This first chapter is set during Melkor's imprisonment in the halls of Mandos and shows the "behind-the-scenes" events.
Rated M for (not entirely consensual) sex, some violence and disturbing stuff in general.
That being said, read and enjoy. I'd appreciate reviews a lot, or style suggestions (since I'm translating this from Spanish).
DISCLAIMER: Tolkien owns both the characters and the story. I just own the kinky non-canon stuff.
Chapter 1. Piercing
For nearly three ages Melkor had remained chained in the halls of Mandos.
Three ages in which his only company had been the cold metal of Angainor around his neck, the hard flagstones of the wall stabbing at his backbone, and the dim light of the Trees that streamed into the prison, and formed a puddle of light before him.
For an eternity it was only that: The pool of light, sometimes of a golden glow, sometimes of a silvery sheen, sometimes of mixed brilliance. And the metal. And the stone. And his dark thoughts.
Melkor now felt weak and wasted away. The chain not only held his body but also his powers, and with the passing of centuries it had drained him more, and more, and more.
To the extent that Melkor wondered sometimes if there would be something left of the Ainur that he used to be, to judge at the end of the age, or if there was something left now.
How much time had really passed inside the cell? A million years? A single everlasting day?
His notion of time was blurred.
Anyway, for immortal beings time is just relative, and three ages is a bearable sentence when you have all the eternity to live.
However, a disturbing thought had been upsetting him lately, during the long hours of solitude, and this was the following:
What would happen if the day of the trial came and they found him guilty again? What reason had the Valar to consider him better now than he had been when they found him in Utumno?
Melkor knew the bitter answer to this question: No reason, the Valar had no reason to believe that he had reformed himself.
For the simple fact that sitting chained in prison proved nothing.
Then they would condemn him again. And this time it would be forever.
"Forever". Melkor had to close his eyes tightly whenever this black thought flitted through his head, to drive it out of there.
"Forever" was a sentence too long, even for a Vala. Especially for a Vala that had loved freedom, and chaos and lack of barriers as much as he had.
Because of this, he had resolved to take action, do something, anything, to prevent that horrible "forever" from turning into reality.
Mandos came down to visit him once in a while, and although Melkor didn't know exactly in how much time, he knew that he came with regularity.
But maybe "visit" was saying too much. Perhaps it would be more appropriate to say that he poked his head through the door, mostly to make sure that the prisoner had not yet disintegrated from boredom, and then turned to leave.
In any case, that brief interlude was his only chance, and Melkor had a plan.
A desperate, vile, and shameful plan, but a plan nonetheless. And he cursed Sauron often for not being in the cell with him, because Sauron always had ingenious ideas, and was a master of deception.
However, if Sauron could pave his way through seduction, He, Melkor, the Mighty Arising, the most powerful being of Arda, could do it much better.
Because evil is seductive of necessity. It has to be if it wants to lure its followers and confound its enemies, for its true face is horrendous, and thus needs embellishment.
Very little beauty remained now in Melkor, indeed.
His glory had faded, and his ability to change shape had been annulled by the power of Angainor.
Still he kept intact his other qualities, and Mandos would verify it quite soon, because Melkor estimated that his next visit approached.
And now he only had to wait, as he had been doing for centuries.
Thus, he waited.
When the cell door finally opened and the imposing figure of Mandos was outlined in the threshold, Melkor had to squint, since his eyes, accustomed to darkness, almost burnt every time he rested them on the bright Vala.
-I'm glad to see you are still here. That means I'm a good host. -said the Judge, with a sarcastic solemnity that few knew in him.
Melkor smiled bitterly from the ground, where he remained huddled in attitude of defeat.
-I have understood that very few of your guests leave your house, and now I know why. It is such a welcoming place ... Why would I want to leave? Is there a more hospitable place in Arda than the blessed realms of Mandos, here in the confines of the world? Oh! Perhaps there is but ... I've been enclosed here for so long that I have forgotten everything that is on the outside.
The smile of Mandos became even more obvious upon hearing the sarcasm with which Melkor responded to his provocation.
-Well, Melkor, keep it optimistic for the remainder of the age. I'll come down to see you again when it reaches the end.
