Author's Note: Hello friends, this is a crazy long update! I really wanted to get to the wedding, but this took on a life of it's own! I'm going to go slink away while you read this rollercoaster, please don't hate me too much but I wanted his past to catch up to Christian… if that's any inclination to what's going to happen :S
Thank you all for your sweet words!
Special thanks to: Wrenegade Rivers for pimping out my story and And1rea for letting me know about the post on the fb page! Also to SmileRose, BriLee FanFiction, Princess Rolon, Leora Ashlyn Fanfiction, Wendy Onefitgily, Kelley N., Vanessa Grey, MrsDamon, Anonjj Fanfiction, Susana L., Susan S., Samantha Sam, Shanda P., Gwen Conley B., and Zina Z.
Lot's of love xo
"I'll be your man. I'll understand. I'll do my best to take good care of you… You'll look at me with your eyes that see and we'll melt into each other's arms. You'll be my queen, I'll be your king, and I'll be your lover too." – Van Morrison, I'll be Your Lover Too
The next day after our little rendezvous at the restaurant Christian and I spent the morning in bed, the sex wasn't hard or rough it was soft and tender. It was like he was paying homage to me. Every touch was a caress and every kiss was longing, there was no part of my body that he didn't grace with his lips and tongue. Every slow thrust sent tingles up and down my spine as I ran my hands down his arms feeling his muscles twitch under my touch. His body was hard yet so soft, he was my utter perfection. We spent what felt like ages wrapped in each other's intertwined limbs, I love his man more than anything in the world.
I felt his cock filling me up and stretching me, and every time he would pull out I would feel this incredible sense of emptiness but would only last momentarily because he would slowly fill me back up to the hilt. He felt so good inside of me that I never wanted to detach from him. I never want to be disconnected.
This was nothing I had ever felt before; there was such intensity that I could barely compute the meaning of it all. I felt the love, I felt the amount that Christian had for me; he loved me body and soul.
With our bodies sweaty and chests heaving, I was so close to exploding.
Christian ran one hand over my breasts and the other on my clit, while our tongues danced with each other. He tastes so fucking good.
I was losing my mind, he flipped us over and I dutifully rode his cock, I could feel the pressure in my stomach of him filling me up. I was steadily climbing with every movement; I was so close my eyes were rolling at the back of my head.
Christian sat up and pulls his lips to mine, devouring my tongue so easily. He ran his tongue over mine and sucked on the tip, as I neared my orgasm I began to ride him harder. Running my hands down his back needing to feel his body as close as I could, I wanted to be a part of him and I was going crazy with need and lust mixing together.
"Carina, I'm so close," he rasped out, sucking my earlobe.
"Me too, so close tesoro," I replied, I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him closer.
Closer, I need to feel him closer.
With one nip of my earlobe and the pad of his tongue on the back of my ear I lost it. I lost control and I felt like I was seeing stars, my body tingling, toes curling, and my head rolling back in complete ecstasy. Christian licked the sweat dripping down my neck and our eyes connected, I felt his cock twitch inside me as I rode him just a little bit harder. His hands gripped my hips tightly feeling his fingers dig into my flesh as he came inside me, our bodies breathing hard and falling down on the bed. I noticed our sheets were twisted around us, making me giggle at our intense lovemaking. Shit, did I just say lovemaking?
"What?" Christian asks, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me under the crook of his neck.
"Nothing, I was just looking at our sheets."
He takes a look down and lets out a barking laugh, "We seem to have made a mess."
"In more ways than one," I waggled my eyebrows at him, getting the trait from him.
He runs his hands down his chest and felt the sticky residue, "Ugh, we need a shower."
"Race you!" I squealed, quickly detaching from him and leaping off the bed.
"Minx!" he calls out, catching up to me and wrapping a strong arm around my torso pulling me to his chest.
"I love you," I whisper, turning around to face him.
"I love you too baby," he kisses my forehead, "now let's get clean."
While in the shower we may or may not have taken an extra thirty minutes or so unceremoniously fucking on the cold bathroom walls. My heels dug into his ass as he lifted and ploughed into me. And I may or may not have achieved three more orgasms during our romp in the shower.
I was getting married to this man… god only four more days. I am one lucky bitch.
Once we were out and dried, we were both looking at each other through the mirror.
"Do you know how much I love you?" he asks.
