Walter wanted to tell Skylar. He really did. When she asked-demanded- complete honesty from him, it was all he could do from spilling his guts and telling her what was really going on. How on earth he would explain it, he didn't know. In his heart he knew that his intentions were good, but intentions had a way of being betrayed by actions. All he wanted was to go back in time and reverse everything that had happened to him, everything that had happened since the awful day that he got the news about his condition.
But he couldn't, and life was as it was now. He was a high school teacher, a father, a husband, a brother-in-law, a friend- and a meth dealer. How that would play out at his funeral, he had no idea. All he knew was he could not, would not, die in jail, a broken man with good intentions. There was far too much at stake for him to risk completely honesty with his wife, so instead he lied. He lied. Walter looked his wife and lied, something he'd become accustomed to doing lately. He was a liar, first and foremost, and it was all he could do to look himself in the mirror these days.
But what he could do was look his wife in the eyes and lie. He had everything to lose and nothing to gain by telling her the truth, even if he told her why he was doing what he was. He had to provide for her, provide for Walt Jr., and especially the new baby girl. His time on earth was limited- his cancer diagnosis pretty much made that clear to him. He wasn't in it for the long run, both in life and his new career. But in order to survive, he'd had to make some choices, some unconscionable choices, but he was a smart man. Everything he did was on purpose, calculated, and unable to take back.
There were things he'd seen he wished he hadn't seen, things he'd done that he wished to God that he'd never done. But Walter couldn't focus on the past. If anything, all he'd learned so far was that he had each day to live for, to live for the moment. And right now, in this moment, he'd had to make a choice. Risk losing his wife and family by telling the truth (and possibly his freedom), or to take care of his family in the only way he knew how. As he looked into Skylar's eyes, he realized there was no choice.
She would forgive him, eventually. After it was all said and done, (and Walt was six feet under) she would understand. She would understand why he risked every for them. They would know, and they would forgive him. Of course, he wouldn't be around to face the consequences, but that was kind of what he was banking on.
The consequences. If his brother-in-law found out what he was doing, all hell would break lose. What a position Walter would be putting him. But he couldn't dwell on that. His intentions were good, even if took years for his family to understand. There were other ways, easier ways to get the money for the treatments, like borrowing from friends and family or taking a second or third job, but those required surrendering pride and time...two things he was short on at the moment. If the diagnosis had been anything but lung cancer, he could have made other plans, long term plans, but it was as it was, so he had to make do with the one thing he knew he could count on- his brain.
Oh how he hoped that would never fail him. True, he hadn't gone as far in life as he would have liked to have. Some missed opportunities, some missed chances, some bad choices. But all of those things required Walter to reflect, and that was something he just didn't have time to do. It was about living for the moment, the future, and providing. He wanted to just be remembered as a man who took care of his family. In this case the ends justified the means.
So he opened his mouth and looked his wife in the eyes. "Skylar...I have something I need to tell you."
At that moment he knew there was no going back, no matter what.