I wrote this in middle school (for reference, I'm a junior in high school as of now). I'm about 500% sure that this is a trollfic. Please, for the love of God, don't take this seriously.
This was also a collaborative series with my friends. We got to about fifteen chapters, but only five remain today.
If I get a review, I'll post the next chapter.
"Edward, this is really beautiful," Bella gushed, standing 300 feet in the air on the very top of a pine tree. "But high up. What happens if I fall?"
"I'll catch you," Edward said romantically. "Or let you fall to the ground with a bloody splat."
After a while of admiring the scenery, Bella felt a tugging in her bladder. "Edward, I have to pee," Bella pleasantly announced.
"Okay," Edward acknowledged. "What should I do, then?"
"Turn around," Bella commanded.
Edward did so, focusing his attention on a leaf. Oh, a leaf, he thought. It's so prettiful. I wanna chase it. So he did, and fell off the tree branch, plummeting down 300 feet. "I'm all right!" he called from the forest floor. "Just a bruise!" Unfortunately, Bella was too preoccupied in peeing to care.
She unzipped her pants, squatted, and started to pee, yellow liquid falling with a light tinkle, tinkle, tinkle on the branches below. "Ah," she sighed when she was done. "I feel better now. But how do I get down?"
At that moment, Carlisle was taking a walk before he felt a droplet splatter on his head. "Rain? But the sky is clear," he wondered.
Then, there was more yellow rain tinkering down from above (By the way, the pee is falling from 300 feet) until it hit his super-blond head in a giant watery gush.
"Wow!" Carlisle said, amazed, completely soaked in piss. "Smelly rain! Is Edward peeing from the treetops again? I told him that it was bad for my balding syndrome." Cheerfully, he walked back to the house, calling out, "Esme! I got pee on me again!"
At this point, Edward was still too lazy to get up and help Bella down, so Bella made a perilous jump from 300 feet and called down as she fell, "Edward! Catch my piss-ridden body!"
Piss-ridden... nah. Edward stepped aside gingerly and let Bella fall to the ground, her blood splashing all over him. "Yum," Edward purred, licking his fingers.
Meanwhile, Carlisle was taking a bath in tomato juice. The end.