"Yes I do, probably just as much as I do," I smiled, putting my moisturizer on.
"I think a lot more," he deadpans.
"Nope, just as much. Take it or leave it."
"See I think you are mistaken Miss Steele, I'm quite sure that I love you much more."
"How about agreeing to disagree?"
"I'll take that," he wraps his arms around me, "but I do love you more."
I elbowed him and stepped out the bathroom, heading straight to our closet and getting dressed in warmer clothing. Winter was definitely here and I could feel the frost filling the air, I've never experienced a full on New York winter so I'm pretty excited for snow that sticks! Quickly pulling my hair in a one-sided French braid, I got ready for breakfast with last minute wedding things to go over with, I knew I'm going to have a busy week.
A few minutes later Christian joins me in the kitchen where I was making a simple breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast. We both had a late morning so we were doing all of our business in the afternoon; I was meeting Mia and Grace after my meeting with the Bishop. Mia was in charge of my bachelorette party, but what was pitiful was that I had absolutely no friend to invite. I had no girlfriends to speak of and the friends that I did have were both males and had no idea that I was getting married… okay they probably did, I was just the bad friend who didn't tell them. I let out a guilty sigh and sat down, I had never really told Christian about my only two friends, we had a bit of a falling out before I had left for New York but I know that they would wish me well nonetheless.
"Can we talk about Kate?" Christian asks, taking a seat next to me.
Ugh, I was wondering when this conversation was going to happen, "Okay."
"The room smelled a lot like bleach and I heard the sound of a gunshot," Christian stated, taking a bite of his bacon.
"Her gun didn't have a silencer, I only reacted-"
"Baby, it's okay," Christian chuckled, "I hated that you had to do that, but it had to be done."
"I tried to offer her the out, but she didn't take it. Kate jumped me and reacted to it, I didn't even know she had a gun until I had to dodge her bullet."
"Well I'm glad that you did, if anything happened to you-"
"Shh baby, that's not the point, I'm fine… see look at me," I motioned to myself, "I acted on impulse… it was me or her, and personally I had so much more to fight for."
"You were born for this, I'm always amazed at how well you fit into everything. You are much more than I deserve," he cooed and gave my knuckles a kiss. "And you don't even have one bruise on your perfect body."
"What can I say? I'm adaptable."
I gave him one final kiss as I took our plates and placed them into the washer, we have a lot to do today.
"What about Elliot?" he asked.
"I didn't want to tell him right then and there, you know? No matter how much he says he doesn't feel anything for that bitch, he really did love her."
"I understand," he kissed my temple, "I think he'll understand why you had to do what you did, but if you wait too long he'll take it much worse if you had just told him earlier on."
"You're right, I'll think about doing it soon."
"Whatever you choose, I'll support you."
"Thank you," I stood on my tippy toes and gave him a kiss on the cheek, "now go. You'll be late for your meeting!"
He lets out a warm laugh and walks away to grab his tie before leaves for the afternoon, "See you tonight beautiful, let's go out to dinner."
"Okay my love, I'll see you tonight make a reservation for some Japanese, I want some fish."
"Will do, carina, I'll call it in for eight," he yells out, "love you." Before I could reply I hear the elevator doors closing and carrying my handsome fiancé down to the real world.
I quickly rushed back to the bedroom and grabbed my handbag, then heading to my appointments. I was to have my one on one meeting with the bishop today, while Christian will have his tomorrow afternoon. Since we are getting married within a month, we rushed our pre-marriage counselling program and in the Catholic religion that was a no-no... We were supposed to go to a couples' weekend with a bunch of other soon-to-be's but money talks and we were able to forgo the entire process. We just had to have a few meetings together with the priest, with our witnesses aka the best man and maid of honour which is Elliot and Mia, and finally our one-on-one. This one was the most nerve-racking; I haven't spoken to priest alone or even been to confession in almost a decade!
Also, since it's a Catholic wedding we can't write our own vows, I was actually a bit annoyed with that but I didn't want to argue about it. Most of the "my" guests will be my uncle's associates and crew members and my father's "friends", I was the only one who didn't have anyone to invite. Does that make me pathetic?
I've just never been able to deal with all the bullshit that come with the girls' in my social circle and inviting them would just make my skin crawl. I ain't no fake bitch.
