Really? You didn't know? Every LOL champ has to have a dayjob. Killing random people in the fields of Justice just doesn't pay the bills like it used to, you know?
Before we begin...I would like to thank Riot for creating such a wonderful game and universe populated by such amazing characters. I hope you will enjoy my humorous interpretation of the incredible world of Runeterra!
The giant flaming bear walked through the double sliding doors of LOLmart, and headed over to the counter.
"EXCUSE ME. I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHICH AISLE THE BEER IS STORED IN."
Ahri didn't bother to look up from the magazine she was reading.
"All the beers are in the back of the store," she said nonchalanty.
"THANK YOU VERY MUCH."
The flaming bear walked uncomfortably down one of the aisles and headed down to the back wall of LOLmart. It looked over at the sparse selection of beers, and seemed unsure of what to pick. For a few moments, the bear seemed to stare off into space, as if it were holding some sort of imaginary communication with someone. The bear nodded to no one in particular, then proceeded to pick up a bottle decorated with a red label that read "BUDWEISER". The bear proceeded to walk back to the counter.
"I WOULD LIKE TO BUY THIS BOTTLE OF BEER PLEASE."
Ahri didn't look up, and continued to stare at the magazine. After a few moments she let out a bored sigh, then closed the magazine and put it to the side. She looked up at her customer, then raised an eyebrow as she realized that it was a giant flaming bear. They both stared at each other in silence for awhile, until Ahri finally realized what was going on and did a mental facepalm.
"I'm sorry sir, but League law explicitly states that I'm not allowed to sell beer to people if I know they are buying it for a minor."
"I DONT KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT MAN. I'M A MOTHERFLIPPIN 8 FOOT TALL FLAMING SHADOW BEAR. DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK SOME 15 YEAR OLD GIRL IS FORCING ME TO DO THIS AGAINST MY WILL OR SOMETHING?."
Ahri rolled her eyes. She didn't get paid enough to deal with this stuff.
"Listen hun, everyone knows there's only one person in the league that has a giant flaming bear as her pet. Go and tell Annie that she's gonna have to try a little bit harder if she wants to get drunk, ok?
"I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER OF THIS ESTABLISHMENT."
"The manager isn't here, tibbers. I close the store on tuesdays. And in any case, i'm pretty sure even if he were here he wouldnt sell to you and risk getting handed a class 1 misdemeanor. "
"THIS IS A PURE MOCKERY OF A STORE. BEFORE I STORM OUT ANGRILY, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I PLAN TO WRITE A LETTER OF COMPLAINT AND SEND IT DIRECTLY TO THE CEO OF LOLMART CORPORATION. HAVE FUN GETTING "FIRED". AND YES THAT PUN WAS INTENDED."
Tibbers set the bottle down on the counter. Ahri watched passively as the bear spun around, made a rude gesture at her, then marched out indignantly. Ahri shook her head at the sad display.
"Oh lord, gimme a break. A written letter of complaint sent directly to the ceo? Everyone in League knows Corporate Mundo doesn't know how to read."
Ahri stole a quick glance at the clock, let out another bored sigh, then picked up her copy of Cosmopolitan and went back to skimming it's pages.
This story isn't finished! Click next to check out episode 2, which introduces yet another brand new character!