Mandos was going to turn around to leave the prisoner alone again, when Melkor said something unprecedented. Something that Mandos had never before, in the whole eternity that his imprisonment had lasted, heard from his lips.
-Wait, Mandos, do not go yet. -the Vala turned stunned by the pleading tone of the petition.- Could you loosen the chain around my neck a little? I cannot stand this torture any second longer.
There was desperation in the eyes of the prisoner (or that was what Melkor wanted to show) but Mandos stayed unmoved by his pleas:
-You are here to suffer punishment, Melkor. Not to be comfortable.
-Yes. But my punishment is confinement, not torture. I know you are just, Mandos, and don't give in to compassion but ... are you a sadist too? I thought I was the only one.
Mandos remained silent for a moment. There was much truth in the cunning words of the fallen Vala, he had to admit that.
Yielding, not to compassion, but to logic, he crouched beside the prisoner to loosen a bit the metallic clasp of the chain. The wrists of Melkor were also chained to the wall by shackles, so his mobility was rather limited, but nonetheless, Mandos noticed an unusual movement in his body as he stood next to him, with the arms around his neck.
And it was something much, much more unusual than the previous request of the evil Vala.
Melkor had rested the head on his shoulder and had sucked in the perfume of his hair, while the lower half of his body approached him on purpose to make contact. Mandos felt a sigh of warm breath grazing his nape and the kiss of rough lips on the neck.
Then he stood up, half confused and half angry:
-Why did you do that!? –he shouted, with a sign of disgust sticking to the corners of his mouth.
-Because I'm the loneliest creature of all Arda. -confessed Melkor lowering the eyes, not just to show humility, but also because the aura of Mandos had become even brighter because of his fury.
-You are the loneliest creature of all Arda, because you are also the most repugnant. That is the reason of your loneliness.
-Yes, but repugnant beings also need to be loved occasionally.
Mandos laughed, but in his marble face, chiseled with a perfection that was painful to look at, there was no trace of humor.
-From what I see, Melkor, so much time alone has allowed you to devise the most ingenious jokes. you cannot love. you losed that virtue when you became a dark lord and renounced the light and wisdom of Ilúvatar. Now tell me the truth. Why did you graze me? What are you up to, what did you want to get with that?
Melkor felt the inquiring mind of Mandos trying to penetrate by force into his thoughts. He wanted to find out his plans, his innermost desires. But Melkor, despite the chaining, was still the strongest, and his mind was shielded from such violations.
-Nothing, Mandos, I was up to nothing. I just wanted to feel some warmth, a little contact with something that wasn't the slabs of this cell. It's true: I have lost the virtue of loving. But I still have the desire to be loved. That's why I built my own kingdom. That's why I surrounded myself with enslaved servants that worshipped and feared me. Because I wanted to be loved by everyone. But much time has passed since that, and I could think for countless years, and now I realize that neither worship nor servitude, nor fear, are real forms of love. Now what I want, what I crave most fervently, is to be like you, one of you. And to live here under the eternal light, under the wise guidance of Manwë, and be loved by my siblings the Valar, and perhaps, in due time, recover my lost virtue and be able to love you too. -Melkor paused, as if he doubted what he was going to say next, and then added in a whisper:- But above all I would like that you, Mandos, lord of the dead, the most beautiful of all the Valar, deigned to love a being like me, fallen in disgrace. –and Melkor relaxed all his muscles, as if surrendering to the strain of the chains. As if surrendering to his guardian.
Mandos leaned over him and smiled in disbelief.
The rebellious Vala was no more than a shadow of what he had been in the past. The pale and gaunt face, the sunken sockets like the ones of a skull, revealed the suffering of the spirit in a way all too eloquent. It was hard to believe that this was the same proud Melkor that they had found in Utumno.
Mandos grabbed him harshly by the chin and forced him to look at his shining face. Comparing it to that of the prisoner, would be like comparing a star with a charred stick.
-Look at me, Melkor! Do you really think I'm the most beautiful Vala? You flatter me without justice, certainly. And although I cannot prove it because you have locked your thoughts with double key, I guess you are not sincere. But so be it, let's suppose that you are telling the truth and that, indeed, I am the most beautiful of the Valar. Tell me, why would I want to love someone so corrupted, so ugly, so mean and miserable like you?
