A/N: So this is my first fanfiction ever. I do write but I've posted online for public view for the first time. I do hope you all like it though. Hurt!Sam and brotherly moments are my favourites and I managed to get a bit of both into this. Any mistakes grammatically are all mine. If any major mistakes are there which I did not manage to correct, please do let me know! :) Enjoy!
Disclaimer : I do not own the boys or supernatural (sadly). All of it belongs to Kripke.
JUST HANG ON, SAMMY.
It had been four hours.
Four goddamn hours!
And still Dean had not got any report from the surgeons or doctors on Sam's condition. All that was told to him by the nurses was – "The doctors are doing all they can for your brother. Keep faith."
Yeah, faith was all he had at the moment. It was tearing him apart, not knowing if his baby brother was even alive.
Sighing, Dean stopped pacing and sat back down on one of the chairs in the waiting room. He was doing all he could to stop himself from having a full blown panic attack. He stared at the opposite wall and was soon lost in thought of the disastrous hunt that caused all this mess.
Dean parked the Impala a few feet from the gate of the mansion. He and Sam went over their information one more time.
"Edmund was cremated Dean so obviously there is no body to burn."
"Yeah, Sam I got that. What else are we supposed to know so that we can nail this bitch?" said Dean impatiently.
"Well, Edmund was protective about his personal stuff as a kid. So that's not going to be much help since he will definitely try to stop us from trying to find that diary of his. We'll just have to search the place and when he pops up we'll know where the diary is as I'm sure he will be guarding it.", said Sam matter-of-factly.
"Dude, how did you know about the personal stuff thing? I don't remember his aunt ever telling us about that."
"If you paid attention to what a person says rather than staring and flirting with her daughter-", said Sam, smirking at Dean.
"Yeah, yeah whatever Samantha. Let's just get this over with.", said Dean.
Despite the present situation, Dean found himself smiling. Sammy was the only one who concentrated, more than was required, on the confessions or stories told to them by the tragedy-ridden families, as well as keep an eye on Dean. This time though, Dean didn't think Sam had noticed.
He had to admit though, Edmund's cousin Marie was hot.
Dean was jolted from his thoughts. As he looked up he saw Sam's doctor.
"Are you Dean Walker, Sam's brother?"
"Yes I am. Is Sammy ok? He wasn't breathing when I got him here."
"Don't worry. Sam is completely out of danger. He has a few bruised ribs. He had dislocated his shoulder but we fixed that up too. He did receive quite a blow to his head as you know. There might be a major concussion but other than that he is fine."
"Oh thank God. Anything else doc? I remember him bleeding from his chest."
"Oh yes. I was getting to that. He has two long gashes across his chest. One of them is a bit deeper than we expected but we fixed him up. Due to the blood loss he was in shock. As a result of the blood loss, his heart was not getting enough blood to function and he had stopped breathing. It's great that you got him here sooner than later. The result may have been drastically different otherwise."
Dean didn't know what else to say. If he had been even a few moments late he may have lost Sammy forever. Trying not to dwell on that he asked the doctor something he had wanted to so bad for the last four hours.
"Can I please see him? It's been four hours since I last saw him and at that time he was nearly dead."
"Yes, of course. He is in room 212, just down the hall."
Dean tried not to run as he made his way as quickly as he could to his brother. As he reached the room he saw the nurse he had talked to earlier about Sam. She had been awfully kind and had shown a lot of concern towards Dean.
She saw Dean staring at Sam.
"Hey Dean. Don't worry about him. He'll be fine."
"What? Oh, yeah thanks. Sally right? I just wanted to know if there were any complications to look out for."
He had already messed up. He should have been looking out for Sammy in the mansion. He was not going to mess up now.
"Not much to look out for really. Just take care of the chest wounds. Make sure the stitches are not pulled too much. I'd say don't put too much stress on him. Let him rest for a while till the gashes heal. Not much risk of an infection but it would be better to be cautious about it. Also, once he wakes up we'll let you know how long before we can discharge him."
"Thanks Sally. And the meds?"
"Just the good stuff. Mostly painkillers, the usual. I'll go now as I have a couple more patients to tend too. I'll be back in a while to check on Sam. Buzz me if he wakes up sooner."
As Sally left, Dean pulled a chair and sat down next to Sammy. He observed Sam's injuries. His head was heavily bandaged and he could see a slightly rising lump over Sam's chest which marked the bandages there too.
Exhausted but not ready to doze off yet, his thoughts wandered back to the mansion.
They were now on the first floor of the mansion. Guns in hand and at the ready, they slowly made their way further. Soon they were confronted by the one hallway they were in, dividing into two.
"Stop whining Sam. We do what we should do. Let's split up. It'll make this job faster. And the faster this is over, the faster we can get back."
"You sure? I don't think splitting up is the best idea."
"You scared Sam? Is the Sasquatch scared of the mean ghost? Besides, you have any other bright ideas to get him to confront us?", teased Dean.
"Shut up Dean. Guess you're right.", said Sam reluctantly.
He wasn't a fan of splitting up. Seeing the Winchester luck recently, he knew nothing good was gonna come out of this but he knew that they had to gank this sonuvabitch before it killed anyone else.
"I know I'm right Sam. I'm the big brother aren't I? Now, you go right, I'll go left. Holler if you find anything or if the fugly comes after you, okay?"
"Shut up Sam."
Dean felt uneasy as he saw Sam take the right hallway. Knowing the kid's luck, Edmund was bound to target him first. Trying not to think about that he made his way down the left hallway.
A few minutes later he came across Edmund's room.
"Jackpot!" said Dean.
He made his way into the room and instantly felt the temperature drop and saw his breath fog up.
He turned around and came face to face with Edmund. Man, even being this close to a spirit, Dean couldn't help feeling sorry for the kid. The bruises due to the child abuse by his parents and uncle was visible even in the pale ghostly skin.
"I told you to stay away from me! I told you to stay away from here!"
The next second Dean felt himself flying and crash into the wall opposite the bed. The shotgun had flown out of his hand during the flight and he struggled to reach it as he felt hands close around his throat constricting his airway.
Already out of breath Dean felt his vision go dull and tried to stay awake but the lack of air was making it very difficult. Just as he was about to go under the hands disappeared and he was gulping in as much air as he could.
"Dean! Dean, you okay?"
Dean saw Sam's fear and concern filled gaze. Guess he was wrong. Sam saved his ass rather than him saving Sam's. Sonuvabitch. He was in for atleast a month's worth of teasing. Oh well.
"Yeah Sam, I'm fine. Let's just find the diary and burn it."
They rummaged through the drawers and cupboards, even looked under the floorboards but found nothing.
"Guess it's not here Dean. Let's go check-"
Sam had been interrupted by Dean's sudden shout.
"Sam, behind you!"
Sam turned around and tried to back up but before he could back up, he saw Edmund swipe at his chest with clawed hands. His head felt like it had been split into two. Everything turned black as he slipped away.
Dean saw Edmund swipe at Sam's chest, throwing him out of the way. He saw Sam trying to regain his footing but fail and smash his head on the corner of the bedside table and crumple.
Dean reached for his shotgun and fired at Edmund. The spirit vanished with a puff of smoke and Dean hurried to his brother's side.
What he saw made his stomach lurch. Sam was bleeding copiously from his chest and his head was gushing out red too. He did not respond to any of Dean's attempts to wake him.
Dean had to find the diary before Edmund came back. Taking off his jacket and pressing it to Sam's chest, he once again resumed his search for the diary.
He tore apart the room but he couldn't find it. Next to him Sam was still under and very pale. Dean tried to calm down and think. He hadn't looked somewhere. He hadn't –
He crouched and saw a box under the bed. He had just taken out the diary from the box when he sensed rather than heard Edmund behind him.
He turned around to see Edmund throw Sam out of the room.
No one. No one had the right to do that to Sammy. NO ONE.
Boiling with anger he tore out the lighter from his jean's pocket and before Edmund could do anything, the book caught fire and Edmund was gone in a burst of flames.
The ride to the hospital had been a blur. Dean had not paid attention to much except the road and Sam slumped next to him barely breathing.
"Just hang on, Sammy.".
"We're nearly there, just hang on please."
The four hour wait and here he was next to Sammy again. Sam was smiling contentedly. No account the work of the drugs.
All the stuff Dean had been trying to keep at bay for the last four hours or more, started crashing down on him. He was having a panic attack. He knew he had to calm down before anyone saw him and concentrated on the smooth rise and fall of Sam's chest and soon he was breathing on synch with Sam.
He knew he had to apologize to Sam when he woke up. If he hadn't suggested splitting up, none of this would have happened. He should have been paying attention to the hunt but his mind kept wandering back to Dad. John had given up the Colt and his life for Dean and it was breaking Dean apart. He wasn't worth his dad's life.
He had been dwelling on exactly this. He could have stopped Sam from getting hurt if he hadn't been lost in his thoughts.
That was enough to bring Dean back to reality.
"Yeah Sammy. Right here. You okay kid?"
Stupid question. Of course not. The kid's in pain. But he had to ask more for himself than for Sam.
"Yeah. M' okay. Fuzzy a bit. What happened?"
"You're fuzzy because of the drugs dude. You don't remember? Edmund?"
"What? Oh. Yeah. All I remember is him slashing my chest open, my head splitting and that's about it."
Sam could sense something was bothering his brother. Dean was not making eye contact with him. It looked like he was trying to hide something. Like he knew if he made eye contact Sam would know what he was trying to keep in. Sam was about to ask but stopped when he saw the nurse enter the room.
"Hey Sam. I'm Sally. How are you feeling now? You busted your head and nearly sliced open your chest. You have a couple bruised ribs. Feeling pain anywhere else honey?"
"Wow. Well, it's painful but nowhere except my chest and head."
"That's great.", said Sally, checking Sam's vitals. After a few minutes, apparently satisfied with her inspection, she said, "I think you boys are good to go. I'll go get the papers". And with a smile she left the room.
A few minutes later Sam and Dean were in the Impala making their way back to the motel. The small walk from the room to the Impala outside the hospital had exhausted Sam.
He was slumped in the seat, his head resting on the window. He was breathing as smoothly as his bruised chest would allow, a hand curved protectively over his chest.
Dean implanted this image in his head. This was how he wanted to see his Sammy. Well kind of. This image was definitely more brighter than last night when Sam was bleeding to death on the Impala's upholstery. He just couldn't bring himself to meet Sam's eyes and see the trust and respect there when he knows that he could very easily have prevented this if his head had been in the hunt.
Sam was torn from his blissful sleep by a nudge from Dean.
"Come on sleeping beauty. We're here."
Dean helped Sam out of the Impala and into the motel. He dropped Sam onto the bed and went out to the Impala to get their stuff from last night' hunt. As he dropped the bags inside and closed the door, he saw Sam sitting on the bed, legs stretched out in front of him. He had turned pale and was wincing.
"You know you're supposed to tell me if you're hurting.", said Dean handing Sam a glass of water and two pills.
"Yeah. Sorry.", said Sam taking the pills.
Those two words and Dean lost his composure.
"Dude. Will you stop apologizing all the friggin' time!? It's me who should be saying sorry here, you know!"
"What? You don't need to apologize dude. There's nothing to apologize for here, Man."
"Yes there is Sam! You were almost killed because of me! If my head had been in the hunt none of this would have happened and you wouldn't have nearly died!"
Dean wanted to stop talking. Wanted to make it easier on Sam. But he had started and now he just had to let it out.
"No Sam. Just don't. Ever since Dad died, I…it's just been….God.."
And to Sam's utter astonishment, Dean broke down in front of him. He sat down on Sam's bed, head in his hand. He was shaking from what Sam knew were sobs.
"It's okay Dean. It's alright. Everything's okay. It's not your fault.", said Sam, rubbing soothing circles on Dean's back.
"Yes it is Sammy. Dad died for me. I'm not worth it Sam. Not worth Dad's life. Not worth your life. I wasn't paying attention to the hunt. If I had then you wouldn't have gotten so injured.", said Dean in-between sobs.
"Don't Dean. You're worth everything. Why do you think dad sacrificed himself for you? He trusts you to finish what he started. He knows you're worth it Dean. And as for me, you are definitely worth it to me! You are my life Dean, you know that! How can you blame yourself for me getting hurt on a hunt? You know how this life is. You said so yourself didn't you? This line of work is unpredictable. It's dangerous. So stop, okay?!"
"Sammy, you weren't breathing when I got you to the hospital."
"Well, I'm breathing now aren't I? The doc also told me that a few minutes late and I might not have made it. I trust you Dean. I know that whatever happens, you'll do all you can to save me and not spend the day drowning in self pity and guilt. So stop okay?"
Not leaving him any other choice, Sam decided to play the only card he had left. How could Dean think that all this was his fault?
"You have no reason to feel guilty when there is no one to blame you for it okay? I don't blame you the slightest for what happened to me. It's part of the job description. You know that. So stop crying like a girl now and go get washed up."
Sam was right. Dean knew Sam was right. God. He was a mess. But the bridge has been crossed. The thing that was tearing him from the inside was out now and he knew that slowly and steadily, he and Sammy would get through this.
"Yeah. Okay. Thanks Sammy.", said Dean, feeling really embarrassed and awkward now.
"No problem man. Besides, you were the one who broke your own rule, dude."
"No chick flick moments. Remember?", said Sam grinning from ear to ear.
"Shut up, bitch."
And they knew. The road to recovery would be long, but going through it together made it seem shorter already.
Well? Is it good for a first timer? Please review and let me know. Constructive criticism is appreciated! :D This story could have gone many ways as I had a million things zooming around inside my head. But this is the end result. Hope you all liked it. Please do review!