper and since you answered your phone, I'm going to assume you're still outside. Am I right?"

"What's your fucking point?" I growled.

"My point is that your wife is in there giving birth to your first child, Edward … yours. I don't know if Mom and Dad slammed your damned head in a solid oak door when you were a baby or what the fuck happened to you, but you should be in there, holding her hand. Not that two-bit tramp. I cannot believe that you actually walked out of that room; that you actually let Bella kick you out."

"What choice did I have?! She doesn't fucking want me in there, Alice! Trust me, I want to be in there with her!"

"As much as you two rabbits fuck, I know you've got a set of balls … fucking use them already! Get your ass in there, kick that bitch, Rosalie out of there, and be there for Bella. I know it's hard to believe right now, but even though Bella says she doesn't want you around, acts like she can't stand the sight of you, and wants you as far from her as possible … it's the complete opposite, okay? I was there not that long ago, remember? She needs you to be strong, Edward. Right now, you're …"

"Being a pussy. Yeah, I know. Fuck, okay, I'll try. How's Sweet Pea doin'? Is she helping you with the Nozzle?"

"Edward Anthony! I've told you to quit calling my son that! His nose is not that big! And yes, she's been a great help. God … argh! Just … go help your wife, asshole," she grumbled angrily, hanging up on me, leaving me to scrub my hands over my face in frustration.

Or nervous.

Fuck it was probably both.

I didn't know what the hell I was doing, but Alice was right.

She was always right.

Well, except when it came to her and Jasper's son.

Kid's nose was fucking huge; Adrien Brody didn't have shit on that kid.

*~TT&ABOFD~*

My nerves were shot to hell as I raced down the hallway, back to Bella's room. Charlie saw me coming and stool with Jasper, who for some strange reason was smirking, and Emmett was obviously feeling better because he was standing right along with them.

Oh hell fucking no!

I could hear Bella in the room screaming, groaning, and crying. My wife was fucking crying out in that goddamn room. If that bitch Barbie and Aro were doing their fucking jobs right, that shit would not be happening.

"What the fuck is going on in there?!" I hissed, turning away from the door and facing Jasper, Charlie and Em once more.

"Your wife is skiing. What the fuck do you think, asshole?!" Emmett exclaimed.

I swear to God, one of these days I was going to say fuck it and knock the shit out of him.

"Why the hell are you still standing here?" Charlie grumbled.

Before I could respond, a loud groan sounded from within her room. "Oh my God, what Edward ever saw in you …"

"Rosalie!" Aro chastised. "That's enough! I think it's fair to say no one understands it, but she doesn't need you throwing it in her face right now."

"Edwa …" Bella painfully moaned out loud. My head whipped around, fixing Charlie, Emmett, and Jasper with a glare.

"How fucking long has she been calling out for me?"

"That's the first time, Ed," Jasper answered, frowning at me. "Now, get your ass in there."

Fuck.

Like he even had to say it.

I snorted and barged through the door, not bothering to knock or take the time to consider the fucking fact that Aro could possibly be between my wife's legs with his hand shoved in her pussy.

Which he fucking was.

Did his damn hand ever leave?

"What the fuck are you doing in here?" the cum guzzling tramp sneered, her breath hot against the back of my neck as my eyes were still glued to Aro. "She kicked your ass out. You're not fucking wanted, so unless you want to be escorted by sec ..."

To hell with this shit.

I whirled around, a feral growl snapping from my chest, as I gripped her arm and stared down at her with all the anger I could fucking muster. "Call security, you fucking bitch … I dare you. You may reside in Volterra, but you still belong to mine and Bella's region, and believe me, what you've been through so far won't compare to the hell I'll put your pathetic ass through. Now," I ground out, gripping her arm firmer as she began to struggle, "I don't even want to try and understand why the fuck she wanted your ass in here to begin with, but it's done. Bella's my wife and if anyone is going to be beside her, holding her fucking hand and coaching her through this, it's going to be me."

I saw a flash of movement in my peripheral vision and caught her fucking fist just in time with my free hand; she'd just tried to fucking knock me out. Bitch had just fucked up.