As I drove down to the church where our meeting was being held I grew nervous, I knew the bishop's largest problem with us is that we live together. Living in sin or some shit like that.
"Ahh Miss Steele," the Bishop greeted me at the main lobby of the detached office of the church, once I had parked my car.
"Hello father, good afternoon," I smiled warmly at him and shook his hand.
"How are you this afternoon dear?"
"Very well, had a busy night."
"Only a few more days before the wedding, feeling jittery?"
"No not really, Christian is the only one I want to marry."
"Ahh now let's talk about your situation."
"Living together with your fiancé."
I sigh deeply and walk into the office, "Well we are getting married within a few days, not much we can do about it now."
"I have a few concerns, one being your living arrangement and pre-marital sex that you both have participated in."
"Now father-" I begin, but he interrupts me with his hands. Fuck. This. Shit.
I inhale deeply and try to steel myself for the lashing I'm going to receive.
"Why did you first move in with Christian?"
"At first it was because it was of convenience, it wasn't about our relationship… it just grew."
"And you two have decided to be married so quickly, it forces me to ask if you are with child."
"No of course not."
"So you have not practiced pre-marital sex?"
"Well… of course we have, but it's not like that."
"How is it not? You were not married, cohabitating, and obviously fornicating."
"He was my first!"
"That may be so, but sex is sacred, it is a gift you give to your husband."
"And Christian is and will be my husband."
"Did you know that 95% of couples that cohabitated before marriage end in divorce?"
That hit me hard, "I think we'll be okay, we communicate well."
"That's what you believe."
"What are you trying to presume?"
"Maybe it's just your dependency on him."
"I'm not dependant on him!"
"Is that so?" he cocks his eyebrow at me. "The bonds of physical intimacy becomes so strong, the couple finds it next to impossible to live apart. Given the addictive power of sex, this kind of relationship can also become co-dependent on a more physical level and can confuse sex for love-"
"How dare you!"
"Let me continue?" he replies, but doesn't wait for my answer. "Instead of the sexual act being a life-giving act of mutual love, it can also become a life-draining and very selfish abuse of another person. In a relationship which has a strong dependency on sexual intimacy it can be more difficult for the couple who lives together to resolve other problem areas of their lives. It stifles a couple's discovery of the attitudes, hopes and desires of the other person. Then often times the need of companionship and the fear of loneliness are so strong that either one or both parties decide that they cannot do without fornicating. Close to a commonplace whore."
Is this asshole insinuating what I think he is?
"With all do respect father, I believe Christian and I are capable of handling our relationship without it the basis of sex. Furthermore we are not confusing love with sex, because we truly understand each other's needs in and outside the bedroom. Christian and I are partners and friends first who share utmost trust in each other and ourselves. We won't succumb to divorce because we understand that marriage is hard, but I know that we are equipped to handle any situation that arises. I understand it isn't conventional but I never expected in my lifetime that I would be a willing participant in my own marriage."
"Well that's all well in good, but what will be your gift to your husband when you wed when you've already given him what he wanted? What you need to remember is that there are things in life that are holy; sex is holy and sacred. We know that sex is holy because God uses it, joining his divine and creative power to the love of a man and a woman to bring forth the new life into the world. Premarital sexual intercourse deprives the conjugal act of the deeper meaning that God created it to contain. It is seriously morally wrong for two people to have sex if they are not married, because sexual act expresses a total commitment, which the couple does not have yet! Moreover, within marriage, the church states "it is necessary that each conjugal act remain ordained in itself to the procreation of human life.""
Do not freak out on the good priest. Do not freak out on the good priest.
Keep your voice soft. Just agree to everything and move on.
Do it Ana. Do it Ana.
I inhaled another deep breath and spoke, "I understand your point of view, but the fact of the matter is that we can not do anything about it now. What is done is done; God just has to understand. Both Christian and I know what we did is a sin-"
"You're living in sin!"
"Yes, yes, I understand, but you shouldn't have let us pass your tests and allowed us to get married in this church if you had this such a problem with us and our arrangement. You should have brought it up in the beginning of our process not three days from the actual wedding."
"Yes, I know, but this was the only time I could have spoken to you on your own."
Oh, now I see, the man of cloth fears my husband as well… I mean fiancé.
"Thank you for your advice, but this wedding will go as planned."
"Very well, now it's customary for me to offer up a confession."
