Chapter 4 - It's Outdoors
"Wow, the party is already in full swing. Look at that couple over there, they are finishing up already." Lily-Lee was pointing.
"Yes, and it's the same couple that is over on that side. The ones that are screwing against the... air. That is probably where the wall was supposed to be."
"But those two are a different pair. There, see? He's taking his toga off and hanging it on a hook... in midair... and now it disappeared?"
McCoy and Lily-Lee looked at each other and laughed. The program was working, yes, but it sure looked funny. Out in the middle of a beautiful field stood pillars, beds, triclinia and mattresses, tables with food and wine and at least ten copulating couples. One dark lady in a toga approached them, but she had a long way to go since they were standing at the far end of the field. Probably she usually met visitors at the door.
"Sooo, I guess we wait for her, right? It gives us a minute to take in the scenery."
"Well, smelling it doesn't take long. They did the scents like stick figures. I can tell what they are supposed to represent but they are not much like the real thing. Here it smells of 1-bensopyran-2-on, which I guess is supposed to represent grass. But it's ONLY that one substance."
"Visitors and honoured guests, welcome. This place could never be complete without you. Follow me and I will show the place we have prepared for you."
McCoy leaned over so he could whisper in Lily-Lee's ear when they walked. "Did you say Chekov coded this?" Lily-Lee nodded and McCoy pondered. Well, now I know what he likes. Not very shocking, I suppose. Makes me wonder why he did a two-player setting, though.
"Honoured guests, take your seat on this accubita and tell us what you desire."
Lily-Lee was quick with her answer, she had obviously thought this one through beforehand.
"Please send away all the men. They can go and pick flowers to make wreaths or something. Remove all clothes and trinkets, armbands and things. Have a seat on the floor, all of you. I'd like you to watch, okay?"
The roman women did as they were asked, with many complicated moves. Taking off a finger ring was a drawn-out striptease act and they helped each other with everything, always on the verge of falling into passionate lovemaking amongst themselves. Lily-Lee was helping them with the undressing to hurry things on. McCoy was watching but remained seated on the accubita. It was pretty convincing the first time, but to see them become so overexcited from taking off their headbands looks a bit silly. What did I get myself into this time? And what, exactly, does she expect me to do here? It's just a simulation meant for watching and masturbating to, there is no way this prototype could include tactile interaction. Not INTIMATE tactile interaction anyway.
When the undressing finally was finished, Lily-Lee urged them to sit down and then she came up and sat in McCoy's lap. Oh hell, she's serious! But Lily-Lee frowned and jumped down again.
"It's not right yet. You can't just sit and stare at us, you need to be busy with something and just slightly watching. Is there anything you can do? Filing your nails, braiding your hair, eating some fruit perhaps?" She turned to McCoy. "At home most of them would be busy with their children but I checked and there are no child characters in the program."
Well, thank god for small blessings.
Lily-Lee came back and sat in his lap again. Okay, time to be the gentleman I claimed to be and do something for her. We're NOT having intercourse, that's not negotiable. I suppose I have to get creative. But she was just sitting still, not making any advances or even touching him.
"Um, Lily-Lee? Anything wrong?"
"Well, it's sort of... OH PHEW! MY NOSE!" The woman to their left had started to eat an orange from the fruit bowl and the whole air smelled strongly like orange peel. Lily-Lee stuck all four fingers on her left hand up her nose to block it. "That's nasty! It's nothing but octyl acetate, but plenty of it. Maybe we should just go." Lily-Lee started to walk back across the field. McCoy followed her.
"We don't have to walk back, we can call off the simulation."
"Yes, I suppose you're right. You can... what is THAT?" Across the hill came a merry company of ten men, carrying wreaths. Plenty of wreaths. An overabundance of wreaths. In fact, it was hard to even see the men under all the flowers they were carrying. McCoy and Lily-Lee laughed together.
"The holodeck was not what I had hoped for, but thank you for accompanying me anyway. It was very gentlemanly of you."
"I guess it was a bit buggy outdoors, huh? I tell you, I'd prefer real bugs any day." Much to McCoy's surprise, this overused old pun made Lily-Lee laugh even more, so much that she had to wipe her eyes with her sleeves. The simulation was shut down and McCoy pushed a button to eject the memory disc. "You have a nice laugh. And I like it when someone appreciates my old gags."
"They are all new to me. I think I'll try and see if I have learned enough to make some gags of my own."
The door opened and McCoy saw Chekov standing in the corridor outside, eager to retrieve the disc before it got into the wrong hands. McCoy handed it to him while still talking to Lily-Lee. "Well, you can try it on me sometime."
"What, you want me to gag you?" Lily-Lee looked up at him with raised eyebrows. Chekov blushed as he took the disc from McCoy, and walked away quickly.
"Chekov, wait one goddamn minute! It's not what it sounds like!"
"None ov my business, sir!" was Chekovs reply from far down the corridor. McCoy hid his face in his hands. How do I always get myself into situations like this? He turned to Lily-Lee and sighed.
"If you want to learn the language, you should know that what you said could be misinterpreted."
"Oh, I know." She gave him a smack on the butt and walked away.
AUTHORS NOTE: T-rated. It was impossible for them to get it on in a simulation. Please visit the blog of the drawing artist to see the holodeck picture in high resolution. karljohnssonbloggen dot blogspot dot se