-Because by doing so, you will turn my corruption into purity, my ugliness into beauty. And I will not be the Dark Lord anymore, I will not be evil or loathsome ever again. I will be your faithful servant forever. I will put all my immense power at your service and will transform your realm in a place so beautiful and full of glory, that Elves will regret their immortality, for depriving them of seeing the wonders of your halls. But this time I will not seek my personal exaltation. I will do it all for the greater glory of Eru...and for the greater glory of you, Mandos. I'll do it all for you ... Just for you. -Melkor had narrowed his dark eyes and whispered with an hypnotic cadence, that poured through the ears like a sweet and almost tangible viscosity.
Mandos trailed with the hand down the neck of the rebellious Vala and pressed his throat slightly.
-Tell me, Melkor, is this what you want? That I touch you?
-Yes, Mandos, Lord of the Dead.
-Even if it was to hurt you?
-Even then. But I know that my Lord Mandos will not hurt me, because he's just and won't mistreat a defenceless prisoner.
-Oh! But have you been defenceless ever, Melkor? I can hardly believe it. -Mandos arched his eyebrows with malice.- And I think that, in any case, you could still be a little more defenceless, do you think not?
And with a flick of the wrist, Mandos suddenly unbuttoned the plain black robe that covered Melkor, completely revealing his nakedness.
The rebellious Vala shivered with the cold wave that struck him all of a sudden, and looked stunned at his captor. That was not what he had expected, the cursed Vala had gone ahead of his plottings with this unforeseen action.
In a way, the incident helped his plans somehow, but nevertheless, Melkor hated surprises, and the fact that Mandos had taken such liberty with him, made him hate the Vala even more.
Now he stood upon him like an obnoxious column of light, lighting up his naked body without shame. And the bright eyes showed contempt.
-Is this what you wanted? Surrendering your body in this shameful way, Melkor? -the aforementioned nodded with his eyes set on the floor.
-Yes, my body and my soul.
-And where is your pride? Where is your arrogance?
-They died during my confinement.
-And where has been left your hatred and your rejection of all that is bright, of all that follows the laws of Eru?
Mandos looked at him with suspicion. The body before him was completely different from those of the other Valar.
He had seen his siblings the Valar taking naked forms many times, particularly Oromë and Yavanna, those Ainur who were closest to the telluric and animal realms. But the nakedness of these was pristine and clean, like that of a statue. They wore it above themselves as someone who wears a garment, without losing anything of their solemnity because of it.
The nakedness of Melkor, however, was something physical, something that weighed and could be smelled, touched, felt ...
When Mandos contemplated that skin, he knew he was seeing Melkor truly "naked", not seeing an outer cover that enveloped his spirit.
What he had now in front of him was a whitish, almost gray body, consumed by captivity. The ribs accentuated each time he took air, and the nipples, erect because of the cold, went up and down to the beat of a heavy breathing. Veins showed through the skin here and there, throbbing full of dark and hot blood. They went swollen down the arms and neck, swirled around the nipples in small capillaries, disappeared and then reappeared in the lower abdomen, to get lost in the black hair that started to grow weakly under the navel and then darkened in the crotch. The most intimate parts were partially hidden between his legs, in a gesture of false modesty that had a lot of teasing to it.
Mandos felt a strange nausea at the sight of the naked Vala. That body oozed a dark sexuality, almost animal-like.
Its vulnerability seemed obscene to him.
-You are a pain to behold. –he said.- Why do you take such a vile form?
-To not forget what I am.
-What you are... A dark lord. And yet, are you willing to let me, a Vala bathed in the undying light of the Trees, penetrate into your body, possess you?
Melkor did not respond with words to this. He just shut the eyes and slightly parted his legs.
Mandos laughed then and the rebellious Vala opened his eyes in surprise.
-I sense a lot of lust in you, Melkor, but no sign of true love. I'm sorry for you. As I said before, I will visit you when this age comes to its end. Until then, farewell.
Mandos turned around and was about to leave. Melkor's anger boiled so hard inside him because of such humiliation, that he had to make a huge effort to not reveal his true feelings of hatred when he said:
-Mandos, wait! you cannot leave me like this, uncovered. Dress me again at least.