"Emmett! Jasper!" I hollered, holding her wrists tight in my grasp, my chest heaving with rage. The second they walked through the door, I literally threw her ass at them. "Get that bitch the fuck out of here before the putrid stench of her crotch rot permeates the room any more than it already has."

Her eyes filled with hate as both Emmett and Jasper looked at me in shock while pulling her out of the room.

"Ed-Edward," Bella groaned in agony from behind me. I spun around, finally locking eyes with my wife.

Needing no words of encouragement, I rushed forward, reaching out to take her hand, praying to fucking God that she actually took it this time and didn't go off on my ass.

"Princ …" Was all I managed to get out before she took my hand—son of a bitch, I was going to need a fucking x-ray after this—and jerked me forward.

"I don't know what the hell he's doing, but he's had his goddamn hand in my twat for fucking fifteen minutes now. Do something or I swear to God, the first chance I get, it'll be your balls that I return to him in the tooth bag, and I will personally oversee having them turned into fucking fairy dust."

I slowly moved my ear away from her mouth and let my eyes meet hers.

Holy fuck.

She wasn't fucking around.

My wife wouldn't really be that fucking cruel, would she?

What the fuck was it about child birth that made you women lose all sense of self? Because right now, as badly as I'd wanted to get back in here, that one threat alone was making it impossibly difficult for me not to retaliate back with something just as fucking evil.

So what did I do?

I closed my eyes, swallowed thickly, and nodded my head, whimpering internally like the good little pussy I was.

Motherfucker my hand hurts! Next method for punishing her on a night out? Bamboo shoots under her fucking finger nails.

"You making balloon animals? Your hand stuck? What the fuck are you doing down there, Aro?" I snapped, feeling Bella bear down on my hand. I bit down into my lip to keep from crying out.

"Edward, darling, that was gross," Aro announced, his perky head finally coming up for air, both hands visible. "Dearest Bella, that was not fifteen minutes, so don't flatter yourself, and if you must know, I was checking to see how far you've dilated. It appears you're ready for the epidural."

"Oh thank God!" Bella moaned, her hand going lax in mine for just a second.

Literally, it was only for a damn second because right after, a fucking contraction hit and not only did she take my hand, she pulled me in.

As my eyes settled over her face, my heart fucking shattered. She was in so much goddamned pain, and all of it was in an effort to bring our child … my child into this world.

I leaned forward, pressing my forehead to hers, whispering sweet nothings and coaching her with her breathing as my mind wandered off into not so pleasant areas.

My child.

Was it wrong of me to half expect it to come out of her with fucking horns, a tail, and fangs?

No, I knew that wouldn't happen; my wife, despite her tough exterior, was a beautiful soul, and an amazing person.

When she wanted to be.

That didn't mean our kid would come out lookin' normal though. Right now, my mind was running wild. As it was, I had a hunch the kid just might possibly have a fucking hammerhead from all the fucking Bella and I had done—most of the time, with her initiating. I'd fucking pounded into her so goddamn hard, there's no way that kid hadn't suffered from it.

Of course, thinking along those lines led me into thoughts of just how in the blue hell Aro expected to get the fucker to squeeze out of Bella's tiny …

Oh fuck me … I think I'm going to be sick.

"Edw-ward, b-baby, please, make it stop," my wife screamed through tears, her teeth now bearing down on the knuckles of my left hand, effectively clearing the fog from my head.

I just knew I was going to be having nightmares for weeks over that shit.

"Fucking A," I grumbled, kissing her forehead tenderly, "Aro, when the hell can she start pushing?!"

"Don't you take that tone with me; she's still got another two centimeters to go. Do you think you can control that fucking mouth of yours long enough for them to administer the epidural? I need a break after listening to her moaning and screaming, and looking at that snatch for the past several hours straight."

I narrowed my eyes at him as his prissy ass stood in his fucking pink Betty Boop scrubs. The disturbing part of that? He'd gotten someone—or he'd done it himself—to add a lacy trim to the edges of the pants and top, and yes, his fucking cock stuck out and was at attention. Not that I'd made it a point to notice. It was still wrapped … over latex that he wore.

