THE SECRET REVEALED
The following is a sequel to South Park Faces Blood. If you're looking for a story that will make you feel warm inside this is not it.
Craig Tucker walked up to Stan's house and he marched on the door. Sharon Marsh answered it and Craig said "could I please come in I'd like to talk to Stan?"
Sharon remembered that Craig was at Stan's party and that it wasn't his fault they'd vanished together when the guinea pigs attacked.
She said "sure Craig come on in."
Stan was sitting on the couch and he looked over and said "Craig well what brings you here?"
Craig asked "can we go up into your room there's something I need to talk to you about and it's something I only want you to know about."
Craig started hyperventilating and Sharon asked "Craig are you in trouble it looks like you need help?"
Craig said "no it's about something that happened that's over with but it's stressful."
Sharon said "if you want you can come to us anytime you have a problem."
Craig said "thank you Mrs. Marsh."
Stan said "my parents don't view you as dark sided as you come off as being."
Craig smiled and said "good" and then said "could we go up to your room please?"
Stan nodded and signaled Craig to come up the stairs and they entered Stan's room.
Craig asked "Stan remember when we had Eavesdropper and lots of people ended up embarrassed?"
Stan answered "yes and I even said to Kyle that I wouldn't care if a story about me came was posted on Eavesdropper and a second or two after that boom I got nailed by Eavesdropper."
Craig said "not long after you got nailed and you had us meet in that room an embarrassing story about me was going to go up on Eavesdropper."
Stan said "well lucky you we were able to stop that rat."
Craig said "luckily a story went up on Eavesdropper while we were in that room where you claimed it was someone in that room who was the culprit. You were trying to cover your ass."
Stan snapped "what's your point Craig?"
Craig answered "I'm here to share the embarrassing secret that was going to be revealed on Eavesdropper with you and I will ask that you keep it a secret Stan. Right now we're going through hard times especially after what Scott Malkenson did."
Stan said "okay."
Craig went on to say "I just need to talk to someone about it. My family knows and Allison Taft knows for she was the one who was going to leak it to Eavesdropper."
Stan said "well again you were lucky. Believe me it's more embarrassing than you could ever imagine."
Craig remarked "today I'm ready to reveal that embarrassing secret to you and only you. You tell anyone else I'll never speak to you again. I might even murder you myself if you betray me."
Stan said "alright Craig just calm down. I'll keep your secret."
Craig said "holding it inside from a classmate or a peer is driving me mad for some reason."
Stan said "well let me be the classmate you can confide in."
Craig said "well thank you Stan."
Stan then demanded "let's hear it you alcoholic prostitute."
Craig smiled and said "remember that time last year I was out for a month with the flu?"
Stan said "hmm yes now that you mention it."
Craig said "I wasn't out with the flu I was doing time because I got caught red handed. I was doing time for burglary."
Stan said "shit Craig you got busted for a burglary."
Craig said "I am sharing this with you to get it off my chest. There's a small house out in the woods not too far from mine. It had windows in the back of it and anyhow I along with friends ran by it when we played in the woods. Well you know who my friends are and they had no idea I'd begun planning this after a few weeks of running by it with them. They shall remain nameless."
Stan said "oh gee like I don't know who you hang out with Craig."
Craig said "okay but again let's keep their names out of this. They don't even know I broke into that house."
Stan asked "why on earth did you break into that house? Last year you were in third grade and third graders know burglary is a crime."
Craig said "I got cocky and as I said the windows in the back of the house well you could see through and see money and jewelry on the table. There were no cars there and no lights on it looked like it had been abandoned. I thought I could be slick on my feet."
Craig went on "one evening I snuck down and I saw that I wouldn't even have to break a window. There was a small door under the house I guessed the previous owner was going to build a bomb shelter. Anyhow I was able to roll under the house and get up through that door. I was able to tell by looking from a far that it wasn't locked. It swung open when the wind blew. It had a latch on it but anyhow I moved quick tip towing as I got in. As I said there were hundreds of dollars on the table and jewelry. I thought I made it big. Then I looked down and I saw this red dot on my shirt. It was right over my heart and I looked up and a man and a woman yelled "FREEZE!"
"I was held at gun point. They yelled for me to get on my knees and threatened to blow me away. The cops came and I was put in handcuffs and taken to the Park County Juvenile Center. I got one phone call to my parents. I explained to them that I'd already been offered a plea bargain. That deal was for one month in juvenile hall. I told them everything and that I really fucked up."
Stan put his arm around Craig and patted his shoulder.
Then Stan asked "what else happened after you were arrested or detained as they say with juvenile delinquents?"
Craig said "I spent the night in juvenile hall."
Stan said "well sounds like you deserved it."
Craig went on and said "the next day in court was my big nightmare. I went into court with handcuffs on after having submitted a guilty plea in writing."
The Judge said "alright one count of burglary well Craig Allen Tucker you were caught red handed engaging in a burglary."
I then said "your honor these handcuffs are tight."
The judge said "good they're supposed to be tight. When a person is convicted or pleads guilty to a crime they show up to court for sentencing they wear a jumpsuit and handcuffs."
Craig told Stan that right after the judge told him that he told the judge "oh well I'll get used to the cuffs then."
