It all started with some loose lips lower rank hero blabbing too loud about the hottest gossip in the Watchtower. After all, loose lips sink the ship and in this case, Nightwing was the ship doomed to a watery grave.
"No way! That can't be true, those two are usually two peas in a pod, love birds or well…bats in this case." The loud comment attracted nearly everyone's attention in the mess hall at the Watchtower.
"Yea they are, but you forget. Nightwing and Batgirl have a steady on-again off-again rhythm going on." Said the hero next to him.
"So what you're saying is that Nightwing is single right now!?" one of the female hero's exclaimed, catching the attention of anyone else who wasn't yet tuning in to the conversation.
The first syllable of "yes" barely left his lips when he was cut off by every girl's scream. They all made a large dash to the only exit in the entire cafeteria with shouts of "he's mine" and "back off" as well as "I've known him the longest!" filling the air excitedly. The small door frame easily got clogged as girls were torn back into the mob if they even showed the smallest hint of getting free. Hair was pulled, clothes were torn, and even a bite or two was thrown in as well. The pile up showed no sign of diminishing until a loud crash was heard accompanied by dust and debris as the entire wall surrounding the doorframe crumbled.
"Nightwing's in the monitor womb just so you know!" shouted a near by Aquaman in amusement. The shrieks were renewed and one could have sworn the Tower was having an earthquake despite the fact it was in space as the mob tore down the hall and to the prized room.
"Bats, here are last night's report and the monitors were quiet my whole shift so I'm off." Nightwing reported. It was only Batman and him so the blue clad hero didn't bother with the formalities he rarely used in the first place. Receiving an affirmative grunt from the man in black he started towards the zeta tubes only to pause as a low rumbling noise hit his ears.
His masked eyes grew and looked over to Batman frightened, "They've found out. Cover me!"
The Bat rolled his covered eyes and retrieved an item from his utility belt; it was the most harmless thing he could use on a mob of female suitors. He slowly took a protective stance being the only protection Nightwing had for an escape.
The double doors rocked on their hinges and Nightwing started to sprint for the tubes, his fingers flying faster than light as he inputted the coordinates of his destination. As the doors were knocked down, the mob was only able to see Nightwing's body be engulfed in a beam of light and disappearing before they were all caught inside of a bat-net. Batman up righted himself from his attack position and casually strolled out the door as if nothing had ever happened.
"In other news, billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne's ward, Dick Grayson, was caught on tape, by one of our faithful reporters, breaking up with Police Commissioner Gordon's daughter, Barbra Gordon, in Gotham's city park. Leaving himself single and exposed to his many eager fans." The TV was angrily set to mute as the couch's occupant listened to the hurried footsteps emerging from below.
"Already causing a commotion, Grayson?" Damian drawled, not prying his eyes from the moving silent pictures in front of him.
"It's already hit the news!" Dick cried in dismay, a horrified expression planting itself on his face as he discovered the film that was secretly taken. "And they recorded it!"
"Yup, Dickie-Bird has a whole lot of trouble coming his way." Jason draped himself on his miserable brother's shoulders. "You're just a heart breaker aren't you? Guess I better plan your funeral now, what with all those females after you both hero and civilian. I don't envy you at all."
"Oh cut him some slack. It's cruel to let anyone be subjected to that kind of torture, no one deserves that horror." Tim said from the staircase.
"Except for the Joker."
"Except for the Joker." Tim amended nodding his head in agreement.
"Grayson how could you put yourself in this kind of situation! This is beyond your capable stupidity." Damien exclaimed, his attention now torn from the TV and fully on his eldest brother.
"In my defense, I wasn't planning on announcing my relationship status with the entire hero community; I still don't even know how that got out. As for the civilians, well they would have found out anyways, I just didn't think it'd be this bad." Dick could hold back the wince as he looked back at the news; it was playing the breakup scene in slow motion, no doubt doing a play by play analysis of the whole thing.
A loud commotion could be heard right outside the Manor's doors, though the residents knew that nothing could get through the bat-fortified fence that was a good two miles from the house.
"Sirs, I do believe there is a rather big gathering of young females at the front gate. They're calling out for Master Richard and I am certain most of them are either frighteningly over age or under age in the matter. Shall I dismiss of them?" Alfred asked, back straight hands clasped behind his back, and talking as if it were about the weather and not about a hoard of deadly girls.
"No Alfred! They'll devour you!" Dick exclaimed, blocking the door with his body, eyes the size of platters.
"Very well, Master Dick, I shall leave them to you." He dismissed the subject and left for the kitchen, after all, dinner doesn't cook itself. Dick turned his eyes back to the door, swallowing hard as the volume of the excited screeches grew.
"So I'm thinking roses for your funeral? Maybe a whole bouquet of different colors?" Jason said, lazily leaning on the stair's railing.
"You're not helping!" the three snapped, Jason rolled his eyes and left the room. Try and do a guy a solid and plan his funeral only to get snapped at about it, he better go cancel the coffin order. Clearly his ideas weren't appreciated.
"You're going to have to go out there and face them all eventually, you know that right?" Tim commented, coming to stand next to his brother. The crowd seemed to have doubled and…were they selling t-shirts?
"I know." Dick took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. A trembling hand reached for the door knob, "Wish me luck." With that he threw open the door and cringed back as the screams hit record breaking levels.
"Good luck." Tim and Damian clapped a hand on Dick's shoulders, one on each.
"When I die, I want to be cremated."
A/N: HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY~! Yay another update~! Aren't you happy? Yea I lost my voice DX when I try to talk it comes out raspy. And not Batman's deep I am the night kind of voice more like puberty all over again…times three. Did I trick any of you guys at the beginning? Did I did I did I? =D
Anywho~ hope you liked it, I don't own Batman, review please! PLEASH!