"A little to the left, no back to the right, now back up, yeah right there." I shout at Ryan and Diego as they move our big ass Christmas tree.
"Can't you decide where the fuck you want this huge ass tree already." Diego complains as they lug the tree across the room.
"I'm pregnant so I can do whatever the fuck I want." I shout at my little brother glaring him down. "And if you don't I will tell Brittany." I threaten knowing that everyone is terrified of what she will do to them if they piss me off.
"No need to go telling the wife, we'll do whatever you want." Ryan speaks for the both of them.
"Who's going to tell who's wife?" Sophia asks as she, Allison, Emily, Jade, Devin and Nate all come in.
Sophia has been dating this guy Nate for the last three years. She met him at MIT which she got a full ride to. He's some kind of math whiz. At first Brittany and my dad hated him, but he's slowly growing on them and hopefully by the time they get married and start having kids they'll actually like him. All our siblings, my mom and myself all really like him as he takes great care of Sophia and makes her happy which is all you can ask for.
Devin is Ryan's wife, apparently they met shortly after Brittany and myself left and her family moved to Lima. They dated all throughout high school and decided to get married before heading off to college. Everyone absolutely loves her and how calm she's made Ryan. They're both currently in college and undecided on what they want to major in.
Allison and Jade are still going strong along with Diego and Emily.
"Doesn't matter, Nate help these idiots out they don't know their left from their right." I say giving him the look of you'd better.
"Don't Nate run while you can." Diego says, before I get a pretty good kick in on his shin to shut him up.
"Baby are you okay?" Emily frets over Diego who is on the ground. It's hysterical that he's rolling on the floor like a baby holding his shin as I didn't kick him that hard.
"She threatened to tell Britt that we weren't helping out." Ryan pretends to cry crocodile tears into Devin's chest.
I huff cause honestly I'm six months pregnant and should get whatever the fuck I want. My wife treats me like the queen I am, but then again that's how I ended up pregnant the first three times after the twins were born. This time though was to celebrate Britt's promotion to as I like to call it head bitch in charge of the damn field office here in LA. Yep that's right five years ago the FBI made my life complete by sending us to beautiful Los Angeles. I just glad to finally be somewhere stable even if Brittany occasionally has to go away for cases it's not that often and I've learned to deal with it. The five years before LA we moved around a lot which would have been easier if we didn't have two little kids and then added another one when the twins, Aly and Lukea turned two. In total we moved eleven times during that five year period the longest place we stayed was Quantico for her training which only turned out to be nine months.
"Where are the munchkins?" Jade asks drawing me out of my musing.
"Yeah I thought they'd be all over this tree by now." Sophia adds.
"Well our parents have them." I say shrugging.
My parents which we all just call our parents always are spoiling my kids. Which Britts and I have eight well nine, but our newest little angle is still in me so eight for now.
Aly and Lukea are ten and think they know everything, I really don't know where they get it. Shut up brain I'm not like that ask Britt. They both are a mix of both Britt and myself looks wise.
Michelle is eight and is totally attached to Britt's hip. It's really cute cause she looks just like me, but wants nothing to do with me when Britt's home and I honestly can't blame her. We're always fighting for her attention which my lovely daughter normally wins until she goes to bed then Britts is all mine.
Then there's the triplets which god knows how I pushed out all three of them and still have a functioning vagina. I was literally on bed rest for three months as I was too big to move. Apparently someone as small as me was not made to have more than two kids at a time. Okay let's be honest I'm only made for one, but two wasn't nearly as bad as pushing out three. Thankfully Britt was able to take time off to watch the kids and take care of me. That's how we got Erika, Chelsea and Amy who are all three and identical and look like Britt. Most people that don't know about Britts dick think that she gave birth to them. They are going to cause problems when they get older.
Our youngest are Derek and Jack who are two and my little angels.
"Really I'm starting to believe Santana!" Sophia shouts as the "men" somehow manage to tip the tree over so it's on my couch.
"Well miss I graduated from Stanford with a masters in Engineering why don't you show us how it's done." Ryan says glaring at her.
"Shut up Ryan you all are just pissed that I'm done with school and you still have to go." Sophia snips back.
I have to give her that, the rest of them are probably pissed that they're stuck in college going to classes.
"Santana is Brittany still at work?" Emily asks drawing me out of my thoughts of my drop dead gorgeous wife and the naughty things I want her to do to me later.