The Vala shook his head, in a good mood.
-No, no. Better stay like that for a while. Perhaps the cold in the cell will appease a little that burning inside you over the next decades. Then I'll see what I do with you.
And the iron door slammed shut, again plunging the cell in the dim filtered light.
Melkor would have liked to spit out such a horrible curse, that the walls of the hall of the dead collapsed right then and there. But if he wanted to get away with his plans, he had to be patient, and discreet.
Thus he restrained himself. And waited.
He waited countless days. Countless years. Countless decades? Yes, it was possible that entire decades had passed. But nevertheless, Melkor waited patiently, numb with the cold of the cell and the death that reigned there, in a state of drowsiness, almost with all his senses in suspension.
Only the flame of vengeance and anger was kept burning inside him.
And finally, one day, the door opened again. But the age hadn't come to its end yet.
The passing of time was ambiguous inside the cell, but still Melkor knew that the age couldn't have come to an end, it was impossible.
Mandos returned before the agreed time, for the first time he advanced the moment of his visit, and Melkor knew it was due to what happened last time. There was concern in the mind of his jailer, and upon realizing it, an imperceptible smile spread across the lips of the rebellious Vala.
-My lord Mandos honors me with his presence too soon. What is it that troubles his mind, to what do I owe the pleasure of seeing his majesty again? –he whispered languidly.
Mandos did not answer. He watched him in silence, lost in deep thoughts, and followed with his eyes each flexion of the chained muscles that writhed before him, trying to ease the strain caused by the shackles.
When Mandos crouched beside him, Melkor curled up instinctively, wounded by the light. And when the Vala laid a hand on him, it was as if a fiery knife had pierced his skin and had stuck into his very entrails.
Melkor let out a sigh, that was in part of physical pleasure, and in great part of excruciating spiritual pain.
But in front of Mandos he appeared willing. Always willing and eager, and the Vala wasn't able to read the pain in the dull eyes of the prisoner.
-I've been meditating, Melkor, and there is one thing I don't understand. you know more than me about this mystery.
Now the finger of Mandos moved indolent over the left nipple and stroked it with indifference. Melkor shuddered, and among the pain and disgust, a wave of lust swept through invisible channels from the nipple to his groin.
-Why can you feel what we, the other Valar, cannot? –continued Mandos, as if speaking to himself.- How did you achieve such a perfect union with the physical world, with the stuff of Arda itself? You are Arda. We are not. We "govern" over Arda, but we are not part of it. Why are you?
-Because I never tried to govern it. Because I wanted it free and chaotic, and dark and formless, as is its real essence. Yes, it's true that I've wanted to rule the wills of many beings, it's true that I have enslaved countless lesser creatures, but on the earth, on Arda itself I never put chains. Thus, because I recognized how it was in reality, part of its essence infiltrated in me. Thus I have passions that ye will never have. -the last word was lost in a moan as Mandos squeezed the nipple with which his fingers were still toying.
Melkor closed his eyes and felt his breathing turning fast and panting. Shootings of hatred and pleasure roamed every inch of his skin, and those burning fingers were still torturing him, teasing him, sometimes with a light brush, sometimes with a pinch.
Melkor made a sudden move with his right arm, as if trying to free it from the shackles, in a reflex to drive the Vala's hand away, or to touch himself, or both. Mandos reacted to the sudden jerk and left his reverie. He realized that the lower body of Melkor was trembling, and he had his legs spread, and his member had begun to swell and rose slightly.
With the coldness of someone who examines a curious object, Mandos left the irritated nipple and continued his exploration down. Melkor felt a burning trail running down his stomach and navel, and sinking into his pubic hair.
-In a certain way ... it is also beautiful. This agony, this passion. –mused the Vala, stroking the pubis and drawing arabesques among the hair.
Melkor said nothing because shame and confusion wouldn't allow him anymore. And when the finger of Mandos went up his member following the course of a swollen vein, and upon reaching the tip, moved in circles over the surface until it became moist, he was actually glad about not being able to say anything. Because if he could, he would have shouted such a foul obscenity, that would have laid bare all the blackness that was still inside him, and his plans would have fallen down like a rotten tree.
