A/N: I've seen too many girl-thrown-into-Middle-Earth-and-joins-the-fellowship-where-she-plays-an-amazing-and-important-part fics recently. I don't mean to ridicule Lord of the Rings, Narnia or most of whatever else I may successfully but accidently insult. The only thing I mean to make fun of is Mary-Sueish idealism, just because I find it amusing and I have spare time on my hands.

This is just a fun fic: don't take me too seriously, I try not to.

Summary: While looking for Narnia, the excitable Daniel accidently drags his overly sensible older sister Rachel into Middle Earth where they briefly encounter orcs, goblins, a balrog and the fellowship. What could possibly go wrong?

Disclaimer: I don't pretend to own Lord of the Rings, that idea belongs to an awesome person called Tolkien, and I also borrowed some ideas from Lewis's also awesome Narnia universe.


"Rachel! Hey, Rachel, get a load of what I found!"

The perfectly sensible girl in question sighed and closed her homework somewhat remorsefully a moment before her younger brother thundered into the previously serene room. She scowled briefly at the noise, but the brilliant smile under those shinning brown eyes weakened her resolve.

"Yes?"

He took her hand in answer, hastily pulling her from her desk and down the hall at a thoroughly disrespectful pace.

"Daniel!" She reprimanded harshly, but without raising her voice above a whisper, "We just got here, can't you restrain yourself for five minutes?"

He brother rolled his eyes, "Oh, lighten up, you've just got to see this."

They stopped in the empty drawing room, and Rachel took the opportunity to smooth her hair and cloths down to immaculacy once again. Only then did her eye seek out the reason for her impromptu visit. But the room was mostly empty, only a large wooden table, several chairs, a carved skull and a large wardrobe gathered dust.

The elder sibling bit back a groan –such behaviour wasn't very becoming, after all– as her brother raced up to the wardrobe and tossed the door open.

She had to put a stop to further madness, "Don't even think about it. I almost died from embarrassment last time you jumped in every wardrobe in the furniture store, I won't have you humiliating me in front of our Aunt as well."

Daniel ignored her with a swift role of his eyes, reached back, grabbed her hand and pulled her into the wardrobe without hesitation.

He padded further, incredibly disappointed when his nose met the solid wood of the back wall. He swore loudly, which only set his sister off on a whole new line of admonishments.

"Enough of this! It's fiction, Daniel Marcus Thomas, there is no such thing as talking lions and flying sheep, just grow up already!"

Something, or someone, somewhere didn't like that.

The doors slammed unaided, the duo were thrown into darkness. Literally. They felt something not unlike a swift kick to the behind, and they stumbled forward, straight through the back wall of the wardrobe.

After coming to, the boy groggily sat up. His vision might've spun, he surely felt dizzy enough, but it was too dark to make out much of anything. He rocked back onto his knees spat out a mouthful of dirt and, groaning in disgust, tried to scrape the fairly unpleasant sandy texture from his dry tongue.

For his sister, it was worse. Much worse, at least in her opinion. She thought she'd landed on her back originally, but it was hard to tell –she ached everywhere– for some unfounded momentum had sent her rolling. She was covered in dirt and some other grimy, vaguely sticky substance she sure didn't want to know the nature of. Her poor, pristine, white shirt and skirt would likely never recover. That realisation was amongst the first to puncture her awareness, and that alone almost made her cry.

Anger took priority; she was furious at her brother from playing this trick on her and dragging her into some old, unsanitary back room behind the wardrobe, that didn't even appear to have properly legislated floorboards. Daniel, for his part, was convinced that she'd annoyed someone important and caused them to land in this place, (a cave perhaps?) instead of the lush forests with the dryads and fauns.

Before either of them could yell angry accusations at the other, the smell hit them quite suddenly and they were most surprised. It smelt as if many somethings had crawled into a cesspit and died. Daniel took a deep breath through the nose, grinning when it reminded him of the aroma emanating from his sock draw back home. Rachel seemed to have a similar idea and subsequently misplaced her breakfast.

A grating, screeching roar reverberated around the space, rattling their teeth. It quickly knocked the grin of the young boy's face and even distracted his sister from her retching. Visibility was surely limited, but Rachel's slightly off-white cloths practically glowed in comparison to the dark rock around them, and Daniel darted to his sister's side and clung to her arm, something he promised himself he'd never do again.

To her credit, Rachel didn't immediately push him off and lecture about how foolhardy he was to consider such a thing. Ever the level headed one, she got to her feet, which was harder than usual due to the thirteen year old hanging off her arm, and looked for the back of the wardrobe they'd fallen through.

