Disclaimer:This is my first Fanfiction, and I don't own Hetalia or Bad Touch, the song. This parody was based off a youtube comment.
Oh, and also these are still countries, but I use human names. If I didn't properly understand a reference in the song, I kept it the same.
"Guys! Look at this awesome video I found!" Gilbert exclaimed, running laptop in hands to his best friends. "Quoi? Is it more videos of cats in hats or something foolish?" Gilbert shoved the laptop in Francis' face. "What is this?" He asked upon seeing men dressed as monkeys in front of the Eiffel tower. "Awesome, right? Not as awesome as me, but close! I found it when thinking up a name for our group!It's called 'Bad Touch.'" Antonio, sitting near by furrowed his brow. He scratched the back of his head " So you want us to be called, the Bad Touch Trio?" Gilbert smiled an evil smile. "And there is something else...Guess what time it is meine Freunde." Antonio and Francis shared a worried glance in response to their friends mischievous appearance. "Ummm... Sexy time?" Francis suggested hopefully. Gilbert scowled. "Adventure time?" Antonio guessed, "Peanut butter Jelly time?" he guessed again. Gilbert dropped his smile., " Well, that could work too, but not originally. Its really awesome parody time!"
At the world meeting, the next week in Ottawa, Canada...
Every nation was sitting, waiting for the meeting to begin. Shy of a Frenchman and Spaniard of course. It was more silent because Francis was not fighting with Arthur and no one was bothering Romano. It was making the atmosphere strange and worried Ludwig. "Has anyone seen Antonio and Francis. We cannot start without them. I saw they left with mein bruder this morning. However, none of them are answering their phones. We can't start without them." Ludwig asked the other nations. " Hmm, and your the one who let potato bastard due take tomato bastard and pervy-chesse bastard. Your brain must have been over taken by all the damn potatoes you eat." Romano commented, leaning back in his chair. "I'll look out in the hallway for them." Ludwig left the meeting room.
All of a sudden, the lights went out, the door was locked and a spotlight was set to where the projector and board were. Mummers were spread from nation to nation who was wondering what was happening. "It is soooo dark in here!OMG!" Alfred screamed, holding onto whomever was closest to him. "Gott! No need to piss your selves." yelled a German accent from no particular place. Then Francis was in front of the board and a video was being shown from the projector of some soldiers invading somewhere.
"Ohohonhonhon." Francis laughed. He had on glasses, and his hair was tied back with a violet ribbon, it appeared he was professional. He flashed a smile and began, pointing a ruler at the video. " This, mes amis, is the act of 'invading one's vital regions'. See, there are several other very important differences between human beings and us nations you should now about. I'd appreciate input."
He joined his friends on the table, which they snuck on during Francis' solo. He stood beside Antonio, both behind Gilbert who was right in front of spotlit Matthew. Gilbert was decked out. He had a white microphone in his biker glove-clad hand. He had on black and white Vans, black leather skinny jeans, a tank top of the Prussian flag, a ripped black vest, and of course stripper glitter. With a smirk and a red eyed wink to Matthew, he began to dance to the back beat that just started. He ran a free hand threw his silver hair, exposing part of a pale and toned abdomen then lewdly began swishing his hips. "Sweat, baby, sweat, baby, invasion is a Texas drought. You and I could do the kind of things that only Francis would sing about." He looked at Francis then caught the blushing Canadian's violet eyes. "So put your hand down my pants and I bet you'll fell five meters." He dropped his hand from his hair and slid it to play with his white belt. "Yes I'm Gilbert, Yes I'm awesome, and you look like you need a good leader." He knelt on a knee and grasped the red Canadian's chin with slender fingers. " You've had enough of Perv-French touch, you want it rough? Your out of bounds?I want you smothered want ya covered like my pancakes, maple-brown." With each word he got closer to the boy's lips.
Francis then pushed him away from Matthew, back to Antonio, in anger. Gilbert scowled on from behind the scene. "Hmm.. just like wine stock you are inclined to make me rise an hour early just like daylight savings time." The poor shy blonde was not used to the attention and honestly wanted to fall into a hole and die at the time. The spotlight and two Europeans effortlessly flirting with him made his face so red, it looked like his glasses where floating on apples.
