Author's Note: Desolation of Smaug was everything I every hoped it would be. I was not emotionally prepared for that movie...and neither was my Dwarven partner in crime NeePanda. Starting work on Chapter 11...have six thousand chapter half finished for Family. Inspiration comes in waves but unfortunately very small ones.
Details! Chapter 10 was going in a different direction before it suddenly decided to be fully Fili centric...not sure how that happened but I really like it!
Eraman- It hasn't bitten him yet...yet being the optimum word.
duringirl- 1.) Thanks. It was sucky. This whole winter has been a crap shoot so far. My autoimmune disorder decided to kick up full force. 2.) I'm glad you understand and I'll try my hardest to try to write it...hopefully. 3.) I think Thorin is dead either way...Dis isn't gonna be happy with him!
smartbrunette3.14- Thank you! I'm a sucker for overprotective Thorin! And we best hope Dain never finds out! Our favorite thief might be in trouble! And thank you. Things are up and down because of my stupid body. And thank you for your patience. I try to write when I can but it's hard when I'm so busy.
Purestrongpoem- Slowly. Very, very slowly.
nightmare13- Bilbo is such a mother hen! They're all starting to heal...hopefully they'll continue on that path!
Jessie- I would hate to abandon this story! I have so much fun writing it! The Durin boys dying kills me inside. I had to keep them alive (Thorin may not be after his sister gets her hands on him!) And thank you. Brody was a good boy and he's missed every day.
Shiary- Thank you! My body just likes to break on me...a lot.
tinytiffany1722- Thank you! I hope this chapter brightens your day too!
twiggy31- I love to abuse my favorite characters. Read any of my stories and the character I'm beating on is usually my favorite!
Kilioakenheart- I'm so glad you love my story. Really, truly I am. It means so much to me. I try really hard to make my stories something I, myself would want to read and I'm glad your appreciate it...I don't take well to having orders barked at me like I'm a dog. The updates will come. They will. Demanding them won't make them come faster...but Desolation just might! ;)
ON TO THE SHOW!
CAUTION! MAY HAVE SPOILERS FROM DESOLATION OF SMAUG! IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET GO DO THAT, THEN COME READ, THEN REVIEW! (PLEASE)
Side note- The triangle game the Dwarves are playing is an awesome game to really piss off your friends! You sit around, usually in a circle and pick three objects that make a triangle if you drew lines between them. State those objects. The first person to speak is who the triangle is about. Not who says me, just whoever makes noise first. Coughing, sneezing, whispering...it all counts. Don't tell your friends, have them guess, and watch them pull out their hair in frustration!
After handing off the dirty plates and trays to an overly helpful Bilbo, Thorin headed over to where Dwalin, Balin, and Dori were seated around a fire, eating. Balin scooted over on the log to allow Thorin to settle down next to him, "Feeling rested?"
"A little too rested. I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight."
Dwalin looked up from his food and over at Thorin, "You can come into the mountain again. You'd be a welcome escape from Dain. Just someone to talk to. You can oversee the work."
Thorin nodded in agreement and swept a glance over the camp. Bombur and Bilbo seem to have bonded over food and were happily cleaning bowls and plates while dishing out food to hungry Dwarves. Bofur and Gloin were hovering nearby, talking animatedly about something. Oin and Bifur were eating near the healer's tent along with a handful of Dwarves from the Iron Hills. The two brothers, Nori and Ori were seated apart from the rest, the younger brother soaking up some much loved attention from the elder. With Fili and Kili sleeping inside the healer's tent that left one missing, "Where is Gandalf?"
Dori looked up at that and glanced around the camp as well, "I have no idea. Come to think about it, I haven't seen him in a few days."
Balin shrugged, "You know Wizards. He's probably off doing whatever it is he needs to do. He'll be back."
Dwalin finished his last bite of food and rose, handing his plate off to his older brother, "Ready Thorin?"
Thorin accepted the hand extended to him to rise to his feet, "Lead the way."
Balin watched them walk off before getting to his own feet, "Be careful! The both of you!"
Dwalin raised a hand without turning to show he heard and they continued walking into the mountain.