Mandos had noticed the intense effect that his touch had in that particular area, and stayed there for a while, beholding with fascination the changes that took place in the body of his victim. Melkor had his eyes closed and breathed heavily, no longer trying to hide the moans or the slight movement of his hips. All he wanted was that it ended as soon as possible, that the tension disappeared once and for all, be it as it may be, although he wasn't sure of what would happen next.
But the hand of the Vala abandoned his member and continued down his body.
For Mandos all of that was indifferent, a simple examination to satisfy an existential question. He didn't care about his prisoner reaching climax, not even about him enjoying himself.
However, when Melkor felt the intruder reaching still lower and stroking him around his cavity, threatening to cross the entrance, he knew the time had come: whatever Mandos did once inside, his body would yield at last, and torture would end, and that burning light would depart to leave him alone again with the darkness and his thoughts.
Melkor bit his lower lip, closed his eyes tightly, and waited for the desired moment of release.
But it never came.
Mandos had got bored already, or something urgent claimed his attention. With complete calm he stood up and left the prisoner writhing in agony, with nothing but cold air to touch his skin.
-Such a strange phenomenon, to be capable of subduing the Dark Lord with something as simple as a few strokes. Look at you Melkor, mightiest of the Valar: suffocating in gasps, barely able to speak. Maybe we made a mistake dragging you out of Utumno through force and chains, it would have been easier to defeat you like this -Mandos let out a laugh that echoed in the four walls of the cell and pulled Melkor out of his bewilderment. This was undoubtedly the most humiliating, most hateful and most degrading moment of his existence, since the music of the Ainur shaped the world.- Certainly, Melkor, I will not deny that I feel some curiosity, even some jealousy, because of your ability to experience these feelings, because of your intimate union with the physical world. -continued the Judge- But I also pity you because of it. Tell me, what do you feel now, abandoned like this before due time? Anger, frustration, anguish? -Mandos stared at him slyly, trying to peer inside Melkor for something, any trace of evil, that would betray him.
-Gratitude. -said the rebellious Vala.
Mandos raised his eyebrows in surprise, and smiled amused.
-How is it gratitude? Explain yourself.
-Gratitude because my lord Mandos, the beautiful Vala, has deigned to caress me and bathe me in his exquisite light.
This time the laughter of Mandos could have reached the ears of the dead, if they were still able to hear.
-Truly, Melkor, if you ever get out of here, I will miss you. Your hypocrisy is incredibly amusing.
-I'm not lying, everything I say is true. If ye give me a chance, I will show you how much I've changed -replied the prisoner, sounding hurt.
-We're giving you a chance now, Melkor. Your confinement here is a chance, do not forget it. If we didn't want to give it to you, Tulkas would have crushed your skull a long time ago, back there in the depths of Utumno.
Saying this, Mandos crouched next to him one last time, covered him again with the robe, since in all fairness the prisoner's humiliation had been already more than enough, and disappeared through the door.
During the years that followed, Melkor dozed. And for the first time he dreamed.
He dreamed about the black pits of Utumno, about screams mixed in sulfur smoke that ascended as heavenly music to his iron throne. He dreamed about creatures emerging from mud and viscosity, creatures older than time, and hammers beating on red-hot bars, and red-hot bars beating on bones.
But among these encouraging dreams, disturbing nightmares mingled on occasion, and then he felt again burning fingers scorching his skin, invasive hands trying to pierce him. Then he woke up upset and feeling slightly aroused.
And all he heard was a beat in his chest, and all he saw was the dim filtered light of the Trees, always identical to itself, always obnoxiously still.
Mandos visited him seven more times, and in all those times the same episode repeated.
The Vala touched him dispassionately, and then left him just before reaching the peak.
And on the first six occasions he asked the same question before disappearing: "What dost you feel now, Melkor?"
And on the six occasions Melkor answered the same thing: "Gratitude."
Melkor knew that, with these experiments, the Vala was testing his patience and humility. But there was something else, something that Mandos tried to conceal by all means, but that nevertheless Melkor managed to extract from his mind:
Mandos had begun to feel "fascination" about all of that.