Again, don't ask 'cause I ain't fucking going there.

As he made to walk out, I leaned into Bella, pressing a gentle kiss against her temple and whispering that I'd be right back before turning and cornering him against the door of the room.

"I know that out of the two of us, my wife is the one that intimidates you, but right now, she's in fucking pain and that shit is not okay with me. In fact, it pisses me off. You've yet to really see me pissed off you piece of shit, so here's what's going to happen. You'll take your break, but when you come back, all these fucking cheap shots that you keep taking at me, and all the degrading comments you've been making in regard to my wife's delicious pussy … they're going to stop. If they don't, I'll make you wish you hadn't crossed me because even though I've kept my silence 'til now, I'll do a hell of a lot fucking more to you than she ever did, and trust me … you won't like it."

Not only were his eyes focused unwaveringly on my own, I could swear that the motherfucker was about to kiss me.

And instead of doing just that, his hand latched onto my fucking cock and balls.

The reflexive action took me by surprise at how fast I had my hand around his fucking throat and him pinned against the wall. "Do that shit again, and I'll do as Bella said the first time she laid eyes on you. I'll say hello to your kitty with a fucking butter knife, we clear now?" I hissed.

When Aro nodded furiously, I released and dropped him, pushing him out of the room, then turned and made my way back to Bella.

"I-if I wasn't in labor and hurting so damn bad, I'd so be f-fucking you ri-right now," she mumbled, taking hold of my shirt when I was in reach and tugging me down toward her.

"That's the last thing you need to be thinking about right now, Princess," I mumbled, resting my hand gently against her stomach and lightly rubbing over it. "I'm sorry for getting so fucking angry."

"I-it's not your fault, baby. You and I b-both know you have no damn control over your m-mou-uth-hh," she began to screech, her hand instantly finding mine, wrapping around it tightly and bearing down as another contraction hit.

Fucking A, this was insane.

Then I remembered something … something I'd learned at one of those damn Lamaze classes that Bella had actually managed to drag my stubborn ass to.

"Bella, baby, take your feet out of the stirrups."

"What the fuck, Edward?! Why the fucking hell would I do that shit?! I wanna have the fucking baby! Not go to sleep!" she roared.

One, two, three … don't fucking explode. Don't. Fucking. Explode.

Take deep breaths.

You love her. She's not a bitch. She's your wife.

"I'm not trying to put you to sleep, Princess. I'm trying to get you into a more comfortable fucking position so I can rub your back until the anesthesiologist gets here. I'm trying to fucking help you; just like …"

"Oh God," she cried out, moving her legs and slowly moving with my help, wincing through the pain. "I'm doing it again," she whimpered, her hand reaching around to lace through the fingers of my hand on her waist. "Tink?"

"Shhh, Bella," I laughed, not believing that she was spending so much fucking time talking.

"You're not a pencil-dick grasshopper," she groaned.

"And you are neither loose nor a whore," I whispered into her ear as I let my hands apply soft pressure into her back. The gown they had her in was soaked through with sweat. "But for future reference, don't ever pick that fucking bitch over me again, or mention my dick, her twat, and fucking in the same sentence."

Despite the contraction rocking through her, Bella barked out a laugh and smiled at me just as the door behind me burst open.

Shit. It was about fucking time.

The anesthesiologist.

Wanna take a wild stab at who it was?

How many of you fuckers have watched Dr. Oz?

Yeah?

Well … there you fucking have it. He may be some big talk show celebrity asshole in the real world, but apparently, here? He served as a variety of things. Or at least that's what I'd heard. Some of the shit was pretty fucking disturbing, to be honest with you.

After watching him administer the epidural through a needle created by Satan's incarnate while Bella proceeded to snap every bone in both my hands, she laid back and eventually became lax.

That of course didn't last for very long before Betty Boop's bitch came walking back in.

"How are you dear Bella? Think we're about ready yet?"

"She's fucking been ready," I growled as Bella stroked my arm.

Aro rolled his eyes at me and slipped a pair of latex gloves onto his hands.

"Hell no, double those bitches up. I'm not about to have those fucking press on nails of yours rip through and scratch her or some shit."