The next morning was full of tragedy.
Thorin was dead. Orcs had attacked him that evening and in his weakened state he hadn't been able to defend himself. He had been slaughtered.
What was worse was Kili was gone as well. The youngest Durin had been taken by infection and died during the night...leaving Fili utterly alone.
The young Dwarf stood in front of the bodies of his uncle and younger brother. Both were dressed in their finest, hair braided and laid out on stone slabs in order to be buried in the stone tombs in Erebor.
Fili was numb. His brother...his playmate as a child, his comrade in battle, his partner in crime, his best friend in life was gone. And his uncle, his father-figure, the Dwarf that had raised him from such an early age, the Dwarf he so admired and strived to emulate went with him. He simply didn't know what to do with himself anymore. As the bodies were laid inside the tomb and sealed shut Fili felt something inside him break. He was alone, so utterly alone. Before he could process anything he found himself standing on a dais in front of a throne...in front of his throne. He was dressed as Dwarven royalty was meant to be dressed, hair braided, and an iron crown upon his brow. Hundreds of Dwarves from the Iron Hills and Blue Mountains alike stood watching him, waiting for him to do something...and he was at a loss. He had no one to guide him, no Thorin to offer a comforting word, no Kili to distract him and crack a joke. He was alone. Alone and on a pedestal he wasn't ready for. Desperately he searched for a familiar face but found none. He could, however, hear the whispers.
Without thinking Fili broke away and started running, legs pumping as fast as he could, out of the throne room, out of the mountain until he arrived in the wide field where the Battle of the Five Armies had taken place. Slowly he dropped to his knees and looked around. In the distance a figure was approaching. As it drew near Fili could see the bloodied face of his younger brother.
Kili bore that look of terror he had on the battlefield and the words he spoke cut Fili worse than any blade ever could, "Why Fili? You were supposed to protect me. To keep me safe. You were supposed to be my big brother...and you let me die."
Fili shook his head in horror, "I couldn't-I-I-I'm so sorry Kee."
As Kili began to fade away another figure took its place, his uncle. Thorin didn't say anything but his look said enough. Disappointment. Sheer disappointment. Fili could feel the tears running down his face. As his uncle faded away as well Fili was left alone on the battlefield again. Utterly alone.
Fili woke up in a cold sweat, breathing ragged. It took him a moment to gather himself and realize it was just a dream...a horrid, horrid nightmare.
A quick glance up assured him that he was still in the healer's tent and not standing alone on a battlefield. A glance to his right assured that Kili was still alive...and doing well it seemed. His younger brother was reclined against a group of pillows, Nori seated on the bed at his feat, Ori and Bilbo on the ground near the bed, Bofur, Bombur, Gloin, and Dwalin seated in chairs nearby and Thorin on his bed, reading. Fili closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, desperate to banished the images from his mind. After breathing for a moment Fili tuned into the conversation going on beside him. It appeared Kili and Nori were attempting to 'teach' the others how to play a mind game known as 'The Triangle Game'...so far Bilbo was puzzled beyond any comprehension and Dwalin was slowly growing more frustrated.
Fili watched as Nori designated his triangle from the objects in the room, "Myself, Kili, and the teapot."
Fili spoke up immediately, "Me."
All the heads in the room turned to look at the blonde who was attempting to get himself in a sitting position without straining himself. Ori immediately bustled over to assist, placing pillows behind him, "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine. How long was I asleep?"
Kili grinned at him and Fili was glad to see he looked like he had regained a little color, even if his eyes were exhausted, "It's just about breakfast. I've been up for a while already and Bilbo came in to check on us and asked if I was up for some company."
Thorin spoke from his bed without looking up from his book, "They aren't staying much longer. Kili needs rest."
Kili made a face before turning back to Fili, "Yes. The triangle was you."
Dwalin all about lost his mind, "How? How on Middle Earth does three objects that have nothing to do with one another make a triangle about Fili?"
Nori casually played with a knife he took from his pocket, "That's the point. You need to figure it out. I know, Fili knows, Kili knows, and I think Thorin knows but he's not playing."
