Hey all! not sure where I'm going with this but I figured it's time I give fanfictions a shot so... I guess it's A/U annnndddddd...lemme know if i should continue, cheers.
One of the greatest internal struggles is easily the battle of temptation. To desire something so fiercely and yet to know you mustn't go there. Its like suffocation, only not of the physical kind. It goes deep, plants itself into your heart, into your soul. Every opportunity taunts you, daring you to break a few rules. To cross a few boundaries. The boundaries set by insecurity, others opinions, and fear. And it's absolutely terrifying to know one mistake could cost you your life, or worse, your heart. But, desire is a powerful force of nature, with it comes love and lust. You're not really living if you don't take a few risks.
And it begins with a glance from across the room, the coincidental locking of a gaze, the interaction that sets her heart on a rampant thudding deep within her chest. It's inexplicable really, how those orbs capture her. How they suck her into a world blanketed by a haze of blue and blonde. And its unfair really, because all's she wants is her soul back. For her thoughts to be hers again, to think of herself rather than what she can give. Everything shes given to the girl that holds her heart in such a vice like grip. The girl with the soft porcelain skin. The only girl that can set Emily's skin on fire with a simple caress. But she won't ever have her will she, their little arrangement being all Naomi can just about stomach and Emily knows this. She knows Naomi. Probably even more than she knows herself. Holds the ability to comprehend the proposition held in the raise of one leggy blondes brow. Will always accept with a swift single nod of approval.
It's with a jab from her right that brings her forcefully back to reality. Back to politics class and to the harsh tone of Kieran's voice pattering on about what a bunch of useless fuckers they all really are.
"Alright, fuck it, just- sit there with your thumbs up your arses then.." exasperation evident in his tone, leaves every student and educator alike wondering why he's even a lecturer to begin with.
Another jab to the ribs brings about a wave of irritation. Because now she's tender and it doesn't help that the cause of each stab is sporting 3 inches of fake nail per digit.
"For Christ sake Katie, what?" hissing at her sister probably wasn't the best idea. Seems to unleash the snide remarks.
"Stop drooling over that blonde cow will you? I can practically, like, smell you from here, you know?"
Emily tries not to look too dejected. Hides her disgust with a glare that transforms the hurt into a look of incredulity Good old Katie, always knows how to bring out the insecurity in others. Its not like Emily can help her stifling attraction to the blonde. Hates that it's become so obvious. Feels as though she's naked, laid bare for all to see, her greatest desires made to be the butt of everyone's jokes. And it's been this way ever since elementary. When the petite brunette would trail after the blonde girl that kept to herself. Of course back then things were different. Blonde locks muted, intentions innocent. When the two had inevitably become the bestest of mates, most likely spurred on by Emilys fierce loyalty and persistence When childhood antics in the garden turned into sweet kisses behind the shed, neither girl seeing wrong in the light pecks exchanged daily.
But like all romances, the fairy tale they'd built comes crashing down before things can progress. Maybe it was the immeasurable amounts of alcohol that made them so careless. Perhaps it was the all consuming need to be close to each other To dance with the flames of an undeniable passion. To explore the limits of an unspoken connection.
Caught up in the celebration of the last day of middle school, carelessness brought forth consequence. Carelessness being a heated snogging session in which Emily's tongue twirled and twined with Naomi's in perfect view of prying eyes, followed by consequence in the form of a loud and obnoxious dominant twin. Katie's fiery temper seemed to flare with the sight of her sister taking part in acts which appeared so taboo to her young, impressionable mind. The mind that told her it was wrong. The addled thoughts of inebriation that managed to conclude ripping Emily as violently as possible from Naomi was the most effective way to cease the confusion. Katie, not known as the quiet twin, ended in coupling act with exclamation. Not one to disappoint her slight lisp was intensified to impairing of speech once maximum volume was reached. By the time she'd slapped Naomi across the face their entire year stood witness to two lives left in tatters.
Why Naomi took the blame Emily will never understand. Every insult slung her way aiding in the construction of a fortress built to hide within. Perhaps had our heroine mustered up the strength to challenge her older sister the burden may have been eased. But, alas, our favourite red head's hidden strength stay buried under years of submission.
Things seemed to die down after their first year at Roundview. The twins as well as Naomi being lumped into the same rag tag group of miscellaneous friendships. Time seemingly made to ease the tension over our kindred spirits. Giving them the means to resume their secretive affair in private, subtle gestures used to signify forever unspoken inquiries. Custodial closets and toilet stalls located for when Naomi's bedroom is just too far.
Even empty classrooms at college have become a regular occurrence Naomi seemingly battling a greater libido has them at it every lunch break and, on most days, after college as well. An excuse for Emily's absence at dinner always scripted and put forth with ease. Lieing has gotten too easy, too comfortable for Emily. It's horrible how second-nature a fib has become. How smoothly each excuse is executed. And it's as Naomi pulls her along down the road that she knows another will be made tonight. The glint in her eyes telling Emily they have a long afternoon ahead of them. The soft kiss that's placed on her forehead indicating it'll be a sweet ascent towards heaven. That's another thing the petite adores about the blonde, the way she kisses her on the front porch. The way it's always a precursor for how Naomi plans to bring them together. Whether their sublimity will clash with force, or caress with romance. It's almost like the introductory to a story. A little taste of what you're in for, something to ease the reader in. Something to ease Emily in. She does struggle with the morality side of things and Naomi knows this. Because Emily will always have a conscious, she'll always be honest and true with her emotions. She'll always wear her heart on her sleeve. And although Naomi holds a love just as, if not more powerful than Emily's, years of experience have tainted her views. Insults and pointed fingers cause for insecurity. And shes harbored these feelings for years now, always reverting to flight over fight. Because really, its easier to be alone isn't it, in Naomi's eyes at least.
Despite the free pass to fulfilling her greatest desires, Emily wishes things were different. Hopes Naomi will give in to dedication and persistence As far as Emily knows they're only really seeing each other. If a shag here and there can be classified as a relationship. She is certain Naomi
hasn't slept with anyone else. Knows her lover would never go as far as to deliberately hurt them both in such a way. Feels the need and desperation in the time they spend exploring each other See's the light shine in blue eyes at the height of passion that tells her she's the only one. The only one that can light such a fire deep within the blondes core. And she'll savor every moment. Every fleeting moment when the walls come down. When the raw beauty of pain and love and lust reflect in azure orbs. Cause really, what have you got to lose when you've already lost your heart. However it's not lost, nor has it been misplaced. You won't find it behind the sofa or trapped between the cushions. Its exactly where it's always been, in the hands of another. Or perhaps it remains in your chest cavity as biology would have it. Maybe what she controls is the contractions, the beats, the pulsation. Is responsible for the depletion of a pulse with those slow, passionate kisses. Causes eradication with the adventurous placing of pre-coital nibbles and sucks. And it's at that point, when the force of each thud has blood pounding in her ears and throbbing at her center, that Emily gets it.