They walked unsteadily, blindly fumbling with their arms outstretched, but couldn't find anything resembling furniture. At one point, Daniel stubbed his toe, bent down and picked up what felt suspiciously like a femur. He quickly put it back and chose not to mention it to his sister who was already freaking out about the impossible lack of logic in the entire situation.

"We came out a door, we should be able to go back through a door." She muttered to herself, "Hurry up and search harder, Daniel, this place can't be much larger, otherwise we would've noticed it in Aunt's house before now."

Daniel rolled his eyes, a gesture that was thoroughly pointless in the dark. There was no point trying to convince her they were no longer in their Aunt's house, however clear the case may be, since his sister had little built a box of rationality around her brain.

"Where is the damn door? It couldn't have just disappeared, that completely violates all of the laws of physics!" Her highly uncharacteristic cursing showed just how much she was panicking.

"HELP! HEL–"

The bone chilling growl sounded again, cutting off the girl's foolish nasty-beast-attracting noise.

Their courage shot, they both bolted, the way out forgotten, they only wanted to get away from that noise. Their eyes were adjusting, but they still couldn't see much more than the ground at their feet. It was a small miracle they managed to get as far as they did before eventually running into that very solid stone wall.

Daniel knocked himself out cold, his sister sat next to his body trying to slap him awake, tears running down her cheeks. She could hear other sounds now, over her shattered sobs there was more concentrated screeching, but there were also yells that sounded distinctively human, even if she couldn't make out the words.

Daniel groggily regained consciousness for the second time that morning and Rachel immediately tried to lead him away from the angry sounds. Her brain was too far into panic-mode to question what a bunch of wailing things were doing in a remarkably large stone room behind a wardrobe in her Aunt's family home. Her eyes were saying she simply couldn't have been at home and for once she listened to reason, hence deciding that they were far from home and, judging by sound alone, in danger. Her mind had given up arguing that it wasn't possible, because it appeared that it was.

"No, we should go towards the noises," Her brother protested once he could properly formulate the thought, "There's people there, maybe we can follow them out."

"Or maybe they can skewer us." She snapped back, but consented to going towards the sounds.

The closer they got, the more they could see. Soon they could make out that they were in a long, unnaturally straight tunnel, and not long after that they worked out that the strengthening glow was from some sort of fire, possible a candle. The sounds grew louder and a sudden bellow sent them flinching back, searching for a non-existent alcove to hide in.

What they found when they gathered their courage enough to peak over the edge at the end of the tunnel nearly made Rachel puke again. They were in a small hole in the side of a cliff that stretched down to a bottomless abyss. The light was provided by a, not a candle, but a giant, flaming, winged, clearly evil demon creature. Daniel shrank back and whimpered into his hands; that was not one of the unicorns he was expecting.

Their tunnel appeared to be just one of hundreds of holes dotting the immense cavern, some had hideous armed gremlin-like creatures hanging and jeering out of them. Luckily Rachel and Daniel escaped notice; they were transfixed and couldn't have moved if they'd wanted to.

The apparent victims of the goblin's hostilities were sprinting across a ridiculously narrow stone bridge. A bridge that lead to an amazing pocket of sunlight. They were an unusual group: a tall old man with a pointed hat; two others with swords; a girl–no, wait, a guy–with unnaturally blond hair; a shorter man with an axe, and four… children?

They were being fired upon by the gremlin creatures in the walls, but the questionably-gendered-blond down there sent arrows back with ferocity.

They'd almost made it, the siblings held their breath. The older fellow turned, stick in hand, to face the fire creature.

He said many things that made no sense whatsoever, there were so many foreign words that it sounded like a different language. They managed to comprehend "you shall not pass!" but that wasn't exactly what they wanted to hear.

Before they knew it, he'd done something strange, produced a nice little light and the bridge to the only way out had crumbled, and their light source along with the old man was plunged into the darkness. Just great.

"Still think we're in Aunt's house?" Daniel asked snidely, an eyebrow raised.

His sister glared, "No. Still think we're in Narnia?"

"Well… it's not what I'd expected, I'll give you that…"

The people vanished out into the world, leaving the furious tantrum-prone gremlins to fruitlessly fire arrows after them. Perhaps that was why they didn't immediately scent the two remaining humans in their midst.

"DON'T LEAVE US!" Rachel bellowed suddenly, successfully grabbing the attention of all remaining life forms. The blond guy paused at the sudden indistinguishable echoed noise, glanced around in confusion for a moment, but he left with the others.

The bridge was gone, the people had left, the goblins had not. All eyes were suddenly on them and their very toothy mouths broke into smiles.

"Oh dear."

Ah, too bad, they almost made it out of the Mines of Moria alive.