"Ah, umm okay."
"Before we continue may I suggest something?"
"Will you consider different living arrangement before the wedding?"
"I will consider it," I offered.
"Well that is all, now how long since you've been to confession?"
After the awkward lists of sins I had to "confess" to I was told in order to redeem me for my past transgression I had to say two Our Father's, five Hail Mary's, and a Glory Be. Shit if I knew I would have been pardoned from my sins so easily I would have gone back to confession years ago! Ha. Probably not.
What a shitty day, now I'm in a bad mood and that meeting took three whole hours. I had my ass reamed about living in sin for a good two hours and forty-five minutes.
I know that our relationship isn't based on sex, we just thoroughly enjoy it and no better way to prove our loves, right? Probably wouldn't go over too well with the good 'ol Bishop though. I am seriously considering the no sex thing before marriage, I mean it shouldn't be so bad right? Four nights, three days. I think we can do this.
I'll bring it up at dinner tonight, he probably won't agree to separate living arrangements but no sex is sort of doable. With a smile playing on my lips, I nodded at the car tailing me, as I got into my own. I was to meet Mia and Grace for High Tea at the Plaza Hotel in fifteen minutes, I took the long way around so I would arrive just in time.
"Hey sweetheart, you look beautiful!" Grace squealed and ran up to me when she noticed me getting out of my car, "Feeling the pressure yet?"
"No, just want to run down that aisle really," I answered, "where's Mia?"
"She's seated, wanted to get the window seat and didn't want to fight the princess of Morocco for it."
"But she's a Gambino, I thought things just came to you guys," I teased.
"Oh it does, you'll soon find out the full extent," she teases back, "but the princess thinks she takes precedence. We just had to show her, her place."
I bite back a laugh and walk in with her into the tearoom, once we reach the table Mia jumps up and envelops me in a hug.
"How are you?" she squeals in excitement.
"I'm great, just finished with the last meeting with the bishop," I roll my eyes at her.
"Come tell us all about it, come sit," she ushers me into the seat and hands me the menu. I quickly decide on the Fitzgerald Tea of the Ages and some champagne, I definitely need a little bubbly if I want to get through recanting my reaming.
"Well he brought up our living situation, which he has not done when we were having or couple's meeting," I rant, "the gist is that he thinks we're living in sin and that I'm basically getting pressured into marrying Christian because we've become so dependent on sex."
Mia barks out a laugh, "Oh man, of course he brings it up while Christian's not around. He'd have the wedding moved in like that," she snaps her fingers for emphasis.
"Well he does have a point," Grace says quietly, both our heads whip back to her.
"What do you mean?"
"Well I'm not saying that God will damn you because of it, but I understand why he brought it up. In the perfect Catholic wedding, you'd still be a virgin and living with your parents, but of course circumstances are different for everyone, especially for you two," she answered.
"So you think he right?"
"Yes and no, I can't be the one to point a finger at you two, but I'm just saying that he makes a point-"
"Mom, don't be ridiculous. We all know we're only going through the whole Catholic charade because of our family," she rolls her eyes at her mother.
"I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong," Grace shakes her head, "I'm just saying I understand why he's bringing it up."
"I get it," I huff, "okay? I just don't like people doubting our relationship, I know we're going to make it, even if I have to kill Christian do it."
Grace laughs her melodic laugh and nods her head, "You're perfect for him, you let him think he wears the pants while in reality you're the one calling all the shots."
I giggle, "It'll be our little secret."
As our day continues on we talk about last minute wedding preparations and my idea about abstaining from sex until our wedding night. Though I didn't say this out loud, I'm starting to really believe that it will give us enough pent up sexual frustration that we have the most explosive sex to date. Of course we will be teasing each other for the remaining few days, I mean what would be the fun in that if we didn't participate in a little bit of enticing?
As we iron out all of final details, we say goodbye and head in our separate directions. Wednesday is my last free day before wedding preparations, because Thursday we will be at the spa getting ready for the Bachelorette party, and then on Friday there's another long ass spa day which may I add will involve me not seeing Christian until our wedding day!
Absence makes the heart grow fonder or some nonsense like that. Ridiculous.
I guess the Bishop's orders won't be too hard to follow since we'll only have two nights together. Making my way through the penthouse I made a bee-line through the kitchen to look through the stack of the mail that was probably a mile high. I sifted through the letters and found a manila envelope mailed to me, the only thing that was odd was that I don't officially live here as in no one knows my address because I don't have one.