Thorin spoke up, once again not moving his attention from his book, "I do know."
Bofur spoke up from his place near the bed, "I think I've got it but Nori won't tell me if I'm right or not."
Nori shrugged, "That would be cheating."
Bofur gave him a blank look, "And you're always one to obey the rules."
From their other side Thorin snapped his book shut catching everyone's attention, "All right. Enough visiting. Kili needs to rest and he's not going get any with all of you in here. Out."
With varied versions of goodbye, the visiting Dwarves trickled out, leaving the Durin's alone in the tent. Thorin rose from his bed and helped Kili lay down while looking over Fili critically, "What's wrong?"
Fili tried to play off innocent the best he could, "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine. Still sore...I could use some of that tea...doesn't hurt as bad as yesterday though. Gaining more strength and feeling better every day..."
Distinctly he knew he was babbling but he hoped neither Thorin nor his brother would notice. Unfortunately they were both sharper than that. Kili tilted his head back to look at his brother, "Fee? What's wrong?"
Fili shrugged his good shoulder and tried to smile the best he could, "I'm fine...nothing's wrong."
Kili clearly didn't believe him and attempted to push himself up before falling back with a cry of pain. Fili immediately panicked, images of Kili's face from his nightmare flashing through his mind, "Kili! Are you all right?"
Kili's eyes were squeezed shut as he breathed rapidly through his nose to stem the pain.
"I'm fine," He gritted out through clenched teeth.
Thorin lifted him slightly, supporting him with one arm, "You aren't well enough to be sitting on your own. Either one of you! Do I need to get Oin?"
Kili shook his head, "I'm fine."
Fili was still in a panic, "Kee..."
Thorin switched his eyes up to his elder nephew and recognized the haunted look in the blonde's face, "Fili...what's wrong?"
Fili adverted his eyes and picked at a loose string on the blanket, "Its nothing...really."
Thorin assisted Kili is leaning back against some pillows before coming to Fili's side of the bed, "Fili."
Fili sighed, "It was a nightmare. I'm fine. Just shook me up a little."
Thorin closed his eyes briefly, "Fili...you can't let them eat at you. Talk to your brother if you don't want to talk to me."
Kili was staring at his brother with wide, puppy dog eyes, "Fee?'
Fili gave him a reassuring smile, "I'm fine. Really. Get some sleep Kili. You need it."
Thorin sighed and made his way around the bed again to help Kili lie down, "Yes you do. Since you barely slept again last night."
Kili nodded, eyes heavy and tugged the blankets farther up his shoulders. Fili looked him over once more before turning to his uncle, "Any extra books? I need something to do."
Thorin nodded, "Ori had an entire stash...don't know where he kept them all."
A book was soon in Fili's hands and Thorin turned to go back to his bed. Fili glanced at his sleeping brother, to the closed book, to his uncle who was sitting down once more and sighed again, "Kili's not sleeping enough. The nightmares are keeping him up...he must be exhausted if he can fall asleep this fast."
Thorin made a noise of acknowledgment, "Mm. I made him take that sleeping draught before you woke. I don't want him dependent on that to sleep though."
Fili absent-mindedly traced a design on the leather cover of his book, "Thorin?"
Thorin looked up, one eyebrow raised, "Yes?"
Fili was silent for a second before smiling half heartedly, "Its nothing."
Thorin gave him a searching look, "All right."
Silence regained control in the tent once more before Fili built up his courage again, "Uncle?"
This time Thorin closed his book and turned to face his nephew, "Yes?"
Fili went quiet again, staring at his lap, "Ummm...can I talk to you?'
Thorin was sorely tempted to tell him he already was, but sensed it wasn't a time to joke, "Of course."
Fili nodded and drummed his fingers on his book in nervous energy, "Umm...I...umm..."
He went silent again and Thorin withheld a sigh. He slowly got up and dragged the chair Bofur had been sitting on over to Fili's of the bed, "Fili...what's wrong?"
Fili continued to stare down, desperately trying to put what he wanted to say into words, "Ummm..."
Thorin did sigh this time and stuck a crooked finger under Fili's chin, raising it so they made eye contact, "What's. Wrong?"