Then the door began being pounded at "When I get in there, all three of you will pay! Gilbert, you are grounded!" Was yelled outside by Ludwig in angry German to his older brother. Gilbert laughed, and they sang together for the chorus. "You and baby we ain't nothing but nations so lets do it like they do in the history station." "getting Horny now!" Francis said at the chorus' end. Now it was Antonio's turn.
He scoped out his target in the crowd. When he found him, the spotlight lit up on the next victim of serenade. Matthew smiled when the attention was off him , Gilbert and Francis reluctantly backed Antonio. He was dressed in a distressed red vest,(with nothing under it), loose blue jeans and sneakers colored like his flag. His stripper glitter spiraled in a vine design from his clavicle to his waist, perfectly highlighting his muscular and tanned torso. At this point the other nations began cheering on the BTT because they were awesome.
Antonio began singing, back turned from Romano, (so he could get a good view of his ass, which looked great.) and with hands on his hips dancing similar to how Gilbert did. "Foreign invasion, the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket" He turned, facing Romano. "like the lost catacombs in Egypt, only God knows where we stuck it." Romano looked away from the display, tomato red, which everyone could see. "Hieroglyphics, let me be specific, I wanna get down in your south seas!" He smiled and ruffled Romano's brown hair. "But I got a notion from the motion of your oceans means 'small craft advisory'. So I capsize upon your faces' red high tide.,B-5 you sunk my battleship." He glared at armada sinking Arthur before returning to singing. "Please turn me on. I'm Mr. Instant coffee with an automatic drip." When he finished his chorus, he quickly kissed Romano on the lips then quickly hid behind his friends.
Fujoshi squeals were heard in the background. "You bastard! I will kill you later." He yelled, sending a hazel glare to a now scared Spaniard. Francis stood on the table, stripping. "I'll show you yours, I'll show you mine." He practically said to everyone, but then directed to Matthew. "Maple time. You know you love it. Just like the Canadian isle, we can do it country-style, so we can both watch the H files."
Canada tried to scope out his brother amidst all the chaos as the BTT continued their chorus and dance. Alfred surely wouldn't react well to his brother being double serenaded by Europeans. The other nations were barely tolerating the performance now. All of a sudden the lights turned on, Gilbert and Francis kept singing. The nations looked up to see Alfred holding a little boy in a sailor suit, who was holding a giant spotlight. Arthur stood up and walked to the door, which Ludwig was still pounding it. "Hmm, I should have known a little ungrateful prat like you would assist such an act, Peter." Arthur scolded as he unlocked the door. As Ludwig barged in, Peter yelled "They said I'd get recognition as a nation that way! You all are noti-" "mein Gott! What have you done Gilbert? Romano is strangling Antonio, Francis is naked and the speakers are most likely broken. I will give you 5 seconds to clothe your self, leave and get a head start." Romano stopped chocking Antonio and shoved him towards the door. The others ran instantly. "Getting Horny now!" Francis managed before running into the hall.
"Veee~ Ludwig, My eyes and my ears are poisoned! I need some pasta medication!." Ludwig visibly calmed. With a sigh and a facepalm, Ludwig said "Meeting adjourned. I would personally like to apologize for any deafness, blindness or physical harm caused by my brother and his friends. Now excuse me, I have some beating to tend to." Ludwig ran out the room, leaving the other nations worried for the trio's life.
"So the meeting was called off for the day, it'll be held tomorrow." Antonio explained. The Bad touch trio were sprawled in Ludwig's living room's couches with ice covering their injures. "That's nice." Gilbert mumbled. "Did we gain anything from this experience?" Francis asked. Gilbert winced when he answered "We gained the BTT!" He held out his fist to his friends. "No bro fists? Haters." "Maybe we will bro fist when we can move, Gilbert." Francis yelled. "This is all your fault." Antonio stated. "Keseseeeessesese, I love you guys too."
*Antonio-Spain, Gilbert-Prussia, Francis-France, Matthew-Canada, Alfred-America, Arthur-Britain, Peter-Sealand, Ludwig-Germany