What the hell? I open the envelope apprehensively and I feel a stack of photos and a CD, I take them out and see a piece of paper paperclipped to the them.
It simply read: Do you know what your fiancé has been up to?
Furrowing my eyebrows in confusion, I detached the piece of paper, looked at the photos, and unlabelled disk. The first couple of photos were grainy, but they soon appeared clearer. My heart dropped to my stomach and rolled around a bit, there were photographs of Christian in bed with some blonde. I wouldn't have believed them but they showed Christian's birthmark on his right shoulder. I fell to the ground as my heart shattered.
I couldn't even stomach looking at the video or the rest of the photos, I knew what that would entail.
All rational thought left my mind and only thinking about everything that would damn Christian to hell, my mind circled at what Harold had said. I mean he knew Christian before he was the Christian Gambino. I couldn't stomach looking at any of the other pictures so I put them back inside the envelope. The pictures that I did see were accompanied with pictures of the two of them leaving the hotel, these were clearly taken from afar but it was hard to mistake Christian's face.
I would recognize him from anywhere.
My heart shattered and they pictures I saw were dated within the same week, so he saw her multiple times? Was I not enough?
I don't know how long I had stayed on the floor, people walked around me and asked if I were okay, I simply nodded and crawled my way into our bathroom unable to stomach looking at our bed. Did he bring her here?
I wish I could rationalize that these were not taken while we were together, but they were dated with the time stamps.
Soon my phone was dinging from texts and phone calls, I looked at the clock and saw that it was 7:30 pm. Time moved way too quickly.
Dinner with Christian.
I looked at my face, it was blotchy and swollen, apparently several hours of crying wouldn't be too kind to an already pale face.
I finally answered the incessant ringing of my phone.
"Hello?" I asked, trying to get my voice not to waver.
"Ana? Carina are you okay?" Christian's voice sounded worried.
The sound of his voice made my throat hitch, "Yeah, totally fine… Uh I'll be a little late for dinner."
"It's okay, would you like me to pick you up baby?"
"No," I said quickly.
"Are you sure? You don't sound okay-"
"I'm fine, I'll see you soon."
"Okay, I love you beautiful."
"Yeah, you too," I said quickly and hung up. I couldn't stomach his kindness right now.
I know he cares, but I couldn't believe that it would come to this. I thought whoring around was something he did in the past, not anymore.
I stood up, washed my face and dropped some visine to clear my red eyes. I'm going to put on a brave face for tonight, until we can get home and hash this out. I don't even know what to do right now, my body is telling me to run and run fast. Disappear to never be seen again.
But I owe it to myself and to this relationship to exhaust all avenues; if he cheated I want him to confess to me. I know that this lifestyle and I understand it well; married men have goomahs even setting them up with their own apartments.
I fucking hate sharing and I don't deserve this, not again. Never again.
Am I just fated to relive my parents' life, never to be truly happy?
So I put one of my most revealing dresses and fuck me pumps and head out I grab the envelope and head out the door. I need my own car if I want a quick getaway and something tells me I do.
Christian should be happy that I'm not running away and actually give him a proper chance. Would he even care that I found out? Maybe he'll prefer it that way and hope that I'll just let him do keep doing it. Even if he admits to it and promises to end it, I don't think I could stay with him not after this. Begging for my tears to stay at bay I quickly pulled in, giving my keys to the valet I walked into the restaurant with my head held high. I was soon shown to our table and found the most heartbreakingly handsome man waiting for me. My heart ached and my stomach clenched, I don't even know where to being. I couldn't do this, the waiter opened the chair to me to sit down.
"Hey, carina, you look…. God so sexy," he gritted his teeth, "I can't even stand up." He gave me a self-conscious smile and grabbed for my hand, when I pulled it away he gave me a confused look, "Okay… I've ordered for us, I'm famished. How was your day?"
"Busy," I said, only offering a one-word answer. I watched as his face grew worried and sad.
"Ana, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," I answered quickly.
"I wasn't born yesterday, what's wrong?" he insisted.