"Yeah she has a huge case right now and has been working a shit ton of hours." I shrug cause I'm use to this sort of thing happening every now and then.
"Aren't you worried she might be che-"
"Shut your trap Nate!" I shout. "My Britt Britt would never ever ever do that. She didn't leave when I told her I was pregnant on our wedding day or that time eight years ago when I lost it and kicked her out because she had a hot new partner." I point out huffing from being so pissed at what he was about to say.
"Nate, shut up!" Sophia growls. "My sister is completely devoted to Santana."
I always knew I liked her best.
"So I guess that means we can't decorate the tree or the house." Allison says pulling Jade into her.
"Nope, but you guys can help the clean out the garage." I smile cause I've wanted to do this for a month, but Britts been too busy at work or having sex with me which is way more important. What don't judge that's how we ended up with eight soon to be nine kids. Neither one of us wants to or can keep it in our pants long enough around each other.
"I'm starting to get why Britt works so much." Diego whispers.
"Heard that and for that comment you can move the cement blocks Britt insists we keep." I smirk.
"Damn I wish we would have not convinced mom and dad to have Christmas here." Jade sighs as I lead them to the garage.
"Shelly, I really have to go. Our whole family just arrived yesterday and Santana will kill me if I'm not home for dinner." I whine as my partner hands me another stack of paper work.
"Brittany, you know we have to fill this out to get the warrants to search his house, car and work." Shelly winks trying to use her smooth moves on me.
This woman has been trying to get into my pants for three months now, even though I keep telling her I'm happily married with eight kids and one on the way. Why is it that all women assume that because I smile at them that I want to have sex? Really the only woman I ever want to have sex with is my wife.
"Shelly you do this, after all I am your boss and you can just call me when you're done." I decide getting up and leaving before she hits on me again.
"Later Britt," she tries to say sexy while blowing me a kiss.
That's it I'm telling my pregnant, hormonal wife that you won't leave me alone. She'll put a stop to you. You see San found out that she actually wanted to be a teacher and it turns out she's quite good at it too. All that anger is channeled into teaching and disciplining. Let's just say that her classes learn fast not to piss her off. I feel sorry for our kids if they end up with her in high school cause she's twice as hard on them when it comes to school at least. I give her a hard time about being a teacher, but I'm really proud of her. She got her teaching degree while pregnant twice. Not that I tell her that, I don't want her head getting too big it's already big enough. Don't get me wrong she knows I'm proud of her just not the rest.
"San, babe, I'm home!" I shout opening the door.
What I find scares the crap out of me. An empty, quiet house. I didn't even know such a thing existed.
"Mommy!" so much for my quiet house.
I barely get the door close when four little things run into my legs grabbing a hold of them.
I look down to see of course Michelle; she has like a sixth sense for when I get home and the triplets.
"Mommy look what abuela got me." Michelle says tugging on my arm to show me a new Iphone. Crap now Aly and Lukea are going to want one too.
Before I can say anything to her another bigger body flies into me.
"Hi babe," I say giving her a quick kiss.
"Your home early," she shyly says wrapping her arms around me as our kids let go of my legs.
"Yeah well I told Shelly she had to do all the paper work after all I am her boss." I say which causes her to smile.
"Wait who's Shelly? Have I met her?" she asks and I can see the cogs in her head starting to turn.
"She's nobody and you met her two weeks ago when she dropped by on my day off and you laid into her for ten minutes before she just left, probably out of fear that you were going to murder her." I chuckle at the thought.
"I don't like her, she was all over you and in front of me too." she huffs.
"Babe calm down, we'll deal with all that later right not our entire family is here let's enjoy that." I say rubbing her back to calm her down.
"Okay, it is good to have the whole family together again." she says.
We sit on the couch and watch as everyone else decorates the tree.
"I love you so much San. Thanks for saving me from myself." I say pulling her into my left side.
"I love you even more Britt," she whispers snuggling into me, taking my hand and putting it on our baby. "Thanks for this," she whispers in my ear.
I smile wrapping my arm tighter around her allowing her to get even more comfortable. She's just about to fall asleep with our peace is disturbed.
"Mom, mami! Come help!"
"Come on Britt our kids want us." she yawns.
"Remind me why had so many." I joke helping Santana.
"Cause you can't keep your hands off of me."
"Love you too,"