The (Legal) Gandor Family Business: A Sitcom

Summary: It's now the 21st century, and since the Mafia has declined in popularity, the Gandors have decided to open a more legitimate business: a supermarket. They didn't expect it to come with crazy treasurers, possibly rabid employees, crazy competitors, and bomb-wielding security guards. A parody of comedic sitcoms and the like. Complete crack ahead, ye be warned.

Episode One: In which Dallas breaks things and Keith thinks about his life choices

"Hey Luck, where do all these heavy boxes go?"

Luck, who was currently sipping on a box of apple juice (you know, the kind moms give their kids in elementary school) while lying on a beach chair that was extended so that he could lie comfortably on it with a plastic umbrella spread behind him, looked over at Dallas, their most reckless and possibly rabid employee, over his thick sunglasses. He was currently attempting to balance several heavy boxes marked with the red words "FRAGILE" on the sides and top on his head, like he normally did with all the things that he really shouldn't be trying to balance on his head.

"Oh, those are the vases Keith ordered last week. Go put 'em over with the furniture, nincompoop." Luck waved him away with his hand, and Dallas glared at him defiantly, but Luck didn't manage to see it because the sunglasses made him half blind. When he reached into the cooler to dredge up another apple juice, however, there was a loud crash, and Luck pushed his sunglasses up to see what had happened. Of course, as he'd predicted, Dallas lied sprawled out on the aisle, the boxes all around him, some of the vases lying shattered on the floor from where they'd fallen out. A few curious customers had stopped to look for a moment, before they stepped around him and continued on with their shopping experience.

"Now look what you did!" Luck proclaimed, before tilting his head back and yelling, "Keith! Dallas broke the vases!"

"It's yer fault for not putting up a wet floor sign, tha' only reason I broke 'em is 'cause there was a puddle!" Dallas protested, jumping up from the floor and pointing at him accusingly.

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

Before they could say another word, they'd both been picked up by the scruffs of their necks by Berga, the middle Gandor brother, and he held them apart as they attempted to go at each other. "Will you two shut up? You're giving me, and everyone else a headache!" Luck just huffed, and Dallas stuck out his tongue impudently before Berga dropped them. "Get back to work, nincompoop, and you'd better get back to your paperwork, Luck, or Huey will kill you. Again." Luck and Dallas both grumbled as they went their separate ways, and as Luck tried to sneak past Huey, his secretary, a hand grabbed him by the back of the shirt and he winced.

"Trying to fool me again, mister Gandor?" The raven-haired Frenchman growled as he lifted up a baseball bat from behind his desk. "Those papers were due last Tuesday!"

From the back office, Keith, the oldest Gandor brother, opened up another large two-liter of grape juice as he heard Luck's screams from the other room and started to drink it sorrowfully, wondering where he'd gone wrong. He didn't think it would be too difficult, running a supermarket. After all, they were a Mafia family. What couldn't they handle?

He was so very wrong.

"Keith, are you drowning your sorrows in grape juice again?" Berga asked when he walked in, and Keith only looked at him sadly before downing the rest of the bottle quickly.

This was truly going to be a very interesting story, indeed.