I give you chapter three! To go with my three reviews so far. :) Thanks for reading my story and if you were one if the two who reviewed me then double thanks xD Anyway on with the next chapter.
Walking down the corridor was like all my nightmares coming true at once, everyone was looking at me... Everyone was looking at me. All conversation in the entire hall ceased as one by one they saw us, ugh I mean me.
I keep forgetting that the person that does all the crazy, insane stuff is still me. It doesn't feel like me anymore, it feels like I'm looking at someone else doing all these things from inside their body.
But it's my body, it's me doing this stuff. I can stop doing it. I have to keep reminding myself that... like the psychiatrist told me to... But I'm getting away from the point.
Everyone was looking at me, and not like they normally do. Normally they just look at me like 'What the heck is she doing now?' but now they're all looking at me like I'm a bomb waiting to explode. They all shared the same expression, Pity. I guess they were all told already. We, ugh... I had been hoping for a little bit more time.
They were everywhere, looking at me.I almost started to hyperventilate. Wherever I went, their eyes followed. I felt helpless, trapped with no way out. Then I found myself outside a familiar door and I threw it open, desperate to escape their incessant staring.
I stepped inside the familiar space and locked the door behind me. I glanced around the small empty space which surprisingly made me feel less trapped than I did outside. I noted the mops and the cleaning fluids on the shelves. The janitors closet. I was safe here.
I slid down the wall behind me taking deep breaths, school hadn't even started yet and already it was almost too much to bear.
'You could just leave, and never come back.' A voice spoke to me in my head.
'I can't leave... not yet...' I thought back.
'Why not? They don't know the real you, they wouldn't even miss you.' The other voice spoke.
'Jade needs me...' I told myself weakly for the millionth time, I was less convincing every time.
'You don't really believe that do you? She doesn't need you. She doesn't need anyone. She's strong, she can handle it.' The voice told me, and for the first time since Jade had talked to me after the showcase concert, I didn't argue back with my voice.
It was true, Jade was strong. Jade could do this on her own, her behavior recently only reinforces that fact in my mind. She didn't need anybody's help, especially not mine. She'd proved that many times.
'Exactly, she doesn't need you. You even admit it to yourself. So why stay?' The voice speaks.
It was a good question, why stay if she doesn't need me anymore? Not everything is about Jade... I remind myself, and that revelation causes the answer to come to me quickly.
'Because if I leave then all of this would have been nothing.' I reply, more surely now.
'That we can agree on. She doesn't need you, and by realizing that, you also realize that you don't need her.' The voice says. 'So what are you going to do about it?'
'I'm going to stop being what she wanted me to be.' I decide. 'I'm going to be me, and I'm going to show her that I can make it on my own.'
'Then stop moping about in here, and get back out there.' The voice says and I stand up, ready to start again. I take a breath, unlock the door and step out into the corridor.
Everyone's still staring, but I ignore them now. Instead I look down the rows of faces until I see the ones I want to see. I stride towards my group of friends, with newfound resolve. I'm halfway there when I see her.
She's standing with them. I am about to turn and run back the way I came before they can see me when she looks up at me. She's seen me. Now I have to make a choice, stay or go?
Before I have even the slightest chance to consider which one to choose she looks at me with a look I haven't seen on her face ever before. Then she quickly covers it up and starts practically running in the other direction, just like I had been planning on doing.
I never got to make my choice, so I decided to keep walking like it hadn't happened. I walk up to my friends who are all looking at me with mixed expressions. All of them are watching me, obviously in concern but only Tori is trying to hide it with a welcoming smile.
I falter slightly when I reach the group, unsure of what to say. 'Hi guys! Whats up?' didn't seem like the thing to say in this situation... But again, before I have the chance to decided for my self, somebody makes the decision for me.
"Hey Cat, we got you some candy?" Beck offers me, and I know he's waiting to get the reaction he always gets. With me jumping up and down, all worries supposedly forgotten. I look around their expectant faces and I realize they're all waiting for it too.
The pain of nobody knowing the real me hits me twice as hard this time. I didn't want to believe it was true, but knowing for sure now just feels like I've been run over by a bus, then backed over s the driver can make sure he got me.
"No thanks..." I choke out quietly, in a voice that's so unlike the me I'm used to. It almost makes me freeze, but I continue anyway. "Don't feel like it today..."
The looks on each and every single one of their faces would have been priceless if it didn't hurt so much.
They all looked like they'd seen Jesus walking through the school or something. But I knew it was just because they'd seen something they never thought they'd ever see in their lifetimes. Which just made it hurt all the more.
Beck was the first to recover, possibly because he's known me the longest and he might actually remember a time when I wasn't so... well like I am.
"Well... If you want some you know we have some... okay Cat?" He said, unsurely. "Do you need anything? Like food, coffee..."
I flinched inwardly at his last option. I still remembered that particular incident with Jade like it was yesterday...
Tori was the next to recover, possibly because she'd known me the least... I don't know...
"...Or just a friend?" Tori offered. Her voice seemed to snap the others out of it but, all they could do was nod in agreement.
"No thanks..." I mumbled quietly. "I was just going to go to Lane, I have to go check in with him before and after school everyday..."
I trail off, that was a lie, I only had to go see Lane at Lunch. I just don't know if I could handle talking about it with them. Even if they are my friends... It's just too hard. They didn't seem to notice though, as far as they were concerned I'd never told a lie before. Little did they know my whole personality is a lie...
"Okay... well..." Beck frowned slightly not knowing quite what to say. Have fun? Keep safe? Good luck? None of them seemed appropriate. I saved him the trouble.
"I'm late actually so... yeah... I got to go..." I mumble again and I turn and walk away quickly. I frown as I walk, is that the way the real Cat used to talk to her friends? Shy and quiet? Or was I loud and hyper?
The more I think about it now, the more I can't remember exactly who is the real Cat. I've lost myself, and the only thing I have left is the personality that everyone knows and is used to. I don't even know if any of that was real or fake anymore.
Who am I? I don't know anymore.
Well, that's that. It's really short but I didn't exactly feel quite so motivated to update this one, but oh well. Here it is anyway. Please review! If you want more or less or if you want something in particular you have to let me know! Or else I can't help you. I'm not psychic :0 anyway... Thanks again for reading! Love you all! Remember... stay frosty!