Fili took a shaky breath, "I don't want to be king."
Thorin was caught off guard at that one, "Pardon?"
Fili took another deep breath and tried to keep his voice steady, "I'm not good enough to be king. I'm not...I'm not."
Thorin was starting to get concerned, "Fili...didn't we have this talk already? Years ago...you are good enough. You have the best traits of the Durin line...you're a skilled warrior, incredibly smart. You somehow managed to escape inheriting my temper and stubborn streak. You're compassionate, loyal beyond belief. What brought this on?"
Fili could feel himself getting distressed and willed himself to calm down, "I don't want to be king...not now."
Thorin looked him square in the eye, "I'm not going anywhere any time soon. If I have my way about it, you won't take the throne until you're ready, years in the future."
Fili didn't seem comforted, "I just don't want to be alone."
"Last I checked you weren't...this has something to do with your nightmare doesn't it?"
Fili looked down again, his voice barely audible, "Yes."
Thorin closed his eyes and took a deep breath, nightmares like these were the thing he wouldn't wish upon Thranduil himself, let alone his nephews, "What happened?"
Fili took a deep breath and explained, "You and Kili had both died...and I was alone. I hate being alone. I always have...and being alone and disappointing you...it was just too much to handle...and then I woke up."
Thorin's voice was gentle, doing its best at a comforting tone, "You could never disappoint me in that regard. You or your brother. You have the makings to be a great king someday Fili, son of Sagnus. You won't need to pick up that role until your married with little Dwarfling running around far, far in the future. And even then...you'll have your brother there with you...just think twice about his council...he unfortunately inherited Frerin's reckless streak."
Fili's mouth quirked slightly at that, "Uncle Frerin couldn't have been worse than Kili."
Thorin leaned back against the chair he was seated in and crossed his arms, "I don't know about worse, but definitely as bad."
Fili smiled a little broader at that before turning back to his brother, "Did I fail Kili as an older brother?"
"He got injured...badly...twice. You didn't see him in Lake Town, Uncle...he looked so awful...and than again on the battlefield...it's my job to protect him."
Thorin cut him off, "And it's my job to protect both of you. If any one failed it was me."
Fili shook his head and wince, "Ow."
"Easy. You're not well enough for movement."
Fili sighed and leaned back against his pillows, "You didn't fail anything. We chose to come, we chose to fight beside you, we chose to defend you."
Thorin raised an eyebrow, his point made, "And so did Kili. He made those choices, you couldn't have stopped him...he unfortunately inherited my stubborn streak on top of that reckless streak."
Fili pondered that for a moment, "I suppose you're right."
"Of course I'm right...feeling a bit better? You seem calmer."
Fili nodded slowly, "I do. Thank you."
Silence reigned once again but this time it was bit more peaceful. Fili was just getting ready to open his book when Thorin spoke again, "You know you can talk to me at any time if you need to. Don't bottle everything up inside. It's not good."
Thorin opened his mouth to speak before shutting it and going silent again for a moment, "Being alone is a terrifying feeling. It was always one of those things I feared when I was young."
Fili looked up at him, "Really?"
"I received two Dwarflings who seemed determined to never give me a moment's peace."
Fili grinned at that and Thorin was relieved to see that shadows in his eyes starting to creep back, "Glad we could help."
Thorin nearly rolled his eyes, "Help with what? This grey in my hair is from you and your brother."
Fili chuckled at that and Thorin smiled softly at him, "Talk to your brother when you get a chance. It'll make you feel better."
Fili nodded slowly, a little half smile on his face, "I will."
Thorin rose and headed back to his bed. He turned slightly to glance back at Fili who was opening his book, "And Fili? Being worried about being a good king is a sign of a great one in my never very humble opinion."
Fili smiled gratefully at him, "Thanks Uncle."
Thorin returned to his bed and went back to his book but one question kept nagging in the back of his mind, "Fili?"
The blonde looked up, "Yes Uncle?"
Thorin hesitated with what he was about to say, "...how exactly do Nori, Kili, and the tea kettle make a triangle about you?"