As lord of the dead, always surrounded by disembodied souls, he, more than any other Vala, found himself apart of the physical world. And although he knew many things of the world present and yet to come, he had experienced firsthand very few of them, and now he tried to achieve this knowledge through the enemy.
Melkor was greatly pleased seeing him so upset for this reason.
On the seventh visit, however, there was a novelty. Mandos didn't ask him what did he feel, but what did he want, and he said it with a much sweeter voice than what was usual, not with that marble voice with which he gave orders.
"I want to hang you by the wrists over the hottest fire pit of Angband while the Balrogs whip off your skin and the werewolves eat your eyes and tongue." –said Melkor to himself, reveling in the vision.
-I want a kiss from my lord Mandos, the most beautiful of the Valar. -said Melkor outwards, imitating the sweetness of his captor.
The aforementioned shook his head and smiled slightly.
-No, that I won't give you. –he answered, but instead stroked his cheek with something that (Melkor supposed) must have been tenderness.- However, I can give you some good news. I talked to Manwë about you, and in a favourable way. –Melkor's interest heightened fully upon hearing this. The hand of the Vala was stroking his face, and he wished him to stop the hell out.- I have explained him the change that you have suffered during this last age. How you have become submissive and loyal, how your anger has been soothed and your pride has been humbled. And how you have given yourself to me and let me touch your nakedness without resisting or complaining. Quite on the contrary: with great pleasure on your part.
Melkor felt a violent shock upon hearing this last sentence, and something like a ball of fury growing inside him, and threatening to explode if he was not careful. And all the meanwhile Mandos continued stroking him. Why didn't he stop once and for all?
-You mean that you have told Manwë, my BROTHER Manwë, about the things you do to me when I'm naked? –definitely, the hottest pit of Angband wasn't going to be enough to punish such an insult.
-Yes, of course. Does it matter? The Valar have no secrets for each other. That's something you will have to learn if you want to live among us, Melkor.
"And not humiliating Melkor is what you will have to learn if you want to LIVE" - thought the rebellious Vala. Actually, he didn't know if it was possible to kill an Ainu. Probably not. But he certainly would enjoy a lot trying to test it.
Anyway, the important thing now was that Mandos had been deceived, that he had been seduced, and had convinced Manwë about his repentance and kindness. He was a step closer to release ... and to the revenge that would come next.
-I'm leaving now, Melkor. The next time I come to visit you will be the last, since the age comes to its end. -and he closed the door, and back came the darkness and the long period of isolation.
This time Melkor sunk into intermittent dreams, and he liked none of them.
He tried by all means to recreate in his mind comforting scenes of flaming whips and tortured Elves, but failed, and ended up cursing Irmo and swearing revenge against him too, if that was the product of one of his charms.
Among all those bad dreams that he had, one in particular irritated him:
He was chained in the cell, as always, and a dark figure began to materialize at the point where the light of the trees formed a bright puddle on the floor. The shape grew into a huge black bat, who managed to free him through some magical means and carried him far away, to the mouth of a volcano. There the bat, still holding him, regained its true form. And suddenly, Melkor found himself in the arms of his lieutenant Sauron, but a gigantic Sauron, and much stronger and mightier than he. And this Sauron leant insolent over his face, and dared to kiss him in an obscene way.
Fortunately, the dream ended there, as Melkor awoke very angry. He resolved that, when he returned to Angband, Sauron should also pay somehow for invading his mind with those absurd visions. The mere idea that his lieutenant could become one day more powerful than him, was enough to offend anyone's intelligence.
"As if that treacherous coward would come to my rescue, anyway" - he thought bitterly.
After that, the next thing that Melkor remembered was much like one of his nightmares, but misfortune would have it, that it was not.
What shook him out of his lethargy was the noise of the shackles hitting against each other and the squealing of chains while they slid through rings, freeing him of the strain to which he had been subjected for three ages.
He was still chained, of course, but now the chains had sufficient length to allow him to move the arms and lie down. Only now had he become aware of the biting pain in his wrists.
And he resolved that, when he came out of there, he would have to hang someone by the wrist definitely, and over a cliff if possible, so he knew what it was like. Maybe one of those stinky and useless Elves ...
