Four Into One or One Into Four
Feelings, emotions, desires, needs, instincts… So many feelings and even more ways to identify them. I wish I had a way to explain what my heart or my mind is telling me, but no! I'm clueless, I have no idea and I doubt I can ever manage to find a way out of this emotional storm.
What does it mean when you say, "I like you!"?
You like him, but what exactly do you like about him?
You like his appearance?
You like his character?
You like his casual look, with the funny grin and the hilarious sense of humor?
I like all of those!
He asked me out and I accepted. We went for a simple walk in the park and I couldn't remember spending more happy hours or laughing more in my life. He made me laugh; he made me see life in another perspective, a better perspective. Life was good, life was nice, life was… alive!
Being with him, I felt alive, more than I ever was. I enjoyed his company; I enjoyed spending time with him. I liked his happy face, his cheerful smile, and his warm heart.
He said he liked me too, but what exactly did he like about me? I don't know.
I only know one thing for sure: "I like you, Crow Hogan!"
What does it mean when you say, "I love you!"?
You love him, but what exactly do you love about him?
You love his magnificent soul?
You love his endless loyalty?
You love his beautiful eyes and the way he looks at you?
I love all of those!
He put his arms around me in a protective embrace and I welcomed it. He held me closer while I laid my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so calm and peaceful in my life. He locked me in his arms and stroked gently my hair. He showed me how life could be pure when you let the serenity of the world enter you and eliminate everything unpleasant.
Being with him, I felt pure too; I wasn't a witch any more. I loved the sound of his heartbeat; I loved being in his lap. I loved his pleasant voice, his calm breath in my hair, his warm heart.
He said he loved me too, but what exactly did he love about me? I don't know.
I only know one thing for sure: "I love you, Fuudo Yuusei!"
What does it mean when you say, "I want you!"?
You want him, but what exactly do you want from him?
You want his hot body?
You want to feel him closer to you?
You want him to fill you in a strange but powerful body dance, when you both leaving the nature to lead your ways?
I want all of those!
He grabbed and kissed me fiercely, whereas I gave in to his actions. He led me to his bed and stripped me of my clothes and in a split second he was on top of me. His lips locked onto mine, his gaze was hazy with lust. His breathing was sharp as we tumbled together, perfectly synchronized until we both shouted each other's name and left naked in the sweaty sheets. I couldn't recall the last time I felt more pleasure and desire in my life. He introduced me to some strange and new passion hidden within the more lustful path of life.
Being with him, I felt like I could fly. I traveled the world with all of my five senses, tasting every drop of delight. I wanted him to kiss me; I wanted him to throw me on the bed and make love to me. I wanted to see the passion in his eyes, his tense need, his strong body, and his warm heart.
He said he wanted me too, but what exactly did he want from me? I don't know.
I only know one thing for sure: "I want you, Jack Atlas!"
What does it mean when you say, "I need you!"?
You need him, but what exactly do you need from him?
You need him hugging you?
You need him holding you?
You need him telling you he understands how you feel and that you're not the only one?
I need all of those!
He stayed with me when I was alone in the park. He told me about his own bad experiences, and how he was hurt and betrayed by his friends. How he was once filled with pain and anger. He was like me, but he assured that every doleful heart would heal with time. Sure enough, I didn't know anyone who understood me better. He showed me compassion and cared for my dreadful past. He showed me that life could be kind, too.
Being with him, I felt free, free to speak about the darkness in my heart, my worst nightmares which lurk at every memory. I needed him advising and talking to me. I needed him in my life to make me human again. I needed his company, his purity, and his warm heart.
He said he needed me too, but what exactly did he need from me? I don't know.
I only know one thing for sure: "I need you, Kiryu Kyosuke!"
Four men, four friends!
One woman, and I'm that woman. I'm enough to bring the upside-downs to their lives. Am I such an evil person or am I just another confused girl who isn't able to provide some answers to her strange feelings?
I know only four things, four truths!
Will I be able to realize someday how I feel about them and explain why I feel this way?
Four men, one woman, and hundreds of feelings growing nonstop. Millions of questions and not even one answer. But I don't mind if I leave every puzzle unsolved. Right now only one of those matters; only one riddle plopping in my head and flowing in my veins like sweet poison.
One last question, the most important question of all: what I feel, what I like, what I love, what I want and what I need. Is it referring to four different hearts united into one man, or to one man with four different hearts?
This is a Gift!Fic to RedShoeParade.
Special thanks to Wynni for proof-reading this story!
If it's not too much of a bother to you, review… but please, no flames.