"Calm down, Edward, you're getting riled up again," Bella murmured tiredly beside me.

"Calm down? You want me to calm down?" I screeched, feeling anxiety I hadn't realized had settled back in begin to pump through my veins.

"Okay, extra set," Aro snapped curtly, purposely letting the latex slap against his skin for dramatic effect. Drama king, remember? "Now, can we please get on with this?"

I sighed and nodded, leaning over and pressing my forehead to Bella's as she tilted her head upward to kiss my nose. "You gotta chill out, Tink," she sighed.

"Easy for you to say. Ready for this?"

"No, not really. I'm so fucking tired, baby," she cried.

I glanced down the bed to see that Aro had placed her feet back in the stirrups and was obviously checking to see if she'd dilated any further, meaning he had his fucking hand buried in her pussy again.

"Fantastic news!" the overly happy crack fairy squealed from down below, "We're ready to push! Edward, be a dear and help her sit up. Support her back because she's going to need your help. Bella, darling, when your next contraction hits, I'm going to need…"

"I know how this fucking goes, motherfucker; I've done this shit once already!" she bit out, gripping my hand and leaning her head against my shoulder.

Bless her damn heart.

She fucking tried. Fifteen minutes of pushing and we were no closer to seeing our child. The longer Bella pushed, the more it appeared my fears were coming true.

I'd fucked her so hard our child had developed a hammerhead and could no longer fit down the birth canal.

I watched Aro call his nurse, Jacob, over for a moment and whisper in his ear before sending him out of the room. When he returned a few minutes later, he was pushing a cart with some long ass hose looking thing which resembled something akin to an elephant trunk or some shit.

"Princess, what the fuck is that?" I asked her. Her head remained slumped against me as she breathed heavily from her exertions. "Aro, what the motherfuck is that goddamn thing Pocahontas just wheeled in here?"

"That, my dear Edward, is a vacuum. Bella doesn't seem to have the energy to do this on her own, and the baby isn't coming."

"You're putting a fucking VACUUM inside my wife to SUCK my kid out?!" I roared, startling Bella and leaving her to drop down to the bed as I rushed Aro, landing a firm right hook to his jaw. "Have you lost your goddamn mind?!"

Suddenly, I felt two arms pulling me backward. I glanced over my shoulder to see Emmett pale as fuck, eyes focused on the cart.

"Ed, what the hell is that?"

"He wants to shove a fucking vacuum inside her to pull my kid out!"

"Oh … damn … I …"

And that was all she wrote because that fucker blacked out and started going down before I had time to catch his big ass.

"Charlie! Jasper!" I hollered.

As soon as they came in, they both shot me sympathetic looks. I'm assuming that they'd heard my outburst.

Anyway, after they'd managed to pull his big ass out of the room, Bella called me back over as Aro settled himself back on the stool between her legs.

"You ever hit m…" Aro began to bite out as they started assembling the … oh, fuck it. I can't say the fucking word again.

"Don't even think of threatening me right now," I hissed, then turned to look my wife in the eye. "This isn't right. I'm sorry, so sorry," I whispered against her lips.

"What the hell are you sorry for? You're not the one using a Hoover to deliver our child."

"Seriously? You're making fucking jokes?" I growled.

"Baby, please, I …"

"Okay, come on, Bella, I need you to push!" Aro shouted, the hum of the vacuum echoing in the room.

*~TT&ABOFD~*

I would never, for as long as I fucking lived, forget the first time I heard my son, Anthony Charles Cullen, cry out. It hadn't been easy, but eventually, Bella finally managed to give birth to our bouncing baby boy, putting my fears of him being a hammerhead to rest as he was instead born with a cone head.

Not to worry, Aro had assured us that the swelling from the suction of the vacuum would go down in time.

I'd lost count of the number of times I'd counted his fingers and toes, making sure he had all ten of each, which he did. Bella, having been completely exhausted, had only remained awake long enough to hold him against her chest and whispered tender words of how much she loved him.

I was more than happy to take care of him while she slept.

Only, that wasn't what happened.