My heart was beating out of my chest and I was working hard to keep my breathing under control. Before I knew it I was hyperventilating, he ran to my side and rubbed his hand on my bare back, I could feel him tell me to breathe but I couldn't. I couldn't breathe when I knew the man that I thought I was so sure about so easily deceived my heart.
"Why?" I croaked out.
"Baby why, what? What is it, please breathe you're worrying me," he looked straight into my eyes and my wall began cracking. "Give me some water," he barked out.
"Why did… did you do it?" I asked, "why me?"
"I don't know what you're talking about?" he demanded.
"Stop!" I hissed, "What is this?"
I pushed the envelope to this face and waited for him to open it, he looked at me wearily and opened it. Taking everything out.
"What is this?"
"Look at them," I wheezed out, shrugging out of his grasp. I couldn't stand feeling his burning touch.
Christian's face started off in wonder and quickly turned to confusion then understanding.
"What is this?" he hissed out, looking through all the pictures.
"Don't lie to me, please, I deserve the truth."
He turned his angry glare at me, "What truth is that exactly?"
"That you're fucking cheating on me," I hissed, replacing my heartache with anger.
"Are you fucking stupid? Don't be a naïve little girl."
My eyes grew wide, I immediately stood up and tried walking away, but he grabbed my hand before I could take a step.
"I have never once cheated on you," he hissed.
"Stop making a scene," I growled.
"Then don't bring this shit up in public," he pounded the table.
"Let me go!" I yanked my hand away and ran away from him.
"You run, I won't take you back!"
His words made me stop in my tracks; he had no right making demands.
I looked him right in the eyes as my tears ran down my face, he took one look at me and his face fell. I shook my head at him and took a step back, he bolted to me but I shook my head at him. What gave him the right to call me stupid and to make threats? Maybe I didn't go about it the right way, but fuck doesn't he understand the emotional rollercoaster I'm on?
I give the valet my number and waited for him to retrieve it.
"Anastasia," Christian catches up to me, not like it wasn't expected. I didn't turn around though, I didn't have it in me to be understanding at the moment. "Anastasia!"
He grabs my elbow and pulls me back to face him, it was only marginally painful but the fact of the matter is, is that he fucking laid his hands on me.
"Let me go, now!" I hissed, "Do you know how it fucking feels to see those in the midst of wedding preparations? They have dates and time stamps, I wouldn't have thought anything of it but that man in those picture is you! So don't even bother saying they're fake."
"Can we talk about it at home, please? I'm sorry for grabbing you like that."
"I'll meet you there," I said with no trace of emotion. I simply nodded, turned my back to him and got into the waiting car.
I drove and boy did I drive fast. I sped along the streets, passing everything in a blur. Did he really do this? Was he capable of cheating? I mean everyone is I guess… I just didn't think it would be on me. Maybe he's a sociopath, only showing that he loved me to get what he wants? Fuck, what did he actually want?
I thought I could trust him, I thought that he was mine, all mine. Not someone else's.
After a few more idle turns around the city, I made my way back to the penthouse. He should be fucking happy that I'm giving him the time of day, the Old Ana would catch the first flight out here.
No, I'm the mature Ana, who listens to both sides... No, this new Ana wants to shoot every person, because I'm trigger-happy. This new Ana is a blood thirsty killer.
As I waited for my happy-ever-after to come to an end, I walked into a deathly quiet apartment. Shattered glass was strewn all over the foyer; I manoeuvred around the bits on the ground, following the sound of the noises… loud moaning and grunting filled the grand room, and I saw Christian nursing a glass of whiskey and watching what appears to be his sex tape.
"Yes… right there… Yes Christian… harder," the slut on the computer was yelling out, her rambling was accompanied by Christian's grunts of pleasure.
My blood boiled and I headed straight to the computer, shutting it close and throwing it across the room. Shattering the glass table and mangling the MacBook, my chest heaved in pain.
"What trying to get off on it too?" I asked.
He gave me a stunned look, "Listen Anastasia, stop spewing this bullshit-"
"If the sentence 'that is not me' comes out of your mouth I will not hesitate to leave right now and never listen to your fucking bullshit," I hissed.
"I'm not going to lie," he begins, which I only snorted at. I sat down on the couch directly across from him, "I won't deny that it wasn't me, but I never cheated on you."
"You have to do a lot more than tell me that you didn't cheat on me, because I'm sorry to say it Christian, but that is you fucking another woman."
"Don't you trust me at all?"
