I don't own Victorious or any of the characters! Had an idea so I thought I'd turn it into a quick little thing. Enjoy!
I don't know why I keep doing this. Well, letting her do this to me I guess I should say. And what I should be saying right now is no. But instead all that comes out of my mouth is yes, please, don't stop and things of that nature.
Jade has been sneaking into my room at night for the last six months. Always waiting until the sun goes down before making her appearance, tapping at my window four times. Tap tap. Tap tap. Like some twisted morse code.
The first night when I opened my window and let her in, I thought she was going to ask me to help her get Beck back again. For the thousandth time. Not that it would have bothered me. Instead, she kissed me roughly, pushing me back onto my bed and basically having her way with me. Then again, I did absolutely nothing to stop her that night.
Or every night after that.
I guess the thing that shocked me about that first night was the incredible gentleness she used when she touched me. Each stroke was gentle, each kiss was feathered onto my lips, my neck, my chest. It was as if she thought she'd break me if she pushed too hard.
And then she left without a word.
For the first two months, I never asked questions. We never talked. She was in and out before I really understood what was happening in the beginning. And even when she would linger, the silence still remained. It was never awkward or uncomfortable. It was just quiet. I always figured she just had a lot on her mind. And if Jade wanted to talk, well, then she would. And if she didn't, I wasn't going to push her.
That sounds nothing like me, I know. I guess after a little while, our late-night rendezvous became something I cherished. Because whether or not Jade would vocally admit it, she was my friend, and I was hers.
To say that friendship was all I had on my mind would be a lie. I think it was around the third month when I realized that there was something more going on here. It was when I started anticipating her arrival. I'd lie on my bed in the quiet so I wouldn't miss her calling to me. Tap tap. Tap tap. And I'd spring to my feet and rush to let her in, accepting her kiss and her touch.
Halfway through that month, I made the mistake of breaking the silence she found such solace in.
"Do you love me?" I asked, my voice quiet as I watched her dress herself. She had been buttoning her shirt back up and when she heard my question, those dextrous fingers froze and began to shake slightly. She coughed once and continued fastening her shirt closed.
I never got an answer that night. And you would think that because of that, I'd let it go. I'm not that smart. I'm not that selfless, either. Deep down, a part of me wanted to know that Jade was doing this because she was in love with me and just didn't know how to handle the fact. You know, that cliché stuff.
At the end of the third month, I tried my luck again at asking her. Though, instead of waiting until she was leaving, I asked as she hovered above me, her lips practically glued to my collar bone as her fingers danced down my sides.
"Do you love me, Jade?" I whispered, my voice shaking for so many reasons.
Her lips stopped their actions and for a moment, I thought she was going to stop. Instead, her mouth trailed back up to my ear where she whispered, "No," before biting my neck.
After that night, I feared that she would stop showing up. I even gave up waiting for her before I'd get ready for bed. It had been two weeks with no nightly visits, and I had the sinking feeling that I had ruined something that could have been really amazing.
That sounds messed up, and while I'm thinking about it, it really is. I wanted Jade's attention so badly I was willing to sacrifice my own happiness if it meant getting those nights, if it meant being Jade's dirty little secret. I had been willing to sacrifice a lot if I had been given the opportunity to hear Jade breathlessly say my name again.
It was the first day of the fifth month when I had been laying in my bed reading a book when I heard that noise. Tap tap. Tap tap. Like we never skipped a beat, I jumped out of bed and rushed to the window. I ushered her in and she gave me a wicked grin.
"Miss me?" She asked as she closed the distance between us and capturing my lips in a bruising kiss.
I said nothing, learning my lesson after the last time I made the mistake of talking when she was present. Once we were finished, I stood behind her while she fixed her hair in my mirror. Hesitantly, I reached out and placed my hands on her hips. Her body went rigid at first, though once my fingers lazily traced circles on her exposed skin between her shirt and jeans, she relaxed.
"Jade." I whispered.
"Don't ask me again." She said roughly before removing herself from my grasp and climbing back out the window which she entered.
Everything about that night was rough, actually. Her teeth clashed with mine as she bit down on my lip before scraping down my throat. She claimed nearly every inch of my skin with her teeth that night. I had a series of marks trailing across my panty line the next morning. Little souvenirs from the angel of the night.
No matter how badly it started to hurt, not knowing why she was doing this, I was always holding on to the hope that she really did love me. That somewhere in that darkness she had light. Light that I could ignite inside her. It's a foolish thought. I'm aware of that now as another months' worth of rough sex, silent encounters, and unasked questions passed by.
Today is the first day of the sixth month that Jade West has been sneaking into my bedroom. Currently, her lips are dancing down my stomach and her hands are igniting a fire in me that I knew only she could put out. Currently, my heart is breaking knowing that I've fallen in love with someone so unattainable.
But I can suffer in silence. I can bite my tongue and let her do what she needs because that's what love is about. Sacrifice. I know at this point, hearing the truth that she doesn't love me would be exactly what I need to destroy this delusional fairy tale I have in my head. But I also know that the truth could very well shatter what's left of the heart I've given to her.
Her lips are pressed right underneath my ear and my hands are knotted in her hair as my body quakes underneath her fingers. It's over all too soon and soon she's looking at me through those emerald eyes and my string of silent nights is broken yet again.
"Lie to me." I whisper, my voice hoarse.
There was a flicker of confusion in her eyes before her lips curled slightly, "I love you."