She delivered and fell asleep after being stitched and cleaned up, then as soon as they were given the go ahead by fucking Aro, the fucking wolves descended. And by wolves, I mean Charlie, Jasper, Emmett, and the rest of the council.

They wanted to fawn and play. So I'd sat there while the imbeciles passed my son around, cooing and gawking like a bunch of old women, Charlie and Emmett both acting as children each time Anthony made a sound that came anywhere close to resembling a fucking fart.

It was ridiculous.

Eventually, I'd had to kick them out … nearly an hour later.

Once they were gone, I settled into the window seat of Bella's room, cradling our son to my chest. He was sleeping soundly, a tuft of the bronze hair, which he'd obviously gotten from me, peeking out beneath the blanket bundled tightly around him.

"He's gorgeous like his Daddy," I heard Bella faintly whisper. My head lifted to see her watching us from the hospital bed.

"Princess, how the hell are you awake? You need rest."

"Right," she softly snorted, "like I could sleep with as loud as those jackasses were?"

"Dammit, I swear, I'm going to fuck up a lot of fairies when we get out of here," I grumbled.

"You'll do no such thing," she laughed. "Tink, you're all talk and no bite. Now get over here."

"You know, he's going to be just as big of a pain in the ass as me, if not more so, right?" I warned her, slowly moving over to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Edward, if our son turns out to be a bigger pain in the ass than you, we're sending him to live with Aro because there's no way in hell I can deal with something worse than you," she chuckled, winking at me and leaning down, pressing a soft kiss to Anthony's head.

"I still can't believe they used a vacuum on him," I told her with a sullen tone.

"Yeah, and I can't believe you knocked the shit out of Aro. What got into you tonight?"

"Princess, when have I ever had an honest to God explanation for anything I fucking do?" I asked her, scoffing as I ran a hand gently through her tangled hair.

"True, but then again, I love that about you," she whispered, crooking a finger for me to come closer and kiss her.

So I did, albeit awkwardly, as I held our sleeping son. "I don't see why," I answered, shaking my head with laughter as we smiled together.

"He really is something, isn't he?" she mused wistfully, staring down at him in awe. The exhaustion showed heavily around her eyes, but there was no way in hell I was saying shit about it.

"That he is. Just knowing that we—I had a hand … thank you, baby," I murmured to her, leaning down to press my lips against her soft ones briefly.

Well, at least that's was how I meant for it to go; Bella had other plans as she let her tongue slide out and dip between my lips ever so slightly, and after that one little taste, I couldn't resist her. I moved in closer for a deeper kiss, groaning when she pulled away, needing to breathe.

Yeah, yeah. Shut the hell up. We've covered my pussified ways several times over already; we're just beating a dead horse.

"Think you'll want to try for more?"

"Fucking right now?!" I exclaimed, causing Anthony to startle like a cat, and making Bella give me bitch face.

Damn, I didn't think she was capable of doing so with as exhausted as she was.

"No, asshole! Not right now, though I'm pretty sure you just answered my question!"

"Princess, my cock barely survived this fucking pregnancy! You're telling me you want to …"

"Baby, I'm going to stop you there because if I don't, you're going to piss me off and—trust me—that is not something either of us want, okay? So come lay your stubborn ass over here on this side and hold me like you always do; I'm not ending one of the happiest days of …"

"Bella?" I interrupted on a flat tone, looking her dead in the eye with an arched brow and amused smirk.

"What?"

"You're rambling, your hand is on my fucking wings, it appears our son has woken and—while I'm no expert—I'm pretty sure when he starts pulling a Stevie Wonder and mimicking a baby bird, he's fucking hungry. Wanna try feeding the kid?"

"Edward, I'm giving you five seconds to get the fuck off this bed before I ring the nurse to drag your ass out," she laughed, shoving at my arm weakly.

"I love you," I cooed, helping her to shuffle Anthony into a comfortable position on her chest. "But you just ordered me to hold you, Princess. I fully intend to do so."

"I really ha …" I narrowed my eyes and saw her begin to smile, "love you too, even though you're a jackass."

We both laughed as I gently shifted myself to lay beside, behind—however you want to see it—on the bed, draping my hand over her waist as she slipped the gown from her shoulder.