However, the joy of Melkor upon seeing himself like that, freed in part, didn't last long. Some hands, that he knew all too well, made him lie on the stone floor. And the next thing he felt was a hard body, bright, burning, and yet cold as marble, pressed against his back, and two arms around him, holding him even stronger than the chains.
-Greetings, Melkor. As promised, I'm back at the end of the age. This is our last meeting. –whispered a familiar voice in his ear. A familiar voice that used to sound stern and ruthless, but that this time took on a very different tone: a velvety tone, almost ... seductive.
Melkor felt his stomach turning when moist lips kissed him on the neck, while impudent hands stripped him of his clothes. The other body was naked as well, if one could say it that way: it was like a living flame drilling into his spine and burning his marrow. And as usual, the touch produced in Melkor a mixture of lascivious pleasure and horrible pain.
A shiver ran down his spine, but he didn't even think about complaining.
Thus he didn't complain when Mandos explored him shamelessly from up to down, nor did he complain when he kissed his neck and shoulder leaving invisible marks of abrasion on his way, nor did he complain when he run his fingers through his hair.
Only when he felt the tip of the hardened member pressing against his entrance, threatening to invade him, Melkor stirred horrified.
-Mandos, no! –he shouted among struggles- I never, I've never ... Let me go!
This couldn't happen to him. The most powerful of the Valar, no!, the most powerful being of ALL Arda, couldn't be so vulnerable, couldn't be taken by force that way, without even defending himself.
Then Melkor conceived an immense hatred, but also a great fear. Not fear of the physical act itself, that was irrelevant. But fear of being invaded by the enemy spirit, fear of the darkness inside him being devoured, consumed and raped by that cursed light.
-Oh, Melkor! Why do you resist? Isn't this what you were seeking? -said Mandos as he soothed him with a caress.- Relax and do not be afraid, I don't want to hurt you. I'm not a sadist, remember?
And maybe he wasn't a sadist, in the strictest sense of the word, but it was true that he had no compassion, and Melkor realized this when he felt him entering into his body.
Then a strange paralysis seized him and he stopped struggling, and stayed passive and submissive against all that would come after.
It was too big, and too deep, and the essence of the Vala was too opposed to his and it burned like acid. A mortal pain rose from the base of his spine and infiltrated into every atom of his being, reaching even that essential core that existed already before he took on a body, when he was in the Void with Eru.
But his physical body, on the other hand, replicated that pain, and transformed it into the most exquisite pleasure that Melkor had ever experienced, as if pleasure and pain mirrored each other in an exact but opposite way, as if they were the two sides of a coin, separated only by a very thin edge. And he was the more tormented, the more he understood the connection between the two things.
A lustful moan escaped his mouth in a moment of weakness, and Mandos responded by stepping up the pace, causing him another wave of that mixture of feelings that had no name. The arms of the Judge of the Dead pressed against his ribs, and while one hand stroked his nipple, the other slid down his navel and began to please him as he had done so often before.
Melkor was confused by the multiplicity of stimuli, each coming from a different point in his body, until he was unsure to which of the sensations paying attention: the wet kisses on the neck, or the pinching in the nipple, or the hand sliding along his member, or the foreign presence that went inside and outside of him with increasing violence.
He gasped for air, vertigo seized him, and at that moment his whole being dissolved in the middle of a spasm that, he was sure, would annihilate completely the body which he had until now.
With his eyes closed, he convinced himself that, upon opening them, he would discover that he had turned again into a flaming and formless spirit, and he would be free at last from chains and the embrace of Mandos.
When he opened his eyes, he found himself still on the cold stone floor and Angainor still around his neck. However, Mandos loosened his grip and separated from him.
With a firm hand he turned him on his side and left him lying on his back. Melkor's chest went up and down, heaved with pants, but the calm slowly returned to him. A pitiful weakness had seized his members, and then it occurred to him that perhaps the obnoxious Vala had tried to rob him of his powers by doing this, jealous of his obvious superiority.
Mandos watched him closer now, absolutely serene, without a trace of pleasure or passion across the lines of his stony face.
Of course, Mandos could not enjoy himself (or suffer) the same way that he could. Which left a question in the air:
-Why have you done this to me, Mandos? -the question came from the lips of Melkor as a murmur. His eyelids felt terribly heavy, and he feared sinking again into lethargy and not waking up anymore. Mandos smiled with irony:
-How is it, Melkor? Do you reproach me? You wanted to be taken by me, isn't it? And that's what I did. Do not pretend that you have not enjoyed it because you were betrayed by your moans.