"I thought I did and I wouldn't have cause to doubt you, but when someone sends me photos and a fucking video tape of you fucking another women I'm going to start asking questions! Dealing with your exes I could take, meeting men who tell me what sort of person you are, are fine too. I can deal with all of those things, but this? This is too much, Christian there is dates and timestamps on those pictures."
"I know it looks bad-"
"No it looks devastating, mere days before we're to be married. I won't deny that someone is trying to drive a wedge between us, but you're not offering me any other rational explanation other than you didn't cheat. A picture speaks a thousand words; there are about 20 of them and a videotape. How many words would that make?"
"Listen, carina, I didn't cheat on you," he pleaded and for a moment I let my anger slip. "I love you baby, I have not thought of another woman in seven years since the moment I met you. Not one woman. Yes I slept around but I thought of only you, I have not touched nor spoke to a woman in any personal manner." He stands up and kneels down in front of me, "I love you and I can't even think about another woman other than you. I know those pictures and video seems like I did it, but they have been doctored. Please believe me, carina, only you."
I shake my head at him and stand up to give us some space, picking up the pictures and throwing them around the room.
Seeing each every transgression strewn across the room, her looks of ecstasy and the thrusting of his hips.
It killed me.
"Baby, let me fix this?"
"I'll get Ethan to look at them, trace the sender… I don't know, but please believe me," he pleaded. "Don't leave me."
"Don't you mean you'd leave me?" I scoffed.
His face was confused at first until he finally remembered, his face fell, "Ana, I didn't-"
"Mean it? Like those women?"
"What? Are we fucking back to this?" he runs his hands through his hair.
"We never left! This is still about that," I exclaimed motioning to the collage on the floor.
"You either trust me or you don't."
"I thought I did, but what do you expect me to believe when this shows up on my doorstep?"
"I'm asking you to believe me!"
"I don't want to be fooled again, I love you so much and that's it's so much harder."
"We're getting married in three days, can't we talk about this after?"
"No! You don't get to brush this under the rug, what makes you think I'll just hold off and still get married to you? Why the fuck would I marry a cheating bastard?"
His eyes rage, immediately standing up, "Is that who you see?"
"What of it?" I laugh humourlessly.
"Fuck, Ana this is bullshit."
"No, this isn't bullshit to me, this is my life that I wanted to start with you! I was ready to walk down the fucking aisle to you, but when there's clearly something wrong you don't offer anything to help fix or rectify situation… you just make it worse!"
"Isn't love enough?"
"Not if you're sharing it with other people," I scoff, "the wedding is off Christian. I thought I could trust you, but you're not showing me anything."
His face fell and his eyes filled up with tears, "No, no please Ana, I need you. I can't lose you. Please stay, let me fix this, to fix us."
I shake my head at him, "I love you so much that my body hurts to even fathom leaving you, but you aren't offering me anything here."
"Give me a minute okay? Just let me think."
I sigh, "Call Ethan, he's the only one who can figure this out."
"You're right," he smiles weakly, "don't go anywhere, please?"
I nod at him once, sitting myself down on a couch. I looked down at the floor and my eye rested on a picture of Christian and a woman. At first I didn't recognize it, but it dawned on me. It was Kate, Elliot's Kate. The Kate that I killed, Christian didn't even bat an eyelash when I confessed. And he fucked her. The time was set for two weeks ago, before Christian asked me to befriend her.
Was that his plan all along, for me to get rid of the evidence? Holy fuck, I'm a dumbass motherfucker.
My blood boiled and my stomach rolled, I dropped the photograph and stood up heading straight to the elevator, but Christian blocked me.
"You said you wouldn't leave."
"You fucking pig, get the fuck away from me!"
"What?" he looked at me in confusion.
"Look at those pictures. I fucking hate you, get the fuck away from me," I pushed him aside. "I can't believe I trusted you and for what? You're just like all of them, but a million times worse. Get away from me."
"Ana, NO!" he holds me, wrapping his arms around me. "What happened?"
"You fucked Kate you pig!"
"What?" he loosened his hold, which let me get away from his hold. "Ana…"
"Won't deny it?"
"That was a long time ago!"
"Oh, what two weeks ago … I guess that was ages ago for you. Are you addicted to sex?"