I watched her position our son like a seasoned pro at her breast, and …

Damn.

My son was a greedy little fucker.

He was snorting and grunting, making all kinds of fucking noises as he nursed on her, and after some time, a soft snicker passed my wife's lips.

I glanced away from Anthony and up at Bella who was smirking at me.

"What?"

"Tink, you're licking your lips. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were jealous of our newly born son, right now."

"Don't be fucking ridiculous, Bella," I scoffed, pressing a kiss to her bare shoulder as I softly pulled her back to lean against my chest, put her in a more comfortable position, Anthony still nursing. "You've got to remember, this is all new for me this time around."

"Have you talked to Emily?" she asked, letting her head lie against my neck and shoulder.

"No. I talked to Alice though. She ate my ass alive after I was kicked out. Jasper mentioned before leaving earlier though that he was going to try and have Alice dust Sweet Pea so he could bring her back with him. She's been chomping at the fucking bit."

"I can't believe I kicked you out, Tink," she laughed, gently lifting Anthony from her breast.

"Oh, I can," I chuckled.

"You want to try and burp him Daddy?" she cooed, rubbing her hand up and down his tiny back.

"Is it okay with you if I just watch this time and I'll do it next? I don't want to fuck up and hurt him, Bella."

"Edward," she whispered, tilting her head up to press a kiss to my jaw. "You were great with Emily when she was a baby. I can remember you burping and feeding her every once in a while when you'd come over. You'd never hurt a child, much less our own."

"Princess, Sweet Pea was months older. Anthony is only hours old. Not only that, we're in Volterra. I'm sure that after the way I attacked Aro's bitch ass today, they're going to seek revenge against me in every way they can."

"And you actually fucking think that they'd use our newborn son to do it?" she seethed, patting his back and burping him as she looked up at me.

"Hell if I know. They'd be damn fools to try."

"Remember what I said earlier about you being all bark and no bite?"

"I fucking resent that, but yeah," I muttered, running a hand through my hair.

"Well, be however fucking evil and mean you gotta be. If they even think about coming after us or our son, don't hold back."

I shook my head at her in bafflement as she switched Anthony over to her other breast. "Are you feeling much pain, Princess?"

"A little yeah, but I don't want any medication, Edward. It'll transfer into my milk and I don't want that."

"So you're going to sit here in fucking pain instead?"

"As long as I have you right here holding me, I think I can bear it, okay? Just stop flipping out on me, and quit bitching, you big pussy," she teased, pinching the skin of my forearm draped over her hip as she smiled up at me.

How she could be the world's biggest bitch, possess the largest and warmest heart, and completely fucking own my ass—all at the same time—baffled me, but I was done questioning it.

I'd been done the second she'd decided that she was going to be with me, fairy or not.

I guess if there's fucking anything in this goddamned bitch of a life that I owe my parents for, it's for having intervened. Had they not jacked with shit, I'd never have wound up hitting her house that night, and thus our little story never would have taken off.

Or maybe it would have; who knows.

Either way, as I looked down at my beautiful wife feeding my newborn son, I saw my future, and for the first time in my life, I didn't loathe it.

I fucking welcomed it.

Tutus, glitter, teeth, wings and all.

Well ... There you have it!

I want to thank all of you that have stuck by me and followed Fairyward on this wild ride that -originally- was only going to be 8-10 chapters.

OMG, just saying that seems insane! Every time I think back to how small my vision initially was for this fic I fall into hysterics. Mainly because it's going to be so hard saying goodbye to this wordy, little shit. LOL

Good thing he'll back for in mid-September, early October for a sequel, right? ;)

A huge thanks to my AMAZING betas, DaisyCrazy & Twi-Mom12292005- As always, I FLOVE you gals!

On a side note, I'll be contributing a futuretake to the Fandom 4 Animals, and it's one that will NOT be included in the sequel. It will be a look into what happens when Riley makes a surprise return to Forks ;) If you would like to donate, here's the link to visit:

www dot animals dot fandomcause dot info

Really, thank you all again.

XOXO

T