-The fact that I'm able to enjoy that way does not mean that I want to. The fact that I thought at first that I wanted to be taken by you, does not mean that I liked it when it really happened.
-Oh, such bitterness, such lack of gratitude! Is that the way to receive my gift?
-Gift? Could it be that you have done this out of ... "compassion"? -the word made his mouth twist into a grimace of disgust. Mandos let out a laugh that echoed in the head of Melkor with a clang.
-Compassion? No, no, Melkor! I'm only allowed to show compassion once during all the time that has been granted to Eä, and I certainly don't reserve it for you.
-Then what? Did you this to humiliate me, to torture me, to punish me? –Melkor's resentment was evident, and Mandos stroked his cheek with mocking paternalism.
-Oh, Melkor! Do you know what your problem is? You are always angered, whatever happens. If I were in your place, I would not complain so much, and would treasure this moment as one of the most valuable. Because, you know what, Melkor?, I have seen the future, and I know a day will come when you will be thrown into a place much emptier, much colder and much more lonely than the house of the dead. There you will have the company of nobody and nothing, neither will be a jailer, nor chains, not even a cell. And who knows? It is possible that over the endless ages you will end up missing me, and longing for this moment, and desiring with all the intensity of your soul my caresses, my company, or that of any other. And none of that you will have.
The finger of Mandos ran down his jaw line and stopped on the bruised dry lips, as if condemning him. A spark of unrest danced in the black eyes of Melkor.
-No, Mandos, you are wrong. That cannot be true. You know that I've changed, and that Manwë will forgive me. Why would the Valar banish me to such a horrible place then? No, I will live with you in Valinor, in peace and until Eru summons us again to play the last music. Thus will it happen.
-Do not speak of Eru, because I know his intentions better than you. And I know perfectly well that you have not changed, Melkor, that you are the same, with the same black heart. I knew it from the beginning, so please put an end to this farce once and for all.
In that moment, the spark of unrest that had peered through the eyes of Melkor, dull until now, burst into a blaze of anger more intense than those of the ovens of Angband. And all the evil he had hidden inside him for three ages suddenly surfaced, and the cell was darkened, and the filtered light of the Trees trembled on the floor in fear.
-Are you telling me, Mandos, that all this time you have known that I was pretending, that I didn't desire you at all ... and yet you continued the farce!? –he roared, and pulled the chains in an attempt to rip them out of the wall, with renewed strenght- Why, why did you do that!? Why did you not ignore my proposals without further ado, why did you let me humiliate myself so, why have you touched me, why have you pierced me, if you knew that I hated it, that it was all a lie?
Mandos stood up, dressed again in his black robe, and looked scornful at the prisoner that, hurt and naked, hurled darkness with every raging word that came from his mouth.
-It is not in my power to use the knowledge of the future to change events, Melkor. That's why I went along with you, that's why I talked to Manwë in your favour. Because that was what had to happen. But besides that, I guess I did it for other reasons as well. Living surrounded by death makes one develop a strange sense of humor. And besides, I was bored. And besides, I don't appreciate you, Melkor, and I don't like you. Does that answer your question?
There was no curse, in any language of Arda, which could express what Melkor felt at that moment. Therefore, he gritted his teeth and said nothing.
-Do not put such a long face, Melkor, and rejoice. Tomorrow you will be free.
And with that, Mandos leaned over him, and as the final violation, as the WORST of all, he pressed his mouth against the lips of Melkor and forced him into a kiss.
Then he went to the door and opened it to leave for the last time.
-Mandos! –shouted Melkor before he disappeared through the doorway. The Judge turned around and saw the burning hell inside the pupils of the fallen Vala.- I assure you that before the next age comes to its end, I will have sent to your halls so many souls of all the races that have been and will be, that you will not have enough room to receive them all, not even if you extended your house over the whole surface of this foul land!
Mandos responded to this with a nod, and then left, slamming the door.
And Melkor was left in the dark, waiting for the great trial that would be held the next day.