"No, Ana, this is all a big misunderstanding!" he pleaded, sinking to the floor. "I swear on my life, my family, on everything! She was years ago even before Elliot, they just want to do this to us. Ruin us; please don't let them. Please listen, wait until Ethan comes and he'll dispel everything. Yes I admit to having sex with those women in those pictures and it is me in the video, but that was before you. They were all to fill the void of my life without you.
"I love you with all my heart. You are the air that I breathe, the song I sing, the earth I walk on, and you are my heaven on earth. If you leave me a part of me will die, don't do this. I know I have a past, a very hard past to stomach, but please I need you stay."
"I will wait for Ethan," I said simply.
"Thank you, thank you," he grabs my hand, but I pull away from him. "Please sit, can I get you a drink?"
"Yes some water please," I said quietly. I picked up the pictures and placed them on the table.
He couldn't have faked it for so long right? I'm not that poor judge of character… well I hope so. One last chance.
Christian returns with my glass of water and soon Ethan arrives.
"What's the fire?" he asked, his Star Trek t-shirt rumpled probably from sleep… hell he didn't even change pants.
"I need you to look through this and see how they doctored it," Christian answered.
"Will do," Ethan set up and looked at the pictures, he raised his eyebrow at Christian.
Ethan nods and gets to work. Christian and I sit on the same couch but keep some space between us.
"Well they're good, these are really good," Ethan observed, "they have definitely been altered, the date and time have been layered… I can probably figure out what the original date and times are."
"No," I exclaimed, "thank you, Ethan. That's all, I just wanted to clear that up, I'm sorry for waking you."
"Nah, I wasn't really sleeping I just like working in my PJs," Ethan assured me.
"Well thank you anyway."
"Have a goodnight you guys," he answered.
"You too," I replied, leading him to the elevator, "thank you Ethan. You have no idea what this means to me."
"If you need anything else, just call me."
Once Ethan had left, I walked back into the great room to see Christian had remained seated.
"Hey," I greeted, sitting next to him.
I didn't know where to go from here, have I broken us irrevocably?
"Hi," he replied, giving me a slight smile.
"I'm sorry about all of that, I don't even know what to say-"
"Ana, I should be the one apologizing to you."
"No, you told me the truth and I didn't even let you explain before jumping down your throat."
"I've been getting threats for a while now, we were trying to track down who it was and I didn't know that they were even going to go through with it. For weeks they threatened me with these claims that they would take you away from me and because I was over-confident I didn't believe them. I should have been honest with you from the beginning."
"I was the one who didn't want to hear about your past," I offered, "this was both of our faults."
"I should have told you about Kate."
I shivered, "Did you really sleep with her?"
"I did…" he said, "but it was way before Elliot and her got together… I should have told you."
"I understand," I mumbled, "but what I don't get is how you could be so emotionless when I confessed to shooting her."
"Because I truly didn't care, she was out to get you. I would kill anyone if they threatened you… Baby, I'm so proud of how instinctual you are and how well you've coped with everything."
"Do you still want to marry me?"
Christian laughs out loud, "Of course, you're my type of crazy baby."
"How can you forgive me so quickly?"
"There's nothing to forgive, because if you hadn't acted the way that you did, I would be worried. I would go ballistic if I thought you had cheated on me," he winced. "Fuck I can't even think about it… " He shakes his head, "so to put myself in your shoes, you acted mildly… shit you didn't even try to hit me."
"Are you saying that you would've hit me?" I asked, quirking my eyebrow at him.
"No! Of course not-"
"I would have killed your lovers," he laughed, "I don't know what I would do to you yet… let me think about it."
"Fuck you," I punched him on his arm lightly, "asshole."
"I'd probably shackle you up in our basement," he laughs.
"We don't have a basement."
"I love when you say we."
"Christian," I started, "I love you and I'm so sorry for losing my mind… I just didn't know what to think."
"I forgive you, but only if you forgive me for my past."
"I love you my Ana, my love, my soul mate. I'm sorry that I caused these tears, your pain, and your doubt, I promised to protect you with my life. And even then death wouldn't stop us let alone some assholes trying to come between us." he kissed my forehead. "Let's go to bed mia regina." (my queen)
A/N: what do you guys think? I'm going to run an hide now, but see it's so long because I didn't want to leave you guys with a cliffie!
Pictures from this chapter are on my blog: fanficchescalala blogspot ca