Chapter 1

As ever I do not own Criminal Minds just the OOC and the story ideas

This is set long before Manipulation and will be a lot darker than anything I normally write there will be reference to abuse so if you don't want to read it please don't… it will give you a greater understanding of why Sarah is like she is though…

In 1998 the year everything changed for Sarah, This is her dairy!

It was a normal day I guess mom was away at work for the week and I was staying with my uncle. He sometimes gave me the creeps but I put it down to him being old and smoking cigars, which really stink. The smell hangs to your clothes and no matter home many times I have had them cleaned I can still smell it. I turn eight next weekend and I cannot wait mom has booked the week off work and we are going camping. Well my mom's style of camping.

In saying this, I do like spending time with him, he takes me to the park, and zoo and he even took me to SeaWorld, which blew me away. I love animals mom says when I get older I can have a pet of my own. However, I know I will not be allowed the one I want. Mom says I am not allowed to keep a tiger but they look so pretty when I saw them in the zoo.

I go to a nice private school, and I am luck because I have been blessed with my mother's brains, which is not always a good thing. My mother is a nerd which if I was not her daughter I might find sweet. I do love it when my Grandmother comes home I miss her and I know mom does as well. My uncle tells me they never use to get along, which I find very hard to believe, but I would never ask either of them because it is not proper.

If I need to know something, my mother or Grandmother would tell me. I know my mom is not like other mom's and that is okay with me because she loves me. My mom tells me that I am lucky because we have the means to live like we do but she also tells me nothing is for free and I have to work hard in everything to achieve things in my life.

In addition, that conversation only came about because someone called me a snob when we were visiting England. I never knew my dad but my mom told me about him but I will not let anyone know about that. My mom refuses to hide anything from me she will tell me the truth only because mom says there is no point in lying because you will always be found out.

I think she said what starts out as one-lie leads to another until you forget what it was you were lying about in the first place. I often wonder if being truthful is always a good thing because if you tell the truth it can hurt people. Though mom said the truth can hurt but a lie can destroy your soul and make people not trust you.

The only thing my mom refuses to talk about is her work she says the job she does is not for my ears and I trust her as long as she doesn't go for too long, she was a mess after the last trip she had been on for work.

I miss Europe, I guess when you spent most your life living in one country the change is different. I am very lucky though my mother has taught me to speak a few, I am eight years old and I can already speak Spanish, French, German, English and a few words in Latin. Mom only taught me these because I moved around a lot when I was younger like she did. Due to her work, I normally stayed with Grandmother so where she went I also went until last year when we finally moved back to America.

It is so different here and it took me awhile to settle in, I love my school but because I grew up in Europe, I am a head of the children my own age. I find the school system strange here in England it was easy. You started in reception class then moved up to year 2 when you reached five so that means I am two years ahead of the school I am at now.

I should be in what they call second grade because children here do not start school until they are six and they call it elementary school. Whereas in England it was called, primary and you start when you are four. Mom found me a nice boarding school which I was held back a year because they wanted to see how well my read and writing was and my spelling.

I have learnt the English and American spelling is different and it took me a while to get used to it but I find I am getting there now, and I am losing my English accent slightly. When I moved here, I would tell mom they spoke funny but because mom and Grandmother are American, I am use to it. I miss my friends though. Ally was my best friend at school and we still keep in touch with letters which mom will post for me when she comes home.

I will say this though the weather here is better, England can get so cold in the winter but it is warmer in the summer but not much I find the heat here sometimes is a little too warm for me but I am getting used to it now. I miss the seasons there the trees turning amber in autumn but they do here as well but this is my new home now but I still get home sick and will often tell Ally how much I miss it there.

I guess in time I will get used to it and it will become my home but right now, it is not. I am spending the weekend at a so-called retreat, which I have no clue what it means, but I guess I will find out. I have made one friend who I am close to she remind me of Ally which is nice and different her name is Jessica and we are going with her parents. I was told we would be staying in a log cabin. I am not fully sure what one is but I am guessing it will be made out of wood. Does that mean it will be cold? I cannot see wood keeping you very warm though.

This weekend would change my life only I did not know it at the time. This was where I would learn the true meaning of fear and not just the fear you have as a child when you think there are monsters in your closet or under your bed. This is where it started and I lost everything I had known.