Craig went on to cite what the judge said, "the judge said 'well good' and he went on to say "for this burglary you will be serving 30 days in juvenile hall and after that you'll be on probation for a month and do 100 hours of community service. Consider yourself lucky because the two homeowners could have legally shot you dead."
Stan cut Craig off and said "that's right you can legally shoot someone dead for breaking into your home."
Craig said "I freaked out at that point and asked the judge if he was just saying that as part of the goal to scare me straight and the judge yelled "NOW DAYS THERE ARE 10 YEAR OLDS WHO RAPE FIVE YEAR OLDS. NOW DAYS THERE ARE 10 YEAR OLDS WHO ARE CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO KILL ANOTHER HUMAN BEING AND THOSE HOMEOWNERS DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU WERE THERE TO COMMIT A CRIME WORSE THAN BURGLARY!"
Craig told Stan "at that point I started crying."
Stan put his hand on Craig's shoulder and said "go on please."
Craig went on to explain "as I cried the judge said "oh it's a wonderful morning a convicted burglar is crying in my courtroom. What a great day."
Craig went on to say "I responded to the judge that they were my tears of shame. The judge said that was wonderful and he again said loudly "YOU'RE LUCKY TO BE ALIVE BECAUSE LIKE I SAID THE HOMEOWNERS COULD HAVE LEGALLY SHOT YOU."
Craig said "after the judge reminded me of that a second time I yelled out in court that because he reminded me of that a second time well I pissed my pants in the courtroom and everyone laughed. The judge said "oh wonderful a criminal in my courtroom pissed his pants because the law has come down on him. This has turned out to be a wonderful day."
Craig told Stan he cried louder than he ever cried in his life. Craig went on to say "soon after the judge yelled "TAKE THIS YOUNG PUNK WHO PISSED HIS PANTS TO HIS CELL IMMEDIATELY AND GIVE HIM A DIAPER CHANGE AS WELL."
Stan said "DUDE" and tried not to laugh so he covered his face.
Craig started to get choked up and Stan said "sit down on my bed it's over with and I think you were brave to share that with me."
Craig said "remember Allison Taft was going to humiliate me? Her dad works for the Park County District Attorney's Office. I confronted her right after we got the Wikileaks site knocked out forever. Apparently nobody read it because she'd already posted it. I asked her what she posted and why she did it. She explained as I just told you that her dad is a DA and she went on to explain that she wanted to be a DA herself. She explained that I was having too much fun laughing at Pete Melman and others who got hurt. When I confronted her I told her that it seemed clear nobody read the article and I lucked out. She showed me a folder with a file on me. She said that she wanted me to realize just how much kids suffered from the website and she wanted to hear me sincerely say I'd learned a lesson. I told her how much I'd learned a lesson and that yes it sucked that Pete might kill himself."
Stan said "okay so then she got rid of the file on you?"
Craig said "oh yes she shredded it and I promised her I'd look for ways to do good things and if a classmate was fucking up I'd jump on them like the judge jumped on me to get them back on track."
Craig said "after making that promise to her she shredded the file."
Stan said "well Craig I'm sure your parents were very pissed off."
Craig said "oh yes when I got home to serve my probation period and get my schedule going to do community service well they made it clear what my schedule was going to be for the next month. Soon after that they both took turns spanking my bare ass."
Stan said "I don't want to think what my mom would do to me for burglary."
Craig said "well Stan I got a beating and after I got that well deserved ass whooping from my parents they both hugged me and said they were glad to have me home. I promised them I'd never do something stupid like that again. I learned a lesson and my parents were so happy. Oh and Stan remember you promised not to tell anyone else about this! Allison knows and she's not talking and now you know."
Stan said "Craig I'll keep this secret all the way to my grave and speaking of graves Craig I'm glad you're not in one. I know we've not always been the best of friends but I would hate to have had to go to your funeral. You said straight up they had guns pointed at your heart. Shit Craig I would hate to have had to go to your Goddamn funeral."
Stan gets choked up and says "how would your sister have felt? My sister and I aren't close but I hear you and your sister are close."
Craig got choked up and could feel the lump in his throat and tears started streaming down his face. Stan grabbed him and hugged him.
Stan said "Craig just sit here on my bed and wait for me. I'll be back soon."
About two minutes later Stan returned and he saw Craig with his face buried in his hands. Stan said "here Craig I want you to have this."
Craig looked up and saw a can of coke and a Symphony Bar.
Craig smiled and said "oh thank you Stan."
After Craig enjoyed the sweet snacks Stan said "let's go downstairs and watch Terrance and Phillip. Right now they're reruns but hey let's watch anyhow."
They walked down the stairs and Sharon said "Stan you were yelling at Craig a minute ago what was that about?"
Stan said "well mom he's my friend why can't I yell at him?"
Sharon gave Stan a strange look and they continued walking down the stairs.
They approached the television and Shelly was watching TV.
Stan said "hey Shelly we want to watch Terrance and Phillip."
Shelly got pissed and said "they're reruns and I control the television set now and I'm going to kick your ass for bothering me."
Craig got in the way and said "YOU'LL HAVE TO GET THROUGH ME FIRST."
Craig put up his fists and Shelly backed off.
Craig said "Stan let